Personal Statement- pls read, criticise to glory!

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Jonnymc4
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Report Thread starter 17 years ago
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can u tell me if u think this personal statement is any good.
Any constructive criticisms welcome.
Structural Engineers play an important role in everyday life. Viewing buildings requiring a large amount of structural design has interested me in Structural Engineering. Buildings that I have taken an interest in include Daniel Libeskind’s Freedom Tower, which was designed following the terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers. This building will require a huge number of Structural Engineers to aid its design and the building structure. Having studied Mathematics with Mechanics, Physics, and Chemistry to A2, I feel that I am able to grasp the concept of problem solving. Mathematics and Physics, in particular, require you to take a hypothetical question and interpret it into a model that is realistically viable.

A Structural Engineer requires a high level of independence and responsibility. I feel that I have begun to have a diverse range of responsibilities within my normal daily life. For example, I am an Upper Sixth Form Monitor, which includes such duties as the patrolling of the school and the supervision of the school canteen. I have also been a Lower School Library Monitor. There were several responsibilities in this role, including sorting out books by their Dewy number, fining pupils for the late arrival of returned books, and ensuring the general smooth running of the library. I have also been the captain of Bolton Old Links Junior Golf team in the 2002-2003 season. My roles as captain entails organising the team for matches and giving speeches at the end of the match.

I have completed a week of work experience in a GP Surgery. Here, I learnt how to approach and interact with the general public as well as performing simple analytical tasks within the surgery reception. I volunteered my time to Barnardo’s in the summer holidays of 2003 and looked after mentally disabled children for two days. I feel that this was an important experience, which gave me an opportunity to work with others less fortunate than myself. During the September of 2002 and 2003, I collected money for the charity to help with improving their local facilities. I also volunteered for a charity called Crafts and Chat, which involved helping out in old people’s homes. In the homes, I helped the elderly exercise their body, and stimulate the mind. To do this, we played games and created art through simple crafts.

In school, I have played regularly in the First Vl Badminton team in which we won the Greater Manchester Under19 League and Under19 Greater Manchester Knockout Championship. I also participated in the cricket team from Year 7 to Year 10. I have also swum for the school in the Bolton Swimming Championships and I have played in the Lancashire Schools Under19 competition for the school golf team.

During my time at the school I have taken part in a wide range of extra curricular activities. These activities include: Year 8 choir, a Business Dynamics course (on which my E-business team was the winning team), and regular outdoor pursuits weekends at Patterdale. I attended the 25th Bolton Scout Group for four years. At the scout group, I gained a first aid qualification. I have also succeeded as a musician achieving grades 1 through 5 piano practical and grade 5-music theory, attending weekly lessons for six years. I have enjoyed being a member or David Lloyd gym for three years where I swim, play badminton, tennis, squash and train in the gym to improve my fitness. I was also selected for Bolton Golfer’s Association Junior Section squad to play against North Lancashire at Turton golf Club.
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(Original post by Jonnymc4)
can u tell me if u think this personal statement is any good.
Any constructive criticisms welcome.
Structural Engineers play an important role in everyday life. Viewing buildings requiring a large amount of structural design has interested me in Structural Engineering. Buildings that I have taken an interest in include Daniel Libeskind’s Freedom Tower, which was designed following the terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers. This building will require a huge number of Structural Engineers to aid its design and the building structure. Having studied Mathematics with Mechanics, Physics, and Chemistry to A2, I feel that I am able to grasp the concept of problem solving. Mathematics and Physics, in particular, require you to take a hypothetical question and interpret it into a model that is realistically viable.

A Structural Engineer requires a high level of independence and responsibility. I feel that I have begun to have a diverse range of responsibilities within my normal daily life. For example, I am an Upper Sixth Form Monitor, which includes such duties as the patrolling of the school and the supervision of the school canteen. I have also been a Lower School Library Monitor. There were several responsibilities in this role, including sorting out books by their Dewy number, fining pupils for the late arrival of returned books, and ensuring the general smooth running of the library. I have also been the captain of Bolton Old Links Junior Golf team in the 2002-2003 season. My roles as captain entails organising the team for matches and giving speeches at the end of the match.

I have completed a week of work experience in a GP Surgery. Here, I learnt how to approach and interact with the general public as well as performing simple analytical tasks within the surgery reception. I volunteered my time to Barnardo’s in the summer holidays of 2003 and looked after mentally disabled children for two days. I feel that this was an important experience, which gave me an opportunity to work with others less fortunate than myself. During the September of 2002 and 2003, I collected money for the charity to help with improving their local facilities. I also volunteered for a charity called Crafts and Chat, which involved helping out in old people’s homes. In the homes, I helped the elderly exercise their body, and stimulate the mind. To do this, we played games and created art through simple crafts.

In school, I have played regularly in the First Vl Badminton team in which we won the Greater Manchester Under19 League and Under19 Greater Manchester Knockout Championship. I also participated in the cricket team from Year 7 to Year 10. I have also swum for the school in the Bolton Swimming Championships and I have played in the Lancashire Schools Under19 competition for the school golf team.

During my time at the school I have taken part in a wide range of extra curricular activities. These activities include: Year 8 choir, a Business Dynamics course (on which my E-business team was the winning team), and regular outdoor pursuits weekends at Patterdale. I attended the 25th Bolton Scout Group for four years. At the scout group, I gained a first aid qualification. I have also succeeded as a musician achieving grades 1 through 5 piano practical and grade 5-music theory, attending weekly lessons for six years. I have enjoyed being a member or David Lloyd gym for three years where I swim, play badminton, tennis, squash and train in the gym to improve my fitness. I was also selected for Bolton Golfer’s Association Junior Section squad to play against North Lancashire at Turton golf Club.

Very good in most places. Nice to read someone else's statement. By the way, it was very similar to my own.
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