The Student Room Group

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Reply 20
BlueAngel
yes my parents.



I think they are together because they are married and also because of the children factor.

Zain
Reply 21
Agha Zain
I think they are together because they are married and also because of the children factor.

Zain


yeah precisely. if u're married, its understandable as u should be committed and r responsible. but i find it strange that people who r dating can feel so responsible for the other person and stay with them just cos the other person loves them alot and even though they don't feel the same for them.
Reply 22
wonkey
have any of u been in or know someone who has been in a dead relationship. by this i mean......one of the other knows the relationship is dead but r still in. and by 'dead' i mean.....kinda like not much intimacy, and u just see each other every so often, have a little chat....have a drink, watch a bit of tv.
and they haven't ended the relationship

wot do u think of this?


yes i have. we therefore mutually agreed to end the relationship and just be friends. and good friends we are to this day. sometimes people just move apart.
Reply 23
technik
yes i have. we therefore mutually agreed to end the relationship and just be friends. and good friends we are to this day. sometimes people just move apart.


how bad did it get and how long did it take till u mutually broke up?!
Reply 24
wonkey
how bad did it get and how long did it take till u mutually broke up?!

it wasnt "bad". we didnt hate each other or anything.

we just argued more. lost the "really looking forward to seeing you" bit, wanted different things.

happened over the course of about 6-9 months i guess.
Reply 25
I had this sort of relationship for about 2 months. We'd been going out just over a year. My boyfriend was at Oxford Brookes and I was at Oxford. In the second half of the spring term I got quite rundown with coughs and colds and had a lot of work to do as well so wasn't getting better. This meant I got quite stressed and occasionally depressed.

Because I had a lot of work to do(occasionally 2 essays and problem sheet a week) and it took more effort to do it because I was ill, we didn't see each other as much and when we did, we bickered about everything and nothing. I got annoyed because I thought he didn't understand how much work I had on and he always went out with his friends and not me. We always did the same thing - cook a meal, watch a film, go to sleep. It was nice, but it gets a bit boring after a while. And when he was at uni and i was at home, I felt that I rarely heard from him and that I was making all the effort.

We haven't broken up. We had a fortnight of talking about everything and now things are really good again. We do go out and do different things more, although this is always easier when we are at home and don't have work to do. We do still sit and watch a film but now i think how nice it is to have a quiet night in. People do change and either you can break up and be friends (an option we considered but didn't want to do) or you can adjust if possible to the new people you've become. And also you have to accept that if you want a long-term relationship you can never keep that excitement and newness you feel in the first months of being with someone. It just doesn't happen I don't think. You just have to find other ways of appreciating and enjoying being with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Reply 26
i agree. kool, gd luck! :smile:
me and my ex boyfriend where like that...we became more like best friends than a couple after he went to uni as he went to Oxford and me as a priority as a girlfriend kind of slipped down the list of importance. We acted like we were just friends a lot of the time especially since we hardly saw each other and mainly just talked so we eventually thought why not just be best friends instead...I think also it happened because we had been together so long too (almost 4 years)
Reply 28
sparklyteacosie
me and my ex boyfriend where like that...we became more like best friends than a couple after he went to uni as he went to Oxford and me as a priority as a girlfriend kind of slipped down the list of importance. We acted like we were just friends a lot of the time especially since we hardly saw each other and mainly just talked so we eventually thought why not just be best friends instead...I think also it happened because we had been together so long too (almost 4 years)


awww its gd ur still friends......but isn't it a bit weird cos surely u still have feelings for him when u c him or spend time with him?! don't u get phases? or have u moved on and got a new bf?
wonkey
awww its gd ur still friends......but isn't it a bit weird cos surely u still have feelings for him when u c him or spend time with him?! don't u get phases? or have u moved on and got a new bf?


Thats the problem I still have so many feelings for him and love him so much but we have both agreed that being in the relationship made us miserable as it wasnt working and he is going to russia for 9 months so that also played a part in the decision..I do still hope that one day he will be mine again but I have started to realise I should probably move on. Its a good job I hardly see him actually because he is at Oxford. However if he wasn't there and going away the relationship wouldnt have died. Thats the thing that makes me really upset..
Reply 30
sparklyteacosie
Thats the problem I still have so many feelings for him and love him so much but we have both agreed that being in the relationship made us miserable as it wasnt working and he is going to russia for 9 months so that also played a part in the decision..I do still hope that one day he will be mine again but I have started to realise I should probably move on. Its a good job I hardly see him actually because he is at Oxford. However if he wasn't there and going away the relationship wouldnt have died. Thats the thing that makes me really upset..


yeah i know wot u mean.......its unfair and it's a shame!
wonkey
yeah i know wot u mean.......its unfair and it's a shame!


Yes it really is.

But even though it sounds like I just gave up..we didnt act like a couple and we werent the most important things in each others lives and that is a sign that you are better off as friends :frown:
Reply 32
sparklyteacosie
Yes it really is.

But even though it sounds like I just gave up..we didnt act like a couple and we werent the most important things in each others lives and that is a sign that you are better off as friends :frown:


fair enough. i guess its the best and right thing then :redface:
Jessie
I had this sort of relationship for about 2 months. We'd been going out just over a year. My boyfriend was at Oxford Brookes and I was at Oxford. In the second half of the spring term I got quite rundown with coughs and colds and had a lot of work to do as well so wasn't getting better. This meant I got quite stressed and occasionally depressed.

Because I had a lot of work to do(occasionally 2 essays and problem sheet a week) and it took more effort to do it because I was ill, we didn't see each other as much and when we did, we bickered about everything and nothing. I got annoyed because I thought he didn't understand how much work I had on and he always went out with his friends and not me. We always did the same thing - cook a meal, watch a film, go to sleep. It was nice, but it gets a bit boring after a while. And when he was at uni and i was at home, I felt that I rarely heard from him and that I was making all the effort.

We haven't broken up. We had a fortnight of talking about everything and now things are really good again. We do go out and do different things more, although this is always easier when we are at home and don't have work to do. We do still sit and watch a film but now i think how nice it is to have a quiet night in. People do change and either you can break up and be friends (an option we considered but didn't want to do) or you can adjust if possible to the new people you've become. And also you have to accept that if you want a long-term relationship you can never keep that excitement and newness you feel in the first months of being with someone. It just doesn't happen I don't think. You just have to find other ways of appreciating and enjoying being with your boyfriend/girlfriend.


Wow, you're post has made me feel so much better. Tonight mine and my boyfriends 'rut' has come to a peak and i'm pondering over what to do, and everyone had said 'we broke up' etc and I was thinking that was the only option but I read your post and it's cheered me up- Thank you! :smile:
Reply 34
I was in one (there's a thread about it). Someone told me there's a reason for every change in behaviour, and they were right saying her being mean to me was basically because she'd done me wrong, whether or not she did anything with the other guy, she was with him and didnt want me to even come down :frown:

Plus she has so many other problems etc
I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a dead person, would you?
Reply 36
PinkPigeon
Wow, you're post has made me feel so much better. Tonight mine and my boyfriends 'rut' has come to a peak and i'm pondering over what to do, and everyone had said 'we broke up' etc and I was thinking that was the only option but I read your post and it's cheered me up- Thank you! :smile:


I hope it all goes well for you, whatever you choose. It's horrible because one of the worst feelings in the world is that your once so perfect relationship with the person you love most isn't as good as it could or should be.

I knew I wanted my boyfriend in my life in some way because I couldn't bear not to have him around. In a strange way, he means more to me than being my boyfriend. I really do enjoy just being with him, talking to him, having a laugh, going for a walk, in the same way you appreciate a really good friend. So I let him read my diary - because I could always vent my anger very coherently to my long-suffering friends but when faced with telling him the same thing, I didn't want to hurt him and couldn't tell him just how I felt. And after reading, he said he realised how upset and sad he'd unintentionally made me feel.

That said, don't stay in the relationship for the sake of it. If it's been a long-term one, then it'll be much harder I think to come to terms with being single. But if you are not happy and feel that things can't change for whatever reason, then don't stay. I think the crucial factor is that if you no longer enjoy being with him, then it's not worth it.