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confusing relationship troubles
I've been going out with this guy on and off for about 18 months now. About a year ago I went to party and kissed another guy but it meant nothing and everything was ok, I told my boyfriend and it wasn't an issue. Recently my boyfriend hasn't wanted to spend time with me, and although I know he is really busy with school work I felt like he didn't care at all and pretty much assumed everything was over because we were hardly even talking. At a party on friday night I ended up kissing the same guy I kissed last year, and my boyfriend was really upset. He told me how much he cared and I realised how much I really love him. I do like this guy I kissed but there isn't really that spark like there is with my boyfriend, and now I don't know what to do. I can't even think straight about it, I just don't know how I feel.
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or reassurance or even if I'm just posting this to try and clarify my thoughts, but I needed to talk about it.
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or reassurance or even if I'm just posting this to try and clarify my thoughts, but I needed to talk about it.
SammyD
I've been going out with this guy on and off for about 18 months now. About a year ago I went to party and kissed another guy but it meant nothing and everything was ok, I told my boyfriend and it wasn't an issue. Recently my boyfriend hasn't wanted to spend time with me, and although I know he is really busy with school work I felt like he didn't care at all and pretty much assumed everything was over because we were hardly even talking. At a party on friday night I ended up kissing the same guy I kissed last year, and my boyfriend was really upset. He told me how much he cared and I realised how much I really love him. I do like this guy I kissed but there isn't really that spark like there is with my boyfriend, and now I don't know what to do. I can't even think straight about it, I just don't know how I feel.
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or reassurance or even if I'm just posting this to try and clarify my thoughts, but I needed to talk about it.
I don't know if I'm looking for advice or reassurance or even if I'm just posting this to try and clarify my thoughts, but I needed to talk about it.
Ok, To start with we cant tell you how to feel - You just do and your message seems quite clear: You want to be with your boyfriend. I think you might have to accept that he'll be busy with school wwork at the moment. I know that when I was at school it was work which came first and TBH by kissing the other guy you are proving this to him. He will think that his work is more important than putting time and effort into a relationship which you don't act as though you take seriously. You must talk top him ASAP and tell him how you feel and apologise for your actions but TBH if I were him I wouldn't take you back.
MB
Umm. First of all you have to think very carefully about your feelings for both your bf and the guy. Did you kiss the guy because you really liked him a lot? Or did you kiss him because you were upset about what you "assumed" happened btw you and your bf? (Sorry if that sounded offensive...cos there are people who kiss other guys cos they're upset over breakup's etc. It's just a scenario, nothing personal). Or was it just a little fling that meant nothing?
Then you have to think about why you just rashly assumed you and your bf were over without even asking him. Was it because you were "losing your feelings" or faith in the relationship as well?
Right now, I think your bf would be very confused too, if not more confused than you, because he probably wouldn't understand why you kissed that guy. You have to think carefully about whether or you still love you bf enough to want to keep the relationship. Because unless you're sure you do, it's very unfair for him and ultimately, he's the one who's most hurt.
Take some time alone and think about everything between you, your bf, and the guy. Until then, I don't think it would be much point or fair of you to talk to either of the guys cos you're so confused with your own feelings as well. Meanwhile, you should probably tell your bf that you need some time to sort out yourself, in case he gets even more worried that u're completely ignoring him.
No matter what you do, you have to make up a choice quickly. No one can tell you who to choose, or what to do with the 2 guys, cos no one knows your feelings better than yourself. Someone will get hurt in a situation like this, but if you really care about the 2 guys, you should try and minimise the pain on all three of you.
Then you have to think about why you just rashly assumed you and your bf were over without even asking him. Was it because you were "losing your feelings" or faith in the relationship as well?
Right now, I think your bf would be very confused too, if not more confused than you, because he probably wouldn't understand why you kissed that guy. You have to think carefully about whether or you still love you bf enough to want to keep the relationship. Because unless you're sure you do, it's very unfair for him and ultimately, he's the one who's most hurt.
Take some time alone and think about everything between you, your bf, and the guy. Until then, I don't think it would be much point or fair of you to talk to either of the guys cos you're so confused with your own feelings as well. Meanwhile, you should probably tell your bf that you need some time to sort out yourself, in case he gets even more worried that u're completely ignoring him.
No matter what you do, you have to make up a choice quickly. No one can tell you who to choose, or what to do with the 2 guys, cos no one knows your feelings better than yourself. Someone will get hurt in a situation like this, but if you really care about the 2 guys, you should try and minimise the pain on all three of you.
I've got everything more organised in my head now so I'm going to talk to him about it. I don't think I was rash in assuming it was over, for well over a month it has felt like he just didn't care at all (for example, I hadn't seen him for a couple of days but when I did he spent the whole time talking to some other girl sitting next to him). I had tried to talk to him about it but he was always saying he'll talk to me another time and he was too busy.
I kissed the other guy because I like him and as far as I was concerned I was single, but then when I found out how upset my boyfriend was all my feelings for him just came rushing back. I'm just really torn because I have all these feelings for my boyfriend but he just ignored me for so long I don't know if I want to go back to that, I want someone who really cares. The more I think about it the more undecided I get about the whole thing, and I don't want to talk to him about it until I know what I want to do.
I kissed the other guy because I like him and as far as I was concerned I was single, but then when I found out how upset my boyfriend was all my feelings for him just came rushing back. I'm just really torn because I have all these feelings for my boyfriend but he just ignored me for so long I don't know if I want to go back to that, I want someone who really cares. The more I think about it the more undecided I get about the whole thing, and I don't want to talk to him about it until I know what I want to do.
SammyD
I've got everything more organised in my head now so I'm going to talk to him about it. I don't think I was rash in assuming it was over, for well over a month it has felt like he just didn't care at all (for example, I hadn't seen him for a couple of days but when I did he spent the whole time talking to some other girl sitting next to him). I had tried to talk to him about it but he was always saying he'll talk to me another time and he was too busy.
I kissed the other guy because I like him and as far as I was concerned I was single, but then when I found out how upset my boyfriend was all my feelings for him just came rushing back. I'm just really torn because I have all these feelings for my boyfriend but he just ignored me for so long I don't know if I want to go back to that, I want someone who really cares. The more I think about it the more undecided I get about the whole thing, and I don't want to talk to him about it until I know what I want to do.
I kissed the other guy because I like him and as far as I was concerned I was single, but then when I found out how upset my boyfriend was all my feelings for him just came rushing back. I'm just really torn because I have all these feelings for my boyfriend but he just ignored me for so long I don't know if I want to go back to that, I want someone who really cares. The more I think about it the more undecided I get about the whole thing, and I don't want to talk to him about it until I know what I want to do.
try and calm yourself down no matter how hard it is. the only think to think clearly is to calm down. *HUGS*
SammyD
Ah thank you for the hug, and you've said some stuff that has really helped.
np. hope things will work out.
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