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BF ex girlfriend...
Do I have a good enough reason to get the odd pang of jealousy every now and then when he mentions stuff to do with his ex?
Not just any old stuff like, I mean my bf and his ex are good mates. Right, fine. That I can get along with. Its cool. What I can't get my head round is the way he acts with me when hes with her. By that I mean that his ex hates me (she only decided she hated me after she found out we were going out). Me n my bf are in a long distance relationship so he does get to see her more than he does me. I can cope with that. I mean we do live 250 miles apart and she lives round the corner in comparison. He does give her driving lessons stuff like that occassionally. Stuff like that I can get along fine with. The main problem I have though is that when he's with her, if I call him up or something he'll be very different on the phone. He'll give short answers to questions. Be uptight. Afterwards he always apologises saying that he doesn't want her to moan at him, doesn't want her to get into one of her moods... It was ok before but its kinda beginning to get to the point where I think he finds it a lot easier to argue with me than her. Not that we argue, but it is beginning to upset me a little...
I don't know if any of that made much sense but if you get my point then do you think I have a reasonable cause to get a little jealous and upset? Or am I just being stupid and pathetic?
Cheers.
Tan
xXx
Not just any old stuff like, I mean my bf and his ex are good mates. Right, fine. That I can get along with. Its cool. What I can't get my head round is the way he acts with me when hes with her. By that I mean that his ex hates me (she only decided she hated me after she found out we were going out). Me n my bf are in a long distance relationship so he does get to see her more than he does me. I can cope with that. I mean we do live 250 miles apart and she lives round the corner in comparison. He does give her driving lessons stuff like that occassionally. Stuff like that I can get along fine with. The main problem I have though is that when he's with her, if I call him up or something he'll be very different on the phone. He'll give short answers to questions. Be uptight. Afterwards he always apologises saying that he doesn't want her to moan at him, doesn't want her to get into one of her moods... It was ok before but its kinda beginning to get to the point where I think he finds it a lot easier to argue with me than her. Not that we argue, but it is beginning to upset me a little...
I don't know if any of that made much sense but if you get my point then do you think I have a reasonable cause to get a little jealous and upset? Or am I just being stupid and pathetic?
Cheers.
Tan
xXx
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
lessthanthree
well, firstly, you're both allowed to be jealous; you've both got something each other wants.
Now, you. hmm. [to be honest, I'd even be irked if my boyfriend was giving his ex driving lessons, so you're less of a cow than me]. It's not right that he should see his shortness with you as a get out clause from arguing with her. You'd do well to let him know that being curt with you makes you feel a little humiliated, given the company he's keeping at the time. You're his girlfriend now; he shouldn't really put avoidance of her "moods" over your feelings. To be honest, if he's seeing her this regularly, don't you think that he would do well to try to convince her that you're not an evil bitch from hell?
I don't think that sort of behaviour is acceptable, and in your situation, I'd be hella suspicious, if I'm perfectly honest.
She's obviously petty if her only reason for "hating" you is because you have her ex; but she's got one up on you if he's pandering to her anti-you angst.
Now, you. hmm. [to be honest, I'd even be irked if my boyfriend was giving his ex driving lessons, so you're less of a cow than me]. It's not right that he should see his shortness with you as a get out clause from arguing with her. You'd do well to let him know that being curt with you makes you feel a little humiliated, given the company he's keeping at the time. You're his girlfriend now; he shouldn't really put avoidance of her "moods" over your feelings. To be honest, if he's seeing her this regularly, don't you think that he would do well to try to convince her that you're not an evil bitch from hell?
I don't think that sort of behaviour is acceptable, and in your situation, I'd be hella suspicious, if I'm perfectly honest.
She's obviously petty if her only reason for "hating" you is because you have her ex; but she's got one up on you if he's pandering to her anti-you angst.
He does sometimes try to talk to her about me, but everytime he does she gets really pissed off. I'm not suspicious of their relationship with eachother. I truly believe that they are just mates and nothing more. I mean he's not constantly with her. He sees her less then I see most of my close mates. He gets annoyed with her if she makes a bitchy comment or something about me. They also argue a lot whereas we've never really had an argument. But her moaning at him about me as driven him to the point where he won't tell me he loves me when shes around. He used to before, but I could hear her getting pissed off in the background. It just really annoys me. I tried to be a little lenient at first, because, despite her being petty, and annoying, and moaning about our relationship all the time I did use to quite like her before she changed....
I totally believe that my bf is being totally honest with me and there is nothing going on between them. Although she seems to be totally jealous there is a guy she works with that she keeps talking about going out with. Also I know my bf doesn't want to go out with her again, and wouldn't even if we were to split up. She cheated on him, and he couldn't trust her in their relationship which is why they split in the first place. He told me months ago before we were even going out about stuff that happened in the past. We were kinda being eachothers agony aunt which is partly how we got so close in the first place... I know I can totally trust him with anything, he's even kinda saved my life. But I still somehow manage to blame myself for feeling a bit jealous... kind of yell at myself for having these stupid feelings... I end up getting mad at myself, not just over mentions of his ex, but over any mad stupid feelings that I get from time to time that I feel shouldn't be rational. I'm sure thats not normal... I don't think I'm sure where to draw the line betwen being petty myself, or whether I really should mention something to him...
Reply 2
My bf hasn't even told her about me... (They broke up 2 years ago) She doesn't know my bf has a new gf, and that is me! And the most irritating thing is that she still loves him a lot! Darn it!
I asked my bf why wouldnt he tell her about his new relationship, he said he didnt want to hurt her. To avoid arguments, I just keep silent, and I never push him. I have faith in him, and he knows I understand that.
What I want to say is that you are not alone :*(
I asked my bf why wouldnt he tell her about his new relationship, he said he didnt want to hurt her. To avoid arguments, I just keep silent, and I never push him. I have faith in him, and he knows I understand that.
What I want to say is that you are not alone :*(
Reply 3
lessthanthree
[to be honest, I'd even be irked if my boyfriend was giving his ex driving lessons,
It's not right that he should see his shortness with you as a get out clause from arguing with her. You'd do well to let him know that being curt with you makes you feel a little humiliated, given the company he's keeping at the time. You're his girlfriend now; he shouldn't really put avoidance of her "moods" over your feelings. To be honest, if he's seeing her this regularly, don't you think that he would do well to try to convince her that you're not an evil bitch from hell?
I don't think that sort of behaviour is acceptable, and in your situation, I'd be hella suspicious, if I'm perfectly honest.
She's obviously petty if her only reason for "hating" you is because you have her ex; but she's got one up on you if he's pandering to her anti-you angst.
It's not right that he should see his shortness with you as a get out clause from arguing with her. You'd do well to let him know that being curt with you makes you feel a little humiliated, given the company he's keeping at the time. You're his girlfriend now; he shouldn't really put avoidance of her "moods" over your feelings. To be honest, if he's seeing her this regularly, don't you think that he would do well to try to convince her that you're not an evil bitch from hell?
I don't think that sort of behaviour is acceptable, and in your situation, I'd be hella suspicious, if I'm perfectly honest.
She's obviously petty if her only reason for "hating" you is because you have her ex; but she's got one up on you if he's pandering to her anti-you angst.
i agree.
YOU are his girlfriend.
he should put YOUR feelings before hers
i wouldnt like my bf TALKING to ANY of his exs. he ignored me for 2 weeks when i MENTIONED mine.
the only reason she's hating you is cos she's obviously still fancy him.
but he is your bf, he should stand up for you and say 'hey thats my gf your talking to/about' if he doesnt do this he's putting her before u.
if he's a bast on the fone to you to avoid hurting her, doesnt he realise he's hurting you by doing this?? he'd rather hurt you than her and that says alot about his feelings for you both. and she gets to see him more, so he should be nicer to you
explain to him how you feel. i promise you are not being unreasonable, no matter what he says. he should stand up for his gf and never allow anyone to treat u like that. she also is prob bitchin bout u to him cos its obvious she still fancies him
maybe YOU talk to her, or take her out for a chat over a drink/lunch without him and try to sort it out
Reply 4
I think lessthanthree and magiccarpet are speaking the truth.. I mean, it's always difficult being close to two different people who hate each other, there's a balancing act involved, and it must be tough for him. But if he loves you, he'll put you first, and put an end to his ex's stupid behaviour. If he can't even say he loves you when he's on the phone to you because of her reaction, well, that's just wrong. What is it her business anyway? It shouldn't be a problem unless he's flaunting you in her face, and I don't think it sounds like that.
Reply 5
0516
My bf hasn't even told her about me... (They broke up 2 years ago) She doesn't know my bf has a new gf, and that is me! And the most irritating thing is that she still loves him a lot! Darn it!
I asked my bf why wouldnt he tell her about his new relationship, he said he didnt want to hurt her. To avoid arguments, I just keep silent, and I never push him. I have faith in him, and he knows I understand that.
What I want to say is that you are not alone :*(
I asked my bf why wouldnt he tell her about his new relationship, he said he didnt want to hurt her. To avoid arguments, I just keep silent, and I never push him. I have faith in him, and he knows I understand that.
What I want to say is that you are not alone :*(
We were together for a couple of months before he told her. and when he did tell her he done it as though he was just thinking about asking me out.. so like he turned round and said to her that he was thinking of asking me out.... he didn't tell her we were already going out...
I do trust him. I do kind of understand. Its just all a bit crazy. He kinda knows how I feel about it. He knows I understand, and tht I trust him, that I love him, but yet he still acts the way he does. He says he hates acting that way, but he does because of the way she reacts otherwise. I would try talking to her myself, but I have no way to. Her mobile numbers changed from the one I've got and shes either changed e-mail address or blocked me on msn. I don't want to push into her life though even though she is kind of getting into mine. She can be so petty its untrue. At one point when my bf had her car for a bit and I was at his she even told him that she didn't want me in her car. Thats going a bit too far if you ask me.. Its a car! It wouldn't bother me if she was in mine... Stupid things like that are really beginning to get to me now...... yet I still have it in my head that its ME being pathetic and stupid and unreasonable.....
Reply 6
theotherF.Poste
I mean, it's always difficult being close to two different people who hate each other.
The crazy thing is... I don't hate her. I did actually quite like her before... I just wish everything could work out so that we could still be mates, but she doesn't want that. Ok, if she doens't want to be mates, then fine. But am I being unreasonable when I'm saying shes being petty and is well, in polite english, annoying me like crazy....??
Reply 7
ainat87
The crazy thing is... I don't hate her. I did actually quite like her before... I just wish everything could work out so that we could still be mates, but she doesn't want that. Ok, if she doens't want to be mates, then fine. But am I being unreasonable when I'm saying shes being petty and is well, in polite english, annoying me like crazy....??
Excuse my wording.. I just meant generally that it's hard to have two people who are close to you when one of them or both of them don't like each other or have a dispute or whatnot, I can see that you're being totally cool about it
Your attitude is commendable, and I think you're well within reason to be annoyed at her stupid behaviour.Reply 8
I'm trying my hardest to be "mature" and "reasonable" over everything, but its beginning to really drive me crazy... apparently he's not even gonna text me when hes with her now.... I mean i text him about an hour ago and he still hasn't replied. I know he's with her and one of their other mates tonight working on a lot of computer stuff. My boyfriend is constantly on "make money fast" schemes at the moment and this other mate their with is providing the money for websites and stuff that my boyfriend is building and loads of other stuff that I don't quite understand... But yea, they're all at this other guys house tonight trying to get ideas for some new business.... anyway, the point is I know he's busy yet he can't even find the time to reply to a single text message. I know theres other reasons like he might have left his phone at home, or he didn't hear it, or they're working hard, but theres also the possibility that hes not gonna text me coz he's with her....
Sorry, I've had a really ***** day today, and all this stuff isn't helping. Theres all those other reasons why he might not of text me back. Maybe I am being pathetic and unreasonable. But then when I think about things like how it's somehow me being stupid I tend to beat myself up over it a lot. Have all these crazy thoughts going through my head. I always manage to twist everything so the blame falls on me. I can't help it. After everything else thats happened to me today I want to curl up into a tiny ball getting smaller and smaller until i disappear completely. I want to cry. It makes me feel so pathetic and juvenile that I can cry over nothing. And then when something small happens, something stupid like he hasn't text me back yet, makes me feel so low and depressed.... I just feel so STUPID!!!
Sorry, I've had a really ***** day today, and all this stuff isn't helping. Theres all those other reasons why he might not of text me back. Maybe I am being pathetic and unreasonable. But then when I think about things like how it's somehow me being stupid I tend to beat myself up over it a lot. Have all these crazy thoughts going through my head. I always manage to twist everything so the blame falls on me. I can't help it. After everything else thats happened to me today I want to curl up into a tiny ball getting smaller and smaller until i disappear completely. I want to cry. It makes me feel so pathetic and juvenile that I can cry over nothing. And then when something small happens, something stupid like he hasn't text me back yet, makes me feel so low and depressed.... I just feel so STUPID!!!
Reply 9
Thanks for trying to help everyone. I did write you an e-mail less than three, but I don't know how much sense it made....
Reply 10
hey aintana87, the girl is a bich. face it, saying you aren't allowing your EX to text his new gf in front of you is really really taking the p*ss.
what does he think?
im sure he's trying to keep it nice with you both, but even he must think it unreasonable. otherwise he's just as bad as her.
tell him she is unreasonable. and she is his ex. tell him its hurting u he puts her feelings and avoiding hurting her by pandering to her unreasonble demands above YOURS and YOU are his girlfriend. no matter what he says, his behavoir is putting her in front of u, and he sees her more that u anyway.
tell him its her or you and he must choose or its over. if my bf's ex acted like that and he allowed it, firstly i'd go up to her and have it out with her in front of them both. maybe she's just trying to break u 2 up.
you say the relationships good, but already he isnt texting he in front of u. how much further is it going to go?has he even told her u r together?
she is a freak. get him to tell her to straighten up or ship out. or sod off.
you are his gf and you come first over all his friends.
what does he think?
im sure he's trying to keep it nice with you both, but even he must think it unreasonable. otherwise he's just as bad as her.
tell him she is unreasonable. and she is his ex. tell him its hurting u he puts her feelings and avoiding hurting her by pandering to her unreasonble demands above YOURS and YOU are his girlfriend. no matter what he says, his behavoir is putting her in front of u, and he sees her more that u anyway.
tell him its her or you and he must choose or its over. if my bf's ex acted like that and he allowed it, firstly i'd go up to her and have it out with her in front of them both. maybe she's just trying to break u 2 up.
you say the relationships good, but already he isnt texting he in front of u. how much further is it going to go?has he even told her u r together?
she is a freak. get him to tell her to straighten up or ship out. or sod off.
you are his gf and you come first over all his friends.
Reply 11
ainat87
Do I have a good enough reason to get the odd pang of jealousy every now and then when he mentions stuff to do with his ex?
xXx
xXx
dammit!!!!! do not even think to blame yourself.
if my bf even was going for a drink with his ex i'd be DAMN angry.
sounds like a bich and a weak moron. tell him to stand up for you. :secruity: is sheon tsr? we'll get her for u!
Reply 12
magiccarpet
maybe she's just trying to break u 2 up.
maybe she's just trying to break u 2 up.
I think she was at first... I don't know if she still is... At one point I swear she used to kinda spy on me through msn?!? According to my bf she only had me n him in her msn on one of her addresses yet she was signed into that one an awful lot...yet when I blocked her she stopped using that e-mail addy and now uses one I don't know... hmmm.... bizarre...
Anyway, yesterday I got a little mad at my bf, didn't tell him that though... but today I told him that I was a little mad about him not getting in touch last night. Admitedly he was busy, that I know, but still. But yea, he's been texting me tonight when he's with her so thats good. I know he has had arguments over this with her, and I know that he wants to be open with me when hes around her, i guess its kinda slowly getting better. I think maybe yesterday I was a bit over the top as I was feeling pretty low. It just seems that everyones too busy to pay me any attention when I need them the most...
Reply 13
NO U WEREN'T OVER THE TOP!!!AND IF U WERE MAD AT HIM U R DAMN RIGHT!!!!
stand up to him, dont let him and his b*ch treat u like this any more. tell him if it happens again and he doesnt stand up for u against her then its over. at the end of the day, he has to choose where his loyalties lie. if my ex treated my bf like crap, i'd sure as hell tell him to sort his head out before talking to my bf like that.u ARE reasonable. everyone here seems lke they'd be mad too.
stand up to him, dont let him and his b*ch treat u like this any more. tell him if it happens again and he doesnt stand up for u against her then its over. at the end of the day, he has to choose where his loyalties lie. if my ex treated my bf like crap, i'd sure as hell tell him to sort his head out before talking to my bf like that.u ARE reasonable. everyone here seems lke they'd be mad too.
Reply 14
sorry to seem mad at u, im not i just hate seeing young girls letting their bf's treat them like this, then blaming themselves for something they shouldnt have to put u p with in the first place. i'd just tell him to tell her to get over it.maybe he's givning signals there's a chance they might get back, cos he's being so nice to her thats why she keeps hoping and wont let go?he must be leading her on at least, by spending so much time with her.
Reply 15
He doesn't spent a major amount of time with her... he does spend more time with her then he does me, but like i've already mentioned we're long distance and I don't get to see him for weeks at a time, but when I do get to see him I get to spend days with him, when he's with her they only spend a couple of hours together.
I honestly don't mind them spending time together as I really do trust him. The only thing I really asked of him was that he'd let me know when he was planning on spending time with her, coz, well, I just like to know...
But yea, everything between me n him are great. He does stick up for me in front of her, I've overheard arguments between the two of them where hes stuck up for me. Sometimes in an argument she'll bring me into it somehow. If that happens he always sticks up for me. Or other times where he brings me into the conversation for some reason he'll stick up for me. Yet he won't let it slip to her that i've passed my driving test now (on monday ) coz it'll piss her off coz she wants to pass and from what I can gather is miles away from even attempting to do a driving test (even though shes been learning for ages)... I want to call him up or something when hes with her and shout something down the phone to do with driving down the motorway for the first time or something coz she'll hear me say it and it'll annoy her... but then I decide that thats probs very stupid and i'll kinda almost be sinking down towards her level...
But yea. Things between me n my bf are great... and they are getting better from what they were. When he first told her about us going out she asked him to not mention anything to do with me in front of him. He does though, sticks up for me if she tries to pt me down, stuff like that, yet occassionally it does feel as though as hes putting her feelings first, but most of the time it doesn't... most of the time its ok... yesterday just happened to be a really sh*t day.......
I honestly don't mind them spending time together as I really do trust him. The only thing I really asked of him was that he'd let me know when he was planning on spending time with her, coz, well, I just like to know...
But yea, everything between me n him are great. He does stick up for me in front of her, I've overheard arguments between the two of them where hes stuck up for me. Sometimes in an argument she'll bring me into it somehow. If that happens he always sticks up for me. Or other times where he brings me into the conversation for some reason he'll stick up for me. Yet he won't let it slip to her that i've passed my driving test now (on monday
) coz it'll piss her off coz she wants to pass and from what I can gather is miles away from even attempting to do a driving test (even though shes been learning for ages)... I want to call him up or something when hes with her and shout something down the phone to do with driving down the motorway for the first time or something coz she'll hear me say it and it'll annoy her... but then I decide that thats probs very stupid and i'll kinda almost be sinking down towards her level... But yea. Things between me n my bf are great... and they are getting better from what they were. When he first told her about us going out she asked him to not mention anything to do with me in front of him. He does though, sticks up for me if she tries to pt me down, stuff like that, yet occassionally it does feel as though as hes putting her feelings first, but most of the time it doesn't... most of the time its ok... yesterday just happened to be a really sh*t day.......
Reply 16
I am glad things are working out for you
Reply 17
ainat87
He doesn't spent a major amount of time with her... he does spend more time with her then he does me, but like i've already mentioned we're long distance and I don't get to see him for weeks at a time, but when I do get to see him I get to spend days with him, when he's with her they only spend a couple of hours together.
I honestly don't mind them spending time together as I really do trust him. The only thing I really asked of him was that he'd let me know when he was planning on spending time with her, coz, well, I just like to know...
But yea, everything between me n him are great. He does stick up for me in front of her, I've overheard arguments between the two of them where hes stuck up for me. Sometimes in an argument she'll bring me into it somehow. If that happens he always sticks up for me. Or other times where he brings me into the conversation for some reason he'll stick up for me. Yet he won't let it slip to her that i've passed my driving test now (on monday ) coz it'll piss her off coz she wants to pass and from what I can gather is miles away from even attempting to do a driving test (even though shes been learning for ages)... I want to call him up or something when hes with her and shout something down the phone to do with driving down the motorway for the first time or something coz she'll hear me say it and it'll annoy her... but then I decide that thats probs very stupid and i'll kinda almost be sinking down towards her level...
But yea. Things between me n my bf are great... and they are getting better from what they were. When he first told her about us going out she asked him to not mention anything to do with me in front of him. He does though, sticks up for me if she tries to pt me down, stuff like that, yet occassionally it does feel as though as hes putting her feelings first, but most of the time it doesn't... most of the time its ok... yesterday just happened to be a really sh*t day.......
I honestly don't mind them spending time together as I really do trust him. The only thing I really asked of him was that he'd let me know when he was planning on spending time with her, coz, well, I just like to know...
But yea, everything between me n him are great. He does stick up for me in front of her, I've overheard arguments between the two of them where hes stuck up for me. Sometimes in an argument she'll bring me into it somehow. If that happens he always sticks up for me. Or other times where he brings me into the conversation for some reason he'll stick up for me. Yet he won't let it slip to her that i've passed my driving test now (on monday
) coz it'll piss her off coz she wants to pass and from what I can gather is miles away from even attempting to do a driving test (even though shes been learning for ages)... I want to call him up or something when hes with her and shout something down the phone to do with driving down the motorway for the first time or something coz she'll hear me say it and it'll annoy her... but then I decide that thats probs very stupid and i'll kinda almost be sinking down towards her level... But yea. Things between me n my bf are great... and they are getting better from what they were. When he first told her about us going out she asked him to not mention anything to do with me in front of him. He does though, sticks up for me if she tries to pt me down, stuff like that, yet occassionally it does feel as though as hes putting her feelings first, but most of the time it doesn't... most of the time its ok... yesterday just happened to be a really sh*t day.......
im glad u r happy. but that thing about the driving test is plain immature. just say in front of her 'hey honey when r u taking me out for dinner to celebrate me passing the driving test?' why do u need to pander to the whims of this unstable fool?
Reply 18
thanks everyone for the help and advice so far...
I guess things are ok. But I do feel pangs of jealousy. I wish I didn't. I don't want to be someone who gets jealous over the smallest of things. But then I think maybe this isn't a "small thing" but... oh I don't know..... Like i've already mentioned i'm one of these people that always twists everything to make it my fault... When we first started going out and she first found out about it she used to have arguments, some of which i overheard, about how i was "too young and immature" for him (errr... i would like to think i'm more mature then she is...) and how he's "changed" since he started going out with me. Those arguments have stopped now, but the point is i always tried to somehow convince myself these arguments were my fault. That I was breaking their friendship up which I never wanted to do. Me and my bf did have long conversations about that months ago so thats all ok...
hmmm.... Don't know if I made any sense or there was any point to this post but if someone can find the point please reply....
I guess things are ok. But I do feel pangs of jealousy. I wish I didn't. I don't want to be someone who gets jealous over the smallest of things. But then I think maybe this isn't a "small thing" but... oh I don't know..... Like i've already mentioned i'm one of these people that always twists everything to make it my fault... When we first started going out and she first found out about it she used to have arguments, some of which i overheard, about how i was "too young and immature" for him (errr... i would like to think i'm more mature then she is...) and how he's "changed" since he started going out with me. Those arguments have stopped now, but the point is i always tried to somehow convince myself these arguments were my fault. That I was breaking their friendship up which I never wanted to do. Me and my bf did have long conversations about that months ago so thats all ok...
hmmm.... Don't know if I made any sense or there was any point to this post but if someone can find the point please reply....
Reply 19
hmmm.... me n my bf are having an audio conversation over the net, his phone just rang and it was his ex. no idea what was about really as could only hear one side of the convo, and it was a short convo.... the thing that i feel a bit annoyed over is the fact he said "bye hun" at the end of the convo. Now I do really feel pathetic. I say things like that to people all the time... why get upset when somebody else says it?
Am i getting petty and stupid over this now?
Am i getting petty and stupid over this now?
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- girlfriend broke up with me suddenly.
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