i have loads of friends who have english as a second language and get on great with them, however i think i'd find it difficult to have a relationship with someone who had english as a second language.
communication is surely the most important thing in a relationship. its not just about speaking in the same language, its about thinking in the same language. (not sure how to explain this, but you know, when you're looking at eachother, and you're sure you're thinking the same thing, such that you can almost hear what you imagine someone to be thinking? but most people "think" in their first language, atleast if they don't plan to speak aloud what theyre thinking. so you wouldnt be able to imagine it apart from in your own language, as an interpretation of what they might be thinking. ok none of that makes sense, its one of those "you have to be there" things.)
for everyday conversation, or even in a close friendship, someone fluent in english as a second language won't have much trouble saying what they want to say, but in a relationship, im sure anyone would struggle to express their deepest thoughts in a second language. ive spoken to several people who have english as a second language about this and nearly all of them say that there are some things they could only really express in their own language.
i do think the idea
of a relationship in which two people have a different first language is very sweet. i think we get this image of two people falling inlove who hardly speak the same language, exotic and sweet, learning more every day through body language and such. the reality's surely very different though. i think when the honeymoon period is over in this kindof relationship, thats when the barriers begin to show.
i know lots of people do have these relationships and fair play to them. i don't think i could manage it though.
my boyfriends mum has english as a second language and her and his [step] dad must have been together over 15 years i think? but what i notice with their family, is that my bf and his brother especially, but also his dad, fall out with his mum a lot. i think the accent has a lot to do with it, she does come across as very aggressive sometimes because of it. thats another thing that could get in the way in such a relationship - not understanding the tone of voice of the other person's language. i think they would get on much better if they had a truly common language they could express their feelings in. his mum is the only person in their house that speaks tagalog as a first language and most of her family live overseas. she must be so isolated living with 3 people who speak only english, especially my bf who didn't speak a word of english when he came over here, and now, can't communicate with his mum in their native language...
for me that whole situation would be so difficult, knowing how they are feeling but still being unable to do anything about it. i'd be fine, afterall, i'd still be speaking in my own language, but for them. sure they may have friends/relatives who speak their language, but as a partner, i'd feel i couldn't provide them with that deep, intimate, meaningful conversation that i'm sure everyone craves.
also, mainly as a qualification of my own insecurities rather than anything else, i'd always be worried that they wouldn't be in it for the long term, for one because they'd most likely end up craving that deep, meaningful conversation in their own language, someone that could really understand them and they could truly express their feelings towards, but secondly, i think i'd worry they'd only be with me thinking english girls are easy... (i'm sure thats unlikely in most cases. but i've heard so many people say "sure, i'd go out with an english girl, but i'd only ever marry someone from my own 'culture
" or words to that effect.)