So basically I'm in my first year at uni, and between September-late November last year I was seeing this guy who lives on my floor. I really really liked him and he told me he liked me, but turned out he was never really sure and then he changed his mind when I started asking if it was going anywhere and cut things off. Normally you'd think pretty standard, he's a douche, get over it situation. But fact is he's one of my closest friends and we're both in some pretty close-knit friendship group. I just can't get over him, I still really like him, he's really good looking and nice and funny and now we're on good friendly terms I can't help but want him. I have kissed a million people and slept with three since we split up but it's not helping. I want him and no one else and I know it's just never going to happen. I see him every day and we're going to be living together next year too, with only 2 other people! How on earth am I supposed to get over this?? Please help x
Turn on thread page Beta
Can't get over someone. Please help :( watch
- Thread Starter
- 22-03-2009 02:11
- 22-03-2009 02:21
I don't envy you being in that situation.
(Original post by Paul McKenna)
1.Recall five times you felt very in love with [your ex] and make a list of them, so you can easily call them to mind in a moment.
2.Start to recall the first memory again, then step out of it and move the image of that event away from you so that you can see yourself in the picture. Move the image away until it is small and the emotional intensity is reduced.
3.Drain out the colour so that it is black and white then make it transparent. When you look at the event like this it will seem like it is happening to someone else and the emotional intensity will be further reduced. By changing these variables you are recoding the memory.
4.When you’ve finished recoding the first memory, do the same with the next memory.
5.Work through all of them until you have done all five.
6.Next, spend some time remembering in detail five negative experiences with [your ex-partner], where you felt very definitely unattracted to them. Think of the times when they did something that really hurt you, turned you off or offended you. Find give and make a list so you can easily call them to mind.
7.Now take the least appealing memory and fully return to that moment. Go back and run through it all over again. Step into the memory so that you are seeing the things you saw, hearing the things you heard and fully feeling the things you felt all over again.
8.Now turn up the colour and the clarity. Make the memory as bright and clear as you can and feel the feelings getting stronger and stronger.
9.Go through each of the other four memories, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling how you felt. Carry on until you feel you have had quite enough of them and even the idea of thinking about them is totally unattractive.
Take your time over the exercise. Concentrate and do it methodologically and carefully. To make sure the effect sticks, do it every day for two weeks. Each repetition will strengthen the neutral pathways you create, so it gets easier and quicker until the feeling becomes automatic.
- 22-03-2009 02:27
Talk to him about it.
- 22-03-2009 02:30
time heals.trust me.
- 22-03-2009 02:31
Time and distance. It seem the latter won't be available to you at the moment. Just hold out until summer.
- 22-03-2009 11:28
I hate to say it but time does heal (well done that other poster:P)
It happened to me (though i'm not at uni) and I thought I would never get over it. In fact it happened to me twice. With different people. It just shows you can move on. Now I have somehow managed to find someone who likes me
But things will get better; stick with your friends, go to parties, (still do you work of course), and make the most of life until you find someone that is right for you.