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AllergicToFairydust
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#1
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I'm writing a romantic story for English but unlike normal romantic stories I'm staring off with a tradgey, this is what I have so far.

Her tiny pulsating heart raced. The splashing sound of her high-heeled black boots pounded on the puddle-ridden cracked pavement echoed intensely in the shadowy cold alley. The dark low shouts echoed in the darken distance. She was trapped with the star-like street lights glowing extreme distance. The two boys approached. Her high-pitched terrified scream fill the resonant air.

Any opinions?
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Juwel
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#2
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You might want to avoid going on to rape or something... how about if one of the boys says: "Gimme your phone blud!"?
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AllergicToFairydust
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How do you know she's raped though? After that line it jumps 18 months in to the future. I'm leaving it up to the reader to decide
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Adhsur
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#4
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(Original post by a_musical_gal)
How do you know she's raped though? After that line it jumps 18 months in to the future. I'm leaving it up to the reader to decide
Yes, they'll decide alright, when she has a child in her arms. lol. Shouldn't a romantic story be more gentle and peaceful? *shrug* I like it though.
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Juwel
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(Original post by a_musical_gal)
How do you know she's raped though? After that line it jumps 18 months in to the future. I'm leaving it up to the reader to decide
Well if I knew that... :rolleyes:
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AllergicToFairydust
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(Original post by Adhsur)
Yes, they'll decide alright, when she has a child in her arms. lol. Shouldn't a romantic story be more gentle and peaceful? *shrug* I like it though.
It will be ok - it will have a happy ending but I love tragic stories and this way I can write in my commentry -

Although, a typical romantic story should be peaceful and gentle, I decide to follow the style of Virginia Andrews. Her ghostwriter and herself both give their main charater a tragdiey before giving a happy ending.
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AllergicToFairydust
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Her tiny pulsating heart raced. The splashing sound of her high-heeled black boots pounded on the puddle-ridden cracked pavement. The echoed intensified in the shadow of the gloomy icy alley. The criminal muffled shouts echoed in the darken distance. She was trapped with the star-like street lights glowing extreme distance. The two boys approached. Her high-pitched terrified scream filled the resonant air.

Catrin Morgan stepped delicately out of her black shiny taxi. Her straight brown hair was pinned up as usual and she wore no make up as it was against the rules. She paused a moment, straightened her freshly-ironed white blouse, removed the winkles from her long knee length skirt and rolled up her red socks so that they covered every bit of her pale peach-coloured skin.

Does this girl sound like a bit of geek to you? If not, what would?
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Juwel
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Maybe a geek wouldn't have to remove "winkles"...
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AllergicToFairydust
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#9
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
Maybe a geek wouldn't have to remove "winkles"...
I suppose but she would if she wanted everything to be perfect.
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Juwel
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(Original post by a_musical_gal)
I suppose but she would if she wanted everything to be perfect.
<disappointed> Doesn't get the joke... never mind.
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Expredders
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#11
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Is this for GCSE English?
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Adhsur
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(Original post by ZJuwelH)
<disappointed> Doesn't get the joke... never mind.
LOL!!
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AllergicToFairydust
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#13
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(Original post by Expredders)
Is this for GCSE English?
Seeing that I'm in Year 12 - No! AS English Lit/Lang!
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