go to uni with friend?

Hi. One of my best friend has decided to take the same course as me at uni. Furthermore, they also want to go to one of my university choices (I have 3 choices, but havnt made my mind up).

The thing is, yes we are friends, but basically I wouldnt want to go to uni with that person because I feel that its time to move on and make new friends and live somethine different. I feel that if I were to go to uni with this person they would restrain me (I feel they currently are in many of my activities).

At the end of the day, my decision will not be influenced on this. If I do choose the same uni, I will need to talk to them, but I'm really scared of breaking their heart (if I were to tell them "look, i've gotta move on and as such cannot always be with you). I tried bringing up the subject the other day but it didnt work.

I'm not scared of moving on because honestly I really feel I need to, but as I said I am scared of hurting someone.

Does anybody else have the same prob/ what do I do?

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Reply 1

Carreh

Two of my friends from school had this, they do exactly the same course at the same uni and they had been going to school together since they were like 5, but when they got to uni they just naturally fell into different friendship groups and stuff

Reply 2

Cellardore

if she one of your best firneds? It could either be sheer coinsidence or she just doesn't want to lose you. I'm sure that there will people who know each other when they go to uni. Tbh i don't like the idea of people already knowing each other at uni and forming 'groups'

Reply 3

MattG

if your staying in university accomadation it will be easy to apply to a different hall so you can keep some distance. i know what you mean though, i felt that going to university was going to be my experience and for me to make new friends of my own and so forth. it could be become a mixed blessing, you do miss your friends when you go to uni

Reply 4

Piggsil

I wouldn't want to be at uni with my old friends. I'm at Durham and I do have school friends here, but since the uni is collegiate, I rarely see them, but it is nice to know that you can talk to someone who will know about all the people from back home.
If it does come down to you having to go the same uni, you'll probably not be living near one another and end up with different friendship groups as well.

Reply 5

caffecooki

i know loads of people from school are going to Sheffield because of sheer coincidence, none of them are really great friends though, and it's very unlikely that they'll be in the same friendship groups

Reply 6

musicbloke

I go to the same uni as my twin brother and admittedly we are in different colleges but we see eachother maybe once a week/once every couple of weeks. We don't do the same subject and tend to meet in random places (cambridge town centre is surprisingly small). If I didn't want to see him I could probably avoid him.

MB

Reply 7

Piggsil

lessthanthree

teehee, a friend of mine is doing the same course as me, same uni, and even same halls.

I understand it'll be hard, since university is a chance to have a fresh start, but I firmly believe we'll settle into different friendship groups [without falling out or losing touch]

She can only restrain you if you let her - make no secret about the fact that you're up for meeting new people once you're there.

I agree totally. The thing I am enjoying most about uni is that I am constantly meeting new people, and I feel this probably THE most important thing about the whole experience. Stuff the degree! :biggrin:

Reply 8

Mad_Monkey59

me and a guy I was good friends with years 7-9 but then grew apart from 10-11 and 6th form, end up at the same uni and are best mates now.

I understand what you are saying but ultimatley she will make friends too and you only have to see eachother when you want, its great to have someone you know there incase u get into trouble, and it almost doubles your circle of friends.

Reply 9

magiccarpet

LemonLime

same thing.
loads of ppl from school went to our local uni (APU) but you make new frinds. try to avoid her

Reply 10

Ali_04

is she one of those annoying follwer types? are you sure shes not just decided to do that course at that uni just cos you are? if so, you have to let her down gently- has she got any other uni choices she might wanna go to? you could try bringing up all the good points about that other uni at every possible opportunity!

Reply 11

Agrippina

Cellardore

Three girls from the year above me, who were really cliquey and irritating, all went to the same uni to do the same course. I thought it was rather pathetic :frown:

Reply 12

laxrocks

about 10 people in my year are going to newcastle and i reckon more than 15 are going to oxford brookes. some people chose their unis cos they wanted to be with their friends but others it was just coincidence. :cool:

Reply 13

stephx

two of my friends both applied to the same course, same uni and same halls (not one following the other), they were both joined at the hip, did the same things, wore the same clothes, even liked the same guys.

then one of them didn't get the grades and ended up going to insurance.

it was the best thing that could have happened to them and now theyre both really glad it worked out that way. theyve made loadsa new friends and are having a great time but still keep in touch/ talk on phone all the time and meet up loads in holidays. its done a lot for their confidence too.

would definitely say try and go to different unis to your friends. especially if you/they are shy.

bit off topic but after a slightly last minute decision my bf is now gona be going to uni in the same town as me. i worry it could get a bit stifling, especially as he'll have already had his freshers week when i get there, so he'll have already had the chance to make new friends without me getting in the way, then i'll get down and end up spending too much time with him and not making any friends :confused:

think i'm gona have to make some kindof agreement not to see him for the first couplea nights so i can settle in or something :redface:

i'll be missing him loads by then though :s-smilie:

i'm sure living so close we'll get on eachothers nerves at times, especially since we live kinda far from eachother at the moment (not super long distance or anything, just ages on bus since we cant drive!). still, i think it will be much better than the current situation of only seeing eachother at the weekend. probably much less if we were going to unis miles apart next year!

if anyone is in the above situation please let me know your coping strategies lol :p:

anyways, guess this is kinda the same thing, i'm a shy person and would probably find it much easier to make friends if i was totally on my own, but will see how it goes..! i do think friends get more jealous about new friendship groups than partners though? (unless new friends = attractive members of the opposite sex :rolleyes:

)

Reply 14

happydinosaur

A friend of mine got an offer for the same course as me at Lancaster. It is her firm choice and my insurence so if I miss my grades then I will be on the same course as her. Although I think this could be quite fun as she doesn't go to my school but I know her from my youth theatre and we have recently become friends...

I found it scary that out of my drama class at school two people got offers for the English and Drama course at Manchester which only takes about 10 people. I really do think that I wouldn't be able to cope with that..

Reply 15

~Sam~

I might be going to the same university as two of my best friends (if I ever make my mind up!) I have some reservations about this, but at the end of the day there's going to be about 20,000 other students there so you're bound to make new friends too. We're all doing different courses too, so we won't be together all the time. I think it will be nice to have people I know and like there, because there's probably be times when I'm feeling down and I know it'll be nice having people I can talk to. And I don't think it will stop me making friends, if anything you'll end up with more friends, cos you'll meet all their new mates as well!

Reply 16

TheWolf

I don't think it's a bad thing going to the same Uni with your best friend. I am going to Uni with my best friend (even though not the same course). However, ofcourse I will make new friends and everything, but I don't see anything bad with your friend being there as long as you don't always stick with him/her.

Reply 17

Crazyangel

I think going to uni with people you already know has good and bad points. Personally, my bestfriend and I go to the same college, have different sets of friends and there are no problems. We've coincidently picked the same uni aswell (I had no idea until after my ucas was sent off) and I imagine it will be the same for uni as it was in college. However we have made an agreement that for the first week of uni, we both make an effort to meet other people. This makes sure that we have the best of both worlds.

Reply 18

Monii

i'll probably apply to the same schools as my two best friends (not probably to all six choices, but we like similar unis)...and to be honest, i'd be so happy if i went to a uni with at least one of them because i'd feel more comfortable then (the point is i'd move to a foreign country where i wouldn't know anyone...so goining there with a friend would definitely help)

Reply 19

HereFishyFishy

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Having a best friend at the same university could be really comforting during Freshers week if you are scared or unsure. Don't go to uni expecting to build a totally new life- value your old friends and school friends. They are still my closest friends, despite the fact we all go to different uni's.
The best thing you can do is talk to your friend- if you're worried that hanging with them will prevent you from making new friends during freshers week gently explain this to your friend- suggest a bit of distance during the first couple of weeks so you can find your own way. After that appreciate the fact they are there and have a good time with your old friend and new friends. I'm sure it'll be fine