Casual Relationships.

It can work as long as you are both honest about what you want. I have a friend who i went to school with and we've always liked each other, but he's in london, i'm not and he's moving away to uni soon anyway. We get on really well and we know a relationship between us wouldn't work. Basically we both wanted a bit of fun and its been fine between us. We agreed that if things got awkard we'd stop.

Reply 5

Luize

13

it can work. It is difficult though.

Reply 6

at least lara

1

erk

and? isn't that the point?

the point of it is that u don't have to deal with the "where are we going" speech and do the whole dating thing. ur supposed to respect ur friends thou but i think if u take it to that level, it's lost

Reply 7

Luize

13

Why would repsect be lost?
There is a difference between sex for fun and sex for love. If you are having fun and you feel comfortable enough to do it then where is the respect lost?

Reply 8

xbellax

the point of it is that u don't have to deal with the "where are we going" speech and do the whole dating thing. ur supposed to respect ur friends thou but i think if u take it to that level, it's lost

I haven't lost the respect i have with my friend at all. We've always got on really well and we still do.

Reply 9

happydinosaur

15

I get too attachted to people for a casual relationship. Once ended up staying with a guy that I wasn't particulary bothered about for 6 months because I was too attached to him and all that..

Reply 10

xbellax

hmmm "friends with benefits" i don't like the idea. there's no respect anywhere in that type of relationship

Wow a girl with brains who's actually understood what a casual relationship is based on: hardly any respect. If someone offers you a casual relationship, it's basically because they don't think that you're worth going out with: either because you're not attractive enough, they're a bit ashamed of you, just don't like you enough to bother.

If you're fine with being treated that way, then everything's fine.

Just don't fall the typical "I really like you but I'm not ready for a relationship" crap.

Reply 11

Luize

13

SamTheMan

Just don't fall the typical "I really like you but I'm not ready for a relationship" crap.

It's not always crap.
In the run up to exams I just don't have the spare time for a relationship. After being single for a year or so, suddenly to have a relationship would take up a lot of time. Also with a move to uni soon it seem pointless to start a relationship with someone. I'm not prepaired to try long distance. I know I can get very attached and will get really upset if a bf/gf wasn't near me.
But a casual relationship with a friend won't take up as much time. I would see them normally anyway and so it is filling the time with something else other then chatting and drinking etc.
If you started as just friends before hand there is always an amount of respect. I wouldn't let just anyone see me intimatly.

Reply 12

Luize

It's not always crap.
In the run up to exams I just don't have the spare time for a relationship. After being single for a year or so, suddenly to have a relationship would take up a lot of time. Also with a move to uni soon it seem pointless to start a relationship with someone. I'm not prepaired to try long distance. I know I can get very attached and will get really upset if a bf/gf wasn't near me.
But a casual relationship with a friend won't take up as much time. I would see them normally anyway and so it is filling the time with something else other then chatting and drinking etc.
If you started as just friends before hand there is always an amount of respect. I wouldn't let just anyone see me intimatly.

As if considering someone as your boyfriend/girlfriend is THAT much hassle. :rolleyes:

You can always go out with someone and explain to them that it can't be that serious. If exclusivity is a condition then what would be so hard in just telling people they're your boyfriend/girlfriend?

For a lot of people, if things aren't serious, they don't want to get intimate anyway. As for involving friends in intimacy: in my mind, friends are just friends. If any of my female friends truly attracted me when I met them and got to know them, I would have tried to go out with them. If after a while, you just "settle" for a friend, it's like settling for crumbs. No thanks.

Reply 13

To each their own and all that, but its worked out fine for me.

Reply 14

Sarky

To each their own and all that, but its worked out fine for me.

and you're fine with your friend sleeping with other people?

Reply 15

queenselphie

My rule for any type of relationship is that if both people communicate what they want from it, and there is truthfulness from the start, then you know where you stand. If someone told me they only wanted to see me casually I could weigh up the options and decide if it was right for me.
If they didnt tell me til I'd already fallen for them after a number of dates, I cant say I'd be pleased. I'd feel led on.
There are some people I'll admit I'd settle for something casual with. Im single, it gets lonely, and sometimes all you want is a little physical affection. There are people I'd love to date but they wouldnt date me, so if being casual was the only way to get to kiss them etc, I would.
But...I can see myself getting really hurt, so maybe its not worth the hassle. :s
to be honest, casual relationships confuse the hell out of me. I'd probably fall for them by accident and get horribly hurt, unless I hardly fancied them at all, and then It wouldnt be much fun getting up to things with them as there wouldht be much chemistry.
Really, honesty is the best policy. If someone told me they only wanted to see me casually, I'd have that option to walk away.

Reply 16

queenselphie

There are some people I'll admit I'd settle for something casual with. Im single, it gets lonely, and sometimes all you want is a little physical affection. There are people I'd love to date but they wouldnt date me, so if being casual was the only way to get to kiss them etc, I would.
But...I can see myself getting really hurt, so maybe its not worth the hassle. :s
QUOTE]

Same question: would you ok with them sleeping with and kissing other people?

It's a bit of a shame that you're saying that you would settle for a casual relationship because that's the only way you could get a certain guy. In my book, that isn't right but whatever.

Most of my friends who've tried casual relationships are girls who weren't so attractive: not necessarily ugly but just wouldn't catch most guys' eyes. As soon as they said they were open to casual relationships, they were getting all these attractive guys they thought they would never get otherwise and it seemed like quite a confidence boost for them.

Reply 17

Spider

OP

SamTheMan

Wow a girl with brains who's actually understood what a casual relationship is based on: hardly any respect. If someone offers you a casual relationship, it's basically because they don't think that you're worth going out with: either because you're not attractive enough, they're a bit ashamed of you, just don't like you enough to bother.

If you're fine with being treated that way, then everything's fine.

Just don't fall the typical "I really like you but I'm not ready for a relationship" crap.

I think people can want fun just for the sake of it, so I personally don't agree with this. However, if someone believed in what you were saying, it still amounts to the same thing: two people having no-strings sex. I don't think people are necessarily out to hurt each other in this scenario, even though they are using them for sex.

The problem doesn't seem to revolve around people getting hurt, but more towards people being scared of hurting others. You can never be completely sure of the other person's true feelings towards you. For example, if one person A falls for person B, they won't break off the relationship, but carry it on, because Person A thinks this is the closest thing to a relationship they'll ever have with person B.

Reply 18