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Would You Tell Someone How You Feel About Them If... watch

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    ... you thought the likely chance of them feeling something similar seemed low?

    and when i say 'feel' i mean 'like' as in 'fancy' as in 'possibly want to date', or in this case 'more than friends'...
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    yes I would I think. e.g. I once told a male friend I loved him, even though I knew he was straight. I suppose it is just night to be able to say to someone that you like them?
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    Personally i'd try and suss out if they liked me through other ways first (asking friends etc). But thats only because i'm scared of rejection!
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    I don't really know why you would do that... I wouldn't.

    Someone told me that he loved me recently, knowing very well that I wasn't going to reciprocate. I found it a bit annoying - he just complicated stuff for no reason. I kind of suspect that anyone who does that is, at least a little bit, still holding hopes that the feelings will be mutual and it's silly to act on that if you know they're irrational. I reckon in my case my friend was secretly wanting me to break up with my boyfriend for him even though I'm sure it was clear that would never happen.
    It's a bit petty but I wanted the first time that someone told me they loved me to be special. I wanted it to come from my boyfriend.. not just some guy on my uni course. Maybe I'm just bitter lol. And this isn't at all relevant in your case as you just like them so tis all good. :p:

    I guess it depends on how low you think your chances are. You could always take the 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' approach I guess.
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    (Original post by glo316)
    ... you thought the likely chance of them feeling something similar seemed low?

    and when i say 'feel' i mean 'like' as in 'fancy' as in 'possibly want to date', or in this case 'more than friends'...

    No, I wouldn't and I don't you think you should either. Only fools rush in. There is really no need to bring things to a head even if there is the tiniest of chances of being rejected.. Think about it, such a move is going to change everything and might very well ruin everything.

    You tell him. He's not interested. He'll never be able to look at you 'neutrally' again. You won't be friends or acquaintances anymore, it'll be awkward. But what if you'd waited? As you can never know what the future brings!

    Be friends instead, get to know each other and see what happens. If there is a chance for you two then it will happen. But by showing an interest when they might not be interested in you (yet! that's why you should work on it) might ruin your chances of getting together in the future.

    (And even if they will never want you, you'll have spared yourself the embarrassment, and you won't feel that immense frustration that if only I'd have waited.. Bide your time and never bring things to a head unless you are 100% sure of success.)
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    I'd be too scared to, simply because I wouldn't want to ruin it. But if I thought it were worth the risk I would.
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    (Original post by wholenewworld)
    No, I wouldn't and I don't you think you should either. Only fools rush in. There is really no need to bring things to a head even if there is the tiniest of chances of being rejected.. Think about it, such a move is going to change everything and might very well ruin everything.

    You tell him. He's not interested. He'll never be able to look at you 'neutrally' again. You won't be friends or acquaintances anymore, it'll be awkward. But what if you'd waited? As you can never know what the future brings!

    Be friends instead, get to know each other and see what happens. If there is a chance for you two then it will happen. But by showing an interest when they might not be interested in you (yet! that's why you should work on it) might ruin your chances of getting together in the future.

    (And even if they will never want you, you'll have spared yourself the embarrassment, and you won't feel that immense frustration that if only I'd have waited.. Bide your time and never bring things to a head unless you are 100% sure of success.)
    Generally in my experience of people telling friends and stuff they like them doesn't tend to break them apart. So long as both the people involved want at least the friendship. It's usually only awkward if you're both not grown up enough to not make it awkward. Why should it be? Such feelings are only natural.. Hell I know people that are much closer friends after one of them has told the other they have feelings for them.

    It's good to get things out in the open. If you really like someone and you haven't told them, even if you think they probably don't like you back, there's always that niggly bit in the back of your mind which can lead to you obsessing over them and generally make your life hell anyway. At least telling them can release all doubt from your mind, and allow you to move on with your life.
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    I have done before. Never again.
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    (Original post by mituozo)
    Generally in my experience of people telling friends and stuff they like them doesn't tend to break them apart. So long as both the people involved want at least the friendship. It's usually only awkward if you're both not grown up enough to not make it awkward. Why should it be? Such feelings are only natural.. Hell I know people that are much closer friends after one of them has told the other they have feelings for them.

    It's good to get things out in the open. If you really like someone and you haven't told them, even if you think they probably don't like you back, there's always that niggly bit in the back of your mind which can lead to you obsessing over them and generally make your life hell anyway. At least telling them can release all doubt from your mind, and allow you to move on with your life.

    I don't agree at all I'm afraid. In my experience telling someone you like them doesn't release all doubt from your mind and does not put an end to you obsessing over them. Indeed, it might even make things worse. For both of you. It's not as if you can just extinguish your feelings like that. You will still love them and you might love them even more because they are now even more out of reach.

    Staying friends the way you mentioned is not down to maturity imo and in my experience. And I'm 23 and seen many things and I am not immature at all. The thing is that even friendship- a connection just like a relationship can be broken off (or can cool to the point of wholly freezing over). We do not operate in an entirely rational manner even when we are just talking about friendship. If you tell someone that you have deep feelings for them, when it's not mutual, your friendship will never be the same again. And I still maintain that if you'd never told them, there would still have been a chance that something might have happened in the future. But you'll never know now, will you?!


    To the OP: don't tell him. Be on as good terms as possible, make yourself as attractive as possible, both looks and personality-wise. Spend as much time with them as possible. But in the meantime, keep an open mind. You never know who you might meet and fall in love with. Maybe this friend is not really suited to you after all.

    And I am not saying that it's easy to be rational about love. And yes, it can be heart wrenching and it can be frustrating etc. But believe me laying your cards on the table is taking a big big risk and it's usually not worth it.
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    I did, ended bad, it shouldn't be to bad if you think they are the sort of person that will try and sort it out, see past it and won't be to freaked out about it. When ever i tried to sort it and remain friends out they just blanked me and now i never talk to them. They were a really good friend as well

    But you can always make new friends
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    I did, and it isnt too bad, he kind of knew anyway though - it just made me feel a lot better in the end, like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders Prob wouldnt do it again though
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    (Original post by Kay.Tey)
    Personally i'd try and suss out if they liked me through other ways first (asking friends etc). But thats only because i'm scared of rejection!
    so completely scared of rejection.. tht's the point of all this..

    my friends have mentioned that i should actually tell him because they apparently all think that he feels similarly about me - they've said he stares at me nd always attempts to get my attention... etc... but in my head i just think they're telling me what i want to hear...then there's moments when i think i see something spark when i talk about guys i'm interested in or when i'm overly affectionate to my gay male friends...
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    no im not going to tell him, i hint way too much and he should know by now im not going to hurt myself further by telling him he should just tell me argh! im over him though!
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    (Original post by Vampyrcorn)
    I don't really know why you would do that... I wouldn't.

    Someone told me that he loved me recently, knowing very well that I wasn't going to reciprocate. I found it a bit annoying - he just complicated stuff for no reason. I kind of suspect that anyone who does that is, at least a little bit, still holding hopes that the feelings will be mutual and it's silly to act on that if you know they're irrational. I reckon in my case my friend was secretly wanting me to break up with my boyfriend for him even though I'm sure it was clear that would never happen.
    It's a bit petty but I wanted the first time that someone told me they loved me to be special. I wanted it to come from my boyfriend.. not just some guy on my uni course. Maybe I'm just bitter lol. And this isn't at all relevant in your case as you just like them so tis all good. :p:

    I guess it depends on how low you think your chances are. You could always take the 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' approach I guess.

    I didn't read the whole topic but in your case you already had a boyfriend and so I agree that this friend of yours really shouldn't have said anything. I think however that if you are single and a friend likes you, however small that chance may be, it's only right for him to admit his feelings for you. I mean there's a slight chance that she could feel the same way and that should be enough.
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    Nah, I'm too shy to do that
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    (Original post by mituozo)
    It's good to get things out in the open. If you really like someone and you haven't told them, even if you think they probably don't like you back, there's always that niggly bit in the back of your mind which can lead to you obsessing over them and generally make your life hell anyway. At least telling them can release all doubt from your mind, and allow you to move on with your life.
    As with most things, what you should do completely depends on context but I have to agree with this tbh.
    You can't go through life thinking 'what if?', and I think that when you know what is really going on, only then can you decide what is the best course of action, or not as the case may be.

    In any case, games never get you anywhere, and so it is best, even if just implied, to be straightfoward about how you feel.
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    (Original post by Electric_Dreams)
    As with most things, what you should do completely depends on context but I have to agree with this tbh.
    You can't go through life thinking 'what if?', and I think that when you know what is really going on, only then can you decide what is the best course of action, or not as the case may be.

    In any case, games never get you anywhere, and so it is best, even if just implied, to be straightfoward about how you feel.
    yeah this is what all my friends have said, and i understand it, but it's such a risk... there's still the rejection in the back of my head - i'm not that confident as you can guess...
 
 
 
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