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Drugs

I've been thinking about them a lot recently, and I don't mean the kind of drug that you get prescribed, or the odd drink, or smoke. I mean the stuff that you really don't want to be getting involved in. Specifically, cocaine.

I don't blame you if you don't want to read all of this, it is quite long, after all...

About 2 months ago, I think, I was at work, my sister had come in with one of her friends and was celebrating getting accepted into uni.
I came out of the kitchen and stayed behind for a drink, quite a few people did, including my sister. Somehow we got talking to each other, she was drunk, I was getting there. I went somewhere quieter to send a text to someone and she followed me out, we got talking again. She got really upset about stuff that had happened to her, and said she didn't want it to happen to me, I told her it wouldn't. She then told me she wasn't just drunk, she was high. On coke.

Now I'd known for a while that she'd taken ecstacy a few times, how many times I'm not sure, but this was a big shock to me. I told her she'd been stupid. She said it was ok, she hadn't had much, and that there aren't as many risks as everyone thinks there is. She was kidding herself, and trying to convince me she'd be ok. By this time we were both crying, I was trying to comfort her because she was upset about what had happened to her. She told me that night had been the happiest she'd been in a long time, basically she liked the effect it was having on her.
She then begged me not to tell my mum. I can understand her not wanting my mum to know.

I don't know how many times she's taken it. She said that night that it was her first time trying it. But I'm sure I heard someone else say later on that this was her second time. Either way, I'm worried about her.

I don't know what to do. If I tell my mum it'll break our family apart; it's not stable as it is, my mum's been on the verge of leaving for about 2 years, my dad seems to be quite passive and doesn't show he cares, and I hardly ever see my sister as it is.
If I don't tell my mum, it means worrying about it by myself. I can't concentrate in school and my teachers have noticed, they've told my mum, and now she keeps asking me what's wrong, only I can't tell her.

My sister's the kind of person that wont accept help, so she'll refuse anything I suggest to her, because she can't see that it's a bad thing, after all, it made her happier than she's been in a long time. I've told the 6th form manager (who is known as the mother of 6th form - for a very good reason - she's really understanding) and she said the best thing to do is to talk to her about it. Only I don't see her much, and when I do, my mum and dad are always there. I explained that, and she suggested writing a letter. I considered it, then decided that wouldn't be a very good idea since it'd only get lost in her room for my mum to find it. So I'm stumped. I really don't know what to do.

Any suggestions?

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Reply 1

theotherF.Poste

Fleff

Only I don't see her much, and when I do, my mum and dad are always there. I explained that, and she suggested writing a letter. I considered it, then decided that wouldn't be a very good idea since it'd only get lost in her room for my mum to find it. So I'm stumped. I really don't know what to do.

Any suggestions?

How about email? It may seem impersonal but your mum won't get in it if your sister has a password.. :smile:

Reply 2

Fleffzilla

theotherF.Poste

How about email? It may seem impersonal but your mum won't get in it if your sister has a password.. :smile:

You'd be surprised how computer illiterate my sister is. I have to do almost everything for her on the internet. She also doesn't have an email address that I'm aware of.

Reply 3

theotherF.Poste

Fleff

You'd be surprised how computer illiterate my sister is. I have to do almost everything for her on the internet. She also doesn't have an email address that I'm aware of.

Well, if she's off to uni, then she'll have to learn.. from what I hear, most universities require their students to use their uni email to keep in touch with their tutors and be updated on important stuff.

Although teaching her on this guise is a bit convoluted. Maybe put a sentence on the end of the letter telling her to bin or burn it after she's read it?

Reply 4

Fleffzilla

lessthanthree

Well, I think it's pretty sad that you have to carry that burden all by yourself. And it's also pretty selfish of your sister to let you.

I trust you've already let her know the dangers of what she's doing, and how much she's hurting you by doing this. If she continues to shrug it off, I personally would threaten to tell my parents until she at leasts attempts to get some help for what could turn into a full blown habit - especially if she's going off to university.

I'm not a very confrontational person, but yes, I did try and tell her. She started shouting. And my sister is very selfish, she always has been... The dangers, she says, are to scare you off so you don't do it, but they aren't actually dangers. Basically she thinks they're much less harmless than they actually are, and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell her otherwise.

One of my worries was the whole freedom thing at uni, I was told that there is that, but there is also more support there for things like that, compared to colleges.
i.e. yes, she may make it a constant thing, but on the other hand she may get help for it, and apparently her telling me was a cry for help. I don't know about that. It was certainly a cry, but she doesn't seem to want help.

Reply 5

Fleffzilla

theotherF.Poste

I don't think she could find her bin if she tried. I bet you think I'm joking... Her room's a tip, the only way I could give her the letter would be face to face, but she probably wouldn't read it, and then she'd put it somewhere intending to get rid of it then forget about it.
It sounds like I'm not willing to try anything, I am, it's just I know the letter route wont work :frown:

Reply 6

dobbs

Firstly, you need to understand exactly what she IS doing! Do you actually know anything about cocaine? The effects it has? Do you know how often she does it? Or how much she takes?

Just to let you know - I know a number of people who take it...they don't do it often, and when they do they do it responsibly (yes, I know you may say "Well, doing cocaine isn't exactly responsible" - but I mean they do it in a way that reduces the risk of any immediate harm) - if your sister surrounds herself by friends and is in a controlled atmosphere (i.e. at a house rather than at a club) then she's doing the right things.

Also, how old is she? It may just be a phase - I don't mean something that lasts a month or so - I mean a few years. Many people do things like that, say from late teens to their mid-twenties, and are fine - I know this because I know people who do that. I know people who did that and now have full time jobs, are happily married, and have children, and they are great parents living in their own house with no problems.

Cocaine, as much as people say, is not as bad as you'd think! I think you need to get some facts, and stop worrying massively. OK so she cried when she told you that, it doesn't mean she's actually sad she takes it, she was high on coke for god's sake and telling her brother something she obviously doesn't want many people to know - it can be emotional!

Finally....I'm telling you this from personal experience, my sister has taken pills for about 5 years now and it was a bit of a shock when she told me (and she cried when she told me, even though she wasn't drunk or high or anything).

Establish the facts before you decide - and I don't see how you can "never see" your sister - call her, arrange to do something sometime (see a movie?) - if she doesn't live with you just get her address and go around there! Tell your parents you're off to a friends. If it means THAT much to you then don't make excuses about how it's too hard to see her.

I know that sounded like a bit of a rant, but it wasn't meant to! :smile:

Reply 7

dobbs

Eeek..sorry, just realised I said "brother" - thought you were a guy, but just seen in your signature that you're not....whoops! :smile:

Reply 8

Vixen

My sister was bought a house for her to live in when she was 18 and over the two years she lived there she blew about £3000 on cocaine, lsd and cannabis. She got mixed up with druggy type people and they robbed her house and pretty much destroyed it. She also ended up in a mental health unit for about three months because of what the drugs had done to her and still sees a psyciatrist and occasionally goes mad and ends up back in there. Its hard to come to terms with the idea that my own sister is one of the people I thought Id only ever read about or see on tv. Her situation put a great deal of strain on our family which was already almost destroyed from previous events that I wont go into.

Once my mam asked her why she had started taking drugs. She said she liked the effect it had had on her which is exactly what your sister said. So I think you must tell someone. I doubt it will get as far as it did with my own sister but drugs are terrible things that have terrible effects on people which I have seen first hand. Plus you should not have to deal with it on your own. Can you tell your father? Another family member?

Reply 9

dobbs

VixenIW

My sister was bought a house for her to live in when she was 18

Seriously?!

Maybe if she was forced to get a job and buy her own house then she would have respected money a bit more and learned not to blow £3000 on drugs. Also, LSD is far far far worse than cocaine.

People have to realise that there is a big difference between people who take drugs now and then and try to take them in a controlled atmosphere and in a responsible way....and people who take them all the time, get addicted, become criminals, etc.

Don't just lump all "druggies" into one category

Reply 10

Vixen

dobbs

She paid £50,000 of the house. And she did have a job.

dobbs

People have to realise that there is a big difference between people who take drugs now and then and try to take them in a controlled atmosphere and in a responsible way....and people who take them all the time, get addicted, become criminals, etc.

Don't just lump all "druggies" into one category

I'm not. But the people she was with were all like that.

Reply 11

Fleffzilla

dobbs

Firstly, you need to understand exactly what she IS doing! Do you actually know anything about cocaine? The effects it has? Do you know how often she does it? Or how much she takes?

I've read info on it, I'm not that stupid. I don't know how much she had, I don't know how often she takes it. All she said at the time was "it's not that bad, I've only had *holds fingers apart* this much, most people have *holds fingers further apart* this much".

Just to let you know - I know a number of people who take it...they don't do it often, and when they do they do it responsibly (yes, I know you may say "Well, doing cocaine isn't exactly responsible" - but I mean they do it in a way that reduces the risk of any immediate harm) - if you're sister surrounds herself by friends and is in a controlled atmosphere (i.e. at a house rather than at a club) then she's doing the right things.

I don't know when she does it, where she does it, all I know is she's done it. What bothered me is that she went through a rough time, and resorted to it, so if it stays rough, how long is she going to resort to it? She has very little common sense at times, the same with her friends. And frankly, if it's her so called friends that have got her on it, I don't exactly think they're the most responsible people in the world.

Also, how old is she? It may just be a phase - I don't mean something that lasts a month or so - I mean a few years. Many people do things like that, say from late teens to their mid-twenties, and are fine - I know this because I know people who do that. I know people who did that and now have full time jobs, are happily married, and have children, and they are great parents living in their own house with no problems.

She's 19. I'm hoping it is a phase, but I don't know.

Cocaine, as much as people say, is not as bad as you'd think! I think you need to get some facts, and stop worrying massively. OK so she cried when she told you that, it doesn't mean she's actually sad she takes it, she was high on coke for god's sake and telling her brother something she obviously doesn't want many people to know - it can be emotional!

*sister
I'm noy worryingly massively. Frankly, I'm stressed about a lot of things, and her telling me that didn't help that much. I've been pretty down for a few years, so me being down about this isn't that special. If I was that worried I'd have told more than 1 person and a few people I don't know on a forum, don't you think? The fact that she may not be sad that she takes it is what worries me. I don't want her to go through life thinking it's ok to do it, that she's happy to put herself through that.

Finally....I'm telling you this from personal experience, my sister has taken pills for about 5 years now and it was a bit of a shock when she told me (and she cried when she told me, even though she wasn't drunk or high or anything).

Establish the facts before you decide - and I don't see how you can "never see" your sister - call her, arrange to do something sometime (see a movie?) - if she doesn't live with you just get her address and go around there! Tell your parents you're off to a friends. If it means THAT much to you then don't make excuses about how it's too hard to see her.

I never see her because she's in when I'm out, or she's out when I'm in. We both work, we have seperate lives. I can go for about 3 weeks at a time not seeing her, if she's in the house I wouldn't know because I'm in my room and she's in hers. We don't talk to each other. Hell, she doesn't talk to my mum unless she wants a lift somewhere, which isn't all that often because most of her mates can drive. Right now I can't tell you when the last time I even saw her was, I can't remember. I don't know if she's in the house, at work, at the gym, round a friends... I haven't a clue. They aren't excuses.

Reply 12

niamhster

dobbs

I don't think we can really say oh that drug is a lot worse etc. Dabblng in any form of drugs is asking for trouble.

I think arranging to meet up with your sister and try talking calmly about it to her is the best thing you can do just now. Remember she is responsible for her own actions.

Reply 13

frost105

My brother sounds pretty similiar to your sister. I was 14/15 when he first went into rehab and that was a waste of time and he was on heroin not long after. He says he's off them entirely now and he lives in Oz with his wife (who is as bonkers as him) basically long story short he amde my life miserable for years and we now have no communication at all.

Your sister ultimately isnt your responsibilty. If she is gonna do it she will and unfortunatly chances are whatever you say to her she'll just carry on doing what she's doing. My best advice to you is to sit your sister down and tell her how this is making you feel and how her behaviour is going to affect your relationship. If that doesnt work then you tried.

Reply 14

Fleffzilla

VixenIW

Once my mam asked her why she had started taking drugs. She said she liked the effect it had had on her which is exactly what your sister said. So I think you must tell someone. I doubt it will get as far as it did with my own sister but drugs are terrible things that have terrible effects on people which I have seen first hand. Plus you should not have to deal with it on your own. Can you tell your father? Another family member?

The nearest family member lives around 100 miles away, and that's my mums sister. I haven't a clue where most of the others live, for instance one of my uncles is somewhere in Australia and doesn't know I exist. Father? He'd tell my mum.

I'd like to mention at this point in time that my mum is clinically depressed, which is another reason I don't want her to know.

Reply 15

Ariel4

coke is actually not as bad as you might think, im not saying its not bad by the way. if its used a lot then it does get to be horrible. but doing it every so often, not every weekend, every few months, on special occasions (like getting in uni) its really not that bad. but if shes doing it a lot then you really need to talk to her about it, cos it can seriously **** you up. and e is made out to be a lot worse than it is as well, it can be incredibly dangerous, and you do take a risk, but 9 times out of 10 you will be fine, as long you know what you are doing. but if she does that a lot, then you need to talk to her about that to, one of my friends screwed himself up for a while through doing it, extreme paranoia mainly, thought everyone hated him. basically, everything in moderation, and never mix your class As! the results can be pretty nasty.

oh and another thing, if your sister is doing it to make herself happy or block out things that have happened in the past, then this may not be so good. she might use more coke if it makes it "go away", if that is why shes taking it.

Reply 16

Spider

Few peopel do coke regularly, and walk calmly away from it. It's a very dangerous game to play. Regardless of where and how you do it, if you keep doing it, there is a very high chance something will go bad. And the people you get your gear from can be very very dangerous people too. I think you should just be blunt with her, and tell her exactly what might happen. This might not be what you want to hear, but if you do coke, you're almost certainly going to mess up your life.

Reply 17

dobbs

niamhster

I don't think we can really say oh that drug is a lot worse etc. Dabblng in any form of drugs is asking for trouble.

So heroin is as bad as cannibis? I don't think so somehow :rolleyes:

And to Fleff - what you need to do is prepare what you want to ask and say to your sister. If you say that you're barely in the house at the same time, then all you can really do is prepare - for when she IS in at the same time as you. It may be a few weeks, but as you say, there are times when she's in her room and you're in yours - is it a crime to go knock on her door and ask to talk to her?

She's your sister - she loves you and you love her, she's not going to be angry that you want to talk to her about it. OK it may feel weird, but you'll feel better for it afterwards. My biggest point is that I really don't think you should talk to another member of your family until you've had a proper talk with her....you said you don't know much about why/how much/how often she takes it, so it would be best to have a chat with her about it.

Hint: if you say your mam would find a letter/note in her room, leave her a note saying "Hey *insert name of a movie* has just come out, do you want to go see it sometime? Let me know! x" - mam doesn't suspect anything, and gives her a reason to come and see you! :smile:

Reply 18

Fleffzilla