The Student Room Group

My friends mean a lot more to me than I to them

Does anyone else have this problem? Im a 20 year old male and im completely and utterly miserable and have mentioned this a couple of times in various places. One of my worst issues i now have is ive actually told people but they dont seem to give a ****. These people are my friends. I broke down in tears once and it all came out while i was round at friends. Noone ever mentioned it afterwards from that group and they have been distant since. Another friend i told and it all seemed to be not serious to him. Similarly i told a female friend who does seem to care and has helped a lot, but despite efforts to see her over the last year she has always been too "busy" to see me. Used to see each other as we lived close (close as in minutes away, not much further now tho). I worry so much if anything bad happens to anyone i care about and i feel if someone said the same things to me i'd do all i could to help. Its so clear how little i mean to people it gets me so down. I feel like noone actually gives a dam about me really and therefore it was a mistake in saying anything in the first place. I really dont know what to do with myself anymore. I built myself up so much to be able to tell people and for what? Just like every time ive built myself up to ask a girl out or something just to get crushed again? Ive resorted to this thread as i cant talk my so called friends about this and not sure what im expecting. Any ideas?

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I have the same problem with my "best" friend.. well she used to be, now she's got her bf, I seem to be non existent and I see her about once a year, she doesn't seem to care either, I know I do, and still miss all the memories and stuff.
I think the best thing to do is have a face to face chat.. if at all possible, which it probably isnt, sorry i couldn't be any help, but your not alone!
Reply 2
Ive tried so much to get one of the 2 i mentioned to come round so we can chat or just go to the pub or something but no luck. Recently something happened to my female friend (very bad) and it worried me so much. But ive not been able to see her or do anything, however small to help though i know she has her real friends surrounding her and helping her through it. It hits home just how little i mean to her.
Tbh friends come and go throughout life. The friends I had ten years ago aren't the friends I have today and the friends I have today most probably won't be the friends I have in 10 years.

It's not that I don't plan on sustaining the relationships it's just the way life goes. The only person who will remain constant in your life is you so take care of yourself more. Don't get too caught up in other people because they will come and go.
OP I feel so sorry for you! :frown: Thats really sad and hard to understand why they would be like that. Especially as you broke down in front of them, they must see that for a guy thats a tough and quite drastic thing, and that you needed them to help you out (like proper friends should):mad:. Have they always been like this to you? Isnt there at least a couple of them that call on you?
With all this, you still care about them and are concered for them, thats sweet but I would advise you to have a bit more... pride in yourself? They clearly dont value your friendship, and are'nt putting anything into it. Figure out who in your life really does care about you, and spend more time with them for now, to lift your morale, and build your self-worth. If your feeling low and a bit **** about all this, you wont come across as a great person to be around, im afraid. So if you work on making yourself feel better for now, Im sure new people will come into your life sooner or later who will make you feel good about yourself and mean as much to you as you do to them.
Hope ive helped, chin up OP! :biggrin: xx
Anonymous
Does anyone else have this problem?

Yes. :smile:
Reply 6
Sometimes it's difficult for friends to know how to react to things like that, maybe you should go and see and GP about feeling miserable. I mean, you always hope that you can depend on friends for a bit of comfort and support, but maybe not so much on actual answers and advice, that's much more difficult for most people.
Anonymous
I have the same problem with my "best" friend.. well she used to be, now she's got her bf, I seem to be non existent and I see her about once a year, she doesn't seem to care either, I know I do, and still miss all the memories and stuff.
I think the best thing to do is have a face to face chat.. if at all possible, which it probably isnt, sorry i couldn't be any help, but your not alone!



I have this with my 'best' male friend. Since he got his gf its like I dont exist. He used to phone me all the time, we'd go out with friends, hed ask my advice about stuff...its sad, but he doesnt seem to even notice or care! :frown:


definitely not alone OP
Reply 8
Thanks for your replies, especially milesofsea and others, not so much insanetothebrain... I can see they are nice people. Ive seen people travel the length of the country to see each other when theyve needed them. I couldnt get my "friends" to travel a few miles to come out for my birthday the last 2 years. This is despite the last time 2 of them knowing how bad i was. Only when i said i wasnt doing anything did the guy feel guilty and offer to come out but it was too late (so there was no good reason for him not too in first place). Last night i spent hours thinking about what im going to do this time for my 21st and have been seriously considering coming to my uni accommodation from home and pretending to my fam that im going on a night out.
Anonymous
Does anyone else have this problem? Im a 20 year old male and im completely and utterly miserable and have mentioned this a couple of times in various places. One of my worst issues i now have is ive actually told people but they dont seem to give a ****. These people are my friends. I broke down in tears once and it all came out while i was round at friends. Noone ever mentioned it afterwards from that group and they have been distant since. Another friend i told and it all seemed to be not serious to him. Similarly i told a female friend who does seem to care and has helped a lot, but despite efforts to see her over the last year she has always been too "busy" to see me. Used to see each other as we lived close (close as in minutes away, not much further now tho). I worry so much if anything bad happens to anyone i care about and i feel if someone said the same things to me i'd do all i could to help. Its so clear how little i mean to people it gets me so down. I feel like noone actually gives a dam about me really and therefore it was a mistake in saying anything in the first place. I really dont know what to do with myself anymore. I built myself up so much to be able to tell people and for what? Just like every time ive built myself up to ask a girl out or something just to get crushed again? Ive resorted to this thread as i cant talk my so called friends about this and not sure what im expecting. Any ideas?



iv the same problem, none of my friends seem to care, i never hear from any1 unless i call them. iv jus resigned myself to being alone:frown:
somethingbeautiful
Tbh friends come and go throughout life. The friends I had ten years ago aren't the friends I have today and the friends I have today most probably won't be the friends I have in 10 years.

It's not that I don't plan on sustaining the relationships it's just the way life goes. The only person who will remain constant in your life is you so take care of yourself more. Don't get too caught up in other people because they will come and go.


wsh i had ur motivation...ur so ryt!
bookaddict17
iv the same problem, none of my friends seem to care, i never hear from any1 unless i call them. iv jus resigned myself to being alone:frown:


Ditto. I'm often on my own too, I go shopping on my own most of the time as my so called friends have no time for me unless I have something they want.

But tbh like my mum has said, you were born into this world on your own, there is nothing wrong with being on your own and looking after number 1! . . . (which I can see what she means . . .)
DancinBallerina
Ditto. I'm often on my own too, I go shopping on my own most of the time as my so called friends have no time for me unless I have something they want.


*HUG* fellow comrade
it took me months to realise i just have to accept it. now im taking one day at a time and trying to rely on myself more. worreid about summer tho as wh will u have then? im very insecure:frown:
bookaddict17
*HUG* fellow comrade
it took me months to realise i just have to accept it. now im taking one day at a time and trying to rely on myself more. worreid about summer tho as wh will u have then? im very insecure:frown:


Tbh I have been like this since I was 16 . . im now 23. Yes I have friends at Uni and so called friends from school and etc, but tbh no1 bats an eyelid on me unless they want something or want someone to go somewhere with them. I have just grown up with it and kinda accept it:dontknow: what else can I do apart from try I guess, but I don;t want to appear like desperate dan! . . .:confused:

I finished uni March and I have until Sept . . so I have loads and loads of time off, but most of it will be spent on my own, working on my dissertation :dontknow: got nothing else to really do apart from grab a few hours at work and uni work.

PS: I added something else to my previous post.
Reply 14
I've had a similar problem. Sometimes you just have to accept that most of the time you'll be on your own. Get comfortable being by yourself, and having to deal with things on your own.

Also accept that friends aren't forever. If you don't like what they're doing, don't bother with them.
DancinBallerina
Tbh I have been like this since I was 16 . . im now 23. Yes I have friends at Uni and so called friends from school and etc, but tbh no1 bats an eyelid on me unless they want something or want someone to go somewhere with them. I have just grown up with it and kinda accept it:dontknow: what else can I do apart from try I guess, but I don;t want to appear like desperate dan! . . .:confused:

I finished uni March and I have until Sept . . so I have loads and loads of time off, but most of it will be spent on my own, working on my dissertation :dontknow: got nothing else to really do apart from grab a few hours at work and uni work.

PS: I added something else to my previous post.


im currently 17 and i guess im sort of trying to grasp the idea that friends forever just doesnt exist, iv been hurt deeply by a few and i think thats a main reason why i find it hard being alone.
yeah i saw it, and its true lol jus easier said than done.
im looking for a job, at least that way i wont be stuck at home everyday!
bookaddict17
im currently 17 and i guess im sort of trying to grasp the idea that friends forever just doesnt exist, iv been hurt deeply by a few and i think thats a main reason why i find it hard being alone.
yeah i saw it, and its true lol jus easier said than done.
im looking for a job, at least that way i wont be stuck at home everyday!


I organised a night out with my friends for my birthday this year - how many people do you think turned up? . . .1! . .that is how much my friends think of me! So I have vowed never again to celebrate a birthday - not worth it when friends can't even be bothered to make the effort. I was sooo upset to the point where I went beyond crying, upset to just pure anger and hate.

I hope you don't get to 23 and end up like me - friendless, well have friends who don't give two monkeys about you . . im sure things will pick up, but yes friends sure are not forever . .
DancinBallerina
I organised a night out with my friends for my birthday this year - how many people do you think turned up? . . .1! . .that is how much my friends think of me! So I have vowed never again to celebrate a birthday - not worth it when friends can't even be bothered to make the effort. I was sooo upset to the point where I went beyond crying, upset to just pure anger and hate.

I hope you don't get to 23 and end up like me - friendless, well have friends who don't give two monkeys about you . . im sure things will pick up, but yes friends sure are not forever . .


aww *HUG*
well at my 17th party we were on a nyt out n i got ditched and left off at my friends house alone at 2 in the morning while they went away to sum guys house n i didnt wana go. no1 stayed with me and they turned up at 10 in the morning! ridiculous!
yeah i dunno what to expect anymore, im the sort of person who values friendship so much, but thats what i need to change.
i hope u dont feel too down about ur situation and may we both find a friend someday who really does treat us ryt!
bookaddict17
aww *HUG*
well at my 17th party we were on a nyt out n i got ditched and left off at my friends house alone at 2 in the morning while they went away to sum guys house n i didnt wana go. no1 stayed with me and they turned up at 10 in the morning! ridiculous!
yeah i dunno what to expect anymore, im the sort of person who values friendship so much, but thats what i need to change.
i hope u dont feel too down about ur situation and may we both find a friend someday who really does treat us ryt!


Yea that has happened to me as well - go out for the night with some friends, the girl who I was suppose to get a taxi home with, ditched me and left me to find my own way home . . .sometimes I wish I could do back the things what people have done to me and see if they would like it, but tbh its not worth it because as the saying goes ''what goes around, comes around'' (such a true true saying which I have seen come back and bite people many times in the past . . . .)

Yes we will one day be able to find a friend or friends who do value us and treat us as good friends . . .
Instead of worrying about it all, i'd just find new friends.