This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Uc
- Advice for university preparation as a BTEC applied science student
- I urgently need to let out my room in shared student accomodation
- Should I get a car or stick to commuting for now?
- Studying Design Marketing (creative and cultural industries) at Kingston University
- 💫 Gap year revision journey 💫 by an ambitious but lazy person
- Foundation Degree in Computing (～￣▽￣)～ My Diary
- How long will it take me to get to grade 5 flute?
- Birkbeck student ages
- Giving up university / SFE repayment
- Speech and Language Therapy MSc
- A-level physics suggestions
- degree level apprenticeship options after doing BTEC nationals ?
- What's going on with this worksheet from MathsGenie?
- 5 Advanced highers
- University of Aberdeen vs Strathclyde for Computer Science
- imi's book diary 🎀
- Should I consider dropping out to pursue my business?
- *please help* :( Burnt Out Degree Apprentice - Mental Health Issues
- OMG not another Rippetoes blog!
Over 5 Months, Finished in 5 Seconds
Just yesterday I broke up with my g/f.
I knew her for over 2 years, and since the day I met her we always had a connection.
Anyway im going to cut a long story short, as im in allot of pain at the moment going through everything.
Since we started going out (December 2004), she was always scared of me getting hurt in this relationship as she had a very complicated life and yet I still didn’t care.
She lost her mum couple of years back, and in the currently family she would often feel neglected and hurt. She was able to open up to me and too be honest, I felt it was my responsibility to be there for her.
In just 6 months our relationship rapidly grew.
Each month she would have some issues, never regarding our relationship, and not once I would shout at her not hang up or be nasty in any direct or indirect way.
She also went through a stage of depression where she had to take medication, and on my b/day she wrote in my card 'if it wasn't for me she probably wouldn’t of got through it'.
I mean we never really had up and down regarding our own relationship as she would mainly be going through something in her own life.
I didn't mind 1 bit supporting her, she knew it was unfair to me and approached many times saying it aint right on you, but I felt if I abandoned her, she would have no body.
We was really close over these 6 months and I dunno if its love or not, but im hurting right now that iv'e lost my soul mate. She understood me so well and I understood her so well.
The reason for break up in the end was down to her brother finding out about us. Her brother is well protective and according to her, he would kill me.
So for my safety she’s ended the relationship and cause she don’t want her dad to find out as he would kill her.
It ended completely in just 5seconds.
She told me she cant be with me no more, to delete her email address's and phone numbers and just move on.
She's scared, hurt and dunno what else. I've given her what she wanted and there aint much I can do. I feel hurt and lost, and main reason is ive lost total contact with her (not even as a mate).
I knew her for over 2 years, and since the day I met her we always had a connection.
Anyway im going to cut a long story short, as im in allot of pain at the moment going through everything.
Since we started going out (December 2004), she was always scared of me getting hurt in this relationship as she had a very complicated life and yet I still didn’t care.
She lost her mum couple of years back, and in the currently family she would often feel neglected and hurt. She was able to open up to me and too be honest, I felt it was my responsibility to be there for her.
In just 6 months our relationship rapidly grew.
Each month she would have some issues, never regarding our relationship, and not once I would shout at her not hang up or be nasty in any direct or indirect way.
She also went through a stage of depression where she had to take medication, and on my b/day she wrote in my card 'if it wasn't for me she probably wouldn’t of got through it'.
I mean we never really had up and down regarding our own relationship as she would mainly be going through something in her own life.
I didn't mind 1 bit supporting her, she knew it was unfair to me and approached many times saying it aint right on you, but I felt if I abandoned her, she would have no body.
We was really close over these 6 months and I dunno if its love or not, but im hurting right now that iv'e lost my soul mate. She understood me so well and I understood her so well.
The reason for break up in the end was down to her brother finding out about us. Her brother is well protective and according to her, he would kill me.
So for my safety she’s ended the relationship and cause she don’t want her dad to find out as he would kill her.
It ended completely in just 5seconds.
She told me she cant be with me no more, to delete her email address's and phone numbers and just move on.
She's scared, hurt and dunno what else. I've given her what she wanted and there aint much I can do. I feel hurt and lost, and main reason is ive lost total contact with her (not even as a mate).
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Chill for a while, give her some time, then give her a call in a couple of days, nothing you can do about it now, and dont lower yourself to begging. Good Luck, and chill mate, we all go through this stage of thinking we have found our soulmates and it will last forever, but in the end you'll look back and realise it was all bull, however serious it was, your siutation is far from unique, be rational and chill!
Reply 2
tillgii
OP
I was gonna call her next week, but I cnat even do that.
She ahs asked me to forget her, and plus her bro has taken her phone.
I can move on, but I sitll want her as a friend, but the solutions im looking for not even she can give me.
She ahs asked me to forget her, and plus her bro has taken her phone.
I can move on, but I sitll want her as a friend, but the solutions im looking for not even she can give me.
Reply 3
Better off out of it, mate. Her family are clearly loons.
Hiya, can I just ask a few questions?
Firstly, how strongly do you feel about her? It's obvious that you really like her but are you willing to put yourself in danger for her?
Secondly, are you sure there's a relationship beneath the listening? I know I've thought I was really close to someone who's helped me through things and then, once they're solved, we find out we have nothing in common.
And finally, how old are you both? Will you be going to uni soon? Same place or seperate?
Sorry, I'm just trying to get a clear perspective on this
Firstly, how strongly do you feel about her? It's obvious that you really like her but are you willing to put yourself in danger for her?
Secondly, are you sure there's a relationship beneath the listening? I know I've thought I was really close to someone who's helped me through things and then, once they're solved, we find out we have nothing in common.
And finally, how old are you both? Will you be going to uni soon? Same place or seperate?
Sorry, I'm just trying to get a clear perspective on this
Reply 6
tillgii
OP
I feel Very strong about her.
I would myself in danger for her, but she is not willing to take that gamble (as from that shes putting herself in danger as well).
Yeah theres defo other stuff apart from listening. We talk about anything and everything. We even revise togetha over the phone.
Shes 18 and ive just turned 20.
She lives around 4 hours away from me, and were both at different Universities.
I would myself in danger for her, but she is not willing to take that gamble (as from that shes putting herself in danger as well).
Yeah theres defo other stuff apart from listening. We talk about anything and everything. We even revise togetha over the phone.
Shes 18 and ive just turned 20.
She lives around 4 hours away from me, and were both at different Universities.
OK, sounds like something worth fighting for then. You'll regret it if you don't.
Is it really impossible for you to keep it secret? (I know this isn't ideal, but in the short-term?)
Sorry, just one more question - are they expecting her to remain chaste for the rest of her life? Or is there something about you specifically that they'd disapprove of (I don't mean to be rude btw, just wondering if there's a religious/racial reason or something like that).
If I was you I'd give her a couple of days to think about the implications of what she's said, then offer to go and talk to her family or make her do it herself - if they love her that much they'll respect her opinions. At 18 she's old enough to make her own decisions about this, and they need to understand that she's capable of it - maybe if they meet you they'll soften a bit. But do it somewhere neutral (not in their house or anything).
Hope you sort it - keep us posted
skevvybritt x
Is it really impossible for you to keep it secret? (I know this isn't ideal, but in the short-term?)
Sorry, just one more question - are they expecting her to remain chaste for the rest of her life? Or is there something about you specifically that they'd disapprove of (I don't mean to be rude btw, just wondering if there's a religious/racial reason or something like that).
If I was you I'd give her a couple of days to think about the implications of what she's said, then offer to go and talk to her family or make her do it herself - if they love her that much they'll respect her opinions. At 18 she's old enough to make her own decisions about this, and they need to understand that she's capable of it - maybe if they meet you they'll soften a bit. But do it somewhere neutral (not in their house or anything).
Hope you sort it - keep us posted
skevvybritt x
Reply 8
tillgii
OP
well I can keep it a secret bu tshe obviously cannot as its open now. Your correct when you said racial/religious.
Her background and cultural ways has a major influence on our relationship.
Hence she so scared I guess.
You right ill give it till thursday and see if I can get through, not much I will be able to do if she dotn ansa my alls or anything though (brother might still have it).
Her background and cultural ways has a major influence on our relationship.
Hence she so scared I guess.
You right ill give it till thursday and see if I can get through, not much I will be able to do if she dotn ansa my alls or anything though (brother might still have it).
tillgii
well I can keep it a secret bu tshe obviously cannot as its open now. Your correct when you said racial/religious.
Her background and cultural ways has a major influence on our relationship.
Hence she so scared I guess.
You right ill give it till thursday and see if I can get through, not much I will be able to do if she dotn ansa my alls or anything though (brother might still have it).
Her background and cultural ways has a major influence on our relationship.
Hence she so scared I guess.
You right ill give it till thursday and see if I can get through, not much I will be able to do if she dotn ansa my alls or anything though (brother might still have it).
Hide your number before you call her, that way she wont know its you and will pick it up!!
Reply 11
tillgii
OP
Yeah she is a Muslim.
She's smarter then that, as she never answers private numbas.
Oh well ill try 1 final time on thursday.
Im preparing for nothing now and move on, but 1 final try so she and I both know I did try.
She's smarter then that, as she never answers private numbas.
Oh well ill try 1 final time on thursday.
Im preparing for nothing now and move on, but 1 final try so she and I both know I did try.
tillgii
Yeah she is a Muslim.
She's smarter then that, as she never answers private numbas.
Oh well ill try 1 final time on thursday.
Im preparing for nothing now and move on, but 1 final try so she and I both know I did try.
She's smarter then that, as she never answers private numbas.
Oh well ill try 1 final time on thursday.
Im preparing for nothing now and move on, but 1 final try so she and I both know I did try.
Good luck when any of her mates call her through private switchboards when they start working in offices. What a stupid thing to do, you can just hang up if you dont want to talk to them!!
tillgii
Yeah she is a Muslim.
She's smarter then that, as she never answers private numbas.
Oh well ill try 1 final time on thursday.
Im preparing for nothing now and move on, but 1 final try so she and I both know I did try.
She's smarter then that, as she never answers private numbas.
Oh well ill try 1 final time on thursday.
Im preparing for nothing now and move on, but 1 final try so she and I both know I did try.
Then I suggest you be very very careful. I know how dangerous these situations can be. I doubt there is a solution.
Reply 14
Adhsur
Then I suggest you be very very careful. I know how dangerous these situations can be. I doubt there is a solution.
true. im 20 in a few months and my parents still wont let me have a bf
i have to meet my bf down the road, and he cant drop me home or come round ever. he hasnt met my family. dono how she kept it going for so long!! i think my bf fgeels awkward.Reply 15
Im 19 and my dad still doesn't know I have a bf (ive been with him for over two years). Why can some parents be so overprotective? It's very annoying, but i'm used to lyin now...could say im a pro wen it comes to my dad. My mum and the rest of my family know about him tho...think it would be too awkward otherwise!
Hope you manage to get through to her, its sucks that her dad and brother are like that
Hope you manage to get through to her, its sucks that her dad and brother are like that
I have been out with girl who's father was muslim and for 2 years as well. Although we have now broken up, I can honestly say that if you love her then you know what to do. Ive always had this theory on life that if you love someone then you never give up on them, but you have to remember that she is in a bad position.
ALWAYS see it from her point of view, but be careful not to be taken for a mug so that your feelings and life are being controlled as well (as in extreme ways - e.g: getting super stressed out, etc). What I found was that if she has close friends, then they can cover for you when you see eachother. Although they reallllllllly have to be trusted or your in a lot of trouble!
I cant see why her brother has any say in it, to the point of its affecting you. Her dad, unfortunately - yes, I can see it from his point of view but thats just how it is.
TBH, with my previous relationship I honestly could not take it any more and had to call it a day. Its all down to you and how much you can take and do for this girl.
ALWAYS see it from her point of view, but be careful not to be taken for a mug so that your feelings and life are being controlled as well (as in extreme ways - e.g: getting super stressed out, etc). What I found was that if she has close friends, then they can cover for you when you see eachother. Although they reallllllllly have to be trusted or your in a lot of trouble!
I cant see why her brother has any say in it, to the point of its affecting you. Her dad, unfortunately - yes, I can see it from his point of view but thats just how it is.
TBH, with my previous relationship I honestly could not take it any more and had to call it a day. Its all down to you and how much you can take and do for this girl.
Reply 18
tillgii
OP
Right, it has been 4 days now.
I was able to speak to her online through a mates add on Monday and tell her I want to still be friends. She was like not now, in 2 weeks.
I have exams in the next 3 weeks and knowing I wouldn't chat to her not even one bit was doing my head in. So she gave me her work email add.
I emailed her and told her I need her as a friend, and then after my exams if she wished she can just leave me in the dark. She agreed to me making a new email and talking to her on msn. I spoke to her that evening and although we didn’t get into too much detail about the break up, I just told her I would never forget her and she said the same and then asked me to change the subject.
Then yesterday, I received a text after round 12pm from her, saying 'My bro has given my phone back'. Hence she wanted me to call her, so I did. There was quite allot of silence at first. Then we spoke, and I asked the whole situation about her brother. He goes her brother just protective and saying all guys want one thing, and although she tried to justify me to him, He just didn’t listen.
He actually made her come online that Saturday evening and watched her as she told me it was over. She’s mainly scared of what her bro will do to her and what would happen to her if her family found out.
In the evening (yesterday) I spoke to her again, and I told her who knows in the future we might be able to get back together, I mean some hope is better then no hope to live off. She then went off line all of a sudden, and texted me saying 'We might not be together or be able to see each other again, but you’ll always be in my heart'.
I only read that in the morning, so I ended up calling her and I didn’t know what to say and she seemed all friendly talking. She then goes I won’t be able to speak to you for the rest of today as im working and then when I get home ill be revising.
Its so hard to see how to approach her, I’m really glad were still friends. Less painful, as last 4 days has even made my health worse lol
I was able to speak to her online through a mates add on Monday and tell her I want to still be friends. She was like not now, in 2 weeks.
I have exams in the next 3 weeks and knowing I wouldn't chat to her not even one bit was doing my head in. So she gave me her work email add.
I emailed her and told her I need her as a friend, and then after my exams if she wished she can just leave me in the dark. She agreed to me making a new email and talking to her on msn. I spoke to her that evening and although we didn’t get into too much detail about the break up, I just told her I would never forget her and she said the same and then asked me to change the subject.
Then yesterday, I received a text after round 12pm from her, saying 'My bro has given my phone back'. Hence she wanted me to call her, so I did. There was quite allot of silence at first. Then we spoke, and I asked the whole situation about her brother. He goes her brother just protective and saying all guys want one thing, and although she tried to justify me to him, He just didn’t listen.
He actually made her come online that Saturday evening and watched her as she told me it was over. She’s mainly scared of what her bro will do to her and what would happen to her if her family found out.
In the evening (yesterday) I spoke to her again, and I told her who knows in the future we might be able to get back together, I mean some hope is better then no hope to live off. She then went off line all of a sudden, and texted me saying 'We might not be together or be able to see each other again, but you’ll always be in my heart'.
I only read that in the morning, so I ended up calling her and I didn’t know what to say and she seemed all friendly talking. She then goes I won’t be able to speak to you for the rest of today as im working and then when I get home ill be revising.
Its so hard to see how to approach her, I’m really glad were still friends. Less painful, as last 4 days has even made my health worse lol
You sound like you've done everything u can for her, so as long as she finds some of way of not being bullied by her family then in time she will come back to you when she realises what she's thrown away.
I realy think you need to allow her time though to sort out her family problems, although im a bit worried her life is dictated by her family. All you can do is be there for her if she lets you, but if not i think youre gonna have to move on.
I hope in time you two will be able to be together, after all once she moves away from home her dad cant carry on dictating her life.
I realy think you need to allow her time though to sort out her family problems, although im a bit worried her life is dictated by her family. All you can do is be there for her if she lets you, but if not i think youre gonna have to move on.
I hope in time you two will be able to be together, after all once she moves away from home her dad cant carry on dictating her life.
Related discussions
- Uc
- Advice for university preparation as a BTEC applied science student
- I urgently need to let out my room in shared student accomodation
- Should I get a car or stick to commuting for now?
- Studying Design Marketing (creative and cultural industries) at Kingston University
- 💫 Gap year revision journey 💫 by an ambitious but lazy person
- Foundation Degree in Computing (～￣▽￣)～ My Diary
- How long will it take me to get to grade 5 flute?
- Birkbeck student ages
- Giving up university / SFE repayment
- Speech and Language Therapy MSc
- A-level physics suggestions
- degree level apprenticeship options after doing BTEC nationals ?
- What's going on with this worksheet from MathsGenie?
- 5 Advanced highers
- University of Aberdeen vs Strathclyde for Computer Science
- imi's book diary 🎀
- Should I consider dropping out to pursue my business?
- *please help* :( Burnt Out Degree Apprentice - Mental Health Issues
- OMG not another Rippetoes blog!
Latest
Trending
Last reply 2 months ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 2 months ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 3 months ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
