Attraction before affection? Sex before Love? Watch

Keraroboli Roko Rosae
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#1
Report Thread starter 9 years ago
#1
Re-arrange the following points according to the chronological order in which you think most people fall in love with someone nowadays. By chronological I mean e.g. "physical attraction happens before..." and NOT "physical attraction is more important than..."!

The present order reflects my own perception... not what I think is ideal, but what I feel most people in our generation(s) actually do.

- physical attraction
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- general dating and getting to know each other
- first sexual experiences
- passion
- mutual dependence/needing each other
- mutual affection
- love
- commitment

Some parts of this order may be "natural", i.e. the first thing you know about a person is how she/he looks and only afterwards, while getting to know her/him, you discover personality etc.

But what I think/feel is quite important to notice is that the more "romantic" aspects many of us idealize, such as reciprocal love, affection, dependence, reciprocity etc. tend to come AFTER the attraction/passion aspects - a major implication being that it may be pointless for someone nowadays to feel affection right away without knowing whether the other person is at least attracted, i.e. such behavior may result in unreciprocated love (and actually be one of its main causes).

Does this coincide with your own experiences?
Have you experienced different orders?

And perhaps the most important question to me: can affection/love/commitment happen before attraction/passion/sexuality [without ending up in unreciprocated love]?
If yes, please provide real life examples

Feel free to add any further points to the list!
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Tufts
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over analysing some?
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AnnieR
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physical attraction
getting to know each other
individual attraction
social attraction
general dating
sexual experiances
passion
depedance/needing each other
mutual affection
commitment
love

I think that affection/love can happen before passion etc if you start dating someone you're friends with.
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fubsadoo
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I don't really understand the difference between what you call 'social attraction' and 'individual attraction'. Wouldn't the first be part of the second?
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RightSaidJames
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(Original post by Tufts)
over analysing some?
This. Who cares about the order that things happen? OP, you sound like a psychological study.
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RightSaidJames
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(Original post by fubsadoo)
I don't really understand the difference between what you call 'social attraction' and 'individual attraction'. Wouldn't the first be part of the second?
I guess it's the difference between other people telling you what a cool person someone is and you deciding that for yourself. In other words, the opinion of the crowd rather than personal opinion.
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freeforever
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- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- general dating and getting to know each other
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- physical attraction
- first sexual experiences and passion
- mutual affection
- mutual dependence/needing each other
- commitment
- love



This may seem an odd order but it's how it happened with my current boyfriend. The reason I've put love last is because I believe it is something that always changes and grows and it only really becomes apparent after you have made a commitment to each other. Before that I would say you have affection, but when you have made a commitment you learn to compromise and to talk and understand the other person, at which point you find exactly what love is.

That's just my view however :o:
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fubsadoo
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(Original post by RightSaidJames)
I guess it's the difference between other people telling you what a cool person someone is and you deciding that for yourself. In other words, the opinion of the crowd rather than personal opinion.
Okay. Well in that case, I don't think social attraction should be on the list. It wouldn't be on mine, anyway. You could end up completely in love with someone that everyone else hates, or that hardly anyone has heard of. It's just one aspect of their indivuality.
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Davezk
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Depends what you personally want out of being with someone.
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girlbiker
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the list is so long it puts me off reading it
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Tufts
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(Original post by girlbiker)
the list is so long it puts me off reading it
Indeed.

Deffo tl;dr material.
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FiveFiveSix
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You start the bonest threads, OP. Bore off.
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rosielovesmitchell
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#13
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(Original post by AnnieR)
physical attraction
getting to know each other
individual attraction
social attraction
general dating
sexual experiances
passion
depedance/needing each other
mutual affection
commitment
love
^:yep:
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Zweihander
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This is obviously aimed at women. For men there are only four stages:

physical attraction
general dating
sexual experiences
love (but only if the sex is really good)
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alenax
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Wow, I'm so glad I go out and experience things rather than sit at the computer and think about them.
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icn06
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#16
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- physical attraction
- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- general dating and getting to know each other
- passion
- first sexual experiences
- mutual affection
- mutual dependence/needing each other
- commitment
- love
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username163729
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#17
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#17
There's only two truths, initial attraction (looks and first impression, etc) and then attraction by the investment of time (thinking about that person more in general, working to get closer to that person, etc).

Unfortunately, quite a lot of people miss out on either and even both and don't get to fall in love because they don't know how to be attractive.
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sugarjunkie001
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- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- physical attraction
- passion
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- first sexual experiences
- general dating and getting to know each other
- commitment
- mutual dependence/needing each other
- mutual affection
- love

i think thats about right, although i could probably get rid of the social thing completely, i dont really care what other people think about my boyfriend. with my exes it used to bug me a lot, but now im just really happy with who he is and what we mean to each other.
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Mez1992
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#19
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#19
- mutual affection
- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- physical attraction
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- general dating and getting to know each other
- commitment
- passion
- first sexual experiences
- mutual dependence/needing each other
- love

Everything above love builds up to the love itself.
Everybody to their own I suppose because everybody is different. I'm one for love before sex though, personally.
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GazingAtStars
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- physical attraction
- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- general dating and getting to know each other
- first sexual experiences
- passion
- mutual dependence/needing each other
- mutual affection
- love
- commitment

Almost the same as what you put

Althoughh.. I tend to do this...

- physical attraction
- individual attraction (individual traits of the person e.g. interests, hobbies, personality etc.)
- social attraction (how the person stands among others, popularity, reputation, wealth, achievements etc.)
- sexual experiences (Although this is sometimes the second or third one)
- general dating and getting to know each other (possibly)
- non commitment

How sad.
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