The Student Room Group

I like her

I'm not one to usually make these threads, in fact this is the first time I've had difficulty with anything of this nature. Troll if you like but some advice would be appreciated.

There's a girl at school, she's attractive, intelligent and is just about everything I would ever look for in a girl. I never really made an effort to talk to her before purely because I was a bit lazy and lacked confidence. However, recently we've been chatting a fair bit and having fun in our chats - it's not as if either of us are actively trying to move the conversation a long but we get along fairly well when we do talk. I've found out that we've got quite a lot in common too.

Now, I'm really not sure if she likes me. She's usually the one who instigates the conversation and at school whenever she sees me, she'll come up to me and talk. However, I've noticed that she does that with a few guys although I highly doubt that they have the same relationship as we do. I think that with most of them, it's just small talk and whatnot.

I'm having two problems with her. One is that I really don't want to fall for her at this time, we're both going to university in September and I'm not really looking to start a relationship that will likely end before we go off. However, I'm really falling for her. It's making me feel so weak that I can't get her out of my head and even as I try to objectify her merely as someone I can have some sexual fun with, I can't. I mean I wouldn't mind doing that, but I can't see her in purely sexual terms that I see most girls (no lectures please).

The second issue is that a friend of mine has a history with her. He used to really like her but he buggered it up with her by pulling her younger sister. Now, I'm not sure if he still likes her, although I think it likely that he does and how he would feel if he saw us together. I don't really want to lose my friend because he's actually quite a nice guy beside his silly drunken mistake but I cannot for the life of me get over her.

Help?

Reply 1

You should probably try and forget about it before you go to uni, to be honest

At uni there are most likely hundreds of girls like that

Reply 2



For once I see a thread with enough information to be able to actually assess a situation with a decent level of accuracy and there are barely any replies. Whatever I can get down in the next 15 minutes is what I'm offering. I don't have forever to give advice and frankly most of the advice on H&R is a load of **** anyway when it comes to dealing with women.

This is a post I wrote a while ago but it got no exposure, like most of the quality advice I see on here. I'm not blowing my own trumpet here. There are many people who give much better advice than I do but quite simply nobody gives two *****.

This one is going to be pretty rough and blunt.

1.

LOOKS DO NOT MATTER. NOT ONE ******* BIT. GET IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
[INDENT]Seriously. Even if you are absolutely hideous but you know how to handle women you will stop considering it a factor. Just stop caring about this "ooh will she think I'm ugly". ****. Why did you post your photo? Confidence boost? When you walk down the street you see ugly dues with stunning women. ALL THE TIME. You probably don't notice it but it is not only attractive people getting laid. Forget the looks thing.[/INDENT]

2.

STOP BEING A NICE GUY TO EVERYONE
[INDENT]The key is in the last two words. Why do you treat women with dignity and respect. You even went as far as to say that they all deserve it. WTF!? Do you think women give you the same respect. They go out to clubs dress up nice and then they will ******* shoot you down. You said so yourself. You are single and trying. Are women giving you the same level of respect and dignity that you deserve? Are they ****. Theres the misconception that women are always the nice ones and men are the evil made of (Snips and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails). This is ******* wrong. Should be the other way around if you ask me. Deep down you should know this.[/INDENT]
[INDENT]Back to the 'everyone'. I'm not evil. If, once I get to know a woman she treats me with HONESTY, TRUST and RESPECT I will do the same. Would I treat a woman who is being mean to me with the same 'niceness' just because she is a woman. Get a ******* grip. Don't have time for games and don't play games.[/INDENT]

3.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN ANY RELATIONSHIP
[INDENT]No brainer. Stop bending over backwards for people that won't give you the time of day or the same in return.[/INDENT]

4.

DO NOT GIVE A DAMN WHAT THEY THINK
[INDENT]Not saying don't listen. Become comfortable with who you are and give yourself a set of values. If what other people think do not coincide with your values **** em. Know who you are and be comfortable. DONT LOOK TO OTHER PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU AN IDENTITY. A woman should not be a missing piece of the jigsaw. If you are not a whole puzzle yourself how can you expect someone to be comfortable with you. Girls do not want you to be needy. You do not want to be needy.[/INDENT]
[INDENT]Not saying do not allow space to learn. I have had my beliefs shifted by all sorts of people. If what somebody is saying really rings a chord then listen. Just don't take any ****. You are not a doormat. A good way of thinking about it is to not care what women think until you have had sex. Then start talking.[/INDENT]

5.

TAKE PRIDE IN WHAT YOU SAY AND DO
[INDENT]Be brutally honest. No games. If a woman tells you to stop calling her then stop ******* calling her. Later on she will ask why didn't you call. DUH? Go back to your set of rules. If you feel you are getting messed about go back to honesty trust and respect. If you feel like it was a genuine accident give them another chance if not then go. You should have told them what you stand for. If they dont respect this then move on. NEXT. Tell a woman what you do not accept and ******* stick to it.[/INDENT]

6.

TELL WOMEN WHAT YOU ARE THINKING
[INDENT]First thing that came in to your head. A woman walks into starbucks and looks naughty in her work clothes. ******* GO FOR IT. If you dont try you gain NOTHING. Sexual innuendos. Even if you don't have the balls to say it. Think of them on the spot for when you do. Straight to the point: "You know I was slightly nervous to talk to you. You are the hottest girl in here and I didnt want you to reject me tonight" etc. you get the gist.[/INDENT]
[INDENT]This does not mean you have to tell them everyting. If they ask something you do not want to answer then "I do not want to tell you that" comes in handy.[/INDENT]




This was written a while ago and 95%+ I still agree with. I don't have time to edit it now.

Relating this to you


I have this problem too, with one of my own friends. I understand you want to give your friend a chance but you really have to learn to look for number 1. You are the most important person here. It doesnt matter one bit if your friend likes here or not. If you need to give yourself a reason, you did. "he blew his chances". Get rid of this. Begone horrible beasts. Its a bad mindset and its one that will take some getting over. He obviously wasn't thinking well I'll give anonymous a chance otherwise you would have precedence and not him. Allow yourself to give yourself the same opportunities that your friends claim. Don't be hateful about it though.

Its not the advice I would usually give and is probably not good advice in many other situations but don't think long term here. Keep it short term. This is important. If you do fall for her then don't think of how bad it will be communicating by phone. This is way too far ahead. If you really do end up liking the girl, the last thing you will be thinking is GOD DAM NOW I HAVE TO USE PHONE. It will be more like, I have a solid relationship with someone who I care for, with a bit of fonzie on the top



If anything look at the potential good points in the future not the negatives, if you are going to look ahead that far.

It sounds like you are in there son. Shes the one who talks to you. Don't rely on this though. Its an indication but you should never rely on your indicators. After all you are the man here. The confident sex.

I think that once people make a deal out of something it becomes a bigger problem than it actually. I could go on about the mind and how objective (actual) reality is far different to subjective (the minds) reality but my time is up. Ultimately, there really isn't much of a problem here. One problem to some is not to others and therefore doesn't exist in actual reality and therefore doesn't exist at all. But thats beyond the scope of this post.



Good luck.

Reply 3

Anonymous
I'm not one to usually make these threads, in fact this is the first time I've had difficulty with anything of this nature. Troll if you like but some advice would be appreciated.

There's a girl at school, she's attractive, intelligent and is just about everything I would ever look for in a girl. I never really made an effort to talk to her before purely because I was a bit lazy and lacked confidence. However, recently we've been chatting a fair bit and having fun in our chats - it's not as if either of us are actively trying to move the conversation a long but we get along fairly well when we do talk. I've found out that we've got quite a lot in common too.

Now, I'm really not sure if she likes me. She's usually the one who instigates the conversation and at school whenever she sees me, she'll come up to me and talk. However, I've noticed that she does that with a few guys although I highly doubt that they have the same relationship as we do. I think that with most of them, it's just small talk and whatnot.

I'm having two problems with her. One is that I really don't want to fall for her at this time, we're both going to university in September and I'm not really looking to start a relationship that will likely end before we go off. However, I'm really falling for her. It's making me feel so weak that I can't get her out of my head and even as I try to objectify her merely as someone I can have some sexual fun with, I can't. I mean I wouldn't mind doing that, but I can't see her in purely sexual terms that I see most girls (no lectures please).

The second issue is that a friend of mine has a history with her. He used to really like her but he buggered it up with her by pulling her younger sister. Now, I'm not sure if he still likes her, although I think it likely that he does and how he would feel if he saw us together. I don't really want to lose my friend because he's actually quite a nice guy beside his silly drunken mistake but I cannot for the life of me get over her.

Help?



She likes you too! Your friend doesn't mind!

See, everything is fine. It looks like a rare happy ending, here in "Health and Relationships".

Reply 4

Forget her. Sounds harsh, but cause of uni, I sacked off a chance at having a girl for what would have been such a little amount of time. I know I would have broken up with her before uni anyway. If you feel she really is that special though, it's worth a try I guess, but come 3 months time, do you really want a girlfriend?

Reply 5

n0c0ntr0l
Forget her. Sounds harsh, but cause of uni, I sacked off a chance at having a girl for what would have been such a little amount of time. I know I would have broken up with her before uni anyway. If you feel she really is that special though, it's worth a try I guess, but come 3 months time, do you really want a girlfriend?

Lol i did the opposite, thought might aswell..i pray i dont regret it though.

Reply 6

You can always try... If it ends, then at least you know it wasn't ment to be or anything^^ But you won't be stuck with the 'what if?' thoughts afterwards.

Reply 7

yoyo462001
Lol i did the opposite, thought might aswell..i pray i dont regret it though.

:hugs: You're a sound guy, you'll do fine :yep:

Reply 8

Sorry - just saw this thread again. Thanks for the advice guys. I've managed to get her out of my head mostly now. The advice jackMTN gave me is mostly stuff I follow anyway - I'm not going to let her dominate me but I won't mind some fun before uni.