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The Fallacy University Relationships
I'm hearing so many stories about people at uni falling in love. Then being really close and wanting to be in a deep relationship.
Everyone goes "oh my god, those two are perfect for each other" "those two are for life"
And then... BAM
Somehow they break up.
I'm starting to wonder... is a deep relationship worth it? If you think about it, what with uni life being so complicated there are a million ways even two perfect people can screw up. You have to work SO hard to keep it working (especially if you guys dont go to the same uni!).
I'm starting to think that its a waste. You can really ruin a good friendship because of taking such a moronic gamble... one that will no doubt interfere with your studies.
I think the best type of relationships to have are light ones, which I dont really like (I'd prefer to be in a deep one...)
Is it best just to leave it alone?
Is it foolish to expect to find someone for life at uni?
I'm starting to think so.
Everyone goes "oh my god, those two are perfect for each other" "those two are for life"
And then... BAM
Somehow they break up.
I'm starting to wonder... is a deep relationship worth it? If you think about it, what with uni life being so complicated there are a million ways even two perfect people can screw up. You have to work SO hard to keep it working (especially if you guys dont go to the same uni!).
I'm starting to think that its a waste. You can really ruin a good friendship because of taking such a moronic gamble... one that will no doubt interfere with your studies.
I think the best type of relationships to have are light ones, which I dont really like (I'd prefer to be in a deep one...)
Is it best just to leave it alone?
Is it foolish to expect to find someone for life at uni?
I'm starting to think so.
Scroll to see replies
Its kind of hard to say. Ive met two people at uni that I think I could have been really happy with but we never got together so I've never had the chance to find out. Im a great believer in optimism and I think you cant know until you try. Hope springs eternal etc. I break up, get broken, then move on and keep believing in love.
As for univsersity relationships in particualr...well...On one hand, you are more mature than in high school, a lot of people meet their future spouse at uni, and its a great way to meet educated, intelligent, mature partners.
On the other hand, you are still at the stage of your life where you are not only changing a lot, but also still not sure what you want in the perfect partner. If your needs and wants and changing every day, its hard to expect a relationship to remain stable and steady - they change with the times or they break up. Look at it this way: later on, when you are more settled, your relationships may be. Now, your life is more exciting and unpredictable, and so shall your relatioships be.
good luck.
As for univsersity relationships in particualr...well...On one hand, you are more mature than in high school, a lot of people meet their future spouse at uni, and its a great way to meet educated, intelligent, mature partners.
On the other hand, you are still at the stage of your life where you are not only changing a lot, but also still not sure what you want in the perfect partner. If your needs and wants and changing every day, its hard to expect a relationship to remain stable and steady - they change with the times or they break up. Look at it this way: later on, when you are more settled, your relationships may be. Now, your life is more exciting and unpredictable, and so shall your relatioships be.
good luck.Hahaha, despite being a likeable guy (not to boast too much...)
I gotta say my personality has fluctuated ridiculously in the past first year of uni because of women. After being screwed around by five women (you heard me... FIVE).
I've become cynical.
Normally cynism works over optimism unfourtunately.
Sad but true.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has fallen into this inescapable trap.
Right now I've met someone (my female best friend actually : / ) I'm SURE is perfect for me. I'm MADLY in love with her. I tell ya what, I want to be with her forever, and I know that wont be the case if we go out now. There are WAY too many ways thing could get complicated or screw up.
Cos hey, this is uni. And people like to interfere.
I gotta say my personality has fluctuated ridiculously in the past first year of uni because of women. After being screwed around by five women (you heard me... FIVE).
I've become cynical.
Normally cynism works over optimism unfourtunately.
Sad but true.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who has fallen into this inescapable trap.
Right now I've met someone (my female best friend actually : / ) I'm SURE is perfect for me. I'm MADLY in love with her. I tell ya what, I want to be with her forever, and I know that wont be the case if we go out now. There are WAY too many ways thing could get complicated or screw up.
Cos hey, this is uni. And people like to interfere.
Well it's taken you a good part of a year to admit to yourself that you love her; maybe if you had been more definite in your feelings, you could've been with her now. You say it wouldn't work out, but you never know until you try, and maybe you wouldn't have been screwed around with five women (two of them don't count, anyway), and these next few months could be among the greatest of your life.
(this guy knows me in real life by the way).
Well THANKS for that.
But if you dont remember. I was still getting over my last girlfriend.
But I guess this is proof that in an environment like this, jumping the gun is sometimes a good idea. Just in case someone gets in there first. Or the girls mind gets warped and she thinks of you as "just a friend"
Well THANKS for that.
But if you dont remember. I was still getting over my last girlfriend.
But I guess this is proof that in an environment like this, jumping the gun is sometimes a good idea. Just in case someone gets in there first. Or the girls mind gets warped and she thinks of you as "just a friend"
Well thats my point. A weak relationship is all you can have.
But personally, if all I can get is some sex and making out, then screw it, I can't be bothered.
But you're right. I too think that uni is the place where you learn and get experience.
But personally, if all I can get is some sex and making out, then screw it, I can't be bothered.
But you're right. I too think that uni is the place where you learn and get experience.
You think so?
If its true then it must be hard as hell. And surely get in the way of your study time and life in general.
A girlfriend (in my opinion) deserves a lot of time and attention of course. Its hard to give that in this kind of situation.
I'd feel guilty if I couldnt give that.
Isn't love about devoting you life to the person you adore? I know I always feel "damn, I wish I could be *insert name here* all the time".
Get in the way of my work thats for sure.
And we're not even going out!
If its true then it must be hard as hell. And surely get in the way of your study time and life in general.
A girlfriend (in my opinion) deserves a lot of time and attention of course. Its hard to give that in this kind of situation.
I'd feel guilty if I couldnt give that.
Isn't love about devoting you life to the person you adore? I know I always feel "damn, I wish I could be *insert name here* all the time".
Get in the way of my work thats for sure.
And we're not even going out!
That seems rare...
There are a lot of girls out there. Finding one conveniant for your life however... well it limits your choices. Especially if you have a busy life o_O
There are a lot of girls out there. Finding one conveniant for your life however... well it limits your choices. Especially if you have a busy life o_O
There is a fine balance. Having fun while you're a student and effectively free (and maybe compromising your academic work) or having fun when your older which is when you have both the economic security of a salary and the inseecurity of tax/mortgage/more fun stuff.
MB
MB
Blue Bliss
I'm hearing so many stories about people at uni falling in love. Then being really close and wanting to be in a deep relationship.
Everyone goes "oh my god, those two are perfect for each other" "those two are for life"
And then... BAM
Somehow they break up.
I'm starting to wonder... is a deep relationship worth it? If you think about it, what with uni life being so complicated there are a million ways even two perfect people can screw up. You have to work SO hard to keep it working (especially if you guys dont go to the same uni!).
I'm starting to think that its a waste. You can really ruin a good friendship because of taking such a moronic gamble... one that will no doubt interfere with your studies.
I think the best type of relationships to have are light ones, which I dont really like (I'd prefer to be in a deep one...)
Is it best just to leave it alone?
Is it foolish to expect to find someone for life at uni?
I'm starting to think so.
Everyone goes "oh my god, those two are perfect for each other" "those two are for life"
And then... BAM
Somehow they break up.
I'm starting to wonder... is a deep relationship worth it? If you think about it, what with uni life being so complicated there are a million ways even two perfect people can screw up. You have to work SO hard to keep it working (especially if you guys dont go to the same uni!).
I'm starting to think that its a waste. You can really ruin a good friendship because of taking such a moronic gamble... one that will no doubt interfere with your studies.
I think the best type of relationships to have are light ones, which I dont really like (I'd prefer to be in a deep one...)
Is it best just to leave it alone?
Is it foolish to expect to find someone for life at uni?
I'm starting to think so.
i compltetly agree were young, i dont think u can find what ur looking 4 at such a young age
Yeah thats another thing. People's changes taste. And people develop.
Every looked back at an ex (even an old friend) and thought "man... what did I see in him/her?"?
We're still not even sure of exactly what we love.
Its awesome how blind love is.
Every looked back at an ex (even an old friend) and thought "man... what did I see in him/her?"?
We're still not even sure of exactly what we love.
Its awesome how blind love is.
I think blue bliss should be commended for double spacing his posts!
But yes, i do feel a deep relationship is far more meaningful and therefore desirable.
But yes, i do feel a deep relationship is far more meaningful and therefore desirable.
Blue Bliss
I'm hearing so many stories about people at uni falling in love. Then being really close and wanting to be in a deep relationship.
Everyone goes "oh my god, those two are perfect for each other" "those two are for life"
And then... BAM
Somehow they break up.
Everyone goes "oh my god, those two are perfect for each other" "those two are for life"
And then... BAM
Somehow they break up.
This situation happens in life, whether at uni or not, whether young or old. It's more likely at our age because we're growing and changing in all sorts of different directions, but I don't think it's just uni that splits people up more than any other factor. Perhaps you've heard so many stories because you're our age, and the people you know are our age.
It's always been my philosophy to follow my heart and what I feel, and that's why I'm in a serious relationship with someone who's living three hours away. To me, heartbreak is better than playing it safe and having a lifetime of "what could have been?"
If you're really in love, anything is worth it.
Well its true that it can happen at all age groups in any position in life. But this is obviously by far the most risky time...
I dont see what the problem is with staying close friends with the one you love. I dunno, I might ask her to be exclusive friends or something lol.
Its really the added responsibility that makes it harder. You havta call her every night, even if you REALLY can't. Then she gets worried (or maybe paranoid!). Issues about cheating can come up, each could interfere into each others lives. Its just so unstable.
I suppose it depends where you are. If you're willing to take the risk then I guess you should.
My saying is always "is it worth it?" (actually... most of the time its "whatever happens happens" what a contradiction)
Right now. I say no. Because this isn't the only chance I'll have to fall in love. Life lasts longer than just uni. Why jump the gun?
By the way, thanks to the guy who said double spacing is cool. I agree, it makes posts easier to read and more to the point. No bs.
That said. Love is a wonderful thing, I'd say its what makes life what it is, and you should grab and form of stable love you have and make it part of what makes you you. But the thing about love is that you end up depending on it. I love my friends, and I kinda depend on them to stay sane; I love writing, I use that a lot to vent; I love drawing, I use that to express my creative spirit; there are a lot of things I love. Depending on one single person... Is quite a large step.
I dont see what the problem is with staying close friends with the one you love. I dunno, I might ask her to be exclusive friends or something lol.
Its really the added responsibility that makes it harder. You havta call her every night, even if you REALLY can't. Then she gets worried (or maybe paranoid!). Issues about cheating can come up, each could interfere into each others lives. Its just so unstable.
I suppose it depends where you are. If you're willing to take the risk then I guess you should.
My saying is always "is it worth it?" (actually... most of the time its "whatever happens happens" what a contradiction)
Right now. I say no. Because this isn't the only chance I'll have to fall in love. Life lasts longer than just uni. Why jump the gun?
By the way, thanks to the guy who said double spacing is cool. I agree, it makes posts easier to read and more to the point. No bs.
That said. Love is a wonderful thing, I'd say its what makes life what it is, and you should grab and form of stable love you have and make it part of what makes you you. But the thing about love is that you end up depending on it. I love my friends, and I kinda depend on them to stay sane; I love writing, I use that a lot to vent; I love drawing, I use that to express my creative spirit; there are a lot of things I love. Depending on one single person... Is quite a large step.
i think it's silly to intend only to have a non-deep realtionship. i went out with my best friend for a bit, totally expected it be really serious and it only lasted 4 months- it just didn't work and both us were totally suprised by it. i then met a guy about 14 months ago, it was just meant to be a bit of fun until uni(he was going to lancaster in the september, i was going to dundee) but it ended up suddenly becoming much more serious than either of us expected; we both realised we couldn't jsut split up for uni cos 300 miles just didn't seem like a good enough reason...
the moral of the story: just go with the flow of relationships, they're hard to predict and may turn out better or worse than expected and there's only one way to find out
lou xxx
the moral of the story: just go with the flow of relationships, they're hard to predict and may turn out better or worse than expected and there's only one way to find out
lou xxx
I think any preconceived "plan of action" will only limit the possibilities. It's clichéd, I know, but life is completely unpredictable (in most senses) and that's what makes it so great. So, you should always be prepared to change and react to the situation at hand, because it will be different from what you guessed it would be like.
It doesn't make it "great". At least not all the time. Its true that surprises and twists can be good at times.
But sometimes the unpredictable nature of love can make life ridiculously difficult. Once harmony is reached, any change can just unbalance it.
At some point in time you may be put in a situation where you have to make a choice to decide the course of the future (do I tell her or dont I?). If the results can't be predicted... Then what is it all for? Whats the point?
Why bother working for a relationship at all then? Things dont always fall into place; if twists do happen, most of the time they just end up smashing things to pieces.
Nothing is ever definate, especially the dating game. But there are times when one single thing is definately for sure, and thats when you're truly in love with someone. A constant like that can influence the course of the future so heavily...
But sometimes the unpredictable nature of love can make life ridiculously difficult. Once harmony is reached, any change can just unbalance it.
At some point in time you may be put in a situation where you have to make a choice to decide the course of the future (do I tell her or dont I?). If the results can't be predicted... Then what is it all for? Whats the point?
Why bother working for a relationship at all then? Things dont always fall into place; if twists do happen, most of the time they just end up smashing things to pieces.
Nothing is ever definate, especially the dating game. But there are times when one single thing is definately for sure, and thats when you're truly in love with someone. A constant like that can influence the course of the future so heavily...
Blue Bliss
Nothing is ever definate, especially the dating game. But there are times when one single thing is definately for sure, and thats when you're truly in love with someone. A constant like that can influence the course of the future so heavily...
Nothing is ever definate, especially the dating game. But there are times when one single thing is definately for sure, and thats when you're truly in love with someone. A constant like that can influence the course of the future so heavily...
your duscussion of constants is flawed. In a temporal system a constant is paradoxical.
MB
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