This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Are You More Frodo & Sam or Rachel & Monica? Tell Us Your Iconic Duo!!
- Making and staying friends
- Stay in touch?
- Keeping lifelong friends
- Are friendships likely to last after sixth form?
- Best Friend
- How can I rekindle my friendship
- Are you true friends if you don't hang outside of school frequently
- My friend group at uni keeps getting left out by other social circles
- Is this a date?
- Friend has been acting shady
- Not Sure About The Friends I've Made In The First Week Of Uni
- How to make friends in year 11
- who does journey's end
- Self esteem
- Is he cheating on his gf?
- My Best Friend is still friends with the person who SA'd me. What should I do?
- friends+sixthform
- Guy stuff
- Two of my friends blocked me randomly?
Ending A Friendship
Sorry this is going to be really long.
For the past 6 years, I've been friends with this girl (ayumi) in school. We got really close during the GCSEs cos we basically had all our lessons together (apart from Maths, and i took Drama not Art). We used to do everything together, and we would finish off each other's sentences, have the same fashion sense, laugh at the stupidest of things. We were so tight we were almost like "twins". But we would sometimes have these fights over trust issues, and as time goes by, the more we fought. She used to always make fun of me behind my back, and even in front of me just to "be with the group". She said that if she stood up for me, people would make fun of her too and she wouldn't be "in the group" anymore. I couldn't understand why she can't just be an individual, and when i said that, she harshly said, "that's why they make fun of you and bitch about you."
The worst thing was during my 15th birthday. i was supposed to meet up with her and some friends. 2 of the girls decided it would be "fun" to play me, so when i called them to ask where they were, they told me to go to various other places in the district for 1/2 an hour when the whole time in Times Square. I was so hurt and basically broke down on the streets, and I bumped into 2 other friends who realised what happened and spent the rest of my birthday with me. I confronted ayumi and she said it wasn't her fault, that it wasn't her idea and she couldn't stop the 2 girls from doing it. I didn't understand why she couldn't have at least call me to tell me the 2 bitches were playing me so I could have known and just left.
in year 12, we started becoming a bit less close, but we still talk and laugh together like friends, but it became harder and harder to trust her, cos a part of me is always scared that she would hurt me again, yet i still care about her and want to believe that things will get better. but it never did. our differences grew. then when i started going out with my ex (my 1st bf), we became really distant, which she does whenever any of her friends have a bf. there were these other 2 girls and me who she distanced herself from cos of our bf's.
but when i found out that he cheated on me, she came to me when i was crying and really upset, and offered to go with me that afternoon for the breakup. she was there sitting by me when i drowned myself in tears after the breakup, and she was the 1st one running to find me after she realised my friend (aileen) in school had died. she was there when i sank into complete depression during that time. but on the day of my friend's funeral (a week later), she didn't go to the funeral with me even though she was the first to "volunteer" to go, simply cos she couldn't be bothered, and cos most people in our year didn't want to go (aileen was in yr 10). i couldn't believe it, but then i was too drained and upset to think about that.
we started talking less and less again...and when i started my new relationship in feb this year, i knew she was making fun of me more and more, and even at my face as though i was stupid enough to not realise that. my close friend, who's good friends w/ ayumi, didn't understand why she was doing that either. she bitched about me on her xanga site (without mentioning my name, but saying stuff that's btw the 2 of us), and i was really mad and i did the same on my xanga (nameless). the next day in school, she was pissed at the whole world, and stormed out of school after the lessons. i was really pissed and hurt, and i was trying so hard not to cry. at the moment, it hit me that it was over. i couldn't bring myself to trust her anymore, and she wasn't going to stop hurting me. since then, we've completely stopped talking to each other as though the other doen't exist.
one of our friends said she feels quite sour that we've got to that point, esp. when we're about to graduate. i feel the same, but i'm just too tired to cope with her when i already have tonnes of family problems. then last night, i had an ironic dream. i dreamt that ayumi was in a plane crash and somehow survived, but had gone completely blind. i felt so bad that i wish i could turn back time and tell her how much i loved her, and finally woke up crying.
yesterday, she posted on her site "i miss you. and i miss who you used to be." i really miss her, but i'm just so scared she would hurt me again. i thought i had made up my mind about our friendship, but deep down i really want to be able to trust her again. i just don't know what to do.
For the past 6 years, I've been friends with this girl (ayumi) in school. We got really close during the GCSEs cos we basically had all our lessons together (apart from Maths, and i took Drama not Art). We used to do everything together, and we would finish off each other's sentences, have the same fashion sense, laugh at the stupidest of things. We were so tight we were almost like "twins". But we would sometimes have these fights over trust issues, and as time goes by, the more we fought. She used to always make fun of me behind my back, and even in front of me just to "be with the group". She said that if she stood up for me, people would make fun of her too and she wouldn't be "in the group" anymore. I couldn't understand why she can't just be an individual, and when i said that, she harshly said, "that's why they make fun of you and bitch about you."
The worst thing was during my 15th birthday. i was supposed to meet up with her and some friends. 2 of the girls decided it would be "fun" to play me, so when i called them to ask where they were, they told me to go to various other places in the district for 1/2 an hour when the whole time in Times Square. I was so hurt and basically broke down on the streets, and I bumped into 2 other friends who realised what happened and spent the rest of my birthday with me. I confronted ayumi and she said it wasn't her fault, that it wasn't her idea and she couldn't stop the 2 girls from doing it. I didn't understand why she couldn't have at least call me to tell me the 2 bitches were playing me so I could have known and just left.
in year 12, we started becoming a bit less close, but we still talk and laugh together like friends, but it became harder and harder to trust her, cos a part of me is always scared that she would hurt me again, yet i still care about her and want to believe that things will get better. but it never did. our differences grew. then when i started going out with my ex (my 1st bf), we became really distant, which she does whenever any of her friends have a bf. there were these other 2 girls and me who she distanced herself from cos of our bf's.
but when i found out that he cheated on me, she came to me when i was crying and really upset, and offered to go with me that afternoon for the breakup. she was there sitting by me when i drowned myself in tears after the breakup, and she was the 1st one running to find me after she realised my friend (aileen) in school had died. she was there when i sank into complete depression during that time. but on the day of my friend's funeral (a week later), she didn't go to the funeral with me even though she was the first to "volunteer" to go, simply cos she couldn't be bothered, and cos most people in our year didn't want to go (aileen was in yr 10). i couldn't believe it, but then i was too drained and upset to think about that.
we started talking less and less again...and when i started my new relationship in feb this year, i knew she was making fun of me more and more, and even at my face as though i was stupid enough to not realise that. my close friend, who's good friends w/ ayumi, didn't understand why she was doing that either. she bitched about me on her xanga site (without mentioning my name, but saying stuff that's btw the 2 of us), and i was really mad and i did the same on my xanga (nameless). the next day in school, she was pissed at the whole world, and stormed out of school after the lessons. i was really pissed and hurt, and i was trying so hard not to cry. at the moment, it hit me that it was over. i couldn't bring myself to trust her anymore, and she wasn't going to stop hurting me. since then, we've completely stopped talking to each other as though the other doen't exist.
one of our friends said she feels quite sour that we've got to that point, esp. when we're about to graduate. i feel the same, but i'm just too tired to cope with her when i already have tonnes of family problems. then last night, i had an ironic dream. i dreamt that ayumi was in a plane crash and somehow survived, but had gone completely blind. i felt so bad that i wish i could turn back time and tell her how much i loved her, and finally woke up crying.
yesterday, she posted on her site "i miss you. and i miss who you used to be." i really miss her, but i'm just so scared she would hurt me again. i thought i had made up my mind about our friendship, but deep down i really want to be able to trust her again. i just don't know what to do.
I had friends who i had been very close to all throughour school. They were twins, and i used to get called the third twin because we were so close. We spent a lot of time together until we went to sixth form, eventually we grew apart. It still hurts me now even though it was more than three years ago and i think about them a lot, but they did do things that hurt me and i feel like i've never really had "closure" on our friendship because neither party really got to say what they wanted to.
Its hard when you loose such a close friend, but from what you've said she sounds like she doesn't deserve you. At the same time i think it would be good for you to let her know how much she really has hurt you, so you both know where you stand and why there is this distance between you. Maybe you could write her a letter. I wrote my friends a letter just before we left explaining how i felt. They didn't like it, but i gave them an opportunity to reply and they didn't they just bitched about me behind my back rather than telling me why they were unhappy with what i had written. But i needed them to know how i felt. It helped me at the time, maybe it would work for you?
To be honest, I think this dream has rattled you. You obviously care a lot for this girl, but as Sarky said, she doesn't deserve you by the sounds of it. It's interesting that she said 'she missed who you used to be.' Personally, I think she misses the fact that she could treat you like dirt and feel good about herself. When people treat you that badly, I don't think they ever merit your trust, let alone your friendship.
Try and remember any good things about her, but let the friendship lie I reckon. You will meet many more people who are better for you and will support you no matter what.
Try and remember any good things about her, but let the friendship lie I reckon. You will meet many more people who are better for you and will support you no matter what.
I thought I could get away from my best friend and I managed it for a couple of months but she then crept back in. If you still care, then she'll find her way back into your life
It sounds to me like she needs to grow up - she's behaved like a child, and you're both at an age now where you're both too old for it. Some wounds run too deep to heal; but that's not to say that you should avoid each other forever. If you're coming to the UK to study, then tell her that you want to be friends, but that you probably wont be best friends, at least not for a while. While you're away at uni, she might have grown up a little, and started treating people with respect, and maybe you can rekindle your friendship then.
its interesting you bring up the dream here, cause i was reading all about dreaming in a magazine, and your dream seems to be an example of an 'intense dream'. i am not a dream doctor or anything but from what i read, these dreams occur after some sort of trauma. i donno, but perhaps breaking your friendship with your friend was very painful and stressful for you, that it even haunts you in your sub-conscious state. so you most definately must have had a very close relationship sharing deep emotions.
anyway, right now the only advice i can give ya is not to make any hasty decisions, think it through, cause you dont want to break off years of friendship, and memories just in a few days. if she caused you that much grief, let her know about it and its probably not worth remaining friends.
and remember, i love you baby, so if you want any help, you know where to come... take care (ooh yay got a text from you)
anyway, right now the only advice i can give ya is not to make any hasty decisions, think it through, cause you dont want to break off years of friendship, and memories just in a few days. if she caused you that much grief, let her know about it and its probably not worth remaining friends.
and remember, i love you baby, so if you want any help, you know where to come... take care (ooh yay got a text from you)
Well my ex-best friend, spent the majority of the time lying to me and trying to break up other friendships in the process but what annoyed me was, when she had me she ignored me anyway.
i can forgive lying but she lied all the time abwt stupid things, like asda not being open when its 24hrs i know cuz my uncles the store h and s manager lol.
to quote simple plan "thank u for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted" i dont have a best friend anymore cuz it pushes people out and gives them an opportunity to control u r life and thats what mine did for a long time, and im well shot of her now.
i can forgive lying but she lied all the time abwt stupid things, like asda not being open when its 24hrs i know cuz my uncles the store h and s manager lol.
to quote simple plan "thank u for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted" i dont have a best friend anymore cuz it pushes people out and gives them an opportunity to control u r life and thats what mine did for a long time, and im well shot of her now.
eurasianfeline -
You have to get her out and keep her out of your life.
I went through the exact same thing with a good mate in high school, and he just treated me like ****. He keeps trying to get in touch by texting or emailing me, but it's all for the wrong reasons.
Do yourself a favour and neve contact this girl again, and ignore her attempts to contact.
If you dont, there will always be a chance she will hurt you - best to avoid it all together.
You have to get her out and keep her out of your life.
I went through the exact same thing with a good mate in high school, and he just treated me like ****. He keeps trying to get in touch by texting or emailing me, but it's all for the wrong reasons.
Do yourself a favour and neve contact this girl again, and ignore her attempts to contact.
If you dont, there will always be a chance she will hurt you - best to avoid it all together.
just wanted to offer a different point of view.......could her anger at you be because she feels you started to become distant from her rather than the other way around...eg when u had ur bf etc...................and obviously if still does care about you then her insults have got to stop.......
.........but in school, my best friend for 3 years started name calling me behind my back......and then tried to still ring me up whenever the group used to go to the cinema etc........and when i confronted him about it he said it was because we were supposed to be best friends and he was p*ssed off that id started spending a lot more time with a different group of friends........once we'd resolved that all the insults stopped
.........but in school, my best friend for 3 years started name calling me behind my back......and then tried to still ring me up whenever the group used to go to the cinema etc........and when i confronted him about it he said it was because we were supposed to be best friends and he was p*ssed off that id started spending a lot more time with a different group of friends........once we'd resolved that all the insults stopped
While what she's done to you is enough reason to drop her and never talk to her again. I actually suggest that you don't break it off, you're both going to uni soon, and presumably you're going to different one's, if that's the case she's not going to need to mess with you to seem one of the group and hopefully if you keep talking to her you she'll see how much you've actually done for her. People sometimes betray your trust, it sucks, but what makes 'people like us' better is that we give people a second chance, it's just perhaps best to make sure she knows it's a second chance, talk to her about it all.
If you're going to the same uni though I would stop the friendship, she's not going to grow up instantly so what's currently happening would carry on, she probably needs change to recognise this, otherwise she will just carry on. In the end it's up to you, but I knew a guy like this at school, now that we're at separate uni's there is none of the kind of **** you were talking about and we still have good conversations and give each other advice. Good Luck with it, I personally hope you can sort it all out.
If you're going to the same uni though I would stop the friendship, she's not going to grow up instantly so what's currently happening would carry on, she probably needs change to recognise this, otherwise she will just carry on. In the end it's up to you, but I knew a guy like this at school, now that we're at separate uni's there is none of the kind of **** you were talking about and we still have good conversations and give each other advice. Good Luck with it, I personally hope you can sort it all out.
Thank you everyone for your advice.
I've make up my mind about it and I've stopped talking to her for at least a month already. I don't know who her friend is on tsr, but if you're reading this, there's no need to tell her to read this. I'm pretty sure she gets the point.
Thx everyone again.
I've make up my mind about it and I've stopped talking to her for at least a month already. I don't know who her friend is on tsr, but if you're reading this, there's no need to tell her to read this. I'm pretty sure she gets the point.
Thx everyone again.
haha i think i've heard about you from some of my friends(i live in hong kong).
and i kind of pity this girl (ayumi?), cos from what i've heard about you from people from your school, she was brave enough to stand up for you and all.
..actually i think i heard about this girl as well haha.
anyhow i'm not in your school and i surely dont know everything about the situation. hope everything works out for you guys.
and i kind of pity this girl (ayumi?), cos from what i've heard about you from people from your school, she was brave enough to stand up for you and all.
..actually i think i heard about this girl as well haha.
anyhow i'm not in your school and i surely dont know everything about the situation. hope everything works out for you guys.
haha k now that i kno more about dis..
i really pity that girl.
i really think you should look at this from different point of view.
i really pity that girl.
i really think you should look at this from different point of view.
hey, i guess thats fair.
afterall its none of my business.
afterall its none of my business.
Related discussions
- Are You More Frodo & Sam or Rachel & Monica? Tell Us Your Iconic Duo!!
- Making and staying friends
- Stay in touch?
- Keeping lifelong friends
- Are friendships likely to last after sixth form?
- Best Friend
- How can I rekindle my friendship
- Are you true friends if you don't hang outside of school frequently
- My friend group at uni keeps getting left out by other social circles
- Is this a date?
- Friend has been acting shady
- Not Sure About The Friends I've Made In The First Week Of Uni
- How to make friends in year 11
- who does journey's end
- Self esteem
- Is he cheating on his gf?
- My Best Friend is still friends with the person who SA'd me. What should I do?
- friends+sixthform
- Guy stuff
- Two of my friends blocked me randomly?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 month ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 1 month ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 1 month ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
