Confidence

Is there any way u can teach yourself to be more confident and outgoin? cos im quite shy around people i dont know, i kinda freeze up and just dont know what to say, or i worry i sound stupid if i say something and no matter how much im saying to myself "just say something!" i just cant!!!
being shy (and its not like i never speak cos i have a lotta friends and i do try and make an effort wiv new people) is really getting me down, as i have lost a job because the boss said i wasnt talkative enough so didnt fit in, and also means that i am 18 and am the only one outta all my friends who has never had a boyfriend! im also really worried about going to uni as im so scared i wont make any new friends!
please help its really upsetting me!

Reply 1

Cellardore

11

that should go when you get to uni. All those seminars and public speeches are bound to bring you out of shell :p:

Apart from that, have you got a part time job? That might help you meet some knew people and learn some social skills. On the other hand you could join some groups to help you become more assertive - kick boxing maybe?

Reply 2

Mrs_F

15

You lost your job because you weren't talkative enough? Surely that is a bit unfair. Where did you work?

I lack confidence at times, but I have gained a lot since going to university and having to stand up in front of 150 people and give a presentation. I'm not shy, I just sometimes don't feel confident in myself to speak up about certain things, although I am getting better as I am getting older!

I wouldn't worry about uni too much, your first day will be a prime opportunity to make friends straight away. Everyone is in the same boat and so it is easier to approach people. I have never seen anyone at uni without a friend, even really, really shy people. You will make loads of new friends at uni, and you never know they might coax you out of your shell!

Reply 3

keano

1

well...one thing to bear in mind is..people never think what you think they think, about you. And..no one is going to bite your head off because you talked to them. Dont worry about uni either..there are too many people at uni, you're bound to mix in with a bunch. Me thinks...theres gotta be something you have in common with someone.

Reply 4

misty

2

i know what you mean.. i sometimes am too scared to say anything because im so scared of being judged!!
its crazy- im getting better as i get older like lynseyweth though.
just be yourself thats the most important thing.

Reply 5

shazzam

2

When I was younger I wasn't the most confident/talkative person but I made myself get involved in public speaking/debates things like that and just generally made myself speak infront of people. Slowly I became more and more confident as people listened to what I had to say and didn't laugh which built up my confidence and now I never shut up! You have to be harsh on youself at first and force yourself to do things like I mentioned even if you feel you don't want to. Trust me it'll pay off in the end.

Reply 6

Cellardore

11

misty

i know what you mean.. i sometimes am too scared to say anything because im so scared of being judged!!
its crazy- im getting better as i get older like lynseyweth though.
just be yourself thats the most important thing.

i know its cruel, but sometimes if you are too quiet, it can become quite annoying to other people.

Reply 7

Lush Law

15

I came to be more confident when I stopped caring about what other people think.

Reply 8

ClosetGinger

1

well i used to be uber shy and all introverted but when i went to college (from secondary school) i re-invented myself as a 'confident' person, although it was an act, gradually it became who i was. I still fundamentally find it difficult in new situatitions but i try my best and thats all i can do.

Change the way you walk! It really helps, i walk with my head held high staring off into space, and one foot in front of the other, causing me to have a wiggle. It feels silly but you look really confident

Reply 9

mangomaz

14

red_roadkill

I came to be more confident when I stopped caring about what other people think.

this is what i was going to say; it doesnt matter what people think of u. thats the hardest thing to kind of come to terms with but once u do that your confidence and ability to just talk to anyone increases dramatically.
dont worry about being judged!
and i think sometimes its the kind of thing where you're so eager for everyone to like you. you have to remember you cant please everyone!
be yourself - dont worry about judgement or if people wont like you. if someone is 'liked' by everyone then they must have a pretty bland personality is how i see it.
dont force yourself to say stuff if u have nothing to say tho, that can just bring more pressure on urself and ur never going to think of anything! go with the flooooowwwww....
confidence is a frame of mind thats all - its not worrying what people thing of u.

i can be quite a crazy person and yeh ok people think im a bit of a lunatic at times :rolleyes:

but i really dont care if they think that. im happy with who i am and if i manage to make people laugh by being myself hey thats just a bonus.

Reply 10

Herleif

is a preference for the habitual voyeur for what is known as...

Reply 11

john !!

14

confidence is probably one of the only things you cant simply teach yourself to improve at. you need to do new things, experience stuff and have a "fcuk it" attitude.

Reply 12

heminder

13

appleshampoo

Is there any way u can teach yourself to be more confident and outgoin? cos im quite shy around people i dont know, i kinda freeze up and just dont know what to say, or i worry i sound stupid if i say something and no matter how much im saying to myself "just say something!" i just cant!!!
being shy (and its not like i never speak cos i have a lotta friends and i do try and make an effort wiv new people) is really getting me down, as i have lost a job because the boss said i wasnt talkative enough so didnt fit in, and also means that i am 18 and am the only one outta all my friends who has never had a boyfriend! im also really worried about going to uni as im so scared i wont make any new friends!
please help its really upsetting me!

heh, join the club...
i used to be like that about 2 years ago...
super serious n untalkative as of being worried about what new people will think of you...

i figured i was an idiot...
so just acted like one :rolleyes:

people didn't seem to take it seriously and just started talking...
i'm still the odd one out in terms of being a maniac...
but i've got way more confidence now...

if you're in a job tho, don't act like an idiot else you will get the sack...

just think: "they don't know me (yet), and i don't know them (yet)..."

Reply 13

appleshampoo

OP

thanks for all the help guys!! i do quite often think they dont know me yet, so just act confident and loud and they wont think its strange cos they dont know ure normally quiet,, but its just so hard!!! guess ill jst hav 2 keep trying really hard! i worked in a cafe place for a few weeks, and yeah it was well harsh for them to sack me for that and its annoying cos being with new people was so good for me, i was starting to get the art of making conversation, but then they go and sack me!

good idea bout kick boxing/martial arts i might see if theres anything in my area! i guess itll fill up my time too, considering i dont hav a job anymore!!

Reply 14

Camalot

Confidence is the hardest thing to get back once you lost it. Just make sure you dont even hit rock bottom like i have. When i say rock bottom i mean not leaving the house or your room for days on end without even getting dressed, too scared to answer the phone or open the door because ur scared of conversation. Life sucks if you let it slip that far trust me.

To get confidence back i joined college to be around people this was very hard thing for me to do but i did it and im proud :smile:

Since i left im slipping back into my old ways but i wont let myself slip to the way i was.

No one judges you, when you talk to someone new they look to see if ur a friendly person or not, quiet people tend to be the nicest of the nicest people around so people prefere you that way. And most of all, who cares what other people think of you? Honestly what does it matter if someone thinks a bad thought about you, they can go get stuffed lol

Its your life, it wont kill you, do your thing and enjoy it :smile:

Reply 15

white_haired_wizard

16

appleshampoo

Is there any way u can teach yourself to be more confident and outgoin? cos im quite shy around people i dont know, i kinda freeze up and just dont know what to say, or i worry i sound stupid if i say something and no matter how much im saying to myself "just say something!" i just cant!!!
being shy (and its not like i never speak cos i have a lotta friends and i do try and make an effort wiv new people) is really getting me down, as i have lost a job because the boss said i wasnt talkative enough so didnt fit in, and also means that i am 18 and am the only one outta all my friends who has never had a boyfriend! im also really worried about going to uni as im so scared i wont make any new friends!
please help its really upsetting me!

my experience tells me..the more confident you are the better...people tend to feel anxious around shy people and stay clear of them as they are unsure what to do with them/around them. It's a confidence game with shyness....try acting it if you can...i sometimes do that when im meeting some people...have a joke or something to try and relax yourself....a joke relaxes the atmosphere after all. I just think alot of people fall behind and don't completely fulfill themselves because of shyness and it can be a big problem. I don't know....i myself often forget how talented i am and then i get insecure and feel shítty about myself...so to get some confidence i just think of what i'm good at and can do...then i feel more confident and happy about myself. :smile:

Reply 16

white_haired_wizard

16

Intrinsically i have a confident core but as i have never socialised with particularly confident people..my confident core has never been used and strengthened and shoown in the light of day. I think alot is all to do with what are friends are like...im a rebounder person...and it defo helps if your friends are similar to your intrinsic self because you know it can flourish rather than being a shy person....im a bit shy....its not a complete negative but i wish i wasn't so much so as it probably isn't really the real me. However, its too simplistic to say a shy person needs a boisterous character to bring confidence out from them..often not.

Reply 17

silver~planet

1

According to one of my friends, standing in front of a mirror and repeating lovely things like "I am great" and "I am confident" helps. She is slightly mad though :rolleyes:

. Apart from that, I find that just pretending to be confident, even when I'm feeling anything but, eventually makes you so. It may be an act to begin with, but it gradually becomes real.

Reply 18

appleshampoo

OP

the thing is its all very well saying that people wont think ure stupid and its much better to be talkative than it is to stay quiet, but the thing is i know all this, but its still difficult! and also if ive been drinkin i become much more loud and talkative! and if im in a group of people i know reasonably well im fine, its just when im with peope i dont know or just with one or two people i dont know that well! i think one of the big issues is just knowing what to say, cos with my friends it comes easily and i could talk for ages!

Reply 19

Fyska

9

I find making small talk with strangers hard, but I'm quite confident in other situations. But then I don't really like people :p:

Confidence

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