Falling for my best friend...

Hey, please keep anonymous as she comes on her.

Basically I went to a new college and met the best friend I've ever had. I've never been close to anyone and am pretty close to her now. It's amazing having a friendship like this, I can see why 'normal' people like their friends so much.

She has said while drunk that I was one of her best friends, I've helped her out a lot lately and she said she wanted to kiss me to say thanks, and then said she couldn't kiss a friend.

So obviously I'm in the friend zone. She has recently split up with her boyfriend and has another guy, she used to like him and now he likes me. She keeps asking me what she should do.

When I first met her I fancied her, but put that to the back of my mind for the friendship, but it's coming back. What should I do? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't look at me twice like that but should I say I like her. Do girls like it when people say they like them loads, or will it ruin the friendship?

Sorry about the essay, hope you get what I'm asking... :o:

Reply 1

jenifaar

Anonymous

Sorry about the essay, hope you get what I'm asking... :o:

Hmm, tough one. It does sound like you're in, as you say, the "friend zone". But I think you have 3 options:

1) Tell her. Find a good time to do it, and tell her that you think you're starting to have feelings for her as more than just a friend - make sure she doesn't feel put under any pressure to reciprocate, but if she's perhaps thinking along the same lines, she'll let you know then.

2) Wait a while. Gague her reaction over the next few weeks around you as normal...see what happens with this other guy (im a bit confused about how you said he likes you now? :confused:

) and then judge. There'll be little signs if she's into you...just watch and see if you notice them....then you can tell her.

3) Don't tell her. If she's a really good friend, you risk alienating her a bit by telling her. If she doesn't feel the same way, she might feel bad, and so your friendship, no matter how hard both of you try, won't be the same again. You need to decide if it's worth the risk.

I realise you could probs have worked out these options for yourself, but this was just to set them all out straight...I'd go for 1 if you think there's a genuine chance she might like you too, 2 if you're really not sure, or 3 if it seems unlikely she has, or ever will have, feelings for you. It's always tough when you fall for a friend, but it could work out really, really well - some of the best things start as friends! Good luck with whatever you choose (and sorry for the essay :p:

)

Reply 2

letsallpaintthetownred

My best guy friend told me he liked me after literally a year of being really close friends.
Everyone had been telling me but I still hadn't twigged, and put it this way we're not friends anymore. It was too awkward, he'd watched me go through relationships and not say anything. It was his choice to end the friendship though, he thought it couldn't go back,
But he might have had a chance it he'd said something sooner.

But, she could say yes and life is short. I think the best way to get over someone is to tell them.
However, my friendship couldn't bounce back. You've got to think about whether yours can?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

jenifaar

see what happens with this other guy (im a bit confused about how you said he likes you now? :confused:

)

That was a typing mistake, he actually likes her, sorry.

Thanks for replying!!

The thing is I'm 19 and never had a proper girlfriend, and this is the first time I'd actually risk saying I actually liked a girl, but she's such a good friend I wouldn't want to loose her. (usually I go really shy, but I'm not shy around her, maybe I'm finally growing up! :biggrin:

)

If I keep doing loads of things for her, will she see that as just part of the friendship. Not that I've been a boyfriend, but at the moment I feel I'm doing the job a boyfriend is meant to do.

It's annoying, it would be nice to talk to someone, but ironically the only person I have to talk to is her.

Reply 4

rosielovesmitchell

I don't understand, are you male or female? :s-smilie:

Reply 5

bishbash72

By the sounds of it she's female, unless she typed wrong that the guy who liked her friend now likes her.

Reply 6

Xang Lee

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

I'm male, and no one likes me...

Reply 8

yoyo462001

Anonymous

I'm male, and no one likes me...

Well you said 'now he likes me' ...

Reply 9

MichaelG

yoyo462001

Well you said 'now he likes me' ...

you'll find that if you scroll down ever so slightly, he explains that it was a typing mistake and in fact, she likes him.

I like how people always go for the spelling mistakes, says a lot. :rolleyes:

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

i liked my best friend for about 2 years and didn't say anything.

then we both kind of realised that we liked each other and told each other

we eventually decided to stay friends for now and maybe get together in the future because we didn't want to ruin our friendship, but we're even closer now than we were before because there's no sexual tension and she's still my best friend.

i'd say make it obvious you like her and see what her reaction is, i wouldn't tell her straight out because it might end up awkward and you might end up losing her.

relationships can ruin friendships though...

Reply 11

jenifaar

Anonymous

The thing is I'm 19 and never had a proper girlfriend, and this is the first time I'd actually risk saying I actually liked a girl, but she's such a good friend I wouldn't want to loose her. (usually I go really shy, but I'm not shy around her, maybe I'm finally growing up! :biggrin:

)

Hmm, well, if you really like her, and feel like you're kind of taking the role of a boyfriend just now, maybe it's worth considering same something -cos she might feel the same thing. Though I would say...it's definitely about the timing. I started going out with one of my best guy mates a while ago, and it's great - having a friendship already is a great foundation for a relationship - but it wouldn't have worked out if we'd got together early on. Just follow your instincts - if there's a time you're with her where you feel it'd be appropriate to say something, go for it.

Even if you do tell her, it doesn't necessarily have to mean the end of your friendship - as long as you do it in a way that means she doesn't feel pressured to reciprocate if she's not quite there yet.

Reply 12

The Doctor Forever

Anonymous

Hey, please keep anonymous as she comes on her.

i know this is a spelling mistake but still its the only interesting thing on this thread lol :awesome:

Reply 13

Svenjamin

Steer clear! Forget all about it! Run for the hills!

Stop torturing yourself over this and move on. You probably think there's some secret way out of the friend zone, but there isn't. Just go!!!

Reply 14

danny111

the office. american version.

watch it, do it.

Reply 15

farawayintheclouds

um from experience, if you initiate anything more than a friendship, just realise, IT COULD **** THINGS UP.
alcohol + feelings = night in woooo = 2 months later, where the fk is the friendship.
good luck!

Reply 16

rakata

The Doctor Forever