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Havent spoken to someone in 3 years after argument now they add me on Facebook

What shall I do?

We were fantastic friends for first 2-3 years(just under 4 and a half years in total) as we lived in same house and often we smoked pot together or drank cans of lager and watched videos all night(yes this was about 8 years ago)

Im 26 now and hes 32 and the "breakup" was awful literally in the last 2 years of our friendship he went from being in and out of jobs then spent almost a year abroad working then moved back then got work he changed.

Before he worked he would speak to me pretty much every night even when I moved to go to college we spoke almost every night as we were on same network and this was when it wa slike 1p a minute for same network mobile to mobile(and like 50p a minute to other networks)

3 years in was the beginning of the end, before this he came to see me maybe once a month or once every 2 months and he would go to off license and buy like 24 cans of lager and drink over half the first night and about 6 the next night and get a take away the first night for us both and spend about £20 and he was close to me, literally he would say I was a great friend and be drunk and grab my head and kiss the top of it then laugh

3 years in however some serious problems happened in my family, my brother's fiance was murdered and my brother was arrested (just as a routine since he was last to admit he saw her) and released within 24 hours, my friend was supportive then but I admit I kept going on over and over and sounded quite bitter about a lot of things and the world. I did notice at the time that he seemed bored and he kept "dozing off" during a phone conversation or told me he had to be up early.

At the same time my brother lost custody of his daughter as the social work were snobs and said since the police havent found the killer yet my brother was stll a suspect therefore a potential risk to his daugher so he saw her about 5 times in 9 months as the visits kept on being cancelled as my niece was given to the maternal grandparents who were well off snobs and called my family spongers because my dad was on benefits because he had an accident when I was a kid and cant sit down for very long, a lot of pain lying down even and cant do any heavy lifting and they claim everyone can work etc before their daughter died every time they spoke to her on phone or when visiting they called her a disapointment and a sponger as she was on benefits whilst her sister who was 4 years younger had a very well paid job and was engaged etc. The social workers saw them as better people!

Anyway of course I was going through a lot but it reached its peak 3 years ago pretty much May 2006 when during an England match where England werent doing that well(and im Scottish well half Scottish) England only scored in the last 8 minutes(cant remember what game) and after the match I said "England were lucky to win as they only scored in the last few minutes, it was pure luck" (not meaning the goal was luck but any later and it would of been a draw) and he replied back saying I was just a bitter Scottish person and England scored fantastic goals in the game.

5 minutes later he sent me a message saying "your brother is a murderer, you are fat and a loser, your family are spongers and you have changed a lot in the last few months, dont speak to me ever again", obviously I cant remember the exact wording but that was what he said.

I waited 3 days and replied back asking if he had calmed down and I can ring him and I didnt mean any offense. and he sent the same message back and that was last I ever heard of him.

Well a few months ago I got a drunken phone call where he rang me up(never gave his name but I know his voice and the way he laughed etc when drunk) and called me a fat smelly """"

Well that was it, thought I would never hear from him again but saw him on MSN tonight first time in 4 years that he has been on! and so I sent him a message saying hello and left the window open for about 15 minutes and he never replied so I closed it thinking he doesnt want to speak to me.

This was about 3 hours ago, and 15 minutes ago checked emails and he has found me on Facebook and added me! I am worried that he might not want to be friends and is just doing it to send me abuse on the site.

What do you think I should do?

Reply 1

Tombola

Add him. See what he wants and delete him if neccessary.

Reply 2

snail_87

tl;dr

You could have missed a lot of that waffle out

Maybe he added you because it's in the past and he has moved on? Maybe hoping you would have done the same? I've had people add me to facebook a few years after having a massive bust up and i'm quite happy to chat with them for a bit.

Reply 3

blessed_by

hmmmmmmmm thats a tricky one

first off i'm so sorry to hear of everything you've gone through thats terrible

and what he had said to you was awful at a time where you needed a friend

tbh recently me and my best friend stop speaking for two years over some stupid arugment and now we've started speaking again only last week!

but to be honest it sounds strange you spoke to him online and he didn't reply but then adds you on facebook?

you sound very forgiving to that fact of what he's called you and your family (especially your brother)

personally: i wouldn't accept...to call my relation a murderer would be the straw that broke the camels back (so to speak)

he doesn't deserve you as a friend! to call you those names isn't right..

i would hate to think that if i was going through a similiar situation my friend to do the same...

i would soon realise they weren't a true friend

keep us updated!!!!

good luck!

Reply 4

getinthevan

Skipped most of it, but yeah, add him and see what he wants.

Reply 5

Shadow!

Are you kidding me. You can't be serious... He sends you insults, and when you see if he's calmed down, he insults you again. Years later he phones up to insult you and now you try and have a little chat with him? Does this not all make sense to you?

Ignore him, never speak to the scum again and get on with things. [Apoligies if this sounds rude or offensive it's just the right thing to do]

Reply 6

arminvanpite

Personally, I wouldn't add him. Since he has shown interest on Facebook and since you know that he definitely uses it, send him a message on there and ask why he wants to add you. It might seem a little rude, but you have every right to know, plus it would save a lot of grief if you added him and he didn't talk/ignored anything you then sent him or if he started posting things onto your wall that are unecessary. It all sounds so immature, but people do actually do this kind of thing. Afterwards, judging on his reply and how the conversation goes - if there is one, that is - your decision as to whether to add him and bother with him will be a pretty simple one to make.

Reply 7

Philosoraptor

Yup. send a pm. That's what I'd do.

Reply 8

fashionista91

Sorry but i didnt read the waffle. But from your title i would suggest accept the request and act cautiously to see what he/she wants :smile:

Reply 9

rosetinted

I'd tell him to **** off. Don't you want friends who help and support you in your time of need, rather than insulting you, causing an argument over nothing and then not speaking to you for years?

He's a fair weather friend and a total waste of space. Deny the friend request he's probably only adding you to insult you further, or so that he can laugh about your profile with his mates.

If I had treated a friend so disgracefully then I'd send them a massive apology along with the friend request. He can't even be bothered to type "I'm really sorry, can we be friends again?"...don't waste your time. He's in the wrong and should be trying to make up for it.

Reply 10

MittenKrust

I managed to speak to him on MSN we did mention a few things about what we have done in the last 3 years and he did say I was blocked on MSN and he had no idea on how I contacted him, but did deny phoning me a few months ago(despite the voice sounding like his and he did it in past to someone else in front of me when we were friends)

It all went quiet about 10 minutes ago and his name on msn kept on showing as blocked, then unblocked again then blocked then unblocked and he hasnt replied since.

Reply 11

Zii

tldr

Just add the person you can delete them if necessary

Reply 12

ellie-rose88

I wouldn't add him, the way he treated you was disgusting. If a friend spoke to me like that, I'd never want anything to do with them again. His behaviour was completely irrational and immature. I'm sorry about everything you've been through. You deserve better 'friends' than him.

Reply 13

Melting Sugar.

tl;dr but I say you should message him asking him why he's added you? :dontknow:

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