Can You Be Friends With Someone You Love? Watch

Mick Travis
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#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
Well in my experience it is very difficult. I remember being with a crowd at Uni and being obsessed with this girl who was a part of the same group. I liked spending time with her and eventually I told her I really liked her. She wasn't interested in anything like that so we stayed friends in the same group. This was fine for a while until she got a boyfriend and I couldn't take it anymore. I was never as comfortable around her again and whilst I didn't have anything against her b/f I just couldn't stand seeing them together.

I ended up dissociating myself from our mutual group of friends - actually that wasn't as hard as it sounds as I came to realise that she was the main reason I was interested in the group. So how do yo deal with something like that? I think I could handle the idea of being friends but when you see them flirting/going out and worst of all in a relationship with someone else, does it become impossible?

I don't see how such friendships could last.
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dob86
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#2
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Nope, you'll always sabotage it by mistaking every friendly gesture as love, and end up looking a fool. Cut & Run.
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xjenni83x
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#3
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i dont think it can work. you're always going to have these feelings and the more you're with them chances are they'll grow and grow.

and if she's with someone else you're just going to get depressed.

try and move on since she's not interested
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Tinkerbelle ♥
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I don't think I could, no. Especially for the reason you just said, if they found someone else it would be too hard.
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MichaelG
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#5
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Its weird how people so far have said no. Its also interesting how most couples who are 'in love' regard their significant other as their lover and best friend.
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Battenberg
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#6
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(Original post by Mick Travis)
Well in my experience it is very difficult. I remember being with a crowd at Uni and being obsessed with this girl who was a part of the same group. I liked spending time with her and eventually I told her I really liked her. She wasn't interested in anything like that so we stayed friends in the same group. This was fine for a while until she got a boyfriend and I couldn't take it anymore. I was never as comfortable around her again and whilst I didn't have anything against her b/f I just couldn't stand seeing them together.

I ended up dissociating myself from our mutual group of friends - actually that wasn't as hard as it sounds as I came to realise that she was the main reason I was interested in the group. So how do yo deal with something like that? I think I could handle the idea of being friends but when you see them flirting/going out and worst of all in a relationship with someone else, does it become impossible?

I don't see how such friendships could last.
I know I couldn't, I'd find it too painful.
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Mick Travis
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#7
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As I say though it must be extra hard if you are part of the same social circle. Do you abandon your friends aswell? In my case it was probably a good thing as it was a bad group of friends.
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BellaFont
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#8
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It never hurts to try...

I'm sure it's do-able, the thing is...do you love her enough to still respect her decision - and if so...turn love into friendship?
I actually prefer friendship over love, since the latter is just simply not very long-lasting (at least not in my experience).

I'm actually doing it right now.
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Fire Wizard
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#9
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(Original post by MichaelG)
Its weird how people so far have said no. Its also interesting how most couples who are 'in love' regard their significant other as their lover and best friend.
When I read the title, this is what came into my mind straight away. However, the situation that the thread starter is in, is slightly different to what you have said above and what I thought when I read the thread title.
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MarmiteOnToast
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#10
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#10
I'm friends with somebody I love. Only problem is, I have a boyfriend (yes I love him too)
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n0c0ntr0l
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#11
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#11
I cannot do it. It huts too bloody much if you've already told them. It's so bad I usually bugger off until I'm over them. Of course it's usually when this happens that they'll come back and say they've changed there minds. :sigh:
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Resok
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#12
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Isn't the OP the guy who posted a pic of himself with a scarf wrapped around his knackers?
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MichaelG
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#13
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(Original post by Fire Wizard)
When I read the title, this is what came into my mind straight away. However, the situation that the thread starter is in, is slightly different to what you have said above and what I thought when I read the thread title.
oh yeah i was just going off at a tangent. interesting stuff!
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OhNO!
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#14
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#14
I got out of a long-term relationship last september, and since then I've been best friends with my ex-boyfriend. It's a bit different to your situation, but yes, it can work. You have to be very selfless about it though, and it is difficult.
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big-boss-91
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#15
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#15
i'm friends with a girl i liked for a while, you will have to be selfless if your crush/love is going out with other people. you can be friends if only you can move on, if you can't, let them go
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SunderX
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#16
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#16
It's difficult but doable, and easier if your affection is more a crush than true love (which it is unlikely to be). The key thing here is to try and kill your feelings, either by spending time away or some kind of personal therapy.
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Mick Travis
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#17
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#17
(Original post by SunderX)
It's difficult but doable, and easier if your affection is more a crush than true love (which it is unlikely to be). The key thing here is to try and kill your feelings, either by spending time away or some kind of personal therapy.
I guess things improve with time. I wonder how I would react if I saw her now? I think I've moved on and probably for the best, I'm a more mature person now and I don't know if I would fall for her again.
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xjenni83x
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#18
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(Original post by MichaelG)
Its weird how people so far have said no. Its also interesting how most couples who are 'in love' regard their significant other as their lover and best friend.
He's in love with her but she isn't with him. So what has that got to do with anything?
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BitOfAnAlchy
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#19
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#19
I managed it. I dont see why you wouldnt be able to be friends with someone your in love with.
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marcusmerehay
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#20
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#20
I am good friends with everyone I have loved.

The best way to love someone is to know when you have to let go, usually this will result in maintaining an amicable partnership; or at least I have found this in my experience, if you do what is best for the other person they will appreciate you more for it.
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