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    I've been talking about having sex to my girlfriend and I think we could be doing it fairly soon. A few days ago we were talking about what we would do afterwards and everything and she was telling me how she would "need" to tell her friends about it. Now I realise that girls (or most) have this need to tell their best friends everything that has happened and I'm ok with that but what I wasn't ok with was who she wanted to tell.

    Firstly, she wanted to tell her two best friends which is fine because I hardly know them so it wouldn't really be awkward if they knew and they are best friends (known each other for many years) so it seems fine.

    However, she wants to tell these two girls (her friends) who go to my school (they are my friends too) about it. Now I am sort of against this for the fact that they are my friends too and it might be really awkward when we are hanging out for them to know about it. Maybe I am wrong in thinking this but to me it seems like it would just be too weird for them to know.

    She also wants to tell her just-turned-14 year old cousin (we are both 16) and this just freaks me out. One, she is pretty young and I don't see the need to tell her (although they are very close) and two, the girl is so childish it's unbelievable. If she was quite mature for a 14-year-old I'd be fine with it but she is REALLY childish! I thought I could trust her at one point and told her a secret that like only a few of my really close friends and girlfriend know and the next thing I know she has blabbed to so many other people about it.

    My girlfriend assures me she could keep the secret but I'm just worried that in the heat of the moment or if she is really angry at my girlfriend she could tell someone like her parents or something and neither of her side of the family like me much (racial differences) so it would just create a MASSIVE problem!
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    Why does she need to tell anyone? It's no one's business...
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    I can understand why telling the cousin would be a problem. I'm sure if you asked her seriously, she'd understand why you aren't comfortable with that.

    Telling the two girls at your school though, why is it bad that people know you've gotten laid? If you're cool about and don't make a huge "zomgItotallyhadsexhowamazingwe' retotallygonnagetmarried!" deal out of it, no one will care.
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    you're girlfriend's weird why would she feel like she needs to tell everyone she knows about having sex sounds like she's using you to lose her virginity so she could say she's not a virgin...
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    (Original post by emmielociraptor)
    I can understand why telling the cousin would be a problem. I'm sure if you asked her seriously, she'd understand why you aren't comfortable with that.

    Telling the two girls at your school though, why is it bad that people know you've gotten laid? If you're cool about and don't make a huge "zomgItotallyhadsexhowamazingwe' retotallygonnagetmarried!" deal out of it, no one will care.
    I would definitely not act like that and I don't think I'll even be telling anyone. The only problem is that they are school friends and friends they may be, I still don't trust them 100%. I told one of them a secret too (like cousin, ahh I never learn my lesson) and they blabbed to others, just like the cousin! This is the problem, if they start telling their other friends (who most would be my friends anyway) then it gets out and I would hate for that to happen. Do I want people in my school just laughing at me and taking the piss that I did it? NO!

    I realise it's not like it's a bad thing at all but these things have a funny way of getting out to everyone (reaches a friend who has a big gossiping friend and they tell that friend) and that would just not be something I would want to happen.

    Adil - I completely agree but it seems that girls have this need to tell others.
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    Why does she need to tell anyone? Nobody except my boyfriend knows we've been doing it for six months...

    If she feels she does need to tell people, then, erm, fair enough, though it's right she tells you who because it's your business too. Don't worry about it being awkward with these two friends of yours, they're not going to rip it out of you! More likely they'll just add it to the list of things they know about you and never mention it... As for her cousin, that's a bit peculiar though if they're close then fair enough I guess. Though you say her cousin is immature - I don't know on what level but if she's the kind of person to "accidentally let it slip to the family" for ***** and giggles then seriously warn your girlfriend against this! [Though that pretty much goes without saying really...]

    Erm, sorry this probably isn't very helpful so far! I just find it really odd that your girlfriend "needs" to tell all these people. If she HAS to tell someone, surely keep it to the people she's closest to, which in this case would be her two best friends. The more people she tells, the more likely the secret is to 'get out' and while there's nothing wrong with people knowing you are or aren't a virgin, the fact she wants *crosses out* NEEDS to tell five people is just strange IMO. I don't want to stir things up but to me it sounds like she's not doing this to be close to you but to get a good social status from losing her virginity. Obviously you know more about her than me, but I certainly think it's a bit fishy...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do I want people in my school just laughing at me and taking the piss that I did it? NO!
    What the hell kind of school do you go to?
    Sex isn't something to take the piss out of!

    If you're going to be too embarrassed, I would suggest you're not ready to sleep with her yet!
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    ermm when my friends lost their virginities' they probably each told a couple of people quietly in the corner type thing..
    it wasn't a big gossip or anything, they just kind of felt they needed to talk about it I guess
    I don't think it's that weird - but not a 14 year old cousin!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why does she need to tell anyone? Nobody except my boyfriend knows we've been doing it for six months...

    If she feels she does need to tell people, then, erm, fair enough, though it's right she tells you who because it's your business too. Don't worry about it being awkward with these two friends of yours, they're not going to rip it out of you! More likely they'll just add it to the list of things they know about you and never mention it... As for her cousin, that's a bit peculiar though if they're close then fair enough I guess. Though you say her cousin is immature - I don't know on what level but if she's the kind of person to "accidentally let it slip to the family" for ***** and giggles then seriously warn your girlfriend against this! [Though that pretty much goes without saying really...]

    Erm, sorry this probably isn't very helpful so far! I just find it really odd that your girlfriend "needs" to tell all these people. If she HAS to tell someone, surely keep it to the people she's closest to, which in this case would be her two best friends. The more people she tells, the more likely the secret is to 'get out' and while there's nothing wrong with people knowing you are or aren't a virgin, the fact she wants *crosses out* NEEDS to tell five people is just strange IMO. I don't want to stir things up but to me it sounds like she's not doing this to be close to you but to get a good social status from losing her virginity. Obviously you know more about her than me, but I certainly think it's a bit fishy...
    Nah, definitely not the case. I realise how I've made it sound but no, that isn't what is happening her, I'm 100% sure on that.

    I don't know although I should say that maybe we aren't getting a fair sample here. Last time I posted another thread on something similar I got at least 95% of the people saying that it was fine to tell friends and all!

    I don't know why she wants to tell so many people, I just think that she feels like her friends tell her a lot and so she wants to do the same or something - I really don't know. I mean maybe it's just the need to tell someone because it's so big and she just can't keep it hidden from really close friends.

    I do agree though, she really should only tell her really close/best friends as that is fine but maybe not just any old friend.
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    (Original post by emmielociraptor)
    What the hell kind of school do you go to?
    Sex isn't something to take the piss out of!

    If you're going to be too embarrassed, I would suggest you're not ready to sleep with her yet!
    That's not what I meant. I just go to a very immature/bad school where a lot of people are complete idiots and would continuously make fun of it happening. I mean we both go to the same school and I'm certain that if it got out then people would do that. I'm not embarrased of it at all and I don't think it's a laughing matter or something to make fun of, it's just that people in my school (most) are complete and utter idiots.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's not what I meant. I just go to a very immature/bad school where a lot of people are complete idiots and would continuously make fun of it happening. I mean we both go to the same school and I'm certain that if it got out then people would do that. I'm not embarrased of it at all and I don't think it's a laughing matter or something to make fun of, it's just that people in my school (most) are complete and utter idiots.
    Yeah I can see where you're coming from, my school is a bit like that too.
    Have you told her this? I'm sure she'd understand, I mean I know you'd probably get more stick than her, but if it's going to bother you she ought to be ok with not telling anyone or at least only people she can trust.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's not what I meant. I just go to a very immature/bad school where a lot of people are complete idiots and would continuously make fun of it happening. I mean we both go to the same school and I'm certain that if it got out then people would do that. I'm not embarrased of it at all and I don't think it's a laughing matter or something to make fun of, it's just that people in my school (most) are complete and utter idiots.
    Well point this out to her and say you'd really rather you didn't tell people about it in case they might things difficult and awkward for you.

    If she is insistent on telling people, you could always withold the goods...?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would definitely not act like that and I don't think I'll even be telling anyone. The only problem is that they are school friends and friends they may be, I still don't trust them 100%. I told one of them a secret too (like cousin, ahh I never learn my lesson) and they blabbed to others, just like the cousin! This is the problem, if they start telling their other friends (who most would be my friends anyway) then it gets out and I would hate for that to happen. Do I want people in my school just laughing at me and taking the piss that I did it? NO!

    I realise it's not like it's a bad thing at all but these things have a funny way of getting out to everyone (reaches a friend who has a big gossiping friend and they tell that friend) and that would just not be something I would want to happen.

    Adil - I completely agree but it seems that girls have this need to tell others.
    I doubt people will laugh at you and take the piss, people who don't know you won't care and the people that do probably won't mention it, or will ask for verifiction and then leave it. But I completely understand you not wanting people to know. What would you be afraid of them laughing at? If it's just that you've had sex, don't worry. It's nothing immature or laughable. If it's that you had sex with her, then question why you're with her and whether you should have sex if you can't be proud enough to tell the public that you're with her.

    And this is ********, girls don't have a need to tell others. The more I think about it the more convinced I get that she's doing it to be 'cool'. I think you should seriously question whether she is ready to be in a relationship which involves sex if she can't keep secrets within the relationship. This is not only personal to her, it's your business too and it's your business as a couple. She should not force you to put things personal to you out in the open! That's not good girlfriendliness. For something affecting both of you, as a couple, you should both feel comfortable as a couple before letting something like this out.

    Talk to her about it but if she refuses to budge, refuse sex. It's the only safe way out.
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    The fact that you both had this conversation sounds just a bit weird. Why would you detail exactly what you're going to do right after you've had sex? Fair enough, it's good to have a conversation to put her mind at ease, about how you'll still respect her and that you feel the same way as she does, but just seems a bit too far to be planning that. Don't know about anyone else, but my experience is just to do it, then if you're with a really good friend, talk about it casually if it came up in a conversation. Seems a little immature to think who you're going to start bragging too before you've even done anything
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    No, anonymous 2.
    People at my school really would take the piss - not the person's actual friends, but if they general year group found out people always get stick if they're not the typically popular ones.
    And girls do need to tell others, are you a girl? From past experience it's completely normal to tell your best friend at some point - not necessarily immediately after the event, but at some point.
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    (Original post by annab1684)
    No, anonymous 2.
    People at my school really would take the piss - not the person's actual friends, but if they general year group found out people always get stick if they're not the typically popular ones.
    And girls do need to tell others, are you a girl? From past experience it's completely normal to tell your best friend at some point - not necessarily immediately after the event, but at some point.
    Yeah sorry, I posted before I read your other stuff.

    And yep, I'm a girl. I'm sure my friends - boys and girls - will find out one day, I'm not really fussed about telling them. But it's been six months since I lost my virginity and I haven't felt any "need" whatsoever to tell them. If it came up in conversation and I felt that they could deal with it maturely (i.e. not tell the world "OMG! [my name] had sex with [boyfriend's name]". One of my good male friends is going out with one of my good female friends, and I heard from him before her. Perhaps your relationship and your girlfriend's friendships are different to mine, and that is not a bad thing, but for me at least I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else without asking him and checking that he's totally OK with it all as it's his business too. If he had any objection, I just wouldn't tell.
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    EDIT: sorry, I thought I was replying to the OP! But the same applies.
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    I had a party to celebrate losing my virginity. Well actually, that's not why I planned the party in the first place, but they happened to coincide.
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    I'd ask your girlfriend if it would be ok not to tell her little cousin, if that's alright, because of the age and seeming level of maturity.

    With regards to the friends in your school and what not, well, it's hardly a big deal. Most people lose their virginity at some point, girls do tend to tell their best friends and their close friends when they do, and it's hardly as if your mutual friends are going to start referring to you as the non-virgin! If anything, it'll make you a bit "cooler" I guess, unless you go to a Catholic school lol.

    Besides, if you're worried she might say something in the heat of the moment anyway, it's probably best to let her tell them normally, so it won't seem like such a big deal to those friends.

    My girlfriend tells me loads of weird things about a few of her best friends, like their boyfriends' nervous issues and so forth; it's not as if I sit at parties and bring up in conversation, "Hey, Mel, did your boyfriend ever sort out his erection problems?"
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    My gut instinct is that if you can't stand to have anyone close to you know that you're doing something normal and great within a relationship then you're not ready to do it. You don't have to talk about it with them in-depth, or give all the gory details, but people in relationships tend to have sex, if you don't make a big deal out of it noone else will, and it's definitely not a big deal!
 
 
 
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