Extreme jealousy/insecurity - Does THERAPY ever work?

my girlfriend is similar to you, she often sometimes gets paranoia and starts checking me out and has sometimes falsely accused me of things and it does hurt

you can try speaking to someone and try therapy yu have nothing to lose at all its brave you admit it and try to seek help about it

you can just try your best to generally relax and just remember he's never let you down before and you can trust your boyfriend

Reply 2

Antimatter

14

I think the best thing to hear is that he's with you, not the other girl. This must surely count for something?
Maybe seeing a councelor to discuss why you feel this way? You can see them via refferal from your gp.
:hugs:

Reply 3

DD2

7

Seriously, if he likes someone else better he wouldn't be with you. He loves you, which is shown by e.g. him saying sorry for not having deleted those messages (which btw totally wasn't his fault). In the first relationship you often exaggerate your feelings a little, don't make anything of it. He wants to be with you and that's all that matters.

Reply 4

manderlay in flames

12

you need to split up from your boyfriend and sort your head out, it's not fair to put him in such a situation tied to a wacko

Reply 5

NW86

12

I think you really should maybe consider counselling because this quite extreme, not just for your boyfriend but more importantly for yourself, and to have a happy and healthy relationship

Reply 6

OP

I never take this out on my boyfriend, hence why I want advice regarding outside sources of help like councelling, so that I can sort it out by myself.

Thank you to the helpful replies. I suppose you do exagerrate a bit in your first relationship. I will see my GP I guess..

Reply 7

manderlay in flames

you need to split up from your boyfriend and sort your head out, it's not fair to put him in such a situation tied to a wacko

if your going to troll at least make it less obvious

Reply 8

Anonymous

I never take this out on my boyfriend, hence why I want advice regarding outside sources of help like councelling, so that I can sort it out by myself.

Thank you to the helpful replies. I suppose you do exagerrate a bit in your first relationship. I will see my GP I guess..

well you just need to relax as posted above ^ he wouldnt be with you if he wasnt happy, the only person your hurting is in this situation is yourself just try to calm down and just say to yourself "its not worth getting worked up over" when you start feeling paranoid

Reply 9

OP

SilverTheHedgehog

well you just need to relax as posted above ^ he wouldnt be with you if he wasnt happy, the only person your hurting is in this situation is yourself just try to calm down and just say to yourself "its not worth getting worked up over" when you start feeling paranoid

Thanks, I do try to do this, but irrationality takes over! Does your girlfriend talk to you about her insecurities and does it help at all? I try to tell my boyfriend I know it's all me being mental to avoid him thinking I don't trust him, as I really do. But it's almost uncontrollable sometimes.

Reply 10

balloon_parade

14

Woah, seriously why are you giving yourself such a hard time? If he wanted to be with someone else he would be.

You need to step back a bit and look at this from another point of view. What are you actually worried about? Why does this worry you? What would you do if you broke up? Maybe if you face your fears then you will find out that they aren't the total end of the world.

Chill out and enjoy what you have rather than worrying about things!

Reply 11

Anonymous

Thanks, I do try to do this, but irrationality takes over! Does your girlfriend talk to you about her insecurities and does it help at all? I try to tell my boyfriend I know it's all me being mental to avoid him thinking I don't trust him, as I really do. But it's almost uncontrollable sometimes.

yeh its actually how we fixed it, she started talking to me, i had to accept she was paranoid and eventually after a long conversation she learnt she can always trust me IF i ever did anything which i shouldnt which i wont, but if i did i would tell her straight away anyway

just have to remember you love him and you have to trust him, he trusts you for a good reason and you need to relax and know that he's a good guy and trust him back

i cant say it will work in your circumstances but it helped our relationship much more she also got more self confidence aswell when she began to relax

edit: a lot of people including myself are saying just relax but for anon remember its much harder for her/him to do that its a mixture of hormones and trust i think but thats just my opinion

Reply 12

OP

SilverTheHedgehog

yeh its actually how we fixed it, she started talking to me, i had to accept she was paranoid and eventually after a long conversation she learnt she can always trust me IF i ever did anything which i shouldnt which i wont, but if i did i would tell her straight away anyway

just have to remember you love him and you have to trust him, he trusts you for a good reason and you need to relax and know that he's a good guy and trust him back

i cant say it will work in your circumstances but it helped our relationship much more she also got more self confidence aswell when she began to relax

edit: a lot of people including myself are saying just relax but for anon remember its much harder for her/him to do that its a mixture of hormones and trust i think but thats just my opinion

It's great that you're supportive, I know it must be really hard to be accused of stuff and still be rational, so points to you...she's a lucky girl!

I do trust him, I just seem to have a funny way of showing it...!

I think I'm going to have a few sessions just to talk it through with somebody, to be safe. I don't wanna be a psycho forever. :o:

Reply 13

Anonymous

It's great that you're supportive, I know it must be really hard to be accused of stuff and still be rational, so points to you...she's a lucky girl!

I do trust him, I just seem to have a funny way of showing it...!

I think I'm going to have a few sessions just to talk it through with somebody, to be safe. I don't wanna be a psycho forever. :o:

your not psycho your just paranoid, a lot of people are paranoid you just have to realize how much you trust him

Reply 14

falls_whisper

14

Not as extreme, but been there.

Won't go into too much detail right now. But talking is really the best solution. Even if nothing is actually solved, per se. Just letting him know how you feel and him trying to understand is better, believe me. And he will reassure you... I don't think it's completely you being irrational (although ofc excessive obsession is something you need to handle).

And blaming yourself is no good either :frown:

Although I know I do it too. Does it happen more when he's not with you??

Reply 15

OP

falls_whisper

Not as extreme, but been there.

Won't go into too much detail right now. But talking is really the best solution. Even if nothing is actually solved, per se. Just letting him know how you feel and him trying to understand is better, believe me. And he will reassure you... I don't think it's completely you being irrational (although ofc excessive obsession is something you need to handle).

And blaming yourself is no good either :frown:

Although I know I do it too. Does it happen more when he's not with you??

Yep...when we're together it's usually ok. He knows me well enough that he can catch me out before I get too far. Like he'll just see the look on my face and tell me to stop thinking like that, stop being silly etc and give me a hug or something. But when he's not there nobody knows me well enough to stop me - like when I read the texts. And I wind myself up into panic attacks (even in my sleep!)

Reply 16

xkarenlouisex

9

Anonymous

I’ve been with my (amazing) boyfriend for a year and I am a complete headcase. I have come to realise this over the last 4 months. I know it’s normal and natural to feel a bit jealous/insecure in a relationship, but it’s destroying me. We have a great relationship, he does nothing wrong, he doesn’t even comment on good looking people on TV. He’s only had one serious girlfriend before me. Yet I can’t stop my constant feelings of completely irrational jealousy. I wake up crying most nights because of bad dreams of him hurting me. I lose a lot of sleep over it, it wont stop. It’s got to the point where I wont watch a film with him if I know it has a sexual scene with a girl in! I’ve never been like this in a relationship before, I’m usually really cool about things like this and I can’t get my head around it.
.

This is me too I guess OP, my bf has only ever had one serious gf but alot of no strings attached sex with girls too :frown:

. My bf is overly arrogant and confident and it scares me and just readin your post is making my stomach churn and feel sick cause it makes me think about how I am and my boyf etc.

@ the end of the day though I just think to myself hes with me, he loves me. If he wanted his ex he'd be with her etc but I do find myself constantly comparing cause she was smaller and slimmer then me and a shyer girl which my boyf said he likes in a girl even though hes the opposite of shy, I myself am not shy and quite outspoken, so this also gets to me. But if I dont stop with my stupid behaviour and going in a mood over things I shouldnt, Ill loose him simple as that but I get you, I hate watching anything like hollyoaks or films with beautiful girls in cause I just sit there thinking things like "I wonder what hes thinking about her, does he wish I looked like her". Its stupid I know.

Maybe outside help would be the best option, or even like other people say just sit him down and explain how you're feeling even if it sounds silly, best of luck to you and maybe I should take a spoonful of my own advice :p:

EDIT: My paranoia is down to always being cheated on/screwed over.

Reply 17

OP

xkarenlouisex

This is me too I guess OP, my bf has only ever had one serious gf but alot of no strings attached sex with girls too :frown:

. My bf is overly arrogant and confident and it scares me and just readin your post is making my stomach churn and feel sick cause it makes me think about how I am and my boyf etc.

@ the end of the day though I just think to myself hes with me, he loves me. If he wanted his ex he'd be with her etc but I do find myself constantly comparing cause she was smaller and slimmer then me and a shyer girl which my boyf said he likes in a girl even though hes the opposite of shy, I myself am not shy and quite outspoken, so this also gets to me. But if I dont stop with my stupid behaviour and going in a mood over things I shouldnt, Ill loose him simple as that but I get you, I hate watching anything like hollyoaks or films with beautiful girls in cause I just sit there thinking things like "I wonder what hes thinking about her, does he wish I looked like her". Its stupid I know.

Maybe outside help would be the best option, or even like other people say just sit him down and explain how you're feeling even if it sounds silly, best of luck to you and maybe I should take a spoonful of my own advice :p:

Don't worry, I know it's much easier to give advice on this than to take it. I reckon I could be a counsellor the amount I've learnt about dealing with it, but still can't manage my own feelings.

I hate that feeling, when you know you're being utterly ridiculous but you can't stop your stomach turning round. It's not like I sit there watching films thinking how much I wish I was with all those men.

Reply 18