girlfriend trouble, i need help, please Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
hello, my girlfriend and i have been going out for a few months

i love her and she loves me aswell, but she had a previous boyfriend who messed her up a bit, and now she can't trust anyone.

she told me she knows i will never hurt her but she just can't do it.

we have never fought about anything, and we’ve always been close. But tonight she called me on the phone, she was very sad and sounded depressed, she told me that she had been struggling to sleep for the last few days. She said that she is still struggling about her last relationship and she can’t trust anyone and she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now.
As hard as I try to say “ok, I respect that” I can’t because there is no way I want to lose her. We agreed that we will postpone our discussion until the weekend when we can talk face to face, but I really need help.
How can I show her I’m trustworthy, that I love her, that she shouldn’t break up with me. I don’t know what I’d do without her, I am so scared that I am going to lose her. She told me that it’s not my fault and it has nothing to do with me, but she wants to end it before I get too attachted and she realises she can’t trust anyone and be in a relationship. Please help me, I can’t lose her.
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Anonymous #1
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bump

i think i will just go to her house, tell her how much she means, that i love her and i'm not her ex and she can trust me and i won't hurt her
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AmyF.Law
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#3
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I want to meet a guy like you! :-(!!
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jack747
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#4
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Hmmmm, if im correct by saying that her boyfriend hurt her because of splitting up, then i'm not entirely sure shes over her old ex, the exact same thing happened to me, i was in love with my girlfriend but she just never got over her ex.
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JustDisturbia
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#5
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well this sucks, the only advice i can give is to talk to her..try to help her get over her ex..and if that doesnt work,it seems that shes still hung up on him,maybe it ended when she didnt want it to?..so im not sure completely as i dont know the full story,but hey let us know how it goes:]
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emmielociraptor
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Point out that you are not her ex.

Tell her you love her.

And ask her to give the relationship a chance. She'll never get past her trust issues if she doesn't take a risk.
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JustDisturbia
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or...if she definatley doesnt wanna be together,ask how she feels about you..and talk about maybe going on a break?
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Anonymous #1
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i dont know about getting on my knee, that would seem to me like i was a little desperate and begging her and she might not like that..

girls what do you think, do you think that would be too much like i was begging you?
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Katieloula
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i dont know about getting on my knee, that would seem to me like i was a little desperate and begging her and she might not like that..

girls what do you think, do you think that would be too much like i was begging you?
Yes! Do not get on your knee that will make you make you look terrible - I think it was a joke OP.

Just tell her how much she means to you and how you honestly would never betray her trust, that everyone is different. I struggled with trust myself and know how hard it can be, it can feel like this constant feeling of being on edge consumes you, and it does sometimes feel like youd be better off alone. I dont know, for me, dating someone who I was friends with beforehand helped alot, I have no trust issues now, but thats also because Im very confident with other aspects of the relationship e.g. sexual chemistry, him being my best friend, knowing we support eachother and generally getting on well. Could a lack of things be affecting her atall do you think?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by emmielociraptor)
Point out that you are not her ex.

Tell her you love her.

And ask her to give the relationship a chance. She'll never get past her trust issues if she doesn't take a risk.
Exactly what I said to my girlfriend when we first got together and many many times since.

That was 8 months ago. Haven't had to say it for 3-4 months
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Katieloula)
Yes! Do not get on your knee that will make you make you look terrible - I think it was a joke OP.

Just tell her how much she means to you and how you honestly would never betray her trust, that everyone is different. I struggled with trust myself and know how hard it can be, it can feel like this constant feeling of being on edge consumes you, and it does sometimes feel like youd be better off alone. I dont know, for me, dating someone who I was friends with beforehand helped alot, I have no trust issues now, but thats also because Im very confident with other aspects of the relationship e.g. sexual chemistry, him being my best friend, knowing we support eachother and generally getting on well. Could a lack of things be affecting her atall do you think?
thanks for the advice.
but what do you mean a lack of something?

i haven't gone past kissing her if you mean in that area
and i love her, but i haven't used the L word yet because i'm afraid she will think i don't mean it, and i want her to really know that i love her if i say it. she hasn't said it either
but every time we are together you can see it in her eyes and she's always so happy to be here. she will always say like this is the best night of my life and stuff, and i took her out for dinner and a movie on the weekend and she loved it, but now 3 days later she is having these problems
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zoul-K
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I would suggest you hold her tight and then tell her you're nothing like her ex. If you could, list down like ten reasons why you're not. She seems like the type who really needs someone to tell knock it into her at the stage where she is right now - be that someone, mate. =)
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Profesh
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#13
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Ultimately, you show someone you're 'trustworthy' by routinely not betraying them when to do so would be an option. Unfortunately your girlfriend refuses to allow you that opportunity - presumably because her ex didn't necessarily seem any less earnest, devoted or morally-upstanding before he took a turn for the worse - and thus your situation is something of a Catch-22.

My only recommendation would be to distinguish yourself from her ex wherever possible in respect of those attributes which suggest candour, integrity, honour, chivalry, et cetera; and to meet her more than half-way as a boyfriend/companion while expecting minimal reciprocation - if nothing else, her disposition should improve over time. However, should she remain implacable, be aware that this may stand to hurt you even more than if you'd let sleeping dogs lie.
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2kuayyaz
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#14
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tell her that you went through the same thing with a ex ov yours and you realised that one bad apple dosn't ruin the bunch, if thats how the saying goes.....
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Profesh
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(Original post by 2kuayyaz)
tell her that you went through the same thing with a ex ov yours and you realised that one bad apple dosn't ruin the bunch, if thats how the saying goes.....
At a conscious level she probably does realise that, or else she wouldn't have got into another relationship to begin with. Rather than appealing to her higher judgement, he needs to appease her instincts.
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Anonymous #1
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i feel so terrible now, like that phone call pulled us apart.
i have to wait 4 more days before i can see her and it's absolute torture, i can only talk to her on msn and on the phone in the meantime
we don't like to talk about anything deep on the phone or msn because it takes away some of it's value and we always do that stuff face to face.

i need to be able to show her without going into to much detail that i really care for her over msn / phone

this is making me feel like absolute sh*t
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Anonymous #1
#17
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i'm sorry guys, i can't do it. this has just brought out the worst in both of us, and it's totally made me just feel like we can never be partners again.

f*ck. why does bad things always happen to me?
and my best friend told me that he shouldn't be my best friend and that i am not his cause he doesn't trust anyone either.

you know what? F*CK TRUST. seriously, it seems like that bullsh!t is ruining all my relationships and i have done nothing wrong.

FML.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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k dw last 2 posts i was just having a break down

all my friends think i should try save the relationship, because they see how much better i am with her

2 more sleeps and i can see her.
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Anonymous #1
#19
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#19
actually changed my mind again. **** it. **** it all. **** trust. **** all my friends that left me. **** the world. i am satisfied now. delete this thread. and please leave anon
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Preasure
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#20
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Calm down mate, you can sort this out if you hold it together. Try doing something to take your mind off it, go for a walk, see some friends - if you dwell on it it'll make you feel worse. I know it must feel like torture but it'll be over soon, explain it to her and talk it over and I'm sure it'll be fine.

Chin up
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