Girlfriend had a threesome in the past.....

I realize this may have been discussed before, but bear with me 'cause I think my issues with it are a bit different....

Through some conversation with my girl, she told me that a few years ago when got really drink abroad and had an girl-girl-guy threesome with her best friend and an acquaintance, the reasoning being because "he was really hot and we were really drunk." Basically, it started when she got drunk with her friend and dragged the dude up to their hotel room then went at it.

Now, some of you guys and gals may be thinking, "what's your problem with this, it was FFM threesome!" The problem is that FFM threesome isn't my top fantasy (though it is a fantasy) nor have I really reached for it in the past, plus I thought this girl was a "nice girl" before I started to learn about this stuff. Also, it's causing me some emotional pain, because.....

When I playfully talked to her about the possibility about doing an FFM between us, she flat out was like "oh no, I could never do that with you." When I asked why not, she explained that she would be jealous, and that she did her threesome when she was young and stupid, and that she wouldn't want to share me with anyone else.

Here's where I'm still bothered:
1) I feel like a sexual kindergartener compared to her and this vivid experience. I'm no virgin, and she obviously isn't, but I still feel kind of intimidated that she went this far and I haven't....it feels that, as a far more "wild and crazy" guy than her, I somehow am shocked that my "nice girl" did it up while I was studying in the library (back then).
2) I'm bothered also because, according to her, she and her girlfriend GLEEFULLY *DRAGGED* this hawt dude up to their hotel room and took turns pleasuring him. Fair enough. But while my girl was able to get wild and horny and able to give this man a lifelong experience and fulfill a fantasy, my girl feels "uncomfortable" with giving me that same experience. It just seems a bit....hypocritical, I guess? It feels that she thinks I'm not worthy, or attractive, or SEXY enough to just throw me down randomly on a bed with her girlfriend and give me the once over too.
3) I'm honestly jealous that this guy got this rock star fantasy fulfilled from MY girl and her hot girlfriend, whereas I never had anything like this, so I feel that maybe there's something wrong with me for not ever pursuing this fantasy and letting it be....."just a fantasy" in my head?

I know this story isn't as raunchy as the slutty ex who did two guys at once, etc etc., but it still bothers me, for the reasons stated above. Do you have any similar experiences to share? Would you feel the same way I do? Would you feel differently? Am I feeling the right things here or am I just being jealous?

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Reply 1

Jordan1990

Its her past, everyone has a past, its just something you have to get used to and then get past it and move on. If it bothers you so so much then tell her you'd rather not know about any past notches she has on her bed post.

You have to get over it, you don't really have any other choice, apart from splitting up but if you think about that...it's a silly thing to break up over.

Past is past, look to the future.

Reply 2

Dionysus

If she was my gf I would have no problem whatsoever. Well done to her - you only live once.

Reply 3

Spacecam

SO? Why does it matter that she's had a sex life! I agree with what Jordan1990 says - if you don't want to know, just don't ask and tell her not to tell you. I certainly don't go telling my bfs how many men/women/orgys/threesomes et al I've had. I think alot of what you've said is overexaggerated on her part too.

If you can't get it straight in your own head you shouldn't be with this girl because you'll not let this drop

Reply 4

sssdeol1

Tell her threesome or its over. This might backfire though and you could be left with nothing

Reply 5

tom_tom_tom

Its in the past, and she dosent seem to be worried about it, or making as issue out of it, so there is no reason for you to. At the end of the day you are going out, one another are imporntant something like this in the past isnt going to make that much of a difference to her, as every partner is different so it is unfair to judge and compare one to another, saying that it does happen, but i think thats more personal preference. Just try and forget about it, why would she want to have a threesome with her boyfriend the other guy was an aquaintance not a boyfriend, there is something i feel abit different between the two.

Reply 6

Brouhaha

It's her past! Everyone has one! Maybe she shouldn't have told you, but you should feel flattered that she felt you were mature enough to know... even if that assumption was incorrect. It is also perfectly understandable that she doesn't want to do it with you, someone she loves; she doesn't want to screw up your monogamous relationship by bringing someone else into the equation. And THIS sentence -- "The problem is that FFM threesome isn't my top fantasy " --- frankly makes you sound ridiculous.
Get over it.

Reply 7

Papo1489

one word 'alcohol' it worked once it can work again fill her up like bucket of water full of alcohol and suggest threesome though the key thing is to make sure her best friend is there ( also must be PISSED!!!) hopefully they'll say it was fun once what do you think (seconds later they drag you up to a room and you **** like horny bunnies, if not well you tried just enjoy the night pissed :smile:

Reply 8

prospective student

did she enjoy it first-time round?? if not, you can't really expect it from her.
also it sounds like she just respects your relationship more. the fact she would be jealous to see you doing it with another girl should make you happy- it means she cares!!

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Reminds me sort of myself. You get used to it though after a while. My girlfriend and I broke up for about sixth months, during which time she turned into a bit of a whore. Got drunk all the time and made out with randoms etc. She had a boyfriend for about three months which she got drunk a few times and did stuff with.

Now, we got talking again when she was with this guy and used to tell me she liked me and didn't like him etc but didn't have the courage to break up with him then I found out she did this, a week or so later we got together. It bugged me for a while and still does slightly now. Sort of echoes yours, can't beleive your "good" girl would do this sort of stuff. And when we're at parties and we get a bit frisky she always flat out refuses to do stuff. /shrug, one of those things I guess.

She's openly told me that the guys a prick anyway, long story short, turns out he was only with her to use her get her drunk and do stuff. I almost had a fight with him but couldn't be assed with it.

You might be bugged by it now, but after a while the feeling dies down and goes to the back of your head. It's all good.

Reply 10

squeak

you're an idiot, she's not doing it with you because she cares about you, not because you're not worth it.

she could not bare sharing you with another girl because she would be jealous, if she didn't care about you she wouldn't be arsed if you cheated/had a threesome and did stuff to another girl.

Reply 11

thenewromance1234

As for number 2, it's because she didn't care about the random guy so she wouldn't have cared about her friend ******* him. If I was with someone I cared about, i'd feel the same way and wouldn't like to see my best friend having sex with my boyfriend.

Reply 12

Amy***

You need to learn the difference between being in a relationship and OWNING someone. Her role in life is not to be YOUR girl, nor is it to devote herself to fulfilling your sexual fantasies. Get over yourself.

Reply 13

bishbash72

The fact that she won't do it because she'd get jealous, suggests that you have NOTHING to worry about. She clearly likes you more than a random guy she met on holiday. It's not that you're not good enough, it's that you're TOO good.

Reply 14

bishbash72

Amy***

Easy now, he's just insecure. Don't be so harsh, especially when what you're saying is not at all the actual situation.

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

So, she cares about you so much that she wants you all to herself and doesn't want anyone else to have you and... you're annoyed that you don't feel special?

Dare I say it, but you sir, are and idiot.

Reply 16

Controversial

If she would share you with another girl, she probably wouldn't feel much for you. Sad, but true.
She has explained why she won't do it with you, because she has feelings for you, and because it would make her jealous. So even if you get her drunk, she'll still feel jealous, and it'll probably split you up.
That she didn't feel jealous with him proves she had no feelings for him, which is good.

Being jealous of her past is not good. Actually, it's rather pathetic. She felt close enough to you to admit that, she won't have expected you to get jealous and be so stupid. Get over it, or you'll lose her for sure.

Hot dude :x

Callum828

Easy now, he's just insecure. Don't be so harsh, especially when what you're saying is not at all the actual situation.

Fair enough he's insecure but it sounds like this girl really likes and respects him, he shouldn't go ruining it by treating her like some doll to carry out his sexual desires or making her feel like she should apologise for her past.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

prospective student

Well I suppose that's a good point, maybe she does care more for me than I give her credit for. Yes, she enjoyed it the first time around, because from what I gathered, it was just so random, fun, and spontaneous, plus the guy was *THAT* sexy.

But still, aside from some of the other posters telling me to get over it and stop being immature/weak, I think the main reason I'm disturbed comes back to this:

it feels as if a man-friend acquaintance is worth seducing and throwing down on a bed randomly and pleasuring him with her best friend, when she won't ever go there with me. I know you're saying that it's because she cares about me, I do believe she does care, but at the same time, I also feel that I'm "not worth it" or not "caveman sexy" enough that she'd EVER get that wild with me.

I think there are two types of attraction: love AND lust. I feel that she has love for me, but the lust part is not as good as she felt when she was wild and crazy (the threesome being part of her wild and crazy days). I am trying to see how I can be that sexy crazy rock star that is the type of man to naturally receive such an act from her (and her friend) versus the straight-ace funny/confident (confident in all areas except romantic relationships that is) man that she sees me as.

Call it immature, flaky, etc. but that's HONESTLY the way I feel and I don't know how to get over it.