Not sure if this in the right section, but talks about way boyfriends ex treats kids.

The only thing I can say is imagine being in her shoes. Shes on her own with kids and she is trying to find the balance between living her life and being a mother. You may not agree with what she is doing but it isnt any of your business, its between them 2.

I'm sorry, I disagree...

when a kid becomes so insecure because he doesn't know if his mums gonna turn up, there IS a problem.

All I know is that when people split and they have kids involved NEVER get involved. There are 2 sides to every story, my best mates ex is a loser who never pays for his child yet I know if I spoke to he sister she will tell me that my bets mate is a psycho, never lets the family see the baby and that it was her fault that she got meningitis last year cause she is a bad mother.

Why would she bring spare clothes if she was plannin on picking them up the next day anyway?

and the kid is probably insecure because his parents have recently split up? whats unusual there?

Why did J protest at having the kids for another day? did he have something better to do?

And she didnt abandon the kids, she left them with their dad. He has just as much responsibility for them as her.

If thats the worst that she does, i think she not too bad a mother all in all. You say her kids are wonderful, but you dont give her the credit for that.surly, if she were a bad mother they would be little toerags!

love Katy***

why did J and his wife split?

How often does your boyf have the kids? How often does he cancel on them? How many times does the child ask his mummy when he'll next see daddy?

I dont doubt that she is probably being awful but when my mum and dad where going through their divorce I was insecure as well-thats common in children.

If your boyfriend is really worried then he should try mediation with his ex wife and figure out a routine and acceptable boundries and behaviour when they have the children.

There is also a very good single parents forum at www.bounty.co.uk where other people who have been in similiar situations can give advice.

Ok, so my boyfriend split up from his wife last year, and she's just started seeing someone new. Anyway. Heres the situation.

She brought them round J's last week. about half eleven, and she hadn't even given them breakfast. She didn't bring ANY spare clothes, and the youngest has a bad case of nappy rash... Tuesday, she picked them up, got them changed, brought themback, told J she was going out and he was having the kids. He tried to protest, so she started telling him he was just jealous or whatever... trying to stop her living her life.

This effing woman is not fit to be a mother. Her eldest is so insecure its unbelieveable. J goes out, he's fine. His ex is supposed to be picking them up, and shes decided not to so many times that he will sit there saying "mummy's not coming".

I mean, the other day she didn't pick them up and sent J a message saying "picking kids up tomorrow. Womans troubles".

Womans troubles. If you can abandon your kids for that, then how can you be fit enough to be a mother.

It's hit a nerve for so many reasons with me. Her kids are amazing. Absolutely gorgeous, the most affectionate two little boys you could imagine. And she puts everthing, from her new boyfriend to going out to get drunk before the kids.

Reminds me of my biological mother a bit...

J has the kids about 4, sometime 5 days a week. To me, she is being awful.

Have you spoken to your boyfriend about all of this?? What does he think??

Ruthie xx

3 days running.........that is a long time!

They arnt a toy, He should be prepared to be there for them 365 days a year. When they were born did he think, oh no i only want part time kids? i doubt it.

Out of interest, does the kid know you think his mum is a bad mum? and how do you tell him that hes staying another night?

love Katy***

I would tell J to attempt mediation with his ex. Arrange a strict custody arrangement which caanot be broken unless in extreme circumstances. This will enable the children to get into a rountine and ease any anxiety.
Are they in divorce proceedings if so you could ask the lawyers to arrange this.

My last piece of advice is support J but do not confront the ex. This will put her back up and make life particularly difficult for J. Despite all the press the courts will always favour the mother unless she is considered a risk. She can make seeing the kids very difficult for J and unfortunatly there isnta lot he can do about it but be nice to his ex and keep seeing the kids as much as he can.

I've already agreed with J that unless I believe there is severe concern for the kids physical health, that I won't confront her. He knows I'm supporting him through this.

Ok, I'll suggest what you said about the mediation.

The kid doesn't know what I think of his mum. Ok, he should be prepared to be there 365, but she's the one that seems to be treating them like a toy. "oh, I want to go out, I'll phone J/ go round J's and get him to have the kids an extra night".

How can you tell a kid that he's got to stay another night. Other than J saying "Ok, you're staying with daddy another night".

Do they already have a custody agreement?