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How to be more confident.
Hello,
I stumbled on TSR yesterday, and was impressed! So here I am, my first post ..
So my problem, I'm 19 and I've never had a relationship with a girl.
I'm not bad looking, cute face (eurgh
) and nice eyes - not my words 
but people also comment on how shy I am, perhaps a result of being the only child? Initially I find it difficult to talk to new girls that I meet, If I have known them for a while, FE, I can chat to them and feel comfortable. Such as last night, I was in the pub with friends and there was a girl I liked and my female friend told me that she liked me, but I couldn't think of anything to say without f***ing it up, consiquently my more confident friend got in there first 
if I had just spoke to her I would have got somewhere..
So I'm just stuck, If I'm always going to be like this I'm never going to get anywhere with women, it's a problem and I need a girlfriend.
Help?
I stumbled on TSR yesterday, and was impressed! So here I am, my first post ..
So my problem, I'm 19 and I've never had a relationship with a girl.
I'm not bad looking, cute face (eurgh
) and nice eyes - not my words but people also comment on how shy I am, perhaps a result of being the only child? Initially I find it difficult to talk to new girls that I meet, If I have known them for a while, FE, I can chat to them and feel comfortable. Such as last night, I was in the pub with friends and there was a girl I liked and my female friend told me that she liked me, but I couldn't think of anything to say without f***ing it up, consiquently my more confident friend got in there first if I had just spoke to her I would have got somewhere.. So I'm just stuck, If I'm always going to be like this I'm never going to get anywhere with women, it's a problem and I need a girlfriend.
Help?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 2
LonelyDogsBite
Hello,
I stumbled on TSR yesterday, and was impressed! So here I am, my first post ..
So my problem, I'm 19 and I've never had a relationship with a girl.
I'm not bad looking, cute face (eurgh ) and nice eyes - not my words but people also comment on how shy I am, perhaps a result of being the only child? Initially I find it difficult to talk to new girls that I meet, If I have known them for a while, FE, I can chat to them and feel comfortable. Such as last night, I was in the pub with friends and there was a girl I liked and my female friend told me that she liked me, but I couldn't think of anything to say without f***ing it up, consiquently my more confident friend got in there first if I had just spoke to her I would have got somewhere..
So I'm just stuck, If I'm always going to be like this I'm never going to get anywhere with women, it's a problem and I need a girlfriend.
Help?
I stumbled on TSR yesterday, and was impressed! So here I am, my first post ..
So my problem, I'm 19 and I've never had a relationship with a girl.
I'm not bad looking, cute face (eurgh
) and nice eyes - not my words but people also comment on how shy I am, perhaps a result of being the only child? Initially I find it difficult to talk to new girls that I meet, If I have known them for a while, FE, I can chat to them and feel comfortable. Such as last night, I was in the pub with friends and there was a girl I liked and my female friend told me that she liked me, but I couldn't think of anything to say without f***ing it up, consiquently my more confident friend got in there first if I had just spoke to her I would have got somewhere.. So I'm just stuck, If I'm always going to be like this I'm never going to get anywhere with women, it's a problem and I need a girlfriend.
Help?
Why do you need a girlfriend? Will you die if you don't have one?!
Sorry for the sarcasm 
I think confidence comes after a long time. Why don't you join something like a club or whatever so you can meet people with the same interests as you so at least you will have something in common with them?Reply 3
Hmm i think that aiming to get girls to like you in that way will always make you nervous so you dry up and don't know what to say. Whereas if you have the approach that it doesn't matter what they think of you and if they like you in whatever way that's great then you will find it alot easier to be yourself and talk to them
Reply 4
I have the same problem, and it's 10 times worse if you fancy someone, you completely freeze! The best thing I can think of is to just forget that the person in question is "A Girl You Like" and try and make a bit of chit chat. I'm sure you'd come across well as you sound like a nice guy. Failing that, trying drinking a few shots of tequila. Never fails.
(Joke!)
(Joke!)
Reply 5
louinwonderland
I have the same problem, and it's 10 times worse if you fancy someone, you completely freeze! The best thing I can think of is to just forget that the person in question is "A Girl You Like" and try and make a bit of chit chat. I'm sure you'd come across well as you sound like a nice guy. Failing that, trying drinking a few shots of tequila. Never fails.
(Joke!)
(Joke!)
Lol, i think what would come out of his mouth then may possibly be worse
Reply 6
Just be yourself and don't pretend to be anything else.
Welcome to the mad house BTW.
Welcome to the mad house BTW.
Reply 7
cindy
Just be yourself and don't pretend to be anything else.
Welcome to the mad house BTW.
Welcome to the mad house BTW.
Reply 8
Being so worried about what people might think that you don't say anything at all might make people who don't know you think you are aloof and not interested. Even if you're too scared to strike up a conversation, make eye contact with girls and make sure you smile, and then maybe they'll come and talk to you.
Reply 9
How to talk to pretty girls 101:
1. Do it
2. Do it again
3. Do it again
and so on, until it comes to the point that you aren't actually nervous because you do this all the time, and as if by magic you're casanova.
1. Do it
2. Do it again
3. Do it again
and so on, until it comes to the point that you aren't actually nervous because you do this all the time, and as if by magic you're casanova.
Reply 10
I don't think it's all about confidence, coz I could say I am a very confident person, and could go along and talk to anyone, but when it come to someone I like, I just lay back, might be some psychological reasons, well, this might not be your case, coz most girls wouldn't ask the guys out themselves (although some prefer), so it could be different. ooops, just remembered most boys think I am scary, don't know why really, coz I don't look that bad...maybe just my characteristic. If you really like that girl, then you will find a way though.
You do learn how to be confident with time, aspecially when you grow a bit elder, coz some situations would not allow you to be shy, unless you are desprate for a girlfriend.
You do learn how to be confident with time, aspecially when you grow a bit elder, coz some situations would not allow you to be shy, unless you are desprate for a girlfriend.
Reply 11
minniehahahaya
I don't think it's all about confidence, coz I could say I am a very confident person, and could go along and talk to anyone, but when it come to someone I like, I just lay back, might be some psychological reasons, well, this might not be your case, coz most girls wouldn't ask the guys out themselves (although some prefer), so it could be different. ooops, just remembered most boys think I am scary, don't know why really, coz I don't look that bad...maybe just my characteristic. If you really like that girl, then you will find a way though.
You do learn how to be confident with time, aspecially when you grow a bit elder, coz some situations would not allow you to be shy, unless you are desprate for a girlfriend.
You do learn how to be confident with time, aspecially when you grow a bit elder, coz some situations would not allow you to be shy, unless you are desprate for a girlfriend.
especially*
older*
Reply 12
If you have confidence in yourself with other tasks, such as school or sportings then it shall carry over to the ladies.
Wake up in the morning and say some encouraging things in the mirror before your day, surprising how this works (as silly as it sounds)
Wake up in the morning and say some encouraging things in the mirror before your day, surprising how this works (as silly as it sounds)
Awww lol you don't NEED a girlfriend. Hey you don't "need" woman at all - you can survive without them right? - lol don't get me wrong I'm a girl, but I don't "need" a boyfriend - I certainly want one, but I don't need a man.
Stop looking for a girl - she'll come when she comes, and whoever it is should like you for who you are. So if you're shy, the girl should accept that and shouldn't have a problem with it. Besides a good relationship builds on a good strong friendship first - so in a way, your shyness is good - cus it means you don't move too quickly. You get to know the person first - so if something happens, you have more assurance that it's right, and the relationship would be stronger anyway due to the friendship, cus of the trust and all. And save yourself from unnecessary heartaches that comes with moving too fast, which I did.
And yeh you're 19 - but hey I had my first and only relationship so far at 17 and I'm not ashamed of that. Going into it too young is unhealthy - cus they don't really know what it's about. My sister didn't start dating til she was at uni and now she and her boyfriend have been going for two and a half years I think - not at the marriage stage, but they're going strong from what I can tell! It's ok not to date early you know - just cus most people do it don't mean it's the right time for you. It's worse if you go into a relationship that was never meant for you, cus you end up getting hurt and it's not fun and it scars.
Stop looking for a girl - she'll come when she comes, and whoever it is should like you for who you are. So if you're shy, the girl should accept that and shouldn't have a problem with it. Besides a good relationship builds on a good strong friendship first - so in a way, your shyness is good - cus it means you don't move too quickly. You get to know the person first - so if something happens, you have more assurance that it's right, and the relationship would be stronger anyway due to the friendship, cus of the trust and all. And save yourself from unnecessary heartaches that comes with moving too fast, which I did.
And yeh you're 19 - but hey I had my first and only relationship so far at 17 and I'm not ashamed of that. Going into it too young is unhealthy - cus they don't really know what it's about. My sister didn't start dating til she was at uni and now she and her boyfriend have been going for two and a half years I think - not at the marriage stage, but they're going strong from what I can tell! It's ok not to date early you know - just cus most people do it don't mean it's the right time for you. It's worse if you go into a relationship that was never meant for you, cus you end up getting hurt and it's not fun and it scars.
Reply 15
u could just put on the confidence, fake it. Just think yeah ur the man etc, that u can do whatever. Think it, act it, and then maybe your confidence will grow because you'l be forcing urself to do it
Reply 16
rupz84
u could just put on the confidence, fake it. Just think yeah ur the man etc, that u can do whatever. Think it, act it, and then maybe your confidence will grow because you'l be forcing urself to do it
Pretend to be confident! It works. before I came 2 uni, i was really shy, and wondered if i'd ever make any friends, let alone fall in love. But in my first few weeks of uni, i made a concerted effort to be the confident girl, who talks to everyone, and doesn't just loiter in her room. after a while you become that person, to an extent. It WORKED amazingly well. i now have some very good friends, and an amazing boyfriend. although i am still shy at heart, i can put on the confidence thing if i need to.
If you ask me.. Mmmmm...
Dress confidently --> If you are confident of what you are wearing, chances are you are more likely to present yourself well
Feel confident --> prepare yourself by anticipating the event and analysing her moves and response and let yourself know that you have everything under control.
Carry yourself confidently --> If you can't feel confident.. yeah.. Pretend to be. Be firm in your words. Stop yourself from being tongue-tied. Don't murmur etc
Hope these helps :P
Dress confidently --> If you are confident of what you are wearing, chances are you are more likely to present yourself well
Feel confident --> prepare yourself by anticipating the event and analysing her moves and response and let yourself know that you have everything under control.
Carry yourself confidently --> If you can't feel confident.. yeah.. Pretend to be. Be firm in your words. Stop yourself from being tongue-tied. Don't murmur etc
Hope these helps :P
Reply 18
OK, but don't over-analyse the situation, that (almost) always leads to more bad than good.
I know how you feel... I'm absolutely terrible at talking to guys I don't know. But as someone said earlier, the best way is to treat everyone as a potential friend. That way you don't have the same worries about whether they fancy you or not, whether you are funny, whether they'd laugh in your face if you asked them out 
... AND, more often than not, you'll become really good friends with someone and then both realise that you want a relationship together.
In the end, you're not doing yourself justice if you don't make an effort to be yourself as much as possible. Confidence is a major issue for a lot of us, but as someone else said earlier, it's something you can portray without actually feeling it. Before you go out, look in the mirror and tell yourself how damn sexy you look, act that way all night, and other people will start to see it and believe it too. It works, trust me. Oh and good luck! x
... AND, more often than not, you'll become really good friends with someone and then both realise that you want a relationship together. In the end, you're not doing yourself justice if you don't make an effort to be yourself as much as possible. Confidence is a major issue for a lot of us, but as someone else said earlier, it's something you can portray without actually feeling it. Before you go out, look in the mirror and tell yourself how damn sexy you look, act that way all night, and other people will start to see it and believe it too. It works, trust me. Oh and good luck! x
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