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Rape - share your experiences?
Keep this anon for very obvious reasons. I'm not sure whether this thread is allowed but I feel like it will do some good to those girls who have still kept it bottled up, and this can be a chance for them to express their own experiences because it means that we're not alone.
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Anonymous
Keep this anon for very obvious reasons. I'm not sure whether this thread is allowed but I feel like it will do some good to those girls who have still kept it bottled up, and this can be a chance for them to express their own experiences because it means that we're not alone.
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
This sort of thing is horrible that it happened to you
Reply 3
When I was very young, my childminder's son tried to make me suck his um.. yes. I remember him telling me that I would do it with girls when I was older, and not understanding what he meant.
As far as I remember, I told him that it was smelly and that was the end of the matter.
Sorry for your experiences, though.
As far as I remember, I told him that it was smelly and that was the end of the matter.
Sorry for your experiences, though.
Reply 4
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened, it's a horrible, horrible thing which I luckily haven't had to go through. You say you don't want to talk to a counsellor, which I can understand but they are there to help you. Surely if you're thinking about it everyday, going to see someone who knows what they're dealing with can't be a bad thing. 
x
xReply 5
i think it would be good for you to talk to someone, family, friend? doesn't sound as though it's doing you much good bottling everything up. Or is there even someone at school/college/uni you could talk to ?
Reply 6
Anonymous
Keep this anon for very obvious reasons. I'm not sure whether this thread is allowed but I feel like it will do some good to those girls who have still kept it bottled up, and this can be a chance for them to express their own experiences because it means that we're not alone.
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I am in a similar situation to you, my experience was just over 2 years ago, yet lately it's been on my mind all the time lately. Mine was through sheer naivety, something that never occured to me could of happened. Lately it seems everyone is taking rape as a joke, they laugh and joke about it at breaks at college and it really hurts me to think people can find it funny, I doubt they would be laughing if it happened to them. I told my parents what happened about a month ago, I've never gone to the police about it, though they are telling me to, saying things like "what if he does it to another girl, wouldn't you feel guilty then?" But even now I don't feel I can cope with it, it sounds so selfish of me, but I really couldn't go through it all in my mind again. Thinking about it.. it's like it was only last week, it's so clear in my mind. I've never gone through all the details with anyone and I don't think anyone would want to listen, but it's all built up inside me and it makes you feel so alone.
Personally, I wouldn't confront him about it, he will probably deny it all and make you look insane. But tell someone close to you and clarify it in your mind, decide what YOU want to do. Be strong.
Reply 7
Anonymous
Keep this anon for very obvious reasons. I'm not sure whether this thread is allowed but I feel like it will do some good to those girls who have still kept it bottled up, and this can be a chance for them to express their own experiences because it means that we're not alone.
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I was forced into sexual intercourse with somebody when I was 15. Not in the conventional 'dragged-down-an-ally' kinda sense, but my boyfriend at the time took my virginity by blackmailing me and threatening me into it. I never saw him again, although he and his friends did ring me the next day, laughing at me and calling me a slut. That was the last I heard of him.
I often wonder whether he has thought about it since. Whether he realised what he did and how I felt. Whether he realises what it does to me to this day. But I'm not sure how healthy it is to carry this around. I think it's something that you have to forget about and move on from - at least with regards to what they think or feel. A man who can do something like that is unlikely to show remorse afterwards so I think it's best to try to realise the problem is THEIRS, because they are sick and twisted bastards and don't deserve their own lives.
I do know, however, that it isn't as easy as that. I can't imagine how painful it must be to still have to see this person.. the thought of seeing that guy again puts me on the verge of a panic attack.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this as it's not something I have shared with anyone, barring a select few VERY close people and my psych. I guess I just want you to know that you're not alone in how you feel. It makes sense that you want answers, but I don't think it's healthy to seek them. Not from HIM anyway. Maybe you should seek a counsellor or psychiatrist to help you through this. You might not want to drag it all back up again, but by carrying it around with you it's always going to be there in your subconscious. At least give it a try.. don't let him ruin any more of your life.
I wish you the best of luck.
Reply 8
Hah anonymous.
I was raped just over a year ago, possibly drugged, definitely so drunk I was passed out. It was during a relatively manic episode, too, so it didn't really hit me until I crashed again. Cue panic attacks, hallucinations, flashbacks- the whole shebang. It's messed up my ability to trust people and many of my subsequent flings and relationships. Not helped by the fact that I tried to screw my way out of feeling bad (some people get frigid- I got laid).
The usual, I guess! I was extremely naive and it's not something I'm going to let happen again. I've tried counselling, but unfortunately my pre-existing mental condition means I didn't respond well. At all.
It worries me how common rape is. Sometimes it seems like every other girl I talk to has a similar experience. It's something I'm pretty open about, and I encourage others to be open too- I don't see the point in keeping it bottled up. The more we talk about rape the more can be done to spread awareness and prevent it in the future, I think.
I was raped just over a year ago, possibly drugged, definitely so drunk I was passed out. It was during a relatively manic episode, too, so it didn't really hit me until I crashed again. Cue panic attacks, hallucinations, flashbacks- the whole shebang. It's messed up my ability to trust people and many of my subsequent flings and relationships. Not helped by the fact that I tried to screw my way out of feeling bad (some people get frigid- I got laid).
The usual, I guess! I was extremely naive and it's not something I'm going to let happen again. I've tried counselling, but unfortunately my pre-existing mental condition means I didn't respond well. At all.
It worries me how common rape is. Sometimes it seems like every other girl I talk to has a similar experience. It's something I'm pretty open about, and I encourage others to be open too- I don't see the point in keeping it bottled up. The more we talk about rape the more can be done to spread awareness and prevent it in the future, I think.
Reply 9
thank you so much for having the confidence to post in this thread anons 3/4 and the person above me.
It helps to know that I wasn't alone/the only person in the world to have gone through the terrible, traumatic experiences and maybe it was just a will of god or something?
It helps to know that I wasn't alone/the only person in the world to have gone through the terrible, traumatic experiences and maybe it was just a will of god or something?
Reply 10
you definitely need to tell someone-the police even. you can't just let him get away with it and even go as far as to letting him get away with coming to your house and acting oblivious to anything
i just literally can't imagine what it'd be like going through such a traumatic thing like that but you're not alone and there is help available out there to you so don't feel like you need to bottle it up and go insane.
i just literally can't imagine what it'd be like going through such a traumatic thing like that but you're not alone and there is help available out there to you so don't feel like you need to bottle it up and go insane.
Reply 11
That's terrible and I'm really sorry you had to go through it. Although that might make you want to hit me, very hard. [The saying 'I'm sorry' bit].
I was very young indeed. I don't know how much to reveal without revealing too much. He basically manipulated me and made me think it was all my doing and to this day I still believe him. I felt sorry for him because he just fed me these sob stories of how all his friends were doing it with each other but no one wanted him.
I was very young indeed. I don't know how much to reveal without revealing too much. He basically manipulated me and made me think it was all my doing and to this day I still believe him. I felt sorry for him because he just fed me these sob stories of how all his friends were doing it with each other but no one wanted him.
Reply 12
Anonymous
I am in a similar situation to you, my experience was just over 2 years ago, yet lately it's been on my mind all the time lately. Mine was through sheer naivety, something that never occured to me could of happened. Lately it seems everyone is taking rape as a joke, they laugh and joke about it at breaks at college and it really hurts me to think people can find it funny, I doubt they would be laughing if it happened to them. I told my parents what happened about a month ago, I've never gone to the police about it, though they are telling me to, saying things like "what if he does it to another girl, wouldn't you feel guilty then?" But even now I don't feel I can cope with it, it sounds so selfish of me, but I really couldn't go through it all in my mind again. Thinking about it.. it's like it was only last week, it's so clear in my mind. I've never gone through all the details with anyone and I don't think anyone would want to listen, but it's all built up inside me and it makes you feel so alone.
Personally, I wouldn't confront him about it, he will probably deny it all and make you look insane. But tell someone close to you and clarify it in your mind, decide what YOU want to do. Be strong.
Personally, I wouldn't confront him about it, he will probably deny it all and make you look insane. But tell someone close to you and clarify it in your mind, decide what YOU want to do. Be strong.
I also had an incident two years ago next month, when I was 16. I hate the way people laugh/joke about rape as well, it's just not funny. I have a group of friends at uni who always say stuff like "Ooooh he got raped!", and girls that have stupid nicknames for each other like "X is my raper". I always feel so uncomfortable and like I should join in, even though it makes me feel sick joking about it. I can remember it so clearly, how I felt and how he looked, how smelt, where I was. I can't walk down that road anymore because of him, I can't even go near there.
Someone found me and called the police, they came to collect me but the way they treated me when they turned up made me feel like crap and like I was being really petty, so I refused to go to the station, saying nothing had happened (although it must have been so obvious it had, when I had cried my eyes out and my clothes were messy and tights were torn). I told my ex at the time, cos I asked him to come and get me, but we split up soon after because having sex brought back too many memories and he didn't want to wait... so I felt like I was being silly. I too, wouldn't go to the police now
because of how they made me feel last time and because I don't want to go through talking about it again. I still think about it all the time now - not obsessively, but in fleeting moments when things will remind me and I'll get that sick feeling again. If I'm out on my own I am *always* looking over my shoulder... it's horrible.
OP, I don't know if you should ask him... he will probably, almost definitely, deny it, I don't think you should talk to him about it. I do however think you should talk to someone about it. I'm so sorry for what you went through, especially at that age. Please don't let him affect your life too much, I know it's so hard but he isn't worth it. I can't believe you have to keep seeing him though, I couldn't handle that. I think you're really brave.
Reply 13
Anonymous
That's terrible and I'm really sorry you had to go through it. Although that might make you want to hit me, very hard. [The saying 'I'm sorry' bit].
I was very young indeed. I don't know how much to reveal without revealing too much. He basically manipulated me and made me think it was all my doing and to this day I still believe him. I felt sorry for him because he just fed me these sob stories of how all his friends were doing it with each other but no one wanted him.
I was very young indeed. I don't know how much to reveal without revealing too much. He basically manipulated me and made me think it was all my doing and to this day I still believe him. I felt sorry for him because he just fed me these sob stories of how all his friends were doing it with each other but no one wanted him.
really young? how old were you?
my experience is kind of similar to this; I have re-collections of when he would ask me if I wanted to.. and I can remember clearly of how we'd go upstairs and he'd tell me to "shh" because my auntie was trying to sleep in the next room and she'd wake up and be suspicious if she heard him walking up the stairs with me.
Reply 14
It's good to know we're not alone in this so i'll share my story/ies too. The first two aren't rape and im not sure if the third one is but i might feel better if i put it out there. First was my father when i was no older than five. He came in my room... I think he was drunk. He was naked, hugged up behind me trying to have sex with me. It's a very hazy memory and i'm never quite sure whether he managed to do it or not. That's what hurts the most is not knowing if i'm crazy enough to make it up or whether he could actually do that to me. The second was when i was about thirteen or fourteen. He was my boyfriend but not that serious. We only ever kissed and hugged each other. One night we were camping with friends and i took a load of pills and was practically dead. I was awake but physically unable to move. We were left alone and he took my trousers off and was doing stuff to me. I remember more than anything him telling me it was "for my own good" or something to that effect. He bragged to all his mates about it which made it worse. Even the details of how i feel inside there :s obviously leaving out the fact i never wanted this to happen. I punched his frend when i found out loads of people knew even though it wasn't the friends fault. Thinking about him makes my skin crawl, and i actually wish he dies sometimes. i wonder if he ever thinks about what he did to that poor kid? I wonder if his girlfriend, his brother (a friend of mine) or his mother know? The third was when i was fifteen. I was a pretty screwed up kid by this time, and my then boyfriend was all over me. He tied me up and blindfolded me messing about but no sex. I didn't want to be in that situation at all but i was too scared to say anything or even move. For some reason i figuredtnat if i wanted anyone to like me i had to let them do what they wanted to me. I cried but i don't think he sae, and if he did, he didn't stop. After that night i saw him once more, i think he had sex with me again. he never called me again. I don't really blame him. I should't have been in a relationship i was too mentally screwed. There we have it, my story. Im sorry for what's happened to all of you and for this huge solid block of writting, my enter key is broken. Lets hope we can all move past these sickening experiences. 
Reply 15
Anonymous
I also had an incident two years ago next month, when I was 16. I hate the way people laugh/joke about rape as well, it's just not funny. I have a group of friends at uni who always say stuff like "Ooooh he got raped!", and girls that have stupid nicknames for each other like "X is my raper". I always feel so uncomfortable and like I should join in, even though it makes me feel sick joking about it. I can remember it so clearly, how I felt and how he looked, how smelt, where I was. I can't walk down that road anymore because of him, I can't even go near there.
Someone found me and called the police, they came to collect me but the way they treated me when they turned up made me feel like crap and like I was being really petty, so I refused to go to the station, saying nothing had happened (although it must have been so obvious it had, when I had cried my eyes out and my clothes were messy and tights were torn). I told my ex at the time, cos I asked him to come and get me, but we split up soon after because having sex brought back too many memories and he didn't want to wait... so I felt like I was being silly. I too, wouldn't go to the police now
because of how they made me feel last time and because I don't want to go through talking about it again. I still think about it all the time now - not obsessively, but in fleeting moments when things will remind me and I'll get that sick feeling again. If I'm out on my own I am *always* looking over my shoulder... it's horrible.
OP, I don't know if you should ask him... he will probably, almost definitely, deny it, I don't think you should talk to him about it. I do however think you should talk to someone about it. I'm so sorry for what you went through, especially at that age. Please don't let him affect your life too much, I know it's so hard but he isn't worth it. I can't believe you have to keep seeing him though, I couldn't handle that. I think you're really brave.
Someone found me and called the police, they came to collect me but the way they treated me when they turned up made me feel like crap and like I was being really petty, so I refused to go to the station, saying nothing had happened (although it must have been so obvious it had, when I had cried my eyes out and my clothes were messy and tights were torn). I told my ex at the time, cos I asked him to come and get me, but we split up soon after because having sex brought back too many memories and he didn't want to wait... so I felt like I was being silly. I too, wouldn't go to the police now
because of how they made me feel last time and because I don't want to go through talking about it again. I still think about it all the time now - not obsessively, but in fleeting moments when things will remind me and I'll get that sick feeling again. If I'm out on my own I am *always* looking over my shoulder... it's horrible.
OP, I don't know if you should ask him... he will probably, almost definitely, deny it, I don't think you should talk to him about it. I do however think you should talk to someone about it. I'm so sorry for what you went through, especially at that age. Please don't let him affect your life too much, I know it's so hard but he isn't worth it. I can't believe you have to keep seeing him though, I couldn't handle that. I think you're really brave.
Seriously, all you've said is so similar to what happened to me it's unreal. My ex split with me soon after I told him what happened. It's weird how we remember these things, like I remember exactly what I was wearing, how my hair was, what time it happened, I remember running home in the dark by myself. Sometimes I see him walking past my work, or I see his friend at college, I start to panic and can't breathe.
As for the people joking about it, I talked to a girl at college who could see I was in a state, she had something similar if not worse happen to her. Now everytime someone says something she has the guts to tell them to stop being so inconsiderate, now I'm going to take it upon myself to tell them it's not funny, because you never know, the girl standing next to you could be feeling the same way.
Reply 16
Anonymous
I also had an incident two years ago next month, when I was 16. I hate the way people laugh/joke about rape as well, it's just not funny. I have a group of friends at uni who always say stuff like "Ooooh he got raped!", and girls that have stupid nicknames for each other like "X is my raper". I always feel so uncomfortable and like I should join in, even though it makes me feel sick joking about it. I can remember it so clearly, how I felt and how he looked, how smelt, where I was. I can't walk down that road anymore because of him, I can't even go near there.
I am exactly the same. It's sometimes hard to believe that I was really that young when it happend, yet i still manage to remember every little detail.
Someone found me and called the police, they came to collect me but the way they treated me when they turned up made me feel like crap and like I was being really petty, so I refused to go to the station, saying nothing had happened (although it must have been so obvious it had, when I had cried my eyes out and my clothes were messy and tights were torn). I told my ex at the time, cos I asked him to come and get me, but we split up soon after because having sex brought back too many memories and he didn't want to wait... so I felt like I was being silly. I too, wouldn't go to the police now
because of how they made me feel last time and because I don't want to go through talking about it again. I still think about it all the time now - not obsessively, but in fleeting moments when things will remind me and I'll get that sick feeling again. If I'm out on my own I am *always* looking over my shoulder... it's horrible.
OP, I don't know if you should ask him... he will probably, almost definitely, deny it, I don't think you should talk to him about it. I do however think you should talk to someone about it. I'm so sorry for what you went through, especially at that age. Please don't let him affect your life too much, I know it's so hard but he isn't worth it. I can't believe you have to keep seeing him though, I couldn't handle that. I think you're really brave.
because of how they made me feel last time and because I don't want to go through talking about it again. I still think about it all the time now - not obsessively, but in fleeting moments when things will remind me and I'll get that sick feeling again. If I'm out on my own I am *always* looking over my shoulder... it's horrible.
OP, I don't know if you should ask him... he will probably, almost definitely, deny it, I don't think you should talk to him about it. I do however think you should talk to someone about it. I'm so sorry for what you went through, especially at that age. Please don't let him affect your life too much, I know it's so hard but he isn't worth it. I can't believe you have to keep seeing him though, I couldn't handle that. I think you're really brave.
It always comes shooting back to my head during important situations i.e. before an exam and on every birthday. I always blame him for everything that goes wrong in my life and see him as the cause for it all; my clingy and annoying personality, the way I can never last in relationships with boys, the way I have always failed at life; exams, not being able to get into the private school my parents wanted me to go to, getting into trouble at school.. but I try my best not to cry about it because it's going against my principles.
Thanks.
Reply 17
I'm really sorry for your experience, OP.
Good thread. I need to get this out.
Last year, I was at the party. I don't remember much, just going from tipsy to seriously drunk very, very quickly. I'm sure now that I was drugged. But as I've always kind of been the 'drunk girl' at parties, my friends just thought it was normal & went to the chippy. My memories are really, really vague but I do remember a black guy on top of me & ripping my tights off. I remember saying no. Then the next thing I remember is waking up, but my friend said when she found me I was crying & throwing up/half-passed out, and my knickers were lying on the ground. Everyone just thought I'd had a drunken shag. I've never told anyone the truth, just because I didn't want my then-boyfriend to break up with me & people to think I was lying. It's my own fault for having a bad reputation.
Good thread. I need to get this out.
Last year, I was at the party. I don't remember much, just going from tipsy to seriously drunk very, very quickly. I'm sure now that I was drugged. But as I've always kind of been the 'drunk girl' at parties, my friends just thought it was normal & went to the chippy. My memories are really, really vague but I do remember a black guy on top of me & ripping my tights off. I remember saying no. Then the next thing I remember is waking up, but my friend said when she found me I was crying & throwing up/half-passed out, and my knickers were lying on the ground. Everyone just thought I'd had a drunken shag. I've never told anyone the truth, just because I didn't want my then-boyfriend to break up with me & people to think I was lying. It's my own fault for having a bad reputation.
Anonymous
Keep this anon for very obvious reasons. I'm not sure whether this thread is allowed but I feel like it will do some good to those girls who have still kept it bottled up, and this can be a chance for them to express their own experiences because it means that we're not alone.
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I was really little when it happend to me and I have never had the confidence to speak to anyone about it other than a couple of people on the internet because I'm scared that if I go to a counsellor, I will have to re-collect all the memories and it will become reality because at the moment, it feels like a horrible nightmare and as if it didn't really happen. He proves this by never talking to me when he comes to my house and has acted as if nothing ever happend since the time of the incidents which were over 10 years ago.
But I'm feeling down again - it feels like that time of the year where it seems like it only happend yesterday, and it's times like this; days like this that the memories/thoughts come rushing back to my head. For the past few weeks/months even, I've thought about it everyday, if not during every moment of the day and I remember exactly how he would wrap his legs around me, kiss me on the lips. Through all the silence and blanking me when he comes to my house, though, it makes me fustrated and confused because I want to ask him whether he remembers what he did to me and is he sorry for it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, how have you overcome it?
It's not killing me and has hardly got me mourning over it, but I'm so confused and sometimes wish I could turn back time just to watch what he did so that I know for real that he did hurt me, rape me and has acted as though nothing's happend throughout the rest of my childhood?
I honestly don't know what to say besides feeling sorry about what happened to you but are you really sure you don't want to talk to someone about it?I really hope it doesn't feel like I'm persuading you to talk about it but if it is a reality and you need to not treat it as a nightmare because that will only make it feel worse to you.
Even if you don't speak to a counsellor you need to get it out sometime because there will be certain times when you feel really bad about it and you will need someone or something to vent.
Perhaps a diary would help but please only use a diary if you know you will keep it well and no one will find it. Even if it's one you keep hidden on your laptop and is password protected perhaps you should consider it because it can't be good for you keeping it all to yourself.
On a side note, it really sickens me how some guys on TSR still believe if you get raped, you were "asking for it".
For me, it was my boyfriend at the time. I'd had sex with him before, consensual, no problems... and then one night, he got really drunk, I was pretty sober. In short, I told him no several times, shouted at him, pushed him off me. Unfortunately, guys are just stronger.
I didn't sleep through the whole night for seven solid months afterwards.
Oh, and I split with the douche. He cried.
For me, it was my boyfriend at the time. I'd had sex with him before, consensual, no problems... and then one night, he got really drunk, I was pretty sober. In short, I told him no several times, shouted at him, pushed him off me. Unfortunately, guys are just stronger.
I didn't sleep through the whole night for seven solid months afterwards.
Oh, and I split with the douche. He cried.
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