*****TSR please! This is serious! Please help me, please!****** Watch

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emilia'
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Please read and offer kind words.

I'm 18, Indian and currently am at sixth form, doing my A2 exams. I initially applied to do a degree in Medicine as I felt really passionate about it, I love the sciences and the practicalities of Medicine, the vocational work, the challenge, etc

The problem is that my parents are forceful/traditional Asians. All my life, medicine, medicine, medicine is all they've ever wanted me to do - nothing else. They're also Muslim, and feel that, as a girl, if I were to study 'out of their reach' and leave London/move into halls then I would go mental with the freedom and become an alcoholic prostitute. This certainly isn't the case, but they don't seem to understand. :sad:

This troubles me as although I actually would like to do medicine and would thoroughly enjoy it, my parents constant pressure/single worldview makes me ... in a way want to stray away from it/rebel, if you understand. They make my thoughts on the matter become unclear, because all I ever hear is MEDICINE. LONDON. ISLAM. :mad:

So they essentially forced me to apply to a London medical school which I reluctantly did. I really regret it now.

And I was offered a place at a top-rated London Medical school.

I've accepted the offer - because of their pressure, but now I'm having second thoughts....

So I spoke to them recently about the possibility of me taking a year out to think things through - but they reacted really really harshly, and matters turned violent. I either accept the medical offer, stay at home and go to uni, apply through clearing to 'a crappy course' and stay at home, or be DISOWNED and thrown out onto the streets. They aren't joking - they really will disown me for such a trivial matter.

Ultimately, ignoring their criticism and pressure, I would genuinely love to medicine - but seeing as I live in a small house with 7 siblings (shared room, annoying, pressurised, etc ) I really want to move into halls. Couple this with the fact that my family are quite traditional, hardline Islamists and although I don't believe in the religion, I'm forced to pray, to cook and to clean and 'be married off'.

This idiocy from my parents behalf makes my blood boil.

So basically, we've fallen out totally - we're always having arguments. I would love to move into halls, be free from this suffocating religion, find a bf (I've had many, many wonderful offers from beautiful people of all races, but because of my family + current situation, I can't accept :mad: )

Is it too late to apply? And what about finance? They won't sign any papers for loans to move out into halls, I'm certain. :sad:

EDIT: I THINK I SHOULD JUST ADD THAT THEY ALLOWED ME TO APPLY TO CAMBRIDGE AS AN EXCEPTION TOO, BUT NOT TO GO THERE, JUST SO THAT THEY COULD 'SHOW OFF MY OFFER TO FAMILY'. I GOT THE OFFER BUT THEY WON'T LET ME GO THERE AT ALL, SO I HAD TO DECLINE IT IN JANUARY. :sad:

Gawd, this is making me cry so much + I have to be careful as family are peering over at what I'm writing! :eek:

I'm even supposed to be going on holiday with my family this summer oto Africa but because I've acted on this way, I'll be stuck at home with my uncle. This is pure torture.

What do I do with my life? Please, help me. Someone out there.
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MGIL
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just do medicine man.
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emilia'
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(Original post by MGIL)
just do medicine man.
Please read the whole post, I know it's long but it'd be much appreciated.
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keepa7
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Once your 18 I don't think you need their permission to get a student loan to pay for your university (I think)
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Bicallis
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There is nothing TSR members can do or say to help you out of this situation. I have personally never been through that kind of situation, being threatened by my own parents like that. All i can ask is, arent there an other family members who are on your side, and would be willing to let you in? Any close friends? Can't you just move out, or is it the money that limits this option?
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psychocustard
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There is never a simple answer to your type of situation.

The best you can do is sit them down, and explain that this is what you need to do, else you'll never be able to become a real doctor and make them proud. Are you the first of the children to go to university?

Let them know what you're going to be safe, that you've got a structured budget, you've worked out what you're going to do when you're not studying, and things like that. The best thing you can do is go in with a proper plan to prove to them you're not just going to become some kind of 'alcoholic prostitute'!

Just apply for halls. And then if it comes to it, I'd just disappear. They'll have to come round eventually, and there are always going to be people around to protect you.
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menaa-x
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Ah, my parents are quite traditional too! But I'm allowed to study even Art if I want to :p:

You need to build up some trust with them and show them that you are not going to turn into a prostitute or whatever. Tell them that you're respecting their wishes by studying Medicine and so they should give you a bit more freedom and trust you to independently do well in the subject without having them down your back all the time =|

Also, are your siblings older than you? If you have any older brothers it tend's to help. Im youngest and I don't think my parents would have let my sister go away for Uni, but, seeing as they seem to listen to my brothers, they are okay with me going away.

If the whole problem is indeed you wanting to go away from London to a university, maybe you could go to a city where you have some relatives? This would be some consolation to your parents even if you were only to see these relatives once in a blue moon while studying! But if you are definitely staying in London, then tell them that you will visit home all the time or whatever. You could tell them that they can pick you up every weekend or whatever. Also, you do realise that if you live in London, and are studying in London, you have less chance of being given accommodation than those outside of the area?

You could try to get a job too, it will help you feel less stressed because you'll be out of your house more?
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jacketpotato
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Just live in halls. You can still do the course in London, just live in halls and don't visit your parents too often.
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xmarilynx
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(Original post by emilia')
Please read the whole post, I know it's long but it'd be much appreciated.
Well, I've read the whole post, and I don't see any option besides medicine really. You want to do it, your parents want you to do it, so what's the problem?

I get that your parents are annoying, being all 'London, Islam, Medicine' etc, but if you do medicine then you get to get away from them, so :woo:
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miz_perfecto
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when your applying for student finance do it by form, write on one sheet show them that is says you'll be staying at home then take that sheet out after theyve checked it and signed it put in a replavement sheet saying you want to stay on campus LOOL..... im asian so i get what you mean
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Deano-101
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You're 18 and have the freedom to choose what you want to do.

I think you should do it, your parents may be furious at first but I'm sure eventually they will come to understand your need for freedom and growing up.
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RoslynCarter
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No. Its defo not too late to apply but my gosh...Hop to it girl!!! Maybe try to bargin that-if you don't get to take a gap year-you at least get to live in Halls.

Alternatively...apply behind their backs. Have letters sent to a friend's house etc etc. Then, when moving day comes along- Just go for it! Honestly, badger the Uni in question in secret and they will help you as much as they can.


Best of luck.x
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Walkin'Butterfly
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I understand that you are allowed to move into halls? Do medicine, move into the halls at that uni. Then sever contact with the parents until they are being more flexible.

Sorry if that didnt help
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sundance_kid
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(Original post by emilia')

I would genuinely love to medicine...

I would love to move into halls, be free from this suffocating religion, find a bf.
So go to halls, do medicine, find a bf. You are an adult, they (legally) can't control you. They clearly aren't worth your time - don't look back and you will have a great time.

Good luck.
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xmarilynx
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(Original post by menaa-x)
Im youngest and I don't think my parents would have let my sister go away for Uni, but, seeing as they seem to listen to my brothers, they are okay with me going away.
This isn't an attack on you personally or anything, but I seriously can't imagine having such strict parents, to the extent that when legally an adult they decide whether you're 'allowed' to go to uni or not! :eek3:
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Snookercraze
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No offence, but I struggle to see how you would ever get your parents to change their minds. You're not in a grave and desperate position to be honest; you have a place at a top medicine school in London, which many would dream of.
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electricfeel--
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I would have thought it would be physically impossible to study for a medical degree with 7 siblings and shared rooms... Have they not considered this?
Try whatever way you can to move out - if you don't agree with their religion and the future they have planned for you, then it's only going to get worse as time goes on.
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menaa-x
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(Original post by xmarilynx)
This isn't an attack on you personally or anything, but I seriously can't imagine having such strict parents, to the extent that when legally an adult they decide whether you're 'allowed' to go to uni or not! :eek3:
Oh it's fine, she was just a bit of a sket and they didn't trust her. Plus she dropped out of college and told them she was still going and stuff and would just go out everyday. So they kind of thought that she would probably drop out of Uni and waste her life away or something. I dunno. :p:


PS. She was allowed to go Uni. They just didn't want her to move out of the city.
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fubsadoo
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I don't what would be the right thing to do, but if I were you I would take any route away from your family that I could. If you enjoy medicine, then of course, take that and move out.
Although, of course, you might not want to do medicine. Do you have any other family or friends that would take you in if you did get thrown out? Because I think what you really need is to take a year out, preferably away from your parents, and think about what you really want. That way you get time to think about uni properly and pick the right course and uni for you. And also, you'll be old enough for them not to have legal power over you anymore.
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xmarilynx
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(Original post by menaa-x)
Oh it's fine, she was just a bit of a sket and they didn't trust her. Plus she dropped out of college and told them she was still going and stuff and would just go out everyday. So they kind of thought that she would probably drop out of Uni and waste her life away or something. I dunno. :p:


PS. She was allowed to go Uni. They just didn't want her to move out of the city.
Ah right, fair enough then :p:
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