Who Is being unreasonable here? Watch

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Hayley_2k4
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#1
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Right, this is going to be a confusing post. Right, now I have this boyfriend who quite controlling, he does not like me talking to men for fear I will ‘go off with them’. He checks my phone, and makes me delete blokes numbers from my phone. Right, and there’s this guy, I used to talk to, that he cannot stand, and who I am ‘never’ allowed to talk to. He made me block him on msn, and reads my chat logs to see if I’ve been speaking to him, he also makes me delete his numbers, and I’m never allowed to see him.

Right, so he has this other mate, one I cannot stand, and my bf knows I hate his mate. But he still goes to see him, and lies to me, saying he hasn’t been to see him, he still talks to him, and everything. Even though, I’m not allowed to talk to my mate. He said to me ‘if I want to see my mates, I will, no matter what you say’ which is fair enough, but when I said the same to him he said ‘oh, you’ll go off and leave me, I bet you fancy all those men, don’t you?’ then he started saying, I’m never allowed to go clubbing on my own in case I get drunk and go off with some bloke. He also said he wants a text from me saying where I’m going, whenever I am going somewhere he doesn’t know about. (eg. Up the shops to get milk)
And then if he finds out I went out, and didn’t text him, he gets all on edge saying ‘I bet you met some bloke, didn’t you’?

I just don’t’ feel it’s fair, that he can see his mate (who he knows I hate) he goes and see’s him, even though he knows I don’t like it. But yet, I can’t even talk to mine on msn. it’s like I’m being controlled. But my one friend, thinks I’m the one controlling him. Who Is being unreasonable here?
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Helenia
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He is. Most definitely. He sounds incredibly possessive and pig-headed, not to mention controlling. He has NO right to tell you not to see people, or to control when/where you go out. Fair enough text him if you're off out clubbing, and perhaps when you get back, but expecting you to let him know your every movement is ridiculous.

I can't even begin to express my horror at his invasion of your privacy. Does he not trust or respect you one little bit? He needs to sort this out.
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mankyscot2
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As long as you haven't done anything to him then yeah what he is doing is unfair. My girlfriend stayed over at this guys house last night and i know they have a history, i trust her not to have done anything but i am still very worried that she has cheated on me.

I got a text from this guys girlfriend this morning telling me that she had just caught them in the same bed. What do you think i should do?
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ChemistBoy
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Dump!
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mankyscot2
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(Original post by ChemistBoy)
Dump!
to me or that other lass?
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ChemistBoy
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(Original post by mankyscot2)
to me or that other lass?
To the other lass.

You need to talk to your girlfriend. If she did sleep with the other guy then dump her straight away. It's important that you have someone who respects the trust you place in them. However, bear in mind that the other gf could just be stirring because she is jealous - but I do find the situation a bit odd.
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Mrs_F
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He is. I have Pm'ed you cos I have experienced something similar. A bit long to put on here.
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LonelyDogsBite
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(Original post by mankyscot2)
As long as you haven't done anything to him then yeah what he is doing is unfair. My girlfriend stayed over at this guys house last night and i know they have a history, i trust her not to have done anything but i am still very worried that she has cheated on me.

I got a text from this guys girlfriend this morning telling me that she had just caught them in the same bed. What do you think i should do?

Thats the prime reason the thread starters bf is like he is, he's got sence.
And dump the *****.
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Debussy
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please please please get rid of this guy.... unless you think he can change, but it doesn't sound like it to me... you don't need people like this in your life
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ruthiepoothie
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(Original post by Hayley_2k4)
Right, this is going to be a confusing post. Right, now I have this boyfriend who quite controlling, he does not like me talking to men for fear I will ‘go off with them’. He checks my phone, and makes me delete blokes numbers from my phone. Right, and there’s this guy, I used to talk to, that he cannot stand, and who I am ‘never’ allowed to talk to. He made me block him on msn, and reads my chat logs to see if I’ve been speaking to him, he also makes me delete his numbers, and I’m never allowed to see him.

Right, so he has this other mate, one I cannot stand, and my bf knows I hate his mate. But he still goes to see him, and lies to me, saying he hasn’t been to see him, he still talks to him, and everything. Even though, I’m not allowed to talk to my mate. He said to me ‘if I want to see my mates, I will, no matter what you say’ which is fair enough, but when I said the same to him he said ‘oh, you’ll go off and leave me, I bet you fancy all those men, don’t you?’ then he started saying, I’m never allowed to go clubbing on my own in case I get drunk and go off with some bloke. He also said he wants a text from me saying where I’m going, whenever I am going somewhere he doesn’t know about. (eg. Up the shops to get milk)
And then if he finds out I went out, and didn’t text him, he gets all on edge saying ‘I bet you met some bloke, didn’t you’?

I just don’t’ feel it’s fair, that he can see his mate (who he knows I hate) he goes and see’s him, even though he knows I don’t like it. But yet, I can’t even talk to mine on msn. it’s like I’m being controlled. But my one friend, thinks I’m the one controlling him. Who Is being unreasonable here?
Something I've learnt is that you can't let a bf 'make' you do stuff. If there is something that you are uncomfortable with, or you don't think you agree with doing, then just simply don't do it. Put your foot down- I know it's hard, cos I've been there and couldn't do it myself and it's so much easier to say than do, but ignore the threats he'll no doubt give you when you don't do it- and stick to your guns...if he's worth it he'll comprimise with you.

Ruthie xx
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Helenia
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(Original post by LonelyDogsBite)
Thats the prime reason the thread starters bf is like he is, he's got sence.
And dump the *****.
You really think treating a girl like that is the right thing to do? And you wonder why you don't have a gf?
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Inverurie Jones
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For the love of god- any god- stop it! It's like a bloody talk show. If your relationship makes you unhappy, end it. They are supposed to make you happy.
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LennonMcCartney
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(Original post by Inverurie Jones)
For the love of god- any god- stop it! It's like a bloody talk show. If your relationship makes you unhappy, end it. They are supposed to make you happy.
One person that's speaking some sense, at least!
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technik
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RIGHT
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SciFi25
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Hayley: You need to find out why he treats you like this. It could be that he let his last gf do whatever she wanted and she cheated on him or something. In that case you need to make him see that you are not her.

Either that or he has very low self esteem and does not believe he is worth being with you. That might also need some major work to convince him that you are not going to run off with some other bloke.

Mankyscot: You need to find out what actually happened. It could be perfectly innocent or the other guys gf could be lying. If it is true they might not have 'slept' together but could just have fallen to sleep next to each other. I have done that many times.

If she has cheated then you do have to think about getting rid of her. She obviously doesn't care about you despite what she may say. However if you can forgive her then do!!
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Adhsur
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I don't think it's good to come to any kind of conclusion simply from hearing the threadstarter's side of the story. Of course she's going to come out as the reasonable one.

But yes, I agree, if that really is the case then he is wrong.
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Tyler Durden
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(Original post by Hayley_2k4)
I just don’t’ feel it’s fair, that he can see his mate (who he knows I hate) he goes and see’s him, even though he knows I don’t like it. But yet, I can’t even talk to mine on msn. it’s like I’m being controlled. But my one friend, thinks I’m the one controlling him. Who Is being unreasonable here?
How/why does your friend think you're controlling him?
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Hanzing
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Seriously Get rid of this guy, Hes no good for you. He doesnt own you, and You shouldnt let him. If he this unsecure in himself that he cant trust you to go out and repect you wont go off with anyone else, Hes the one who needs to sort his head out.
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Ali_04
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(Original post by Adhsur)
I don't think it's good to come to any kind of conclusion simply from hearing the threadstarter's side of the story. Of course she's going to come out as the reasonable one.

But yes, I agree, if that really is the case then he is wrong.
:dito: yeh since this is all from her perspective its bound to seem as tho its the bf's fault. BUT if this is the exact situation then i really think that's outrageous (duno if thats spelt right)! no one should be controlled to that extent by their bf -you have a right to a life of your own and your bf should respect that- no way would i have let anyone control me! i would say just get out of the relationship..or first try and talk it over with him tell him how you feel and reassure him that its him you want to be with and if he doesn't want to listen and carries on like this then chuck him- he clearly doesn't care about how you feel! good luck with whatever happens xxx

Hayley: just one q: why does your friend think that you're controlling him? that would help us to get a more objective view!
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Lauren18
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If you find yourself in a relationship asking yourself whether one of you is being or has been grossly unreasonable, you should not be in that relationship. Full stop.

A boyfriend is meant to support you, trust you, make you happy, be there for you (just like a girlfriend should) - and people who do none of these things deserve to be dumped so that they realise that other people will not tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Just for the record, I'd say exactly the same thing if the girl was being 'unreasonable'. However, often with these kinds of situations, it seems to be the girl that is being controlled, no one has to put up with this and letting someone control you is not doing them any favours either. End it!
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