Turn on thread page Beta

Going to uni with your gf watch

Announcements
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    That's what we're saying, Ericz! It's not love of his life, he's not planning on growing old with her. Yes, they're close, but it's a new relationship. Most new relationships are like that. It'll either survive or not. That'd happen if they went to the same university or different ones. But I personally wouldn't want to be stuck with the guilt and regret if it went wrong. One thing you seem to keep missing is the fact she's taking a gap year, so they'll be apart for the year anyway.

    Besides, it all depends on the individual. If I was making my university choices, I would not let where my boyfriend was or was planning on going sway me unless the choice was absolutely 50/50. That wouldn't be a major deciding factor at all.

    And you say distance isn't good if he's serious, right? Surely it'll prove if he's serious or not?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ericz)
    Well, that's why it is important for him to ask himself, how suitable is the girl, which I have always maintained.
    Just because the relationship isn't 'The One', doesn't mean they can't go out, enjoy spending time with eachother.

    Don't go too mad, I say, but there's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun while you're young... Life and relationships shouldn't be the persuit of perfection. that's ridiculous.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by ThePants999)
    That'll be, I'm guessing, because you're not at university If you were, you would see!
    hehehe.. yup, you are right

    I'm not in university yet. I am only going to one in this coming September.

    I guess my girlfriend and I are those pretty conservative and sticky type

    I practically enjoy telling her whatever I do everyday and yes, there are some things that I can't do. To me, it's not really restriction I guess. I just felt that if I love her, I shouldn't do certain stuffs, that's all.

    Stuffs like standing close to another girl while taking photo etc… I would try to avoid. In fact, I would avoid taking photo with just one girl. I would rather take it with a whole group.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by dogtanian)
    Just because the relationship isn't 'The One', doesn't mean they can't go out, enjoy spending time with eachother.
    I didn't say they can't.

    It's just that if a person is serious, he should put more commitment and effort into a relationship.

    If he is not serious, why should he?


    (Original post by dogtanian)
    Don't go too mad, I say, but there's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun while you're young...
    That is up to each individual.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Momentarily touched then I would feel there was something wrong with him. As mentioned before I would feel burdened and disillusioned about him - because he wasn’t strong enough to believe our relationship would survive with the distance and not strong enough to go for his dream. Love and dreams can co-exist.

    I maintained a 6 month relationship with my ‘high school sweetheart’ when he went off to Oxford and I to RHUL, and we managed just fine, with the distance allowing us to really appreciate our relationship. And because we weren't in each other's pockets we could breathe and do what we wanted to - that is go for all those extra-curricular activities without feeling constrained. He loved coming to see me perform in plays, meeting my friends, sharing my enthusiasm for joining commitees etc and I vice versa. I appreciated the fact that we weren't always with each other and because we spent so much time apart we had so much to discuss and never became bored with each other. It was a mutual decision to break up – I don’t want to discuss it further but let me assure you it had nothing to do with the distance.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by waiting2smile)
    Momentarily touched then I would feel there was something wrong with him. As mentioned before I would feel burdened and disillusioned about him - because he wasn’t strong enough to believe our relationship would survive with the distance and not strong enough to go for his dream. Love and dreams can co-exist…
    Fair enough

    I am sorry to remind you of your past. Sorry.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Oh, small point about my experience with long distance:

    My ex is two years older than me, and he went to Lincoln. I'm in London. We split up after just under a year and a half, because of distance, but the major problem is that we didn't have the holidays as he lived in Suffolk when he was at home anyway. We met up once a month at first, sometimes more in the holidays, and that was nice. However, travel costs and work commitments meant we saw eachother less and less, and he rang me up and we split up. It was horrible, especially as we were very serious, but we were friends before and we're close friends again now.

    We were apart and still stayed together for a very long time. I know people who manged it the whole time at uni and are still together. It depends on each relationship and the individuals involved. What will happen happens. Do what you think's best.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ericz)
    Fair enough

    I am sorry to remind you of your past. Sorry.

    No that's fine. I don't have any unpleasant memories about it. I thought I’d rectify any comments that long distance relationships can’t survive because of the distance and that the only way people can maintain a relationship is by going to the same university. On the contrary it often allows you to achieve a balance in your relationship. MRLX69 strikes me as rather intelligent just not thinking straight right now so I sincerely hope he does the right thing - that is go for what he wants. And clearly it can't be a girl he's only been recently going out with. On the other hand if that is the case then he surely needs his head examined! MRLX69 talk to your girlfriend about this! If she really cares about you - I'm pretty sure she would say what dogtanian/ThePants999 and others have been saying. It's a nice thought but anyone will tell you a rather extreme reason.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by dogtanian)
    Oh, small point about my experience with long distance:

    My ex is two years older than me, and he went to Lincoln. I'm in London. We split up after just under a year and a half, because of distance, but the major problem is that we didn't have the holidays as he lived in Suffolk when he was at home anyway. We met up once a month at first, sometimes more in the holidays, and that was nice. However, travel costs and work commitments meant we saw eachother less and less, and he rang me up and we split up. It was horrible, especially as we were very serious, but we were friends before and we're close friends again now.

    We were apart and still stayed together for a very long time. I know people who manged it the whole time at uni and are still together. It depends on each relationship and the individuals involved. What will happen happens. Do what you think's best.
    Thanks for sharing

    Yup.. a large majority of long distance relationships failed.

    Well, don't you find it a waste, especially so when both of you are serious and genuine with each other?
    (If you don't wish to answer, it's okay. I understand.)

    Well.. I don't really believe in "what will happen happens" sort of person. I believe in putting effort in it I guess.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Ericz)
    Stuffs like standing close to another girl while taking photo etc… I would try to avoid. In fact, I would avoid taking photo with just one girl. I would rather take it with a whole group.
    That's not what I mean - although what you said worries me anyway. Any couple who are secure in their feelings for each other should feel perfectly happy with doing an awful lot more than having their photo taken with someone! I'm going out for dinner tonight with one of my (single!) female friends, and I know my girlfriend wouldn't care a bit, she knows it doesn't mean anything. But anyway, what I meant is that there's so much to do at university - friends to make, things to get involved in - that having a clingy relationship is just too restricting. Waiting2smile puts it well.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Waste?

    In a way, yeah, but like I said, we're still very close friends. I've always loved him as a friend and that hasn't changed.

    But I won't lie when I say I'm hopeful that there's something there for the future. I mean, a good few years down the line, when we've both got uni out of the way, or at least my first few years of. So until then, a few nothing serious kinda things might happen. I don't know. I wouldn't feel guilty if it did. If I meet someone else and forget about him in that way, then that's what's happened.

    I'm a go with the flow kinda gal.

    We'll see...
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    im in the same posiution as the poster, i have been with my bf for nearly 3 years now, and were serious. Were both starting uni in september, and my firm is bristol, wheras his is aston, and insurance is bristol. This was not in any way influenced by each other, its somewhere we both like, hence the firm and insurance being different. I cannot say i wasnt slightly disapointed when he didnt chose bristol, however i think if the relationship can hold the distance, we know it was meant to be! It will be hard yes, but if you love each other you will, and if not, theres always the hols to av fun Do not base your uni choce on your gf, you will only regret it if you split up for your life, and think back and think, what a silly boy i was (especially if you aint been with each other for long). Good luck!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Anyway, Aston's just up the road!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Precisely! Guys I know it seems awful not going to the same place as your other half but if you have faith in your relationship it will be okay! This is from someone who was also in the same position. University is an amazing experience, do what you want, go for what you want and don’t let anyone stop you from wanting what you want!

    *Cringes*

    Yuck sounding all sentimental now!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest, prestige did influence why I chose Bristol over Manchester. I know in Bristol, there's going to be a lot of oxbridge rejects on my course (Maths), but in Manchester, there isn't as much. I figured one would have to be pretty serious about Maths to apply to Oxbridge, so I'll be around people who are really, really, really serious about maths. But comparing the universities on a whole, there isn't much difference between them, and I'm sure I'll grow to love which ever one I choose to go to, I won't regret it. The Maths course for both of them are similar, and I wouldn't mind either. What made me pick Bristol over Manchester is that, in my opinion, Bristol is more prestigious than Manchester, I liked Bristol's Maths prospectus more, and I think I'll mingle well with Oxbridge rejects like myself .

    But in Manchester, I'll never starve nor run out of money, my aunty own a chain of resturants there, she's really rich. And half of my family lives in Manchester

    I spoke to my gf about it today, and she didn't say much about it, she told me to do what I think is best because she doesn't want to be selfish.... . She got rejected from Bristol (English being one of the most competitive courses), but she said if she had a choice between Manchester or Bristol, she'll probably choose Bristol.

    I'm still a bit confused to as what to do, thank you all for the comments, it's been very useful.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I think it's quite clearly Bristol based on that.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MRLX69)
    To be honest, prestige did influence why I chose Bristol over Manchester. I know in Bristol, there's going to be a lot of oxbridge rejects on my course (Maths), but in Manchester, there isn't as much. I figured one would have to be pretty serious about Maths to apply to Oxbridge, so I'll be around people who are really, really, really serious about maths. But comparing the universities on a whole, there isn't much difference between them, and I'm sure I'll grow to love which ever one I choose to go to, I won't regret it. The Maths course for both of them are similar, and I wouldn't mind either. What made me pick Bristol over Manchester is that, in my opinion, Bristol is more prestigious than Manchester, I liked Bristol's Maths prospectus more, and I think I'll mingle well with Oxbridge rejects like myself .

    But in Manchester, I'll never starve nor run out of money, my aunty own a chain of resturants there, she's really rich. And half of my family lives in Manchester

    I spoke to my gf about it today, and she didn't say much about it, she told me to do what I think is best because she doesn't want to be selfish.... . She got rejected from Bristol (English being one of the most competitive courses), but she said if she had a choice between Manchester or Bristol, she'll probably choose Bristol.

    I'm still a bit confused to as what to do, thank you all for the comments, it's been very useful.
    Mike,

    I think you should go to Manchester. Not because your gf is going there (she was telling me the other day that she really wants to go to Edinburgh), but because I think its a better place in general. And I like it. That is the most important reason

    hehehe

    Regards, Zaf
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MRLX69)
    I liked Bristol's Maths prospectus more, and I think I'll mingle well with Oxbridge rejects like myself .
    Bristol my dear? You know you want to - and escaping the family is the best thing about Uni!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Don't just go somewhere because of a partner. If there are loads of reasons and your partner is one of them, that makes more sense.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by waiting2smile)
    If my boyfriend did that for me I would feel elated but then worried, angry and then seriously burdened - as in should I fall 'out of love' with him how would I get rid of him without feeling so guilty?
    Anyone who goes round thinking that kind of thing can't be in a very strong relationship, surely?!
 
 
 
Poll
Brexit: Given the chance now, would you vote leave or remain?
Useful resources
Uni match

Applying to uni?

Our tool will help you find the perfect course

Articles:

Debate and current affairs guidelinesDebate and current affairs wiki

Quick link:

Educational debate unanswered threads

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.