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girl help
hey guys, this would be my first post but i've been reading here for over a month now. e-lurking eh haha!
anyway, i'm looking for some opinions so i'll tell the story. i've been dating this girl for about a month and a half now. she's single but had split up with a guy she dated for over 2 1/2 years just 4 months ago. anyway, we've been out on like 4 dates and on the 3rd one the wine got the better of me and i asked her something i'd been wanting to for a while. i wanted to know what was going on between us and where this dating lark was going. i felt kinda bad just blurting it out like that as it didn't give her much time to answer. anyway, we met up again the following weekend and spoke about it a bit more. she said she's content with her single life and isn't ready to commit to anything, which i understand. The thing is, I don't know what to do now. I really like her but at the same time I feel like i'm going to end up hurting myself.
However, that was two weeks ago and since then I've been considering trying to hook up with other girls. I got a message from her over the weekend and I'd really like to hang out with her again soon. Do you think I should tell her that I am thinking about seeing other girls? Any feedback is appreciated, thanks for reading.
anyway, i'm looking for some opinions so i'll tell the story. i've been dating this girl for about a month and a half now. she's single but had split up with a guy she dated for over 2 1/2 years just 4 months ago. anyway, we've been out on like 4 dates and on the 3rd one the wine got the better of me and i asked her something i'd been wanting to for a while. i wanted to know what was going on between us and where this dating lark was going. i felt kinda bad just blurting it out like that as it didn't give her much time to answer. anyway, we met up again the following weekend and spoke about it a bit more. she said she's content with her single life and isn't ready to commit to anything, which i understand. The thing is, I don't know what to do now. I really like her but at the same time I feel like i'm going to end up hurting myself.
However, that was two weeks ago and since then I've been considering trying to hook up with other girls. I got a message from her over the weekend and I'd really like to hang out with her again soon. Do you think I should tell her that I am thinking about seeing other girls? Any feedback is appreciated, thanks for reading.
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Reply 1
If you're over her, tell her about the other girls. That will draw the line in your relationship. If you're still hoping to get her, don't tell her - girls are jealous creatures.
Reply 2
how do you mean, draw the line? i'm most definetely not over her, as wet as it sounds most mornings i wake up thinking about her. i think i'm looking at other girls because i know i can't have the one i want.
Reply 3
dexterity
If you're over her, tell her about the other girls. That will draw the line in your relationship. If you're still hoping to get her, don't tell her - girls are jealous creatures.
Agreed.
Don't let your feelings for her stop you from going after other girls.
I think the most important thing is to make your decision and stick by it.
If u REALLY are okay not chasing her, and ur over her then id say tell her about the other girls. I agree with DEX, that would draw the line.
You should knw best whether there is a good chance being with this girl. If the answer is no then theres nothing u can really do, and its best to cut ur losses and go.. cos if u keep chasing with no hope in sight 1. ull care more 2. itll hurt more.
If u REALLY are okay not chasing her, and ur over her then id say tell her about the other girls. I agree with DEX, that would draw the line.
You should knw best whether there is a good chance being with this girl. If the answer is no then theres nothing u can really do, and its best to cut ur losses and go.. cos if u keep chasing with no hope in sight 1. ull care more 2. itll hurt more.
Reply 5
its my feelings for her that are making me go after other girls though. what do you both mean about the jealousy?
Reply 7
Wings_cp
I think the most important thing is to make your decision and stick by it.
If u REALLY are okay not chasing her, and ur over her then id say tell her about the other girls. I agree with DEX, that would draw the line.
You should knw best whether there is a good chance being with this girl. If the answer is no then theres nothing u can really do, and its best to cut ur losses and go.. cos if u keep chasing with no hope in sight 1. ull care more 2. itll hurt more.
If u REALLY are okay not chasing her, and ur over her then id say tell her about the other girls. I agree with DEX, that would draw the line.
You should knw best whether there is a good chance being with this girl. If the answer is no then theres nothing u can really do, and its best to cut ur losses and go.. cos if u keep chasing with no hope in sight 1. ull care more 2. itll hurt more.
thats the thing. i tried not chasing her but as soon as i here from her, i want to see her again. from speaking to her, i get the impression she quite likes me too. unfortunate case of bad timing! you're right though about the chasing though, i'm finding it difficult not to think about this. I need to come to some sort of resolution.
Reply 8
assuming you guys were in this situation, would you not feel bad dating other girls?
Reply 9
I wouldn't feel bad about dating other girls. It's okay if you're not already attached.
Isn't it?
Isn't it?
Reply 10
i guess so, i just can't help feeling a bit of a bugger about it.
Reply 11
davesmate
i guess so, i just can't help feeling a bit of a bugger about it.
Wow you must REALLY like this girl!!
Let me guess, ur feeling Frustrated, possibly slightly angry but at the same time u still care alot and u would like to cling onto that slither of hope.
Heres the thing, u cant confront her with it again since she made it clear, so that slither of hope kinda lies in the far future when her situation changes, at present its clear what she wants. U mite want to be angry, maybe not directly at her but just due to frustration, but u know.. we all feel like that at times, so ur just gonna have to accept being frustrated (its crap, i really REALLY do know, but its the only decent way). If u keep analysing all this, its gonna get to u mate, its gonna eat u up. Sounds pathetic and sad, but its true. So theres no point in thinking about it. The more it seems like theres no hope, the more u may (MAY) think u REALLY need her (i guess ur either there or boarder line if ur thinking about her day and nite as uve said). Just dont think.
The best advice i reckon any one can give u since things with her are closed is just Let it all go. Dont think about her, dont think about what happened, dont think about the future. Be happy in other ways, remember all the good things in ur life and remind urself that u dont need her to be happy. There will be others. Also, if ur like me and believe in soul mates.. sappy but hey watever.. if she doesnt feel the same as u, then shes not the right one.
Just get it all out ur mind mate.
Any help?
Heres the thing, u cant confront her with it again since she made it clear, so that slither of hope kinda lies in the far future when her situation changes, at present its clear what she wants. U mite want to be angry, maybe not directly at her but just due to frustration, but u know.. we all feel like that at times, so ur just gonna have to accept being frustrated (its crap, i really REALLY do know, but its the only decent way). If u keep analysing all this, its gonna get to u mate, its gonna eat u up. Sounds pathetic and sad, but its true. So theres no point in thinking about it. The more it seems like theres no hope, the more u may (MAY) think u REALLY need her (i guess ur either there or boarder line if ur thinking about her day and nite as uve said). Just dont think.
The best advice i reckon any one can give u since things with her are closed is just Let it all go. Dont think about her, dont think about what happened, dont think about the future. Be happy in other ways, remember all the good things in ur life and remind urself that u dont need her to be happy. There will be others. Also, if ur like me and believe in soul mates.. sappy but hey watever.. if she doesnt feel the same as u, then shes not the right one.
Just get it all out ur mind mate.
Any help?
Reply 14
Yeah, she's already made it clear that she doesn't like you in that way. This means that for now, you have literally no hope of getting a stable relationship with her. Of course, she might be lying. Or maybe we'll see pigs with wings populate the skies tomorrow. The more you think about things like this the harder you'll make it for yourself.
My advice is to listen to what she said, which is that she likes her single status. She might sound like she likes you, but that means nothing when she's specifically told you she'd rather remain single.
As for dating other girls, I wouldn't feel the need to do this, and if you still have feelings for the girl, then other girls won't necessarily help. You've got to make it clear for yourself, in your own head, that there is no hope, and as wings says, this may well be frustrating, and in fact not the conclusion you want, but once that's sorted, you won't feel guilty looking to date other girls etc.
My advice is to listen to what she said, which is that she likes her single status. She might sound like she likes you, but that means nothing when she's specifically told you she'd rather remain single.
As for dating other girls, I wouldn't feel the need to do this, and if you still have feelings for the girl, then other girls won't necessarily help. You've got to make it clear for yourself, in your own head, that there is no hope, and as wings says, this may well be frustrating, and in fact not the conclusion you want, but once that's sorted, you won't feel guilty looking to date other girls etc.
Reply 15
Wings_cp
Let me guess, ur feeling Frustrated, possibly slightly angry but at the same time u still care alot and u would like to cling onto that slither of hope.
Heres the thing, u cant confront her with it again since she made it clear, so that slither of hope kinda lies in the far future when her situation changes, at present its clear what she wants. U mite want to be angry, maybe not directly at her but just due to frustration, but u know.. we all feel like that at times, so ur just gonna have to accept being frustrated (its crap, i really REALLY do know, but its the only decent way). If u keep analysing all this, its gonna get to u mate, its gonna eat u up. Sounds pathetic and sad, but its true. So theres no point in thinking about it. The more it seems like theres no hope, the more u may (MAY) think u REALLY need her (i guess ur either there or boarder line if ur thinking about her day and nite as uve said). Just dont think.
The best advice i reckon any one can give u since things with her are closed is just Let it all go. Dont think about her, dont think about what happened, dont think about the future. Be happy in other ways, remember all the good things in ur life and remind urself that u dont need her to be happy. There will be others. Also, if ur like me and believe in soul mates.. sappy but hey watever.. if she doesnt feel the same as u, then shes not the right one.
Just get it all out ur mind mate.
Any help?
Heres the thing, u cant confront her with it again since she made it clear, so that slither of hope kinda lies in the far future when her situation changes, at present its clear what she wants. U mite want to be angry, maybe not directly at her but just due to frustration, but u know.. we all feel like that at times, so ur just gonna have to accept being frustrated (its crap, i really REALLY do know, but its the only decent way). If u keep analysing all this, its gonna get to u mate, its gonna eat u up. Sounds pathetic and sad, but its true. So theres no point in thinking about it. The more it seems like theres no hope, the more u may (MAY) think u REALLY need her (i guess ur either there or boarder line if ur thinking about her day and nite as uve said). Just dont think.
The best advice i reckon any one can give u since things with her are closed is just Let it all go. Dont think about her, dont think about what happened, dont think about the future. Be happy in other ways, remember all the good things in ur life and remind urself that u dont need her to be happy. There will be others. Also, if ur like me and believe in soul mates.. sappy but hey watever.. if she doesnt feel the same as u, then shes not the right one.
Just get it all out ur mind mate.
Any help?
that was real good Wings cp, thank you.
i don't feel angry, however i'm kinda sick of running it all through my mind and getting no closer to resolving the matter. You're right man, i can't bring it up again because i've already been told how she feels. and you're right about the slither of hope (lol), i am holding out in the hope that maybe she changes her mind and decides she wants to be with me. i'm sure she would understand that thats not a great position for me to be in. however, with all this in mind, should i just stop contacting her, stop chasing her. if so, should i meet up with her if she asks, because i definetely would want to but again, maybe doing so is only going to make it harder for myself in the long run.
Reply 16
davesmate
that was real good Wings cp, thank you.
i don't feel angry, however i'm kinda sick of running it all through my mind and getting no closer to resolving the matter. You're right man, i can't bring it up again because i've already been told how she feels. and you're right about the slither of hope (lol), i am holding out in the hope that maybe she changes her mind and decides she wants to be with me. i'm sure she would understand that thats not a great position for me to be in. however, with all this in mind, should i just stop contacting her, stop chasing her. if so, should i meet up with her if she asks, because i definetely would want to but again, maybe doing so is only going to make it harder for myself in the long run.
i don't feel angry, however i'm kinda sick of running it all through my mind and getting no closer to resolving the matter. You're right man, i can't bring it up again because i've already been told how she feels. and you're right about the slither of hope (lol), i am holding out in the hope that maybe she changes her mind and decides she wants to be with me. i'm sure she would understand that thats not a great position for me to be in. however, with all this in mind, should i just stop contacting her, stop chasing her. if so, should i meet up with her if she asks, because i definetely would want to but again, maybe doing so is only going to make it harder for myself in the long run.
I would recommend at least a week or two of no contact while you sort your head out, and if she asks to see you, just tell her you can't, you've got some problems to sort out and things like that.
It is important to get rid of that "slither of hope" because as long as that's there, you'll always be hoping to get with her. But once it's gone, you'll realise that because of the situation, you had no hope anyway.
If after 1-2 weeks the slither of hope is still there, give it more time.
Reply 17
i guess that is just it eh, as long as i can accept that nothing more than what already is will happen then everything is ok. i think i'm gonna try and meet up with these other lasses, regardless of what you guys reckon i'm sure it'll help take my mind off her. thanks
Heres where you really gonna have to make a choice and stick by it.
On the one hand u could stay friends and see her now and again, but it WILL obviously crush you should for instance she shows interest in another guy, im not saying this will happen but its an example. Also ur probably gonna like her more, and all the horrible emotions u feel now, its gonna get worse as ur feelings towards her get stronger. I could never be in a situtaion like this and i havent managed to despite my best intentions of being nice, becos it would drive me and it has DRIVEN me crazy, because i guess when I care so much much about a person, in this situation i would just analyse EVERYTHING and read hope whereever possible and it would drive me insane. I dont think a friendship can ever work out if one person in the friendship isnt satisfied.. cos ull just get angry, more confused, resentful and it will hurt more.
The other way is what seems to work out best, let it go. dont contact her, if she wants to meet up, meet up now and again, but dont read into anything and dont get too close, she should understand.. if not What does she want from you? Enjoy the time u spend but dont think about it before or after. If anything, check up on her now and again just to see if shes alrite.. cos obv u care.
You dont need me to tell u that eventually ur feelings will fade, sometimes far quicker than ud expect. Once they go i reckon that would be the perfect time to be real friends, happy with nothing more, hoping for nothing more. If u get close to her too soon, its gonna hurt. Obv u know, but im still gonna say it.
Also, dont think.. im gonna stay friends with her in case one day she'll change her mind. 99/100 they never do. If i were you, do whatever it takes to get ur mind clear of her. As ive said, once uve done that and it doesnt hurt anymore, there may be other options like friendship.. the most important thing is to stop feeling like u do now though.
On the one hand u could stay friends and see her now and again, but it WILL obviously crush you should for instance she shows interest in another guy, im not saying this will happen but its an example. Also ur probably gonna like her more, and all the horrible emotions u feel now, its gonna get worse as ur feelings towards her get stronger. I could never be in a situtaion like this and i havent managed to despite my best intentions of being nice, becos it would drive me and it has DRIVEN me crazy, because i guess when I care so much much about a person, in this situation i would just analyse EVERYTHING and read hope whereever possible and it would drive me insane. I dont think a friendship can ever work out if one person in the friendship isnt satisfied.. cos ull just get angry, more confused, resentful and it will hurt more.
The other way is what seems to work out best, let it go. dont contact her, if she wants to meet up, meet up now and again, but dont read into anything and dont get too close, she should understand.. if not What does she want from you? Enjoy the time u spend but dont think about it before or after. If anything, check up on her now and again just to see if shes alrite.. cos obv u care.
You dont need me to tell u that eventually ur feelings will fade, sometimes far quicker than ud expect. Once they go i reckon that would be the perfect time to be real friends, happy with nothing more, hoping for nothing more. If u get close to her too soon, its gonna hurt. Obv u know, but im still gonna say it.
Also, dont think.. im gonna stay friends with her in case one day she'll change her mind. 99/100 they never do. If i were you, do whatever it takes to get ur mind clear of her. As ive said, once uve done that and it doesnt hurt anymore, there may be other options like friendship.. the most important thing is to stop feeling like u do now though.
Reply 19
Wings_cp
Heres where you really gonna have to make a choice and stick by it.
On the one hand u could stay friends and see her now and again, but it WILL obviously crush you should for instance she shows interest in another guy, im not saying this will happen but its an example. Also ur probably gonna like her more, and all the horrible emotions u feel now, its gonna get worse as ur feelings towards her get stronger. I could never be in a situtaion like this and i havent managed to despite my best intentions of being nice, becos it would drive me and it has DRIVEN me crazy, because i guess when I care so much much about a person, in this situation i would just analyse EVERYTHING and read hope whereever possible and it would drive me insane. I dont think a friendship can ever work out if one person in the friendship isnt satisfied.. cos ull just get angry, more confused, resentful and it will hurt more.
The other way is what seems to work out best, let it go. dont contact her, if she wants to meet up, meet up now and again, but dont read into anything and dont get too close, she should understand.. if not What does she want from you? Enjoy the time u spend but dont think about it before or after. If anything, check up on her now and again just to see if shes alrite.. cos obv u care.
You dont need me to tell u that eventually ur feelings will fade, sometimes far quicker than ud expect. Once they go i reckon that would be the perfect time to be real friends, happy with nothing more, hoping for nothing more. If u get close to her too soon, its gonna hurt. Obv u know, but im still gonna say it.
Also, dont think.. im gonna stay friends with her in case one day she'll change her mind. 99/100 they never do. If i were you, do whatever it takes to get ur mind clear of her. As ive said, once uve done that and it doesnt hurt anymore, there may be other options like friendship.. the most important thing is to stop feeling like u do now though.
On the one hand u could stay friends and see her now and again, but it WILL obviously crush you should for instance she shows interest in another guy, im not saying this will happen but its an example. Also ur probably gonna like her more, and all the horrible emotions u feel now, its gonna get worse as ur feelings towards her get stronger. I could never be in a situtaion like this and i havent managed to despite my best intentions of being nice, becos it would drive me and it has DRIVEN me crazy, because i guess when I care so much much about a person, in this situation i would just analyse EVERYTHING and read hope whereever possible and it would drive me insane. I dont think a friendship can ever work out if one person in the friendship isnt satisfied.. cos ull just get angry, more confused, resentful and it will hurt more.
The other way is what seems to work out best, let it go. dont contact her, if she wants to meet up, meet up now and again, but dont read into anything and dont get too close, she should understand.. if not What does she want from you? Enjoy the time u spend but dont think about it before or after. If anything, check up on her now and again just to see if shes alrite.. cos obv u care.
You dont need me to tell u that eventually ur feelings will fade, sometimes far quicker than ud expect. Once they go i reckon that would be the perfect time to be real friends, happy with nothing more, hoping for nothing more. If u get close to her too soon, its gonna hurt. Obv u know, but im still gonna say it.
Also, dont think.. im gonna stay friends with her in case one day she'll change her mind. 99/100 they never do. If i were you, do whatever it takes to get ur mind clear of her. As ive said, once uve done that and it doesnt hurt anymore, there may be other options like friendship.. the most important thing is to stop feeling like u do now though.
Cool, thanks Wings CP, thats what i'm gonna do i think. i'll just leave it until i don't feel like this anymore. as simple as you've made it sound, there are still a lot of complications for me. i'd like to know how she is, i'd like to hang out with her but it's obviously not a good idea. nae mind!
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