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Why does she do it?
One of my best friends is a bit slutty ( she doesnt look sluty though she is really nice looking and sweet) but anyway she is and she actually has loads of south african shag buddies( she meets them at her work) anyhoo she is so open with her stories and she tells everyone them , well not all of the stories (the latest story I had to keep a secret from all my other friends was that she was spending the weekend at the hilton with one of her shagg buddies. )I just kind of wish she wouldnt tell people her stories -i dont want them to see her as a slut. The funny thing is people who she doesnt tell the stories think she is totally virginal. Why does she do it?
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Maybe she wants to look 'big' she may look big but its not clever, i hope she uses protection!
veryjammy
are u asking why she enjoys casual sex or why she tells the stories to everyone?
why she tells the stories. I mean be a ho but don't let people know you are one!
Tell her you dont think its right for her to broadcast her personal life to others.
PublicSchoolAnn
One of my best friends is a bit slutty ( she doesnt look sluty though she is really nice looking and sweet) but anyway she is and she actually has loads of south african shag buddies( she meets them at her work) anyhoo she is so open with her stories and she tells everyone them , well not all of the stories (the latest story I had to keep a secret from all my other friends was that she was spending the weekend at the hilton with one of her shagg buddies. )I just kind of wish she wouldnt tell people her stories -i dont want them to see her as a slut. The funny thing is people who she doesnt tell the stories think she is totally virginal. Why does she do it?
Having a shag buddy or even plenty of shag buddies is sometimes a way of convincing yourself that you're a very attractive and likeable person, or even, which is even more sad, that you're loved. For some people it's a way of denying the fact that noone loves them and that they're a failure at relationships. It very rarely is just about sex...
SamTheMan
Having a shag buddy or even plenty of shag buddies is sometimes a way of convincing yourself that you're a very attractive and likeable person, or even, which is even more sad, that you're loved. For some people it's a way of denying the fact that noone loves them and that they're a failure at relationships. It very rarely is just about sex...
righto.
Oh for christ sake just leave the girl to have her fun. What harm's it doing you?
The thing you've got to remember here is that some people are far more up front and honest about sex than others - they enjoy what they do, its exciting and natural to them, they probably dont think much differently of it than a lover of good food thinks of telling all their friends about the great meals they've had. Their world view may be totally different to yours - to them, sex may be something to share, to reveal rather than conceal, something that makes good stories, just as we tell stories about our emotional adventures. Intimacy is not such a private thing for such people.
If you friend is one of these very open,casually sexual people then she probably isnt aware that she is making some people uncomfortable with her tale telling. She probably finds it a nice girly bonding thing to do, so that you can all laugh and relive it with her and share the things she enjoys in life. Have a quiet word with her about how this makes YOU feel. This isnt about wether or not people view her as a slut - her life choices are her own and people shouldnt be so narrow minded about adventourous attitudes - its not as if she's cheating on a husband, deceiving or hurting anyone. safe Conventional relationships work for some, Innovative, experimental relationships work for others - its not fair for people to brand your friend a slut as they do not mean this in a kind way. If she has sense and confidence she wont mind what such conservative thinkers mutter behind her back. Im sure if they wanted to debate with her in an upfront way the pro's and con's of her life style choice she would do so happily - its the sneaky name calling thats so offensive.
I know it dosent pay to offend others - so perhaps you could help your friend work out which of her aquaintences are offened by this behaviour and which are not. I dont suppose she'd want to tell these stories in order to shock or upset anyone, and she'll understand your good intentions if you tell her all that you told us in your post.
On the other hand, if this life style is making her or her partners hurt or unhappy, or if she is taking dangerous risks with her sexual health and personal saftey then that is another matter entirely and you would be wise to advise her to curb her behaviour.
If you friend is one of these very open,casually sexual people then she probably isnt aware that she is making some people uncomfortable with her tale telling. She probably finds it a nice girly bonding thing to do, so that you can all laugh and relive it with her and share the things she enjoys in life. Have a quiet word with her about how this makes YOU feel. This isnt about wether or not people view her as a slut - her life choices are her own and people shouldnt be so narrow minded about adventourous attitudes - its not as if she's cheating on a husband, deceiving or hurting anyone. safe Conventional relationships work for some, Innovative, experimental relationships work for others - its not fair for people to brand your friend a slut as they do not mean this in a kind way. If she has sense and confidence she wont mind what such conservative thinkers mutter behind her back. Im sure if they wanted to debate with her in an upfront way the pro's and con's of her life style choice she would do so happily - its the sneaky name calling thats so offensive.
I know it dosent pay to offend others - so perhaps you could help your friend work out which of her aquaintences are offened by this behaviour and which are not. I dont suppose she'd want to tell these stories in order to shock or upset anyone, and she'll understand your good intentions if you tell her all that you told us in your post.
On the other hand, if this life style is making her or her partners hurt or unhappy, or if she is taking dangerous risks with her sexual health and personal saftey then that is another matter entirely and you would be wise to advise her to curb her behaviour.
isnt what she does up to her
if u don wana hear say its making u feel embarassed
if u don wana hear say its making u feel embarassed
Quick question: does she know that 1 in 5 South Africans have AIDS?
No offence at all to South Africans here, it's a statistic. Just that when somebody is a shag buddy, I doubt you'd ask them to get tested - no point if it's not even monogamous.
Condoms are not 100% effective, even with perfect use.
No offence at all to South Africans here, it's a statistic. Just that when somebody is a shag buddy, I doubt you'd ask them to get tested - no point if it's not even monogamous.
Condoms are not 100% effective, even with perfect use.
Everdawn
why is it important to tell us her f**k buddies are Saffers?
That the technical term?? Saffers??
Zurich
attention/self asteem
True... I'd agree with that. What I mentioned in my previous post is a bit extreme but having a shag buddy is a much easier way to get attention/self esteem than through friends or boyfriends/girlfriends.
People need to be reassured that they're attractive, likeable, loved and girls need affection...
When you're a girl, it's not necessarily hard to find a guy willing to simply have sex with you and having a ****friend is a way of proving to yourself that you're a likeable person, when that person might not give a **** about you.
A good friend of mine back in the day, had emotional problems (that she tried to hide). When going out she'd pull loads of guys the same night, end up having loads of shag buddies and it seemed to reassure her quite a lot that she was a very likeable and attractive girl (which she wasn't really. She was quite average) until reality kicked in...
The more she realised that the guys she was sleeping with, and for whom she developed feelings, didn't care about her and actually thought she was a slut, the more she tried to reassure yourself by sleeping with other guys.
F*ckfriends/shagbuddies can be an untraumatic experience but it very rarely it is. It's sex after all, the most intimate thing you can share with someone, no matter what your moral values are.
SamTheMan
Having a shag buddy or even plenty of shag buddies is sometimes a way of convincing yourself that you're a very attractive and likeable person, or even, which is even more sad, that you're loved. For some people it's a way of denying the fact that noone loves them and that they're a failure at relationships. It very rarely is just about sex...
:dito:
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