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    THESE ARE JUST FACTS OF LIFE - FACE IT!!!!!
    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
    3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.
    4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
    5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
    6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
    7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
    8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a big fire in your back garden and at what point does it become illegal?
    10) Nobody has ever dared to make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
    11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
    12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
    13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
    14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
    15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
    16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
    17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
    18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
    19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
    20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
    21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
    22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
    23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
    24) You never ever run out of salt.
    25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
    26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
    27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your head stuck in something.
    28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
    29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
    30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
    31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
    32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
    33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
    34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
    35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip

    Anyone got any more to add?
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    (Original post by Pencil Queen)
    THESE ARE JUST FACTS OF LIFE - FACE IT!!!!!
    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
    3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.
    4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
    5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
    6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
    7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
    8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a big fire in your back garden and at what point does it become illegal?
    10) Nobody has ever dared to make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
    11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
    12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
    13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
    14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
    15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
    16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
    17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
    18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
    19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
    20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
    21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
    22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
    23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
    24) You never ever run out of salt.
    25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
    26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
    27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your head stuck in something.
    28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
    29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
    30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
    31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
    32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
    33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
    34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
    35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip

    Anyone got any more to add?
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    One thing you don't lack effort, if you typed that word for word then everyone should apllaude you.

    However they are not the "facts of life", if they were the facts then thier political correctness would be exact, which they are not.
    You say:
    "Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly."
    When I did this when I was 10, i didn't feel anything. It was necessary for me to use a knife as I didn't have a pencil sharpener at home, but now I can tell you I am the proud owner of a metal sharperner- possibly the greatest sharpener on earth.
    However, I grew tired of using pencils that needed sharpening, so now I have invested in 10 mechanical pencils - a price of £2 at WH Smith can be quite simply put as 'a bargain'.

    I will suggest everyone buy mechanical pencils, but not until investing in some mechanical pencil stock. Trust me, you will thank me for this advice, they are a lifesaver in exams when your pencil snaps and you don't have a spare or a sharpener to put things right.
    MECHANICAL PENCILS RULE.
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    you are constantly breathing till you die!!!!!!???
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    (Original post by gayboy09)
    One thing you don't lack effort, if you typed that word for word then everyone should apllaude you.

    However they are not the "facts of life", if they were the facts then thier political correctness would be exact, which they are not.
    You say:
    "Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly."
    When I did this when I was 10, i didn't feel anything. It was necessary for me to use a knife as I didn't have a pencil sharpener at home, but now I can tell you I am the proud owner of a metal sharperner- possibly the greatest sharpener on earth.
    However, I grew tired of using pencils that needed sharpening, so now I have invested in 10 mechanical pencils - a price of £2 at WH Smith can be quite simply put as 'a bargain'.

    I will suggest everyone buy mechanical pencils, but not until investing in some mechanical pencil stock. Trust me, you will thank me for this advice, they are a lifesaver in exams when your pencil snaps and you don't have a spare or a sharpener to put things right.
    MECHANICAL PENCILS RULE.
    Thanks to the wonders of CTRL-C and CTRL-V I only typed the last sentence :eek:

    It's a shame you don't find using a knife to sharpen pencils makes you feel manly...but I fail to see any relevence to a light hearted list of "facts" your lecture on mechanical pencils has.

    P.S. You might wan't to look into the difference between political correctness and factually accurate.
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    Not quite a "fact of life" but good all the same.
    New employee handbook supplement
    Effective Date: Immediately

    DRESS CODE:
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

    If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

    SICK DAYS:
    We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    SURGERY:
    Operations of any kind are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you will need all of your organs. You should not consider removing anything.

    We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

    PERSONAL DAYS:
    Each employee shall receive 104 personal days per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday, maybe.


    VACATION DAYS:
    All employees will take their vacation at the same time each year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1, July 4, and December 25.

    BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
    This is not a valid excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour, and subsequently leave one hour early, provided that your share of the work is finished.

    ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
    This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we shall require at least two weeks of notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

    RESTROOM USAGE:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:20a.m.,
    employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40 a.m., etc.

    If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next business day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both
    employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now to be a strict three minute time limit in each stall. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company intranet under the "Chronic Offenders" category.


    LUNCH BREAKS:
    Skinny people will get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Regular sized persons get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get five minutes for lunch, as this is all the time required to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.


    Thank you for your loyalty to the company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience; therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, and input should be directed
    elsewhere.

    Have a nice day.
    Management Team
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    Hehehe, well I certainly found it an entertaining read
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    lol some of thats on the wall where i work....
 
 
 
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