Turn on thread page Beta

Proofread one paragraph? please! watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    ...As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, word count can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity; of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences.
    ___________________

    The main thing I want to know is whether the semi-colon used correctly?
    Reading/being told almost contradictory 'rules' on their use has left me a bit indecisive!

    Thanks.
    Offline

    0
    I personally would use a comma here, but then I always use commas! I think you can get away with it - I'm pretty positive, from the content, that you're pretty hot at English, so I'm sure they're not going to penalise you for one punctuation error (if, in fact, it is an error)!
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    The semi-colon doesn't feel right to me, but it's difficult to say. Part of me wants to say put a comma or a dash in instead, but I'm not one hundred percent sure.
    Offline

    13
    Almost made me cry. Read some Hemingway.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by doberman.xxx)
    ...As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such word count can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity; of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences.
    ___________________

    The main thing I want to know is whether the semi-colon used correctly?
    Reading/being told almost contradictory 'rules' on their use has left me a bit indecisive!

    Thanks.
    This looks horrendous (it is far too complicated) but it might make some sense in the proper context. The semi-colon looks wrong and what the meaning is would be anybody's guess.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    [QUOTE=doberman.xxx]...As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such word count can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity; of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences.
    ___________________

    without the context it's difficult to say, however, 1. you are missing the word "a" in front of word count and 2. if i've got the context right it's more appropriate to use or,i.e. or e.g. this isn't the correct use of a semi colon
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Cheers.
    It was a comma initially, and it's been looked at my teacher (revising it for a final draft) so I guess she'd have corrected it. But I can be a meticulous ******* - like making sure the hyphens in italic text aren't in italic. Not good for you.

    It's bloody music scores that have done this to me!

    ... IV - Adagio con moto; allegretto, andante con moto - prestissimo... worst part is that the publishers/scorers aren't even consistent - you can have the same composition scored/titled differently, and if the conductor wants to perform two movements as one...)
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ekpyrotic)
    Almost made me cry. Read some Hemingway.
    Why? (did it make you almost cry?)
    And why Hemingway? I'm sure I've got A Farewell to Arms at home somewhere (that's him, right?).

    The 'such word count' bit was a mistake, as I tried to shorten what I posted on here and I had to change 'such a measurement' to make more sense but...

    here's the whole paragraph, where it makes more sense!

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem. As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity – of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences. Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by doberman.xxx)
    ...As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, word count can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity; of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences.
    ___________________

    The main thing I want to know is whether the semi-colon used correctly?
    Reading/being told almost contradictory 'rules' on their use has left me a bit indecisive!

    Thanks.
    Personally, I would use a colon.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem. As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity – of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences. Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.

    the first sentence is in two tense-present and future-you should stick to one.
    e.g. Firstly, though they technically formed the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than they would at first seem.

    or

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts are more significant than they at first seem.

    and that dash still isn't right....in this context you should put......linguistic complexity i.e. of the levels....
    Offline

    13
    Your prose is poor. Let me lend a hand.

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem.

    Don't use colloquialisms like "technically". This does not make sense. How can something be more significant than the backbone?

    As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences.

    Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

    Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.

    Probably? Never qualify it sounds amateurish. Indicatory is not a word.

    In summation: wtf is your point?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by loucrane)
    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem. As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity – of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences. Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.

    the first sentence is in two tense-present and future-you should stick to one.
    e.g. Firstly, though they technically formed the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than they would at first seem.

    or

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts are more significant than they at first seem.

    and that dash still isn't right....in this context you should put......linguistic complexity i.e. of the levels....
    Should have said it was from an evaluation section of an investigation - hence the tenses.

    I've been trying to cut down the number of words to meet a limit of 4,400. The proper, correct, finished thing was around 4,650...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    well then surely the sentence should be all in past tense? i know what i's like cutting down words but that sentence doesn't make sense unless you add those words in. problem when cutting down words is you cut things out because you know what you mean but from an examiners perspectiveor an outsiders perspective things lose proper meaning!

    whatever you're doing im glad im not. sounds rather complex!!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ekpyrotic)
    Your prose is poor. Let me lend a hand.

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem.

    Don't use colloquialisms like "technically". This does not make sense. How can something be more significant than the backbone?

    As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences.

    Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.

    Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.

    Probably? Never qualify it sounds amateurish. Indicatory is not a word.

    In summation: wtf is your point?
    I think I'll lose a large part of that paragraph now, to cut down on words. It is a bit heavy.
    I switched to 'probably' from 'is likely' because of the word scrimping. I can't say it IS the case, because I've already proven (earlier in the investigation) that it isn't necessarily so.
    Offline

    13
    Think a little more like this:

    The number of words in a sentence [roughly] indicates complexity. A long sentence is more likely compound, than simple; further it is more likely to contain parenthetic expressions.

    Compare this to what you have at the moment:

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem. As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity – of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences. Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ekpyrotic)
    Think a little more like this:

    The amount of words in a sentence [roughly] indicates complexity. A long sentence is more likely compound, than simple; further it is more likely to contain parenthetic expressions.
    :yep:

    Except it should be the number of words.
    Offline

    13
    (Original post by Satan's Whiskers)
    Except it should be the number of words.
    Duly edited. Such errors are unforgivable.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ekpyrotic)
    My suggestion:

    The amount of words in a sentence [roughly] indicates complexity. A long sentence is more likely compound, than simple; further it is more likely to contain parenthetic expressions.
    Thanks.
    It's not about sentences though (I know that you can't know that).
    I was evaluating the use of word count in assessing linguistic complexity. And word count being what it is, means that the other aspects of language that were analysed, such as complex sentences or modifiers, are likely to be directly correlative.
    I can be an awkward ******* of a writer sometimes, especially at 4 in the morning when I wrote it, and once you've done something, you don't want to fiddle too much because you see it as making sense.

    Thanks people. Got what I wanted and I've cut a few words too!


    Hemingway? Should he move up on my reading list?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ekpyrotic)
    Think a little more like this:

    The number of words in a sentence [roughly] indicates complexity. A long sentence is more likely compound, than simple; further it is more likely to contain parenthetic expressions.

    Compare this to what you have at the moment:

    Firstly, though they technically form the backbone of property adverts, word counts were more significant than would seem. As a total of all words, the formation of all sentences and the form of all modifiers, such a measurement can be seen as a likely projection of linguistic complexity – of the levels of such analysed features as modifiers or complex sentences. Put simply, more words mean more text, and more text probably means more detail and more employment of the indicatory complex and prestigious linguistic features.
    Much better - understandable and brief - but lose the comma after "compound". Why do people think is is better to make things so com-plicated? It is particularly ironic in this case, given the subject matter.
    Offline

    13
    Overall word count can predict complexity? That is obviously false.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
Updated: March 22, 2009

University open days

  • University of Lincoln
    Brayford Campus Undergraduate
    Wed, 12 Dec '18
  • Bournemouth University
    Midwifery Open Day at Portsmouth Campus Undergraduate
    Wed, 12 Dec '18
  • Buckinghamshire New University
    All undergraduate Undergraduate
    Wed, 12 Dec '18
Poll
Do you like exams?
Useful resources

Make your revision easier

OMAM

Ultimate Of Mice And Men Thread

Plot, context, character analysis and everything in between.

Notes

Revision Hub

All our revision materials in one place

Love books

Common grammar and vocabulary problems

Get your questions asked and answered

Useful literary websitesStudy help rules and posting guidelines

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.