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the opportunities at uni too much too handle?

just want opinions from ppl about..

if ppl are in a relationship (at different unis)...are the opportunities whilst they are at uni too hard for them to handle generally? i mean how likely is it that one or the other will cheat...as in perhaps one night the girl gets a little too drunk and oops! type thing...

it's just ppl give this impression of uni being 'wild' and 'crazy' which i can imagine, but if ure in a relationship does that mean you have to take a step back just to purposely avoid situations if u want a relationship too last?

or for example a girl going to clubs whilst she's at uni...but is involved in a relationship with a guy at another uni...it jus seems that a relationship working is an impossibility

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Reply 1

FrisbeeFan

I'm in my second year at uni, I got together with my boyfriend at the end of November and I've never even considered being unfaithful whether drunk on a night out or not.

Reply 2

queenselphie

I think this really will depend on what social group you fall in with at university. In some groups there will always be people who are sleeping around, with each others, going out just to "pull" and generally experimenting sexually with one another. If thats not what you're after, you'd be well advised to stay away from these "partying" groups, or there will be a certain element of tempatation, and we are, after all, human, and fallible.

Most groups, at most uni's, are full of intelligent, mature people, who dont just casually sleep around for fun, and would have some level of loyalty to their partners. At the end of the day, if you are really in love, it's less likely you'll cheat.

But, Im not going to lie, it is a tempting place. You meet people who share your interests, can match you intellectually, and of all shapes sizes and appearances, so that its quite likely you'll bump into someone who seems very tempting indeed. In such a large crowd of people, there is going to be one or two that you will grow close to, fall for, or be tempted by.

I speak from experience. I went to uni but left a serious relationship behind. Even though I fell in with a group who dont randomly sleep around and get wasted, I did meet someone who was very close to being a soul mate to me. I couldnt help that I'd found someone ideal. I fell in love with him. But I loved my partner, I was loyal, and I didnt cheat. Ever. me and my partner split up in the end, but not because of cheating.

There's nothing you can do to stop a partner or yourself falling for someone, all you/they can do, is not cheat, or end their current relationship cleanly and fairly, rather than sneak around being deceitful. Loving someone, finding someone who is ideal is a risk of going to uni, but its also a risk of going out into the world. You or your partner will always be meeting new people and having chances to cheat. You cant change that, cant keep them or yourself away from the world. All you can do is be honest with one another if you do want to end thing and see someone else, communcate well and often, and place some faith in each other.

Uni is the place where a lot of people meet their life partners, so yes, people do cheat, break up, or get tempted. But at the end of the day, this is about believing in your partner, and trusting them to be loyal and love you. It's a scary thing, trust, but sometimes you have to do it, or you start harming the relationship.

Reply 3

Sophdoph

I agree with a lot of what Queenselphie just said.

A lot can be to do with peer pressure whether somebody cheats or not. If you fall into a group of single people it can be difficult because you feel left out if everyone else is on the pull/bringing people home.

If you love somebody and care very strongly for your partner, and you are in a clearly exclusive relationship, then there should be no reason to cheat. Yes you may see attractive people around and people may flirt with you, but if you are in a secure relationship why do you want to lose that for a meaningless one night stand with somebody that looked great after 4 vodkas but actually smells like a dog in the morning?

It is a tempting place as you are mixing with new people, experimenting with new ways of living, being independent with only your rules to live by. However if you feel as though your relationship doesn't mean as much to you anymore, you need to discuss it with your partner rather than cheat. Be honest with them, if they're at uni they may be feeling what you are too but not wanting to talk about it.

Spending time with your partner is crucial, and if you can't see them in person regular contact usually makes you realise how happy you are with them and how lucky you are. I love my boyfriend so much I couldn't imagine ot being with him even though this year I've been at uni and he hasn't. Yes I've seen attractive people around uni but they're just faces and have no meaning/relevence to me when I have somebody I can call anytime day or night and know that they love me and I love them.

If you see other people cheating it can make you feel a bit like "well they're doing it so why can't I?" but I know people who have done it and then been caught up in so much guilt and pain it really wasn't worth it. It's not too much to handle if you are sensible about it and think about what you really want.

Reply 4

Flicker

Lucas

i don't understand why a girl going to clubs would threaten a relationship unless she is planning to be unfaithful anyway, in which case it doesn't matter if you're at different unis.

I've been with my boyfriend 2 years, during which time he has been at uni. He has been completely faithful and i plan to continue this when i start uni in september. Plenty of people have boyfriends/girlfriends at the same uni and you go out separately then anyway!

i don't really like getting wasted anyway so that's not an issue for me but i do like going out and dancing and seeing my friends. yuo have to trust each other and it's completely up to the individuals if it works. i really don't think being drunk is an excuse as justb ecause you're inebriated doesn't mean you forget you have a partner, and if you're too drunk to know what you're doing i'd be more concerned for your personal safety than for your relationship!

Noone can tell you any statistics on how likely it is to work or not - it's so personal. maybe opportunities aer too "hard to handle" for some people but you won't know until you get there, i guess. just go with the flow :smile:

Reply 5

Cazzi

im planning on going to the same uni as my boyfriend next year
(been together one year...but spend 7 days a week together so it feels more like 3 years!!)
im actually very worried whats going to happen once we're there. were going to make sure we are in the same hall together....and we tend to like the same sorta people so hopefully same social groups. but theres always that niggling thought of 'what if?'
i really wish there was something i could do to ensure we finish university together and not apart. :confused:

Reply 6

Anubis

Watch Road Trip. Awesome film, and gives you a giggle at what some people are like at uni. :p:

Reply 7

xXMessedUpXx

I'm planning on being at uni in the same city as my boyf in september

he's been there nearly a year now (and we've been goin out nearly as long) and whiclst he's been at uni, and i've been at home, in 6th form sure yes, i've met people who i've really clicked with, one of which is practically my best mate.

and i do like him so the temptation has always been there, but i won't cheat on my boyf. i honestly couldnt cos i can't do taht to him or us.

you just learn to get over "crusheS", and if you really love your partner you dont need to worry

Reply 8

xXMessedUpXx

Cazzi_Bear

i really wish there was something i could do to ensure we finish university together and not apart. :confused:

unfortunely there isn't.

if you are you are, if not, well you have to live with it. I know thats not a nice thought but i thought i had everything with my ex Mat. We were togther 18 months and i was head over heels in love. We had our future planned. Then he moved to Las Vegas and we split up.

Things don't always work out how you think they will, but i wish you both the best of luck anyway and hope it works out :smile:

Reply 9

_poptart_

You shouldnt avoid new situations because for fearing it will affect your relationship, all you can do is have faith in your relationship and hopefully it will work out. My ex went to uni, and within a month we split up. Thats not to say tho that relationships cant work at uni - it just depends on the couple and whether the other person wants to keep it going or experience something new.
Like I said, take the chance and if it doesnt work out, it doesnt work out. After all, there are so many people at uni its not like you'll never find anyone ever again is it?!

Reply 10

Sophdoph

No you shouldn't stay with somebody just because you think it's right and proper. If you grow apart, you do, and you should let yourself enjoy what you want at uni rather than avoid any situation where a potential new partner might be..thats very restrictive and you wouldn't enjoy it and may end up resenting your current partner.

Reply 11

lil_crazyflakes

Cazzi_Bear

Wow, i wish we were doing that. My boyfriend did a GNVQ, and then As so he is now a year behind me. As a result i'm hopefully off to RVC in september and he will be doing A2 :frown:

We will have been together nearly two years, and at the moment we see each other all the time at school. We see each other before school, between lessons, break, lunch etc, he even comes into my chemistry lessons because i'm the only student. I am going to miss him so much and it scares me. Do you think we will last, or will being apart break us up?

Reply 12

smiler87

I think it depends massively on the individual and how much they value their relationship. I've been out with someone who was at uni he was nice enough and it lasted until about February. But my heart wasn't really in it and I'm a very sexually demanding person. Basically the temptation was too much: I cheated on him so much it really wasn't fair and it was pretty awful when he found out.

End of the day that's my experience and I conclude that honesty is the best policy: you have to think about how much you value the relationship and what you genuinely think you can handle.

Reply 13

Cazzi

lil_crazyflakes

Wow, i wish we were doing that. My boyfriend did a GNVQ, and then As so he is now a year behind me. As a result i'm hopefully off to RVC in september and he will be doing A2 :frown:

its all about on HOW MUCH you want it to work. if u truly are in love i dont think you will split up and u will get through it, just like a feel me and my bf will.
we're in the same situation at the moment. see each other every day b4 morning/break/lunch and weekends. Going to uni is going to be a major change.

Reply 14

Piggsil

Just because a girl goes out to a club at another uni to her boyfriend doesn't man she's going to pull some random and wreck their relationship. If both people in the relationship are prepared to work to stay together bthen it will work, if they're not, it won't, simple as that, although I do know of a couple of cases where people have split up with their long term boyfriend/girlfriend because ther is somone they like more at uni, I also know a lot of people who are still with their boyfriend/girlfriend from home!

Reply 15

lil_crazyflakes

Cazzi_Bear

Well, my heart is in it. It's him i'm unsure of. Loyalty isn't his strength x

Reply 16

Cazzi

lil_crazyflakes

Well, my heart is in it. It's him i'm unsure of. Loyalty isn't his strength x

Maybe you should ask him wheter he thinks it will work out. i hate to say this because i know what its like but if you go and he isnt loyal...well you're going to be a lot more hurt.

maybe ask him if he feels you two have a long and happy future together. If he says yes..then i wish you all the best :smile:

i do know how u feel.im still not totally convinced my bf wants to go through uni with me...but hes a bloke you no....you can never understand whats goin thru their heads!m :biggrin:

just stay happy and hope for the best like i am :smile:

Reply 17

lil_crazyflakes

Cazzi_Bear

i do know how u feel.im still not totally convinced my bf wants to go through uni with me...but hes a bloke you no....you can never understand whats goin thru their heads!m :biggrin:

just stay happy and hope for the best like i am :smile:

He says we will last, but as i say he isn't so loyal :redface:

Reply 18

Cazzi

lil_crazyflakes

He says we will last, but as i say he isn't so loyal :redface:

then just trust his word for now. if u doubt it again any time in the future then tackle it then.

Its difficult aint it? :afraid:

Dont worry and be happy :biggrin:

Reply 19

Helenia

Cazzi_Bear

It's not just about how much you want it to work now - though it will be hard work to maintain a relationship with one/both parties at uni. Fact is, we all change a lot at our current ages, and a lot of couples will break up anyway, regardless of whether they're at uni or not. Uni does change people even more though, and it can put extra strain on. Even the most stable of couples can just eventually grow apart and split, uni shouldn't be the only reason but it may well be one of them.