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I've messed up
Just finished with the girl i truely love over some stupid argument about her past. i know its stupid to most girls but i was pssed off she'd slept around in first and second year. it might sound weird but i felt so bad about it because i care for her so much.
since then i've seen her kissing some kid in a nightclub and I've gone off at her over it even though we're not together. she said she loved me, couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that's just after 2 months. we went to blackpool over easter (i know- don't judge) and it was almost romantic (under the pepsi max big one). We stayed in this little guest house and everything seemed perfect then i went to her's for her 21st. she is gorgeous and i want to be with her, yet she can't take the fact i think she's a 'tart'(i didn't say this- just her interpretation).
is she on the rebound, was she ever true to me??? Am i being a big girl over the whole thing and should draw a line under it???
big Jay.
since then i've seen her kissing some kid in a nightclub and I've gone off at her over it even though we're not together. she said she loved me, couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that's just after 2 months. we went to blackpool over easter (i know- don't judge) and it was almost romantic (under the pepsi max big one). We stayed in this little guest house and everything seemed perfect then i went to her's for her 21st. she is gorgeous and i want to be with her, yet she can't take the fact i think she's a 'tart'(i didn't say this- just her interpretation).
is she on the rebound, was she ever true to me??? Am i being a big girl over the whole thing and should draw a line under it???
big Jay.
Scroll to see replies
This will sound harsh but either you can accept her past or you can not, and move on.
Even now that she's gone, and you love her, and miss her, you still say you cant accept her past. You are totally entitled to this view, but if thats how you feel, you have to be true to your instincts and not build a future with her.
That said I dont think you should judge someone on their past if its apparent they've changed. Its normal to be jealous but the future is the thing to aim for now. If you truly love this girl you must try to forget her past and how insecure it makes you feel, and just tell her how much you care.
your rejection of her must have hurt her a lot. I wouldnt be surprised if she was hestitant to get back together. we all act in foolish ways sometimes, its how we mature and learn. She slept around but then she found someone she liked : you. You will have just prooved her that men dont treat her very well.
I do understand what it is to be jealous, but you have taken this too far, if you truly love her.
Even now that she's gone, and you love her, and miss her, you still say you cant accept her past. You are totally entitled to this view, but if thats how you feel, you have to be true to your instincts and not build a future with her.
That said I dont think you should judge someone on their past if its apparent they've changed. Its normal to be jealous but the future is the thing to aim for now. If you truly love this girl you must try to forget her past and how insecure it makes you feel, and just tell her how much you care.
your rejection of her must have hurt her a lot. I wouldnt be surprised if she was hestitant to get back together. we all act in foolish ways sometimes, its how we mature and learn. She slept around but then she found someone she liked : you. You will have just prooved her that men dont treat her very well.
I do understand what it is to be jealous, but you have taken this too far, if you truly love her.
Congratulations, you've thrown away your one chance of happiness. Now sit back and watch, as the tidal wave of mediocrity that is life washes your dreams down the sewer. It's all downhill from here, and it's a long way down to travel.
cambridgemuscle
Just finished with the girl i truely love over some stupid argument about her past. i know its stupid to most girls but i was pssed off she'd slept around in first and second year. it might sound weird but i felt so bad about it because i care for her so much.
since then i've seen her kissing some kid in a nightclub and I've gone off at her over it even though we're not together. she said she loved me, couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that's just after 2 months. we went to blackpool over easter (i know- don't judge) and it was almost romantic (under the pepsi max big one). We stayed in this little guest house and everything seemed perfect then i went to her's for her 21st. she is gorgeous and i want to be with her, yet she can't take the fact i think she's a 'tart'(i didn't say this- just her interpretation).
is she on the rebound, was she ever true to me??? Am i being a big girl over the whole thing and should draw a line under it???
big Jay.
since then i've seen her kissing some kid in a nightclub and I've gone off at her over it even though we're not together. she said she loved me, couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that's just after 2 months. we went to blackpool over easter (i know- don't judge) and it was almost romantic (under the pepsi max big one). We stayed in this little guest house and everything seemed perfect then i went to her's for her 21st. she is gorgeous and i want to be with her, yet she can't take the fact i think she's a 'tart'(i didn't say this- just her interpretation).
is she on the rebound, was she ever true to me??? Am i being a big girl over the whole thing and should draw a line under it???
big Jay.
Ok, I can empathise where u are coming from. with my current gf I didnt know everything about her past (shcoker cos i tohught i knew her really well) before we started going out, and slowly i found out about pulls and more.
And yeh, it bothered me at first. But fact is when she slept with/[ulled these guys she was single. hell i went through a bit of a similar phase. People do that at uni, alot of people will go through a phase where they sleep with/pull a few people in a term/ year. Its a learning curve. Then they settle down with someone.
The simple question is, do you trsut this girl. If you were going out do u think she would cheat on you. In her 1st and 2nd year did she actually CHEAT on guys, or was she simpley footloose and fancy free?
You have been a chauvanist fool. I say this because i have been the samne in the past. its soo very male, girls rarely kick up a fuss because their guy has a bit of a past.
If i was you i would do everything possible to sort this out, so that you'll know years down the line you tried everything possible to fix this. Because this girl was obviously into YOU in a big way. Why sulk that she found 15 guys unstimulating before you? If she moved from one guy to the bext before you surely that shows that she found something in you that she was lacking from everyone else?
Thats my 2 cents
Pseudonymity
Congratulations, you've thrown away your one chance of happiness. Now sit back and watch, as the tidal wave of mediocrity that is life washes your dreams down the sewer. It's all downhill from here, and it's a long way down to travel.
cheers mate. i am indeed very wary of this. of course there are plenty more fish in the proverbial sea, but it still doesn't make the task any easier does it. this girl is very special but it was just an acceptance that other guys had had her in one night stands that screwed me up.
big Jay
Pseudonymity
Congratulations, you've thrown away your one chance of happiness. Now sit back and watch, as the tidal wave of mediocrity that is life washes your dreams down the sewer. It's all downhill from here, and it's a long way down to travel.
hey, don't be mean... go to the gc for that...
queenselphie is right... you need to go one way or the other... i hope it works out for you...
and foolfarian has just given quite possibly the best advice i could imagine...
queenselphie
This will sound harsh but either you can accept her past or you can not, and move on.
Even now that she's gone, and you love her, and miss her, you still say you cant accept her past. You are totally entitled to this view, but if thats how you feel, you have to be true to your instincts and not build a future with her.
That said I dont think you should judge someone on their past if its apparent they've changed. Its normal to be jealous but the future is the thing to aim for now. If you truly love this girl you must try to forget her past and how insecure it makes you feel, and just tell her how much you care.
your rejection of her must have hurt her a lot. I wouldnt be surprised if she was hestitant to get back together. we all act in foolish ways sometimes, its how we mature and learn. She slept around but then she found someone she liked : you. You will have just prooved her that men dont treat her very well.
I do understand what it is to be jealous, but you have taken this too far, if you truly love her.
Even now that she's gone, and you love her, and miss her, you still say you cant accept her past. You are totally entitled to this view, but if thats how you feel, you have to be true to your instincts and not build a future with her.
That said I dont think you should judge someone on their past if its apparent they've changed. Its normal to be jealous but the future is the thing to aim for now. If you truly love this girl you must try to forget her past and how insecure it makes you feel, and just tell her how much you care.
your rejection of her must have hurt her a lot. I wouldnt be surprised if she was hestitant to get back together. we all act in foolish ways sometimes, its how we mature and learn. She slept around but then she found someone she liked : you. You will have just prooved her that men dont treat her very well.
I do understand what it is to be jealous, but you have taken this too far, if you truly love her.
Precisely. the past is exactly that. Hell, my gf is going on a 4 week dig over the summer with some guy she has slept with, and Im not gonna get on her back about that. After all, its not her fault she has a history.
cambridgemuscle
cheers mate. i am indeed very wary of this. of course there are plenty more fish in the proverbial sea, but it still doesn't make the task any easier does it. this girl is very special but it was just an acceptance that other guys had had her in one night stands that screwed me up.
big Jay
big Jay
Have you never had a one night stand? Its hard to really equate it.
Not meanign to sound like a complete pussy, but there really is a difference between a one night fook and 'making love'. when u look at the person during the act in the former u feel lust, and are concentrating on urself. there is little emotion really.
And inevitably it leaves u feeling very unsatisfied afterwards. Especially for women...
foolfarian
Have you never had a one night stand? Its hard to really equate it.
Not meanign to sound like a complete pussy, but there really is a difference between a one night fook and 'making love'. when u look at the person during the act in the former u feel lust, and are concentrating on urself. there is little emotion really.
And inevitably it leaves u feeling very unsatisfied afterwards. Especially for women...
Not meanign to sound like a complete pussy, but there really is a difference between a one night fook and 'making love'. when u look at the person during the act in the former u feel lust, and are concentrating on urself. there is little emotion really.
And inevitably it leaves u feeling very unsatisfied afterwards. Especially for women...
i have yes mate. 2 in my life. i don't claim to be a puritan. i've slept with 5 girls she's slept with 9 blokes. (she's been active 2 1/2 years, i lost my virginity last july). I know how sexist that sounds and i do make apologies. i just feel she has been used by these men which makes it hard for me to take.
big Jay
cambridgemuscle
i have yes mate. 2 in my life. i don't claim to be a puritan. i've slept with 5 girls she's slept with 9 blokes. (she's been active 2 1/2 years, i lost my virginity last july). I know how sexist that sounds and i do make apologies. i just feel she has been used by these men which makes it hard for me to take.
big Jay
big Jay
Makes it hard to take that your girlfriend had a rought trot of it before you..?
Hell, the one guy she then thinks is decent enough, and will treat her right finishes with her because she has been treated so badly in the past.
talk about a head screw....
I have a friend by the way who had slept with about 14 guys (including a 3 some) before she got with her current guy (he had had 2 gfs). they are soooo happy together, and she is so much mroe happy and secure than she ever was before. they are utterly solid and will be getting married soon enough.
Can you not see that having had these bad expereinces would make this girl appreciate you much more, and realise she has something more special?
I totally understand it can be hard to swallow BELIEVE ME! but you really have got to get past it. I'm so chuffed i did. it took me a few weeks (the flashes of jealousy, theimagining her with other guys, imagining when she doesnt answer her phone that she has copped off with someone else etc etc etc)
but u have to let it go or it tears u apart.
Do you trust her now is the key question you should ask.
Can you not see that having had these bad expereinces would make this girl appreciate you much more, and realise she has something more special?
I totally understand it can be hard to swallow BELIEVE ME! but you really have got to get past it. I'm so chuffed i did. it took me a few weeks (the flashes of jealousy, theimagining her with other guys, imagining when she doesnt answer her phone that she has copped off with someone else etc etc etc)
but u have to let it go or it tears u apart.
Do you trust her now is the key question you should ask.
you can't change the past, but the present (and that future) is what u make of it. and that's all that matters.
i think the jealousy about the past is a reflex reaction in the heart when you really love the person. whether she's been 'used' or not doesn't matter; fate made your paths cross in one way or another and if you do care about her so much, as you said, then enhance that care into love, respect (which i don't doubt are already fundamentally there) and realise that as long as you've got her, you can treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
stepping in a positive direction, however, doesn't mean that all jealous feelings will go away just like that; it will probably take time but once you fall far enough into the hole of love, you can learn to accept stuff from someone's past and realise that the bond between you and them is just unbreakable.
i hope this doesn't come across as idyllic, poetic nonsense or preaching, because i believe and know that this stuff can be overcome. u just gotta give it a go.
i think the jealousy about the past is a reflex reaction in the heart when you really love the person. whether she's been 'used' or not doesn't matter; fate made your paths cross in one way or another and if you do care about her so much, as you said, then enhance that care into love, respect (which i don't doubt are already fundamentally there) and realise that as long as you've got her, you can treat her the way she deserves to be treated.
stepping in a positive direction, however, doesn't mean that all jealous feelings will go away just like that; it will probably take time but once you fall far enough into the hole of love, you can learn to accept stuff from someone's past and realise that the bond between you and them is just unbreakable.
i hope this doesn't come across as idyllic, poetic nonsense or preaching, because i believe and know that this stuff can be overcome. u just gotta give it a go.
well i guess i'm in that situation now (except my bf doesn't seem too bothered). his issues are with the fact that because i've been messing round for the past couple months, i could well run off with someone else. but the fact that i've actually said yes to being this guy's girlfriend means that it aint gonna happen.
you can sleep with someone because you're drunk, on the rebound, anything. she probably regrets some of them.
speaking from experience, sex doesnt have to mean anything. and even if it did...god i dont even think about any of my ex's now. i cant remember most of them. and i really regret some. at the time, you dont think "well, maybe my future soulmate will care about this".
i had the same issues with my ex, he'd slept with 9 girls, i'd slept with 3 guys. i had such problems with it. in the end i realised, yes he'd been a slag, but the fact that i was actually his girlfriend, and he wasn't f*cking me over, and he was still around telling me he loved me three, six, nine months down the line meant he wanted me, and all the others were stupid drunken mistakes.
you can sleep with someone because you're drunk, on the rebound, anything. she probably regrets some of them.
speaking from experience, sex doesnt have to mean anything. and even if it did...god i dont even think about any of my ex's now. i cant remember most of them. and i really regret some. at the time, you dont think "well, maybe my future soulmate will care about this".
i had the same issues with my ex, he'd slept with 9 girls, i'd slept with 3 guys. i had such problems with it. in the end i realised, yes he'd been a slag, but the fact that i was actually his girlfriend, and he wasn't f*cking me over, and he was still around telling me he loved me three, six, nine months down the line meant he wanted me, and all the others were stupid drunken mistakes.
Lozza
well i guess i'm in that situation now (except my bf doesn't seem too bothered). his issues are with the fact that because i've been messing round for the past couple months, i could well run off with someone else. but the fact that i've actually said yes to being this guy's girlfriend means that it aint gonna happen.
you can sleep with someone because you're drunk, on the rebound, anything. she probably regrets some of them.
speaking from experience, sex doesnt have to mean anything. and even if it did...god i dont even think about any of my ex's now. i cant remember most of them. and i really regret some. at the time, you dont think "well, maybe my future soulmate will care about this".
i had the same issues with my ex, he'd slept with 9 girls, i'd slept with 3 guys. i had such problems with it. in the end i realised, yes he'd been a slag, but the fact that i was actually his girlfriend, and he wasn't f*cking me over, and he was still around telling me he loved me three, six, nine months down the line meant he wanted me, and all the others were stupid drunken mistakes.
you can sleep with someone because you're drunk, on the rebound, anything. she probably regrets some of them.
speaking from experience, sex doesnt have to mean anything. and even if it did...god i dont even think about any of my ex's now. i cant remember most of them. and i really regret some. at the time, you dont think "well, maybe my future soulmate will care about this".
i had the same issues with my ex, he'd slept with 9 girls, i'd slept with 3 guys. i had such problems with it. in the end i realised, yes he'd been a slag, but the fact that i was actually his girlfriend, and he wasn't f*cking me over, and he was still around telling me he loved me three, six, nine months down the line meant he wanted me, and all the others were stupid drunken mistakes.
psssst weren't you going out with 'F' any of times u cheated on him....?
Lozza
i never slept with anyone behind his back...there were a couple of pulls when we'd had fights and i "dumped" him, but he knows about pretty much all
roight. (wasnt accusing btw!!)
cambridgemuscle
Just finished with the girl i truely love over some stupid argument about her past. i know its stupid to most girls but i was pssed off she'd slept around in first and second year. it might sound weird but i felt so bad about it because i care for her so much.
since then i've seen her kissing some kid in a nightclub and I've gone off at her over it even though we're not together. she said she loved me, couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that's just after 2 months. we went to blackpool over easter (i know- don't judge) and it was almost romantic (under the pepsi max big one). We stayed in this little guest house and everything seemed perfect then i went to her's for her 21st. she is gorgeous and i want to be with her, yet she can't take the fact i think she's a 'tart'(i didn't say this- just her interpretation).
is she on the rebound, was she ever true to me??? Am i being a big girl over the whole thing and should draw a line under it???
big Jay.
since then i've seen her kissing some kid in a nightclub and I've gone off at her over it even though we're not together. she said she loved me, couldn't see herself with anyone else but me and that's just after 2 months. we went to blackpool over easter (i know- don't judge) and it was almost romantic (under the pepsi max big one). We stayed in this little guest house and everything seemed perfect then i went to her's for her 21st. she is gorgeous and i want to be with her, yet she can't take the fact i think she's a 'tart'(i didn't say this- just her interpretation).
is she on the rebound, was she ever true to me??? Am i being a big girl over the whole thing and should draw a line under it???
big Jay.
You see it is guys like you that make it so that I don't trust anyone now. My boyfriend dumped me on the 1st of May - two weeks ago now - I still love him even after what he did. You see he had sex with me in the morning knowing that later he was going to dump me in the afternoon. He thought all I cared about in the relationship was the sex (which is why he had sex with me in the morning) when I really did and still do love him. But because of what he did that day I can never see myself having a normal healthy relationship with that much love again. I will fear them doing the exact thing he did.
In your case I guess the saying that "you never know what you have got till it's gone" is true. If you really want her back and you think you could get her back then I suggest you leave all your pride at the door and do what you have to do. If not you may be letting the other half of your heart fly right out the window to never return to you.
lessthanthree
hang on, hang on -did she actually cheat on you, or was it that you just found out that before you, she'd had other men?
The latter...
Sounds so petty when u phrase it like that doesnt it.
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