The Student Room Group

Confused!

I've been with this boy for a week or so but am now really confused on what to do because I feel like the age difference is difficult. It is difficult because he wants to be in a long-term relationship but I'm not sure whether I want that at the moment. One night when I spoke to him, I actually felt sick to my stomach talking to him so I felt quite bad. He is so nice probably the nicest person I have ever met and is caring and loving. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I'm messing him about as I have said to him before that I felt confused about us. He keeps saying he loves me but I'm don't know what to do.
Can anybody give opinons of what they think I should do?
Thanks.
The question on everybody's lips: what is the age difference?
Sorry I thought I said. Ummm..... he is 19 and I am 14.
That's a big difference. I don't think you two will be able to properly understand each other. I am 19 years old now, and I find that anyone younger than 18 finds it hard to understand all my problems and how I feel etc. My advice would be to trust your intuition, and let this one go.
I think I might. I'm just really confused.
Reply 5
princessbabyboo
I've been with this boy for a week or so but am now really confused on what to do because I feel like the age difference is difficult. It is difficult because he wants to be in a long-term relationship but I'm not sure whether I want that at the moment. One night when I spoke to him, I actually felt sick to my stomach talking to him so I felt quite bad. He is so nice probably the nicest person I have ever met and is caring and loving. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I'm messing him about as I have said to him before that I felt confused about us. He keeps saying he loves me but I'm don't know what to do.
Can anybody give opinons of what they think I should do?
Thanks.

Even though that is a bit of a big gap, you can make it work :smile: I think you should talk to him about this long-term relationship thing and how you feel about each other. If you're not sure if a long-term relationship is what you want, tell him that. You could always take it a step at a time.
Thanx. It's just hard. I might just say I can't do this cos I don't think I can. He is sweet and everything but I duno.
Reply 7
If you're having this many doubts - the answer is, end it now before you end up hurting him. Otherwise you'll end up stringing him along, making yourself miserable in the process. Feeling sick to the stomach is not a positive sign fr your thoughts about having a relationship with this guy, regardless of the age gap.
Reply 8
I agree, If you seriously dont think it can work, then its better for both yuor sakes if you end it. If he wants along term relationship, and you knbow you cant give him it then it will be better for him in the longrun. Age is in many ways just a state of mind, It can bring up barriers but I think end of the day, if its right then eho cares about numbers.
He said he loved you after a week.. quite quick huh?
Reply 9
He's 19 and your only 14...I may be wrong about this relationship, but I think ive heard this story too many times....
aye like, sounds likes hes after sex like, especially with the "i love you" after a week like.

At 14, feck, i didn't even know what was going on in the world.
Reply 11
Yeah, i think you've answered your own question... if you're this unsure now and feeling sick to the stomach probably means something's wrong. 14 and 19 although 5 years doesn't sound like much, when you're this young you're at totally different points in your life, you've not even finished school, he's able to move out, go to uni, get his own place etc... doesn't sound like the best basis for long term. technically you're still a child, i didn't know what i was doing at 14.. i don't mean to sound patronising but most 19 year old males i know are after one thing...
Reply 12
how obvious is it that he wants the sex. a 19yr old who goes out with any girl is almost always after sex, when the girls 14, there is no doubt.
Reply 13
There's nothing wrong with a five year age gap, but at a point where it straddles the age of consent there is a slight extra consideration.

Firstly: sex. Keep in mind, it's two years before you can legally engage in such activities. To expect him to wait until 21 without putting any kind of pressure on you seems like an issue waiting to happen.

Secondly: different general perceptions of life. I don't know about you, but I did about 75% of my growing up between 16 and 17. I would find it hard (no offence intended), to take a 14 year old seriously - especially in the context of a meaningful relationship.

Thirdly: he's told you he loves you after a week. It seems to me (as a somewhat detached bystander) that he's trying to build up your trust. I have horrible visions of him pressurising you to do things you perhaps aren't fully willing using the justification that "you'll do it if you love me".

That said, I don't know the guy. He might be lovely.
I would let this one go, personally. I'm 19 and have fallen for a 24 year old, and even there, the age gap is a slight issue. At 14 and 19, the age gap is just TOO big. None of my friends would even dream of going out with a 14 year old. Sorry, but it's the truth.