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Feeling Undesirable
I've had this problem for a long time now! Since I last had a girlfriend in fact, which is about 3 and a half years now...
Basically I need to boost my confidence. If I don't like myself why would anyone else like me, right? It's been quite tough for me since I started my gap year, apart from the Oxford interviews and my trip to New York. During those times I felt great 'cos there were plenty of people around and I didn't feel like a complete loner
What can I do to make myself feel more desirable? I have no confidence problem with friends and making them, but when it comes to something more than that I certainly do need some advice!
Basically I need to boost my confidence. If I don't like myself why would anyone else like me, right? It's been quite tough for me since I started my gap year, apart from the Oxford interviews and my trip to New York. During those times I felt great 'cos there were plenty of people around and I didn't feel like a complete loner
What can I do to make myself feel more desirable? I have no confidence problem with friends and making them, but when it comes to something more than that I certainly do need some advice!
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Right... I'm not the best person to help you there but I'll try anyway: (it'll be a really girly advice though)
as long as you're in your gap year why don't you take a week, few days, even a day to just take care of yourself? Go do something you like then get a massage (I was gonna say a facial/haircut but thought you'd laugh, though I still think it's an option, and hey everyone likes massages!) take a bath, listen to music (I know you like music, that's what most of your threads are about) and just generally relax and take the day for yourself
as long as you're in your gap year why don't you take a week, few days, even a day to just take care of yourself? Go do something you like then get a massage (I was gonna say a facial/haircut but thought you'd laugh, though I still think it's an option, and hey everyone likes massages!) take a bath, listen to music (I know you like music, that's what most of your threads are about) and just generally relax and take the day for yourself
its such a shame that you're feeling like this cause you really have no need to You really just need to start telling yourself that you are perfect the way you are. Believing that is what will make you more confident, you can't really just act confident, you have to believe that you have everything to be confident about.There's not much else i could say really. Well not at the moment
indentify the things that make you feel good about yourself: to me, its having a long bubble bath and grooming myself from head to toe, so that if someone was to come sweep me off my feet I wouldnt be thinking "oh damn, I havent washed my hair/done my bikini line/painted my toenails"
Its that "ready" feeling, of looking my best and thinking "well, I did all I could" which admittedly can be depressing and backfire if you then look in the mirror and dont like what you see, and know you cant improve yourself without something like major surgery!
Im not just talking about outside appearance, figure out what mental, artisitc, academic, or sporting achievements make you feel really worth while - you'll get a great rush and glowy feeling from meeting, and even going beyond, your goals...especially if someone praises you for it, and you get some recongnition.
treat yourself...if you dont have the money to buy yourself something just to give to yourself, then treat yourself in a different way thats free, like by listening to some of your fave music, or walking somewhere beautiful...just so you feel like you arent always punishing yourself, but that sometimes you are nice to you.
Take time to be alone in your own mind. There are a lot of things around to stop us from thinking and really facing our issues. Music, tv, computers, work, friends. all good things, but sometimes make everything silent and just think...burn some candles in the silence, or sit looking at a great view and the things that are really worrying you will come to the surface so you can deal with them. You'll find you were never more honest with yourself.
Finally, the more confidence you gain, the more you'll find a strange, freaky chain of events happens: you win a prize, and suddenly you win several...one girl likes you and suddently several do...you meet one great new friend and then suddenly your social circle doubles. This is because you will be broadcasting to others in your attitiude that you feel good about yourself, that you are a worthwhile and attractive person...and they'll come along to see if the product is as good as the advertising. This does take one lucky event to start the chain off, but I promise you when you get it, everything will suddenly happen at once. In the meanwhile learn to like yourself and find yourself attractive without the approval of others...after all, who knows you best, but yourself? Who can best look after you, cater for your needs, and appreciate your humour? Yourself, of course
Its that "ready" feeling, of looking my best and thinking "well, I did all I could" which admittedly can be depressing and backfire if you then look in the mirror and dont like what you see, and know you cant improve yourself without something like major surgery!
Im not just talking about outside appearance, figure out what mental, artisitc, academic, or sporting achievements make you feel really worth while - you'll get a great rush and glowy feeling from meeting, and even going beyond, your goals...especially if someone praises you for it, and you get some recongnition.
treat yourself...if you dont have the money to buy yourself something just to give to yourself, then treat yourself in a different way thats free, like by listening to some of your fave music, or walking somewhere beautiful...just so you feel like you arent always punishing yourself, but that sometimes you are nice to you.
Take time to be alone in your own mind. There are a lot of things around to stop us from thinking and really facing our issues. Music, tv, computers, work, friends. all good things, but sometimes make everything silent and just think...burn some candles in the silence, or sit looking at a great view and the things that are really worrying you will come to the surface so you can deal with them. You'll find you were never more honest with yourself.
Finally, the more confidence you gain, the more you'll find a strange, freaky chain of events happens: you win a prize, and suddenly you win several...one girl likes you and suddently several do...you meet one great new friend and then suddenly your social circle doubles. This is because you will be broadcasting to others in your attitiude that you feel good about yourself, that you are a worthwhile and attractive person...and they'll come along to see if the product is as good as the advertising. This does take one lucky event to start the chain off, but I promise you when you get it, everything will suddenly happen at once. In the meanwhile learn to like yourself and find yourself attractive without the approval of others...after all, who knows you best, but yourself? Who can best look after you, cater for your needs, and appreciate your humour? Yourself, of course
Goodness. There are a few people I read posts of on here, and I think "what a lovely person", and you are one of those people.
So you seem like a genuinely nice person, which is more than most people can claim. I'm not very good at advice - all I can say is that you seem like the sort of person whose only problem would be confidence - to be sure, you're the sort of man women would want to date.
So you seem like a genuinely nice person, which is more than most people can claim. I'm not very good at advice - all I can say is that you seem like the sort of person whose only problem would be confidence - to be sure, you're the sort of man women would want to date.
Onearmedbandit
I've had this problem for a long time now! Since I last had a girlfriend in fact, which is about 3 and a half years now...
Basically I need to boost my confidence. If I don't like myself why would anyone else like me, right? It's been quite tough for me since I started my gap year, apart from the Oxford interviews and my trip to New York. During those times I felt great 'cos there were plenty of people around and I didn't feel like a complete loner
What can I do to make myself feel more desirable? I have no confidence problem with friends and making them, but when it comes to something more than that I certainly do need some advice!
Basically I need to boost my confidence. If I don't like myself why would anyone else like me, right? It's been quite tough for me since I started my gap year, apart from the Oxford interviews and my trip to New York. During those times I felt great 'cos there were plenty of people around and I didn't feel like a complete loner
What can I do to make myself feel more desirable? I have no confidence problem with friends and making them, but when it comes to something more than that I certainly do need some advice!
im shocked because i always think of you as being utterly gorgeous, but that aside this is about boosting your own interpretation of yourself. If you were a girl i'd say have a bubble bath and treat yourself, but im yet to meet a boy who gets cheered up by bubbles. So all in all, im useless at help apart from saying that people should like you for who you are so be you....
Dude, come up to London, and i'll take you around the clubs. If you don't find a female within an hour i'll eat my hat.
On a side note, I had the same problems as you but they extended to making just friends as well. The best way to sort it out is to have a long think with yourself. Reason things out, put your life in perspective. Reach the decision that you are going out to find a girl and then promise yourself you will do it. Only then will you not back out of things, or try to delay things. It's been a slow process with me because I've had a lot of cruel hit backs, but learn to take the strain, and the pain will be worth it when you succeed.
On a side note, I had the same problems as you but they extended to making just friends as well. The best way to sort it out is to have a long think with yourself. Reason things out, put your life in perspective. Reach the decision that you are going out to find a girl and then promise yourself you will do it. Only then will you not back out of things, or try to delay things. It's been a slow process with me because I've had a lot of cruel hit backs, but learn to take the strain, and the pain will be worth it when you succeed.
Onearmedbandit
I've had this problem for a long time now! Since I last had a girlfriend in fact, which is about 3 and a half years now...
Basically I need to boost my confidence. If I don't like myself why would anyone else like me, right? It's been quite tough for me since I started my gap year, apart from the Oxford interviews and my trip to New York. During those times I felt great 'cos there were plenty of people around and I didn't feel like a complete loner
What can I do to make myself feel more desirable? I have no confidence problem with friends and making them, but when it comes to something more than that I certainly do need some advice!
Basically I need to boost my confidence. If I don't like myself why would anyone else like me, right? It's been quite tough for me since I started my gap year, apart from the Oxford interviews and my trip to New York. During those times I felt great 'cos there were plenty of people around and I didn't feel like a complete loner
What can I do to make myself feel more desirable? I have no confidence problem with friends and making them, but when it comes to something more than that I certainly do need some advice!
From my experiance it will be very difficult to boost your confidence until you boost your self esteem and that in itself is no easy task. I used to think that I was really undesirable to girls as well as to people generally but there have been a succession of girls that have just told me that I am lovely and gorgeous so many times that I have started to believe them.
wiwarin_mir
From my experiance it will be very difficult to boost your confidence until you boost your self esteem and that in itself is no easy task. I used to think that I was really undesirable to girls as well as to people generally but there have been a succession of girls that have just told me that I am lovely and gorgeous so many times that I have started to believe them.
Just the one would be nice for me!
I think confidence and self-esteem kinda go hand in hand.. if I get one I'll probably get the other.
Onearmedbandit
Just the one would be nice for me!
I think confidence and self-esteem kinda go hand in hand.. if I get one I'll probably get the other.
I think confidence and self-esteem kinda go hand in hand.. if I get one I'll probably get the other.
One thing I would reccomend is going to a club as it can do wonders for your self esteem, especially when you get random girls coming up to and hugging and talking to you. Also, in a club you can approach a girl and if they react badly to you, there is no problem since there will be plenty more girls for you to talk to and if you go to a club that caters to your individual tastes it means that you will no doubt find like minded girls which will help matters.
I used to hate the idea of going to clubs, but I have now gone clubbing twice and I have already met a load of new friends and are getting to know some other people who go to the club, so it has really changed my outlook.
M-J
didnt you read my post ahem.
feels likes she isnt even considered as a girl anymore
feels likes she isnt even considered as a girl anymoreYes, I did
Thanks a lot ... sorry I didn't reply to it I didn't know what to say :| If I had some self-esteem/confidence then I would have known what to say! 
omg, i can't believe you're feeling like this! awww, you shouldn't- I thought you were lovely when i met you!! sorry havn't been on in ages, had so much damn work to do
lol the bubbly bath sounds a gd idea (this is from a girly perspective tho!) i think the club idea is a good one aswell...its a gd way to meet girls and i'm sure you'd find one easily!
just remember this: in no way are you undesirable!!
lol the bubbly bath sounds a gd idea (this is from a girly perspective tho!) i think the club idea is a good one aswell...its a gd way to meet girls and i'm sure you'd find one easily!
just remember this: in no way are you undesirable!!
if it helps i feel the same...i can make friends really easily i just have the effect on them that they move to another country...want a list 2x cancada, 1x australia, 1x NZ, 1x scotland (why????) 1xwales (obviously the best choice but still 6hrs frm here) and finally spain. it also doesn't help (for me ...maybe be friends with me and your roblems will be sorted) they all form long term relationships..so in a nutshell i feel really alone too. but i will tell you the same soddin this that people tell me 'it will get better..it did for me' and they usually have a smug grin on their face or the best one...bf/gfs are like buses 3 come along at once oh the arrogence of it all!!! so just think of me as a friend and you'll go far ! anji
Natalie Lane
Right... I'm not the best person to help you there but I'll try anyway: (it'll be a really girly advice though)
as long as you're in your gap year why don't you take a week, few days, even a day to just take care of yourself? Go do something you like then get a massage (I was gonna say a facial/haircut but thought you'd laugh, though I still think it's an option, and hey everyone likes massages!) take a bath, listen to music (I know you like music, that's what most of your threads are about) and just generally relax and take the day for yourself
as long as you're in your gap year why don't you take a week, few days, even a day to just take care of yourself? Go do something you like then get a massage (I was gonna say a facial/haircut but thought you'd laugh, though I still think it's an option, and hey everyone likes massages!) take a bath, listen to music (I know you like music, that's what most of your threads are about) and just generally relax and take the day for yourself
i agree. do stuff that makes yo feel special. i have no idea what guys do, but before a date, girlys' generally nice smelling perfumes/long shower in nice smelling bath stuff, nice makeup/facial/massage. for you perhaps it might be getting a haircut/shave buying cologne/aftershave or something. then go in the club and chat to the women !
dont worry bout it tho, its probably your attitude more than anything. i broke up with my ex 2 yrs ago and i secretly dont think any guys will be as good as him hence am alays single despit offers. perhaps its the same for u?
Well a bubble bath certainly seems to be the general recommendation here It's a shame I can't take baths at the moment cos of my toe (not supposed to get the dressing wet). Taking a shower is difficult enough
It's a shame I can't take baths at the moment cos of my toe (not supposed to get the dressing wet). Taking a shower is difficult enough oh RIIIIGHT!!! i remember u posting about how you've just had a ingrown toenail removed. to be honest mate, if that happened to me i wouldnt be in the mood for looove either don worry, just keep ur chin up until it heals and then u can go paaaarty and pull all the chicas!
don worry, just keep ur chin up until it heals and then u can go paaaarty and pull all the chicas!Related discussions
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