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Trust Issues- friends
I questioned my friend about something which i knew he was doing which is very wrong.... he then LIED about it to me in order to cover up... but i can see right through that and that's made me even more angry with him. I feel so let down ... like i don't know who he really is even though we're old friends.
I feel disappointed and I just can't make my anger and disgust subside... which has meant things have changed between us so much. But it's complicated by the fact that i really want to hold on to him as a friend despite all this... maybe that just shows how strong our friendship is? But i've lost that high opinion of him i once had and I feel so wary around him now that he's lied to me.
We've spoken about this and he gets angry with me for thinking of him like that... which seems odd to me because I am the one who should be angry.
What do you do in these situations where you have conflicting feelings? My head tells me he is not a good person, but my heart says otherwise.
I feel disappointed and I just can't make my anger and disgust subside... which has meant things have changed between us so much. But it's complicated by the fact that i really want to hold on to him as a friend despite all this... maybe that just shows how strong our friendship is? But i've lost that high opinion of him i once had and I feel so wary around him now that he's lied to me.
We've spoken about this and he gets angry with me for thinking of him like that... which seems odd to me because I am the one who should be angry.
What do you do in these situations where you have conflicting feelings? My head tells me he is not a good person, but my heart says otherwise.
Spoon
what other details juice?
What was he lying about? Is there anything you can help him with? Maybe it's just a phase and he needs help to stop it, or maybe it's showing his true colours and is an indicator for you to reconsider being friends with him.
At the end of the day, you are his friend,a dn you need to figure out whether he is in need of some frank advice or whether he's not who you thought he was. It's difficult to advise unless I know what he lied about, but you don't have to say as it's not my business really.
If nothing else go with your instincts. Also, what do other friends and family think of him? I always know that if my bf or mum don't warm to someone then they're bad news, as they are really good judges of character.
he's married
and he's been talking to a much younger girl (who plasters semi naked pics of herself on the net) in THE most lewd terms. When i read some of the stuff he'd written to her I felt sick. He always was a flirt and a bit of a charmer... but i thought when he got married he would have changed his ways.
and he's been talking to a much younger girl (who plasters semi naked pics of herself on the net) in THE most lewd terms. When i read some of the stuff he'd written to her I felt sick. He always was a flirt and a bit of a charmer... but i thought when he got married he would have changed his ways.
Spoon
he's married
and he's been talking to a much younger girl (who plasters semi naked pics of herself on the net) in THE most lewd terms. When i read some of the stuff he'd written to her I felt sick. He always was a flirt and a bit of a charmer... but i thought when he got married he would have changed his ways.
and he's been talking to a much younger girl (who plasters semi naked pics of herself on the net) in THE most lewd terms. When i read some of the stuff he'd written to her I felt sick. He always was a flirt and a bit of a charmer... but i thought when he got married he would have changed his ways.
Blimey! Thanks for sharing. Well, it's weird isn't it, how you think you know someone then you start finding out about thir sexual side and it freaks you out? Part of me wonders why he's doing this. Is his marriage in trouble? He's probably being defensive because he's embarrassed. You're right, having relations with this girl is a BAD idea and I'm not surprised you feel sick about it. Be frank with him. Give him a chance to cool off, maybe even emailing him so that you can get your point across without him getting angry. Offer him an ear about why he has done it. Maybe he'll open up to you about his marriage. If not, then he might just need some time to figure this all out, so you may want to lie low for a bit.
Sad situation, but not uncommon. The 'net gives people opportunities that never existed before, but if he has a propensity for doing this, he would have found a way.
He trusted you enough to show you what he wrote and he feels you are judging him.
You dislike what he did, and what he is doing to his wife.
If he is really a good friend, you two need to sit down and talk it over. I hope you can work it out; good and dear friends are hard to come by.
Avi
He trusted you enough to show you what he wrote and he feels you are judging him.
You dislike what he did, and what he is doing to his wife.
If he is really a good friend, you two need to sit down and talk it over. I hope you can work it out; good and dear friends are hard to come by.
Avi
I'm glad i'm not over-reacting then!
I don't think his marriage is in trouble...I was thinking maybe this is a side to guys which us girls will never really understand?...esp with him as he was always like that with girls before he got married and it seems he hasn't changed this habit. I dunno? That still doesn't make his behaviour excusable.
When I first found out I e-mailed him and I was very angry... I gave myself and him a couple of weeks to cool down before we spoke about it... but our conversations just lead us in circles... with him not admitting he's done this and my anger exacerbating because he's lying. I could stop talking to him for a while but I don't know how that would help. Unless i can clear things up, I'm always going to feel disgusted around him.
Avi, He did not trust me enough to show me what he wrote... I happened to come accross it by chance.... but what you say about dear friends being hard to find is true...
all this aside he is a very good friend, which makes it all the more difficult.
I don't think his marriage is in trouble...I was thinking maybe this is a side to guys which us girls will never really understand?...esp with him as he was always like that with girls before he got married and it seems he hasn't changed this habit. I dunno? That still doesn't make his behaviour excusable.
When I first found out I e-mailed him and I was very angry... I gave myself and him a couple of weeks to cool down before we spoke about it... but our conversations just lead us in circles... with him not admitting he's done this and my anger exacerbating because he's lying. I could stop talking to him for a while but I don't know how that would help. Unless i can clear things up, I'm always going to feel disgusted around him.
Avi, He did not trust me enough to show me what he wrote... I happened to come accross it by chance.... but what you say about dear friends being hard to find is true...
all this aside he is a very good friend, which makes it all the more difficult.
try not to worry, my best friend has broken my trust so often that i thought i could never trust her again but alas i always do. just so long as it doesnt become a habit
That is just wrong......I think you should try talking to him about it again. In person.
If someone proves themselves untrustworthy, cut them loose. Don't give people second chances.
Well, I dunno.. but for me, I have ranked my friends into a hierarchy.
A huge bulk of my friends are just mere acquaintance to me. For mere acquaintances, I do not really care whether they lie to me or not because I have no obligations to them.
But for worthy friends who treat me sincerely and honestly, I am willing to treat them likewise too and treat them as very close friends of mine.
Of course, I don't expect close friends to be totally truthful to me too. It all depends on the situation.
However, for girlfriend, I do expect her to be truthful to me. I can't imagine living with someone who's not in the future.
I guess for your case, it all depends on what degree of friends do you treat him/her. Keep worthy friends by your side but for those mere acquaintance, it's alright to know them, just don't get too close with them will do.
A huge bulk of my friends are just mere acquaintance to me. For mere acquaintances, I do not really care whether they lie to me or not because I have no obligations to them.
But for worthy friends who treat me sincerely and honestly, I am willing to treat them likewise too and treat them as very close friends of mine.
Of course, I don't expect close friends to be totally truthful to me too. It all depends on the situation.
However, for girlfriend, I do expect her to be truthful to me. I can't imagine living with someone who's not in the future.
I guess for your case, it all depends on what degree of friends do you treat him/her. Keep worthy friends by your side but for those mere acquaintance, it's alright to know them, just don't get too close with them will do.
I just find it difficult to approach this subject.. I don't know what to say to make him feel guilty for doing this to his wife, enough to make him change...It's made difficult when all he does is deny doing this when it's blindingly obvious he has done. In the end he just says 'you've obviously made up your mind about me and there's nothing I can do to change that'.
This is a very good friend... and as many of you have said it's worth holding on to those.
This is a very good friend... and as many of you have said it's worth holding on to those.
So far I've met only a handful of people I can truly say haven't screwed me over or haven't misled my trust.
Just the way things are. Its to be expected I say.
Just the way things are. Its to be expected I say.
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