Bf trouble!

Hey, I'd really appreciate some opinions on this....
Ok, well ive been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years, but every time we go out with my friends he ends up sitting in a corner by himself....he flatly refuses to dance or have any photos taken or anything like that....and he doesnt even really talk to my friends. it seems to me that as soon as he meets a friend of mine he judges them and decides whether he likes them or not....and most of the time he doesnt.....so doesnt make any effort to talk to them. i get on with his friends brilliantly and i cant understand why he wont make the effort to just talk to my friends. He is a bit shy, but so am i, and id have thought that after 2 years hed be more at ease with my friends. When we go out i cant dance or really talk to my friends, coz i feel like i cant leave him and if i do he gets in such a stress with me :frown:

. Maybe it would be better to go out without him, but i want to go out with him and have fun, but this just comes between us every time and we end up arguing. Ive talked to him about it but he denies not talking to my friends, and says that he doesnt do those things because he doesnt want to....but he wont even try for me. for example, i spent half of my leaver's ball on fri sitting with him in a corner in silence and the other half dancing with my friends feeling guilty about leaving him. And its not just me that thinks this btw...all my friends have noticed and think its odd....Help please!

Reply 1

Natalie Lane

9

Umm well, you said you've tried talking to him but honestly it's probably the only thing you can do so I'd suggest you try it again. Maybe of next time you're out together and he's in the corner you can point it out to him so that he can no longer deny it or something.
You've gotta be more serious about it next time you talk though, it doesn't seem fair that he won't even try... I think it's more important that he at least tries to get on with your friends for you than actually do managing it, if you agree maybe you could tell him that.

right, I'm no relationship expert (at all actually) co maybe you shouldn't take my advice... it's still honest though

Reply 2

Rach:)

OP

1

Natalie Lane

Umm well, you said you've tried talking to him but honestly it's probably the only thing you can do so I'd suggest you try it again. Maybe of next time you're out together and he's in the corner you can point it out to him so that he can no longer deny it or something.
You've gotta be more serious about it next time you talk though, it doesn't seem fair that he won't even try... I think it's more important that he at least tries to get on with your friends for you than actually do managing it, if you agree maybe you could tell him that.

right, I'm no relationship expert (at all actually) co maybe you shouldn't take my advice... it's still honest though

Thanks for your advice.
I have talked about it to him seriously many times, and ive asked him about it whilst hes doing it, yet he just gets in a stress and goes all quiet and either ignores me or has a go at me....im running out of ideas....its ruining our relationship...i dont want to end it but i really cant carry on like this and he knows that but still doesnt seem to be trying :frown:

Reply 3

Zurich

9

Sometimes your other half just doesn't mix with your friends. If it causes problems, go out with them separately.

Reply 4

erk

14

He might not like them.

I hated my ex's friends. :smile:

Reply 5

lil_crazyflakes

12

Maybe try to find balance between time alone with him, and time with your friends. If neccesary see them seperately. Perhaps he feels threatened by them in some way. Or maybe like many males he just wants all your attention all the time and hates the thought of sharing. He is not alone, nearly everyone i have been with has been the same- men :rolleyes:

Reply 6

saz_1989

2

ooh that's difficult. maybe take him out half the time and ditch him the rest of the time?

when he's out with u and ur friends, u could talk to them beforehand, explain that he feels shy around them but u'd love it if they'd include him in conversation (bribe them with chocolate if they dont want to!). then if a couple of them go talk to him, he wont feel intimidated, and he'll have to answer! if he doesnt speak to them in that situation, dump him immediately! in the end, u need a guy whos friendly and has some social skills - he doesnt need to be a great conversationalist, he just needs to make the effort, anyway girls can quite happily do most of the talking.

to be honest i would probably have a had a total fit by now so i think if all else fails u should try that. crying will also help :wink:

a bit deceitful but at least it'll make him see how much u feel about it!

Reply 7

ruthiepoothie

11

Rach:)

Hey, I'd really appreciate some opinions on this....
Ok, well ive been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years, but every time we go out with my friends he ends up sitting in a corner by himself....he flatly refuses to dance or have any photos taken or anything like that....and he doesnt even really talk to my friends. it seems to me that as soon as he meets a friend of mine he judges them and decides whether he likes them or not....and most of the time he doesnt.....so doesnt make any effort to talk to them. i get on with his friends brilliantly and i cant understand why he wont make the effort to just talk to my friends. He is a bit shy, but so am i, and id have thought that after 2 years hed be more at ease with my friends. When we go out i cant dance or really talk to my friends, coz i feel like i cant leave him and if i do he gets in such a stress with me :frown:

. Maybe it would be better to go out without him, but i want to go out with him and have fun, but this just comes between us every time and we end up arguing. Ive talked to him about it but he denies not talking to my friends, and says that he doesnt do those things because he doesnt want to....but he wont even try for me. for example, i spent half of my leaver's ball on fri sitting with him in a corner in silence and the other half dancing with my friends feeling guilty about leaving him. And its not just me that thinks this btw...all my friends have noticed and think its odd....Help please!

Well, this may sound odd but you should at least be glad that he comes out with you and your friends.... (my ex point blank refused to be involved in anything I did with my friends)

What's he like with people he doesn't know? Cos it could just be a case of feeling excluded, or perhaps shy.

I know you've tried talking to him but try and approach it from a different angle- perhaps saying how much you appreciate him coming out with you and your friends, and how much you would like him to get to know them better and stuff.....or perhaps you could all go for a meal or something? It's sometimes easier to talk in those kind of situations so he may find it easier.

Ruthie xx

Reply 8

Rach:)

OP

1

Lozza

when he's out with u and ur friends, u could talk to them beforehand, explain that he feels shy around them but u'd love it if they'd include him in conversation (bribe them with chocolate if they dont want to!). then if a couple of them go talk to him, he wont feel intimidated, and he'll have to answer! if he doesnt speak to them in that situation, dump him immediately!

Whenever we're out my friends talk to him...either because ive asked them to, which they dont mind doing at all, or theyre just making casual conversation....most of the time its a case of him giving one word answers and so the convo tends to die coz people feel like theyre talking to themselves....argh! When i met him he wasnt like this tho, coz how would he have got to know me if he was?! i dont understand :frown:

He is shy around people he doesnt know, but hes known most of my friends for two years, so youd think hed be used to them....he doesnt really seem shy around them either, just like he thinks hes above them and just doesnt want to bother with talking to them...i dont know if thats actually what he thinks, but its how it appears. I love my friends and i dont want them to go off me coz of how he behaves when we go out with them!

Bf trouble!

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