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Depends how you do it. Don't just steamroller in saying "what have you done to yourself?", it pays to be sensitive. You could say you've noticed thers something worng, and you're worried about them hurting both inside and out. Just make sure they know you're there for them no matter what and you won't be judgemental. Is the SH really severe?
Reply 2
My friend used to cut herself when she was going through a tough time with her parents splitting up but i helped her through and she has stopped and looked back on the past and thought it was a a silly thing to do. I asked her what was wrong so she told me. i dont think its wrong to know the truth 
Reply 3
PublicSchoolAnn
Is it wrong and insensitive to confront someone about their self harming?
I don't actually know. I wasn't confronted by anyone exactly. I couldn't tell anyone either though until I did get up the courage to ask my best friend for help. I guess it would depend on how you approached it. If you approached them in a sensitive, caring way and you genuinely want to help the person then maybe confronting them may help them to find a way out. If you confronted them by saying something like "what the **** do you do that for?" then it wouldn't help at all.
Reply 4
tiger_babe
Depends how you do it. Don't just steamroller in saying "what have you done to yourself?", it pays to be sensitive. You could say you've noticed thers something worng, and you're worried about them hurting both inside and out. Just make sure they know you're there for them no matter what and you won't be judgemental. Is the SH really severe?
Id say so. She used to cover the cuts with a sweat band but now doesnt bother plus there a cigerettes stubb outs all over her arms. I lost my rag once and came out and asked her why she burns herself, the girl just denied it but it was obvious.
Reply 5
I wasn't confonted by anyone either. I always hid it. and when youre at that stage when you want to hurt yourself, you tend to hide it and not tell anyone. Looking back, god I was stupid.
PublicSchoolAnn
Id say so. She used to cover the cuts with a sweat band but now doesnt bother plus there a cigerettes stubb outs all over her arms. I lost my rag once and came out and asked her why she burns herself, the girl just denied it but it was obvious.
I was exactly the same, covered it up but then couldn't be bothered, I think in a way I wanted people to see how much I was hurting, and maybe thats the same with her. She's hurting and thats her way of expressing it.
I does depend on the girl a lot.
It can be a really sensitive subject and people do tend to feel very shameful about it. Although some people won't repsond to just general questions to their well being and will insist that they are ok. It's hard to deal with.
Perhaps making an excuse for her, say when you see a cut ask oh did you fall over? (something more believable though) Might help as that way she would know that you have noticed but there is no confrontation about harming. (although from her point of view this could make her anxious that people are seeing it etc...anything you say can provoke that reaction)
It can be a really sensitive subject and people do tend to feel very shameful about it. Although some people won't repsond to just general questions to their well being and will insist that they are ok. It's hard to deal with.
Perhaps making an excuse for her, say when you see a cut ask oh did you fall over? (something more believable though) Might help as that way she would know that you have noticed but there is no confrontation about harming. (although from her point of view this could make her anxious that people are seeing it etc...anything you say can provoke that reaction)
Reply 8
BlueAngel
I wasn't confonted by anyone either. I always hid it. and when youre at that stage when you want to hurt yourself, you tend to hide it and not tell anyone. Looking back, god I was stupid.
I always tried to hide it. Wore long sleeves in the heat of summer when around anyone. But yea, i agree. you tend to hide it. keep it to yourself no matter what the cost in some cases.
Theres a girl at my school who i used to be friends with and she cut her wrists but i think she did it for the attention as she showed everybody the cuts on her wrists. another girl i am friends with cut her wrists but her boyfriend said that if she would carry on he would cut his wrist and unfortunately he did it was quite deep but he hid it with a sweat band, it worked though because she stopped. Some of my other friends cut themselves ones going to see a psychartrist soon and one tried to take an overdose which failed (LUCKILY), but she seems fine now I think its a good idea to ask them tactfully and not yell at them demanding an answer therefore causing an argument because they might get even more upset and might do something worse....
I think its a good idea to ask them tactfully and not yell at them demanding an answer therefore causing an argument because they might get even more upset and might do something worse....Twaffy
Theres a girl at my school who i used to be friends with and she cut her wrists but i think she did it for the attention as she showed everybody the cuts on her wrists. another girl i am friends with cut her wrists but her boyfriend said that if she would carry on he would cut his wrist and unfortunately he did it was quite deep but he hid it with a sweat band, it worked though because she stopped. Some of my other friends cut themselves ones going to see a psychartrist soon and one tried to take an overdose which failed (LUCKILY), but she seems fine now I think its a good idea to ask them tactfully and not yell at them demanding an answer therefore causing an argument because they might get even more upset and might do something worse....
I think its a good idea to ask them tactfully and not yell at them demanding an answer therefore causing an argument because they might get even more upset and might do something worse....I was never confronted about mine, people just stared and talked among themselves.
Reply 12
annabellewalter
formerly know as runiyourlife.com- how er motivating
I think someone confronted me, i was hiding it pretty well but i just shrugged it off and made up an excuse. I have lots of scars on my arms now that will always be there, some people i explain things to, other people i don't bother. But now i'll always have a reminder of what i did. If you are going to confront someone then please be careful. It might only be a question to you but i can be a big issue for them.
Reply 14
just try and be supportive and if someone's cutting their wrists then make sure they cut perpendicular to the arm rather than parallel to it.
MB
MB
Reply 15
I would say unless you know a lot about self harm don't bother. Ignorance turns people off, expecially when people use words like 'attention seeking' and 'cry for help' - unless you've been through it you can't really understand why as someone said before. I self harm and I get really pissed off with people that try and make ultimatums or threaten me or get angry, it makes you retract even more into your self, you should never take matters into your own hands, even of you are worried.
As well as RYL check NSHN
There is also equalibrium and the BUS boards. Although I don't have their URL's to hand.
Read about it and read other people's experiences. Also they have forums and so if you do manage to talk to your friend about it maybe you could direct her to one of the sites.
There is also equalibrium and the BUS boards. Although I don't have their URL's to hand.
Read about it and read other people's experiences. Also they have forums and so if you do manage to talk to your friend about it maybe you could direct her to one of the sites.
annabellewalter
I would say unless you know a lot about self harm don't bother. Ignorance turns people off, expecially when people use words like 'attention seeking' and 'cry for help' - unless you've been through it you can't really understand why as someone said before. I self harm and I get really pissed off with people that try and make ultimatums or threaten me or get angry, it makes you retract even more into your self, you should never take matters into your own hands, even of you are worried.
Yes, I agree.
PublicSchoolAnn
Id say so. She used to cover the cuts with a sweat band but now doesnt bother plus there a cigerettes stubb outs all over her arms. I lost my rag once and came out and asked her why she burns herself, the girl just denied it but it was obvious.
Why did you get angry? People don't hurt themselves for fun...She probably denied it because she didn't want people to know and hoped in the back of her mind that people would not notice if she kept trying to hide it. It may be obvious to other people, but she may still hope that other people don't know.
What is your motivation for, or why do you feel the need to confront her? She'll just feel even more awkward and try to hide it even more.
Reply 18
lessthanthree
-have you acted on any of this, so far, PSA?
as in talked to my friend? No.
Reply 19
No Future
Yes, I agree.
Why did you get angry? People don't hurt themselves for fun...She probably denied it because she didn't want people to know and hoped in the back of her mind that people would not notice if she kept trying to hide it. It may be obvious to other people, but she may still hope that other people don't know.
What is your motivation for, or why do you feel the need to confront her? She'll just feel even more awkward and try to hide it even more.
Why did you get angry? People don't hurt themselves for fun...She probably denied it because she didn't want people to know and hoped in the back of her mind that people would not notice if she kept trying to hide it. It may be obvious to other people, but she may still hope that other people don't know.
What is your motivation for, or why do you feel the need to confront her? She'll just feel even more awkward and try to hide it even more.
I wasnt angry at her for hurting herself, i was angry at something else she was doing. Thats just what came out and I know it was wrong.
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