The Student Room Group

Saying I love you and getting no response...

Last night I had slightly too much to drink and told my boyfriend I loved him. I genuinely think I do, I've been in a couple of long-term relationships and I've never felt like this about anyone else. His response was something like "don't be stupid"... If there's any way of making someone feel stupid it's that! I feel like such an idiot and like I've messed everything up now. Has anyone else been in this situation? It's really horrible! What should I do now? Should I act like it never happened? Part of me wants to just hide in a big hole in the ground for a long time!

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Reply 1
Maybe he thinks you weren't serious because you were drunk. It would hardly sound sincere when you are falling over yourself. Try talking to him when you are both sober and explaining how you feel.
Reply 2
AMM
Maybe he thinks you weren't serious because you were drunk. It would hardly sound sincere when you are falling over yourself. Try talking to him when you are both sober and explaining how you feel.


I wasn't THAT drunk. I'd had enough to make me say what I feel...although I guess he could have thought I was just saying it because I was drunk. I don't think I want to bring it up and make things awkward all over again - and I think it might hurt even more when I'm sober if he has nothing to say. Maybe I'll leave it for a week or so, so he know it wasn't a one-night thing drunken thing, and after that, give up!
Reply 3
i'd just leave him to it. let him get used to the idea, then i'm sure he'll say it to you soon enough. men are scared by the word love. they think it means you want to marry them or something.
I had a bf do this to me after a few weeks and i didnt feel the same way. He acted really funny with me and got quite annoyed with me about it. Kept making comments and stuff. In the end, i felt guilty and said it back. It totally killed the relationship in the end. Just explain it and try not to act funny about having said it. At least you've let him know how you feel.
lessthanthree
It really doesn't matter so much that he hasn't said it back - I mean, at least he's honest.

If he's not ready, he's not ready, just give it some time and don't play on it, or get too worked up about it in your mind!


I concur. You seem to put too much emphgasis on the idea of love, which some people don't even believe exists.

MB
Reply 6
Angel_Cake
Last night I had slightly too much to drink and told my boyfriend I loved him. I genuinely think I do, I've been in a couple of long-term relationships and I've never felt like this about anyone else. His response was something like "don't be stupid"... If there's any way of making someone feel stupid it's that! I feel like such an idiot and like I've messed everything up now. Has anyone else been in this situation? It's really horrible! What should I do now? Should I act like it never happened? Part of me wants to just hide in a big hole in the ground for a long time!


1. You were tipsy... so if he brings up the subject again you can always say 'i was so drunk that night... hope I didn't say anything embarrassing, I can't remember anything!' (Although if you do feel in love with him, and didn't make a mistake, I wouldn't recommend saying this!)

2. If he doesn't feel the same yet then it's better than he didn't say 'i love you' back just to make you feel better. In my opinion, having someone tell you they love you when they don't is FAR worse than someone not saying it when they don't love you! Your boyfriend's been honest, and that's important in any relationship - think of it positively!

3. You don't need to hide in a big hole! Someone has to say 'i love you' first - and it's extremely common that the other person doesn't feel quite the same way when told their bf/gf loves them. What you've gone through is so normal, try to stop worrying!

Good luck... I'm sure next time you see or speak to your bf everything will be fine! x x x
Reply 7
don't know where i read this but kinda stuck with me as the best response if someone doesn't say i love you back or says (oc style) errr thanks: you smile and say really confidently 'thats ok, i just wanted you to know how i was feeling'. obviously tho i wouldn't take tht approach if you havent been going out 4 long as boys usually run a mile at the mention of the word love! i'd prob only mention it if he brings it up again - just wait and see....
Okay, him not saying it back is one thing: its so much better not to lie about something like love. If he dosent love you back yet, its better that he dosent say it, right? You'd be really hurt if she said he loved you but didnt. All people take different times to fall in love.

But...Him saying dont be stupid is another thing. thats pretty hurtful.

He shouldnt judge that fact that you are in love with him, or dismiss it. If you are, and you told him, he should be flattered and pleased, even if he cant return the sentiment. A nicer response would have been "thankyou" or something. People should be free to express love, they just cant demand a return of it.
Reply 9
Well I spoke to him this morning about it because even though things seemed fairly normal between us it was always at the back of my mind and it was horrible. I just said I had had too much to drink and I was sorry, I explained that I've been in relationships before where we would say we loved each other without really thinking about it or meaning it and perhaps I didn't attach enough emphasis to it and sort of said it without thinking (although to be honest I've thought it a lot recently so the last bit wasn't entirely true).

He said "oh yeah..I'd forgotten about that, didn't know what you were talking about at first" :rolleyes: Guess I'm a typical girl overanalysing things and putting too much emphasis on something the guy really doesn't find important! Although it wasn't that I shouted it over the music in some club or something...I did say it properly. Oh well... :frown:
I once told my bf I loved him and he said he was "flattered"!! I just couldnt believe it. Then he practically ignored me for a month until I dumped him.
Reply 11
well ive kinda got the opposite thing... my bf and i were out separately on fri night and i txt him saying i missed him etc (couldn't phone cos we were both in clubs so couldn't hear!) i got a loada txtxs back from him and then one that just said "i love you". prob is i didn't get this till the nxt morning so didn't txt him back and also he was REALLY drunk that night so i didn't know if he meant it or not! don't wanna ask in case he's forgotten and didn't mean it..u know what i mean?
KdySk8rGirl
I once told my bf I loved him and he said he was "flattered"!! I just couldnt believe it. Then he practically ignored me for a month until I dumped him.

well it was hardly love then was it :rolleyes:
Reply 13
I remember i told a girl i dont believe in love, she cried and then dumped me.

:rofl:
Reply 14
i really think its a bad idea to say love in the 1st few months of your relationship becuase i dnt see how you could get that close to someone in so little time, when ever i had a gf i would 'Luv u' and not love you becuase luv kind of makes htem know you appriciate them and stuff but dont sound too seriously

if you ask me,you rush to say i love you and it almost always means disaster
Angel_Cake
Last night I had slightly too much to drink and told my boyfriend I loved him. I genuinely think I do, I've been in a couple of long-term relationships and I've never felt like this about anyone else. His response was something like "don't be stupid"... If there's any way of making someone feel stupid it's that! I feel like such an idiot and like I've messed everything up now. Has anyone else been in this situation? It's really horrible! What should I do now? Should I act like it never happened? Part of me wants to just hide in a big hole in the ground for a long time!


...and that is why I would never say I love you first...

unless of course- there was a huge diamond ring of Bennifer proportions involved :p: :rolleyes:
Reply 16
Hes not ready yet give him time to be ready
Reply 17
He's gay. Move on.
Reply 18
jessicarabbit
...and that is why I would never say I love you first...

unless of course- there was a huge diamond ring of Bennifer proportions involved :p: :rolleyes:


Look lady, if the potential for shiny expensive things are important to you, you're going to be disappointed. All you get with me is a pretty view and a sense of aching disapointment after sex :rolleyes:.
kingslaw
Look lady, if the potential for shiny expensive things are important to you, you're going to be disappointed. All you get with me is a pretty view and a sense of aching disapointment after sex :rolleyes:.

and that is all I ask :smile:


oh and that you let me have half the pack of Jaffa cakes...those things are friggin amazing...they dont have them here :frown: