how do i stop paranoia ruining my relationships?

You sound so much like me it's scary.

Just try to be rational and stay calm. If he isn't texting you back, do something to take your mind off it. I know it's hard! The amount of times I've text my boyfriend 7 times (each one getting more angry and paranoid) only to find his battery died or he was in the shower.

And talk. Talk about it until you're sick of hearing your own voice! Tell your boyfriend that you trust him, that you know it's irrational, that you're trying to get better and that you don't want it to get in the way of your relationship. Tell him you're not trying to accuse him of anything or blame him at all, you're just naturally insecure about some things - but you're working to improve this.

If you feel worse, see a councellor, it's nice to talk to someone who is a professional and wont judge you. I put this off for years feeling that I didn't have a 'real' problem and that they would laugh at me but it can really help to just blurt out all your issues (however silly or small you think they are) to someone who might be able to help you understand them.

My friend suffers bad paranoia and she goes to CBT councelling which is where they try to pinpoint your negative thoughts/feelings and change the way your mind reacts to the situations that cause them. It's very effective and helpful to some people and becoming more popular than medication for people who suffer paranoia (however mild), depression etc.

Best of luck xxx

please keep anonymous or delete

If a boyfriend doesnt text me back i immediately think he doesnt want to talk to me or cant be that bothered about me if he doesnt text back.
My ex said going out with me was an ego boost and i said 'is that the only reason why your going out with me?' i didnt mean it, it just came into my head and out my mouth without even thinking. If i get a compliment i end up questioning it a bit, if a boyfriend goes out with his friends and i dont hear from him nearly all day i believe he doesnt care about me and isnt interested. I got flowers bought for me and i was veryt thankful and happy but it did make me think 'hmm, he must have done something wrong'

I end up getting like this quite alot in relationships. I was with a boyfriend for 2 years, he was amazing yet i kept thinking in my head he must fancy someone else more than me, i must have just been his gf because someone else he liked didnt want o be with him so hes settling for me. even though there was no reason for em to think he was interested in anyone else.

I feel so guilty because i keep on ruining things. Things are fine but im convinced their not. the only thing that is wrong is me overanalysing and being so paranoid. I really want to change it. Does anyone ha any advice or tips? or even a name of a good book to help.

ah this is me, pretty much.
i feel like this all the time. just don't let it show to your boyfriend defiantly!
you need more confidence, and get to a point where you feel more confident in yourself and happy.
but as i said before, do not let your boyfriend know about your paranoia - he'll start to get annoyed with it. and even though you do this as you don't want to loose him - you'll just end up pushing him away.

If they are going to cheat or leave you, they are going to do it regardless of whether you worry or not or try and stop them or not. If they do, they are not worth being with, move on.

You are not going to achieve anything by worrying about things like this, and in all reality are pushing people away. I know that's not what you want to do, but it's what's happening.

I don't mean to come across as harsh but a kick up the arse is what you need; I used to be just like this....

Hope this helps...

This is quite like me. My gf often says i want too much attention, as i'll feel bad if she doesn't text when shes away.

As for helping it to change, im not too sure as i've tried but it might just be my personality s: it's probably better to take your mind and not think about your bf after you text, and try and keep busy with things when he's away, like go out with friends often and just generally have fun.

Maybe you need to try and care less about things? Or try to think from his point of view, eg. like oh i guess he just hasn't noticed the message so it won't be that he can't be bothered. Try being a bit more relaxed about it and taking your mind off thinking like that. Or tell yourself your just being stupid maybe and that he'll have a good reason for it.

You are not going to achieve anything by worrying about things like this, and in all reality are pushing people away. I know that's not what you want to do, but it's what's happening.

This. They are going to get fed up with you going "are we ok are we ok are we ok do you still love me" and end up just calling time, happened to me so many times and I'm trying so hard not to do it in my current relationship.

To the person who said talk: don't. not to him atleast.

Anon because I'm paranoid myself, about everything and I wish I could stop making up things when I'm not with him, does not help me in the long run!

Im the same, my ex dumped me out of the blue he was a total head **** and made me insecure etc. With my current bf im clingy, if i see some random blonde or pretty girl commeont on facebook i get upset, i know it is my own insecurities that cause this as all the time i am afraid he will leave me like my ex did.
For advice pinpoin in yourself why you feel thsi way, is it because something happened, someone said something to you, then have a talk with your bf and tell him you find it hard to trust him or whatever, i didnt for ages and my bf thought it was because i didnt love him etc and was portraying him wrongly. I saw a councellor about other matters and it all came back to my own insecurities which i had to work on myself. A reltionship is built on trust, tell him how you feel i know it is not nice at all to feel paranoid.