The Student Room Group
Reply 1
Hehe yeah I know what you mean! I get a little bit jealous when my boyfriend even goes out without me!

But, if we ever do talk about past sexual encounters, he always makes it clear that he doesn't want anyone but me, and then any slight bit of jealously lingering in my head just floats away.
this is a very very dodgy area to talk about. my bf told me about all the girls he slept with and hie ex in alot of detail.i was a bit disgusted but not too bothered. i've only had one ex, but when i told my bf about our relationship, he freaked out and didnt speak to me for 2 weeks. so it CAN make people jealous and insecure-avoid the subject if possible
Reply 3
magiccarpet
when i told my bf about our relationship, he freaked out and didnt speak to me for 2 weeks.


I had the EXACT same thing :eek: men... :redface:
yea. i think they tell us about their ex's to make us know they have experience but us girlys are not supposed to sleep about so they get all possesive and inseure
Get used to it. The older you get, the more history you and your partner will have had. If it upsets either of you to think that they've kissed/held/slept with/loved anyone other than you, you're naive, but best not to talk about it.

That said, it is always better to know your partner's sexual history before you get involved with them.
well its ok to say 'how many people have you slept with' but not ok to say 'my ex gf did this; my ex liked this; i did this for my ex; my ex never minded me doind this' dont go into too much detail
No, that is too much information, I agree.
Reply 8
I have never had any b/f tell me of their past relationships. This is the first I have heard of such a thing. If they care about you then they don't do such a thing. If they want you to hear about the relationships or the sexual experience they are looking for a little something just like what they had in the past. UGH!
i think i need to know how many poeple my partner had been with. but thats enogh detail
If you're worried then target someone who hasnt!
Reply 11
I accept that my boyfriend has had girlfriends and sexual experiences before me, and that I him and we've both talked about it with each other (not in detail) and while it was/still is a little awkward, it's something we both needed to know and it has made our relationship stronger as it shows that we trust each other enough to talk about these things.
Reply 12
I know what you mean! And that's partly the reason I don't like the idea of being with someone who's had such serious relationships before.
Reply 13
Adhsur
I know what you mean! And that's partly the reason I don't like the idea of being with someone who's had such serious relationships before.

but i guess as u get older people like that are harder to come accross...
i would like to know a new bf's past because i think its important to know that kind of thing. obviously not in lots of detail. luckily iv never had to ask those questions. oh the joys of being permanantly single :p:
Reply 14
mangomaz
but i guess as u get older people like that are harder to come accross...

*sigh* It's a shame... but I bet there are still quite a few around.
Reply 15
Adhsur
*sigh* It's a shame... but I bet there are still quite a few around.

ill start by looking under rocks in unexpected places. i bet theres loads hiding underneath. and also in cleaning cupboards. and in maths lectures.
Its very very normal. I think most people feel like this...we cant help asking...we're curious, and yet when we find out we feel hurt.
When you're in love, you sense that your partner is the person they are because of past relationships and friendships...a part of those people will always be in them so you feel like they will never forget that ex, that girl he almost got together with, or worse, that female friend he always fancied and is still friends with!
Its a hard thing to do, but try and appreciate what his ex's did for him. Perhaps his last ex was neurotic, so he now appreciates your fun easy going spirit? or perhaps she cheated on him so he realised how it feels and wouldnt ever do it to any girl now? Perhaps she taught him how to kiss, and if you'd kissed him pre-his ex you'd have been distinctly unimpressed? Ex's can be a good thing, so long as he has moved on.
Think about how you feel about your ex's. Are *you* still in love with them? Still clinging on? Then why should he be? Unless he makes comments all the time that lead you to believe he still likes them that way, dont worry. It is normal to feel jealous, and he may find it cute in moderation. In time to come you may part on good terms, and be his ex, would you want him to wipe all memory of you foreever from his mind, or learn from the mistakes, and remember the good times without longing to be back together?
Lastly beware of perfect ex worries: they werent perfect, and if he makes out that they were, he's being insensitive. They will have argued too, had their differences, and the things that they didnt like about each other. We cant start our lovers again with a clean slate, much as we might sometimes want to, all we can do is not be trapped by jealousy, or get rid of the guy if he's still obsessed.
Reply 17
I try not to think about it too much, because of the weirdness. I don't *need* to know anything, but once you've had any kind of relationship with someone for some time, these things come up in conversation. I'd only really want to start thinking about it if they went on about a particular ex, rather than just their experiences in general...would suggest they hadn't got over them.
Hayley_2k4
Maybe this is just me, but when my boyfriend first told me about his’ past sexual encounters’. I just felt very very jealous and a bit upset. the thought of him, telling somebody else he loved them, upset me. Is this normal? Has anyone else ever felt like this? It would be great to know I am not crazy. Lol.


I think it's even worse for us guys... Girls tend to be more ok with the idea of their boyfriend having a past (go have a look at that thread: Does a partner's sexual past matter).

As for magiccarpet saying you shouldn't talk about what you "did" with your previous partners, it gets tricky... It always comes up sooner or later in a discussion. Someone makes a quick comment about something they might have done and if you're a curious guy like myself, it tends to lead to a whole discussion. It's one of those discussion areas where you know you shouldn't go but sometimes you just can't avoid it.

Although the whole "one partner in your life" is an outdated idea. I can understand why someone would look for that. Personally, I was not built to "share" a partner even if I have to accept reality.

What would you find better: knowing your partner has simply had sexual flings with guys/girls that didn't matter to her/him, which would mean you might be the first "important" person they've slept with or to know that they only had sex within very serious boyfriends/girlfriends? I'm kind of torn...
Reply 19
I'd rather know they'd had sex with one or two people they'd been serious about, than lots of flings before trying to settle down. Past history tends to shape the person they are today; unless they'd had a total personality transplant, they're unlikely to suddenly go from playing the field to being properly attached. Yeah, it hurts to know they were attached to someone else first, but at least they're capable of it!

Saying anything like "my ex liked it like that" though, is a massive massive mistake.