I thought i was over him!

i know there are loads of threads like this but couldn't find one that fitted my situation exactly!

ok...i'd known jason for about 5 years and we were really good mates until we realised that we were actually more than mates and so we started going out. We went out for 2 years and were really in love (he was my first love)and he helped me through loads of probs i had at the time until last june when lots of stupid stuff happened and we split up. It was a really bad break up and i was devastated at the time, especially as my nan died only a week afterwards so yeh it was a really bad time. Anyways, we didn't talk for ages until september when we bumped into each other in our local pub and ended up having a really good chat, sorted out all the probs and actually realised that the thing that had caused us to split up had just been a misunderstanding but we realised that too much had happened for us to go back to being as we had before. This was sad but i thought the chat had really helped me in getting over him. So we didn't part on bad terms this time but still didn't really talk afterwards as i didn't see him and there was no reason to phone him.

Anyways, fast forward to feb and i met the guy i'm with now (joe). we've now been together nearly 3 months and its going really well-we've booked our holiday for after exams and stuff. Then, 2 days ago i was walking through the town and i bumped into jason with his new gf. Now i thought i was completely over him-he hadn't even crossed my thoughts since september but when i got home, i found myself bursting into tears and feeling really jealous. I tell my new bf joe everything, he's like my best mate and my bf and he's noticed that i seem upset and has been asking why so i really wanna tell him whats wrong but i'm worried that he won't understand and will be jealous or even worse that i still love my ex (which i don't so i don't undersatnd why i was crying!). He's a really jealous person and assumes that any guy i even talk to (let alone an ex i still cry about) is competition and won't even listen to my reassurances that its him i want to be with.

sorry this is so long and such a ramble, i just really don't know whether to tell him the truth like i want to or if not, then what to tell him!!! aghhhhhhh

Reply 1

Tyler Durden

17

I think you just really need to ask yourself why you were crying. It needn't mean you have feelings for him, it might be the final part of the cathartic process of getting over him. At the same time I can see why your boyfriend would be upset if you told him. Really ask yourself honestly what your feelings are. As great as I am sure things are with Joe, three months is not quite 7 years of intense emotional attachment so it could be jelaousy or lingering feelings for Jason surely?

Reply 2

Lucas

maybe it's partly the memory he brings of the terrible feelings you had when you broke up?

Reply 3

username18215

0

10

englishstudent

I think you just really need to ask yourself why you were crying. It needn't mean you have feelings for him, it might be the final part of the cathartic process of getting over him. At the same time I can see why your boyfriend would be upset if you told him. Really ask yourself honestly what your feelings are. As great as I am sure things are with Joe, three months is not quite 7 years of intense emotional attachment so it could be jelaousy or lingering feelings for Jason surely?

/Off topic!

Typical english student, but you've got to love it :biggrin:

Reply 4

Tyler Durden

17

md_red_uk

/Off topic!

Typical english student, but you've got to love it :biggrin:

Point taken! :biggrin:

Reply 5

Ahollisan

1

Lucas

maybe it's partly the memory he brings of the terrible feelings you had when you broke up?

yeah i agree, i think that your over him, it's that now you know that the reason your broke up was a misunderstanding and maybe its just brought up all the old feeling you had.

Reply 6

Onearmedbandit

17

Normally I wouldn't suggest this but you probably shouldn't tell Joe about this, especially if you're sure you don't feel anything for Jason anymore. As englishstudent put it so eloquently, it might just be the final part of the cathartic process of getting over him.

If you realise you do actually still like Jason and start thinking that you want to be with him, then you should probably tell Joe (I think he has a right to know if this is the case).

Reply 7

Hanzing

13

I think to be honest its a totally natural feeling, I mean he was your first love and theres always going to be a connection there and maybe seeing him with his new girlfirend was a unifying of closure with him. I think its good, and your obviously able to releive alot of feelings now..
Whether to tell your boyfriend, I would agree with mr onearmbandit up there.. If your over him, why bring in Joe. If though you cant get this off your mind, maybe you need to talk to him about it.

Reply 8

Zurich

9

I think this case proves that honesty is not always the best policy. Don't deceive Joe or anything, but there are some things he just shouldn't know (and probably wouldn't want to). I think it's just something for you to sort out in your own head.

Reply 9

Ali_04

OP

7

yeh..thats what i'm worried about since he's kinda the jealous type! but i really don't like keeping things from him...i know id prob feel a bit weird if the situation was the other way round and it was him talking about his ex tho so i understand why.

Thanks for all the advice evryone, im hoping englishstudents eloquent comment is the real reason i was crying..cos if jason turned round to me now and told me he wanted us to get back together then i don't think id want to. way too much has happened and we havn't talked properly in over 6 months. I think it was prob that in order to help me get over him before i imagined him moping around not being able to get over me and i spose it made me feel better that i wasn't the only one feeling like that but seeing him with his new gf was kinda symbolic of us both moving on....id always thought that we were *meant* to be together and had been destined to for years, you know?

anyways thanks, Ali xx (but wud be grateful for any more thoughts!)

I thought i was over him!

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