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Don't know what to do about these 2 guys.....

Hey,

Ok well I'm at uni at the moment. Broke up with my bf of 5 years at the end of january. A couple of days after I got together (just kissing) with a bloke.....this happened twice within as many days (god i hope my ex never reads this). Anyway, the next day he left on a round the world trip for 6 months (I knew this was going to happen before I got together with him). Now, don't get me wrong I really liked him and stuff, so I'm not convinced that it was rebound or anything, and i don't regret it now, but I don't know how these things work so I suppose it could have been. Anyway, for the first few months of him being away we kept in touch loads, email, texts and he wrote me about 7 letters. I found it really hard to cope for the first few weeks when he was away, although I knew we weren't really together or anything, it was just odd, and I really really liked him. However for the past 6 weeks or so the contact has been very much reduced, however any texts i get from him always say 'loads of love' or 'loadsa love' at the end- which only happened after we got together and not before (I knew him from my Christmas job)

In the meantime, there is another guy that I really like at uni. I have known him more or less for the whole of my first year, and we've always got on really well and everything, and I got through on and off phases of really liking him. Well, I saw him the other weekend (with a group of people not a date or anything) and all those feelings came flooding back. I'm not sure if he likes me back or not....but I've been round to his a few times for coffee and stuff- nothing's happened btw.

Anyway, I really don't know what to do. I kind of feel I owe it to the travelling guy to wait until he gets back and see if anything happens- but we didn't make an agreement or anything, well, only to keep in touch.....which implies just as friends. My feelings for the travelling guy also aren't as strong as they were I don't think, although this could just be cos we aren't in contact as much. But I really really like the guy at uni, and I think about him a lot, and part of me wants to say something to him before we go home for the summer. But then I feel guilty and get worried in case travelling guy gets back and expects us to be together, and I do still like him I think....

Just wondered if anyone had any advice really about what I should do, I know ultimately it's my decision, but all these things keep going over and over in my head and I just can't seem to make and sense of them...

Ruthie xx

Reply 20

ruthiepoothie

OP

11

Lozza

this might have been said, but you should go for the other guy. you only kissed the guy that went out, you're not even going out. you shouldn't feel any guilt, and you shouldn't put your life on hold for a guy that might not even be interested when he gets back.

I know, it's just I liked him so much and don't want him to have any false expectations.....do u think i should stop emailing/texting him and only reply if he contacts me? or just keep things as they are?

Ruthie xx

Reply 21

ruthiepoothie

OP

11

Update:

Was speaking to uni guy on msn and asked him if he fancied meeting up for a coffee or something sometime after exams? He said "that sounds nice" i said "yay" he said "shall we speak about it nearer to the time" i said "ok, cool" then he had to go.

I'm pleased I asked him :smile:

I think i'm just going to see how I feel when we meet and go from there :smile:

Ruthie xx

Reply 22

lil_crazyflakes

12

ruthiepoothie

Update:

Was speaking to uni guy on msn and asked him if he fancied meeting up for a coffee or something sometime after exams? He said "that sounds nice" i said "yay" he said "shall we speak about it nearer to the time" i said "ok, cool" then he had to go.

I'm pleased I asked him :smile:

I think i'm just going to see how I feel when we meet and go from there :smile:

Ruthie xx

That's great, you got the ball rolling so to speak :smile:

Hope it works out x

Reply 23

ruthiepoothie

OP

11

lessthanthree

Well technically, you don't really owe anything to the guy who's away - you said yourself, he's starting to trail off a little bit with his communication and stuff [Which I don't blame him for - it'd be pretty time consuming and he's naturally going to want to maximise his travel time].

Yeah I know, I didn't expect him be in touch as much as he did, and I didn't want him to spend his whole trip writing/emailing me, cos that would be such a waste.

lessthanthree

Personally, I'd see how you might be able to develop the relationship with the guy who's here - but only if you're sure you're not going to go loopy for the guy when he comes back - because it'd be pretty unfair to use guy number 2 just to tide you over until guy one comes back, you know?

Yeah i'm very aware of this, and wouldn't want to hurt the uni guy, or either of them in fact, so would go for the relationship with uni guy only when i'm absolutely sure that that's the right thing, and not just to 'tide me over'.

lessthanthree

Don't feel guilty, or like you owe the other guy - he's probably going to be a little different after such a long trip anyway!

Yeah I know, I just tend to over worry about stuff and the last thing I want to do is upset anyone :smile:

Ruthie xx

Reply 24

saz_1989

2

you're not hurting anyone. speaking from experience, dont get attached to people, and dont let them get attached to you. make it clear from the start that everything is casual, because you can always let it get more serious if you want to. plus, when you do get serious with someone they're really happy that they stopped you wanting to be single (even if you didn't want to be single!). well that's how to not hurt ppl anyway, and how to not get hurt :smile:

sounds like you have lots of guys after you, lucky girl :p:

Reply 25

ruthiepoothie

OP

11

Another Update:

I was talking to uni guy on msn for ages last night and i ended up telling him that I liked him- well actually it went something like this:

Ruthie-there's something i quite want to tell you but i'm not sure if i should and stuff

Uni guy-there's a chance i feel the same way if it's what i think and hope it might be

Ruthie- Ok.....I really like you

Uni Guy- I really like you too

:smile:

We are hopfully going to be doing something this week, to fit in around revision and exams :smile:

I'm really happy...it definitely feels like the right thing :smile:

Ruthie xx

EDIT- i just want to say a special thankyou to Music Boy for being so great and helping me through it all last night :smile:

Reply 26

Create

2

awwwwwwwwwww!! :biggrin:

Well done Ruthie! Very excited for you!

Don't know what to do about these 2 guys.....

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