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The Neverending Relationship
I'm back with a girl who goes out with a lad every night of the week and probably fancies him and does unspeakable things with him. She's probably using me although I dont think she's aware of it. I am slightly inclined to think she is but I dont want to dump her in case she really does still love me...
She just said we should only see each other like once a month or maybe once every two months (!) but then when I go to uni we can get back together again.
It's so *****d up I know, but I cant even function without her...she's about the only thing I was (or am) happy and proud of in my life, everything else I find embarrassing and depressing...Should I stay with her? I think things would be great when I move nearer to her. It's just in the meantime and I dont know that she wont find anyone else...if she hasn't already. BTW she lied to me about her going out with the lad at first, saying he was gay. That's probably a big red DANGER sign right there but I can't stay away even when I know its for my own good!
Type some sense into me! lol
She just said we should only see each other like once a month or maybe once every two months (!) but then when I go to uni we can get back together again.
It's so *****d up I know, but I cant even function without her...she's about the only thing I was (or am) happy and proud of in my life, everything else I find embarrassing and depressing...Should I stay with her? I think things would be great when I move nearer to her. It's just in the meantime and I dont know that she wont find anyone else...if she hasn't already. BTW she lied to me about her going out with the lad at first, saying he was gay. That's probably a big red DANGER sign right there but I can't stay away even when I know its for my own good!
Type some sense into me! lol
Its a bit odd that she only wants to see you every month or two....
but about the other guy...the only way you're really going to find out if anythings going on is to talk to her about it, and maybe once she realises that it bothers you she'll stop seeing him so much?
Sorry to state the obvious and not be much help. but hard as it may be, you two need to talk...Ive learnt that from experience!
but about the other guy...the only way you're really going to find out if anythings going on is to talk to her about it, and maybe once she realises that it bothers you she'll stop seeing him so much?
Sorry to state the obvious and not be much help. but hard as it may be, you two need to talk...Ive learnt that from experience!
Perhaps your problem is low self esteem. If you consider her the only thing in your life to be proud of, you have to reassess your priorities. Spend some time on yourself, find out what a wonderful person you are. You need to build up your self confidence, so you can take the next step - dump her (before she dumps you!) and find someone who's worth it.
I was in the same boat a year ago, but I held on because I wasn't confident enough yet. In the end, it hurt much more - and she ended up dumping me anyway. Be proactive, find someone new.
I was in the same boat a year ago, but I held on because I wasn't confident enough yet. In the end, it hurt much more - and she ended up dumping me anyway. Be proactive, find someone new.
Kill the other guy, or kill her, or oh hell I don't know, just hurry up and kill someone will you.
Hmmm... it is a bit of a tricky situation. I would say ditch the girl... She clearly doesn't care about you as much as you do about her. Ultimately it is no surprise that you don't feel great about yourself if she treats you with such contempt. I know it isn't what you want to hear but if you stay with her and she is messing you around currently it can only get worse!
This must be really hard for you. Youve got sense, you can see whats going on isnt good, and you love her anyway. It's one thing to spot a trap. Its quite another to stay out of it. You'd be surprised how many people go walking into something even though they know the consequences, and know they'll get hurt, because of love. Love does seem to over ride our ability to be sensible. You know this isnt right. You know she is hurting you. You know she is treating you badly.
So, here's the thing. Either you hang on til a time when she will realise how much you care, appreciate you, and see more of you (a time you can actually visualise, because this is when you go to uni, so it isnt in some impossible future) - your waiting will have paid off, you will have loved her no matter what, you will have hung onto the good thing in your life, there wont be any what if's. You might get very hurt because she might find someone in the meanwhile, and you might get bitter about what she's doing to you, so that you put yourself through agony, and when you can have her, realise you dont love her anymore because she was so mean, but this way, you make that decision, you stick by it, you honour it, you deal with the consequences, and you become a stronger person. If this is what you feel is right, this is what you should do. You cant do better than doing what seems right at the time, thats how humans work.
On the other hand you could end things now, to save yourself the possibilty of being mocked and pitied and treated with little respect by her and others who learn she is treating you like this. You'll escpae being used, you will be free to find someone else, she'll be the one who got dumped, she'll have to take the blow to her ego, not you. If you do this, its quite likely there will come a point when all the what if's surface, you miss her like crazy, and you feel you've made the wrong choice. Ending things with her is a much more active role than the passive one of simply waiting to see if things work out between you, and thus it takes a different kind of courage - this is the courage to act, like ripping away a sticking plaster in one go. The hurt will be intense, breifly, rather than strung out, but then you'll be free. This will mean accepting her loss. If you do this, you have to ready to move on from her and let her go, not immediately, but starting (however slowly) from the day you make this choice. There might not be someone as special again, but the odds are that you will find someone more special, someone who will treat you much better than this girl is treating you. You deserve a lot better, but it will be painful to take yourself out of this cycle. I appreciate this and wish you the best.
So, here's the thing. Either you hang on til a time when she will realise how much you care, appreciate you, and see more of you (a time you can actually visualise, because this is when you go to uni, so it isnt in some impossible future) - your waiting will have paid off, you will have loved her no matter what, you will have hung onto the good thing in your life, there wont be any what if's. You might get very hurt because she might find someone in the meanwhile, and you might get bitter about what she's doing to you, so that you put yourself through agony, and when you can have her, realise you dont love her anymore because she was so mean, but this way, you make that decision, you stick by it, you honour it, you deal with the consequences, and you become a stronger person. If this is what you feel is right, this is what you should do. You cant do better than doing what seems right at the time, thats how humans work.
On the other hand you could end things now, to save yourself the possibilty of being mocked and pitied and treated with little respect by her and others who learn she is treating you like this. You'll escpae being used, you will be free to find someone else, she'll be the one who got dumped, she'll have to take the blow to her ego, not you. If you do this, its quite likely there will come a point when all the what if's surface, you miss her like crazy, and you feel you've made the wrong choice. Ending things with her is a much more active role than the passive one of simply waiting to see if things work out between you, and thus it takes a different kind of courage - this is the courage to act, like ripping away a sticking plaster in one go. The hurt will be intense, breifly, rather than strung out, but then you'll be free. This will mean accepting her loss. If you do this, you have to ready to move on from her and let her go, not immediately, but starting (however slowly) from the day you make this choice. There might not be someone as special again, but the odds are that you will find someone more special, someone who will treat you much better than this girl is treating you. You deserve a lot better, but it will be painful to take yourself out of this cycle. I appreciate this and wish you the best.
Thanks...but if there's a chance things will work out dont you think its worth a try? I dont know what those odds are lol...its a hard thing for me to do. I don't want to dump her cos she might not talk to me again, although everytime she says that (she wont talk to me) she comes to her senses a few hours later at most...
I hope she isn't messing around. I'll ask her not to mess me around tomorrow, and then stay with her I think...
I hope she isn't messing around. I'll ask her not to mess me around tomorrow, and then stay with her I think...
I'm an eternal optimist, but there's no hope of it working out with someone who's perfectly happy to treat you like that. If she can treat you like this when you hardly ever see her, how's she going to treat you when you see her all the time?
The chance of things working out comes if you break it off with her - if you like her that much she may become a good friend, as she's no longer playing these power games. Even if she never speaks to you again, this way you can find someone new and stop thinking about her.
The chance of things working out comes if you break it off with her - if you like her that much she may become a good friend, as she's no longer playing these power games. Even if she never speaks to you again, this way you can find someone new and stop thinking about her.
-TMG-
I'm back with a girl who goes out with a lad every night of the week and probably fancies him and does unspeakable things with him. She's probably using me although I dont think she's aware of it. I am slightly inclined to think she is but I dont want to dump her in case she really does still love me...
She just said we should only see each other like once a month or maybe once every two months (!) but then when I go to uni we can get back together again.
It's so *****d up I know, but I cant even function without her...she's about the only thing I was (or am) happy and proud of in my life, everything else I find embarrassing and depressing...Should I stay with her? I think things would be great when I move nearer to her. It's just in the meantime and I dont know that she wont find anyone else...if she hasn't already. BTW she lied to me about her going out with the lad at first, saying he was gay. That's probably a big red DANGER sign right there but I can't stay away even when I know its for my own good!
Type some sense into me! lol
She just said we should only see each other like once a month or maybe once every two months (!) but then when I go to uni we can get back together again.
It's so *****d up I know, but I cant even function without her...she's about the only thing I was (or am) happy and proud of in my life, everything else I find embarrassing and depressing...Should I stay with her? I think things would be great when I move nearer to her. It's just in the meantime and I dont know that she wont find anyone else...if she hasn't already. BTW she lied to me about her going out with the lad at first, saying he was gay. That's probably a big red DANGER sign right there but I can't stay away even when I know its for my own good!
Type some sense into me! lol
you've been played son.
-TMG-
Thanks...but if there's a chance things will work out dont you think its worth a try? I dont know what those odds are lol...its a hard thing for me to do. I don't want to dump her cos she might not talk to me again, although everytime she says that (she wont talk to me) she comes to her senses a few hours later at most...
I hope she isn't messing around. I'll ask her not to mess me around tomorrow, and then stay with her I think...
I hope she isn't messing around. I'll ask her not to mess me around tomorrow, and then stay with her I think...
Has she explained to you why you should see each other only once a month? How would that help things?
Watch out, here comes a cynical/sexist bit as that's what I usually am: girls plan things out much more than guys and rarely do things which aren't in their best of interests, unless they're completely in love. Don't kid yourself, this girl isn't in love with you. A girl who suggests to see you only once a month while she's with another guy is no way in love with you, no matter what she says. This girl has probably done her maths, realised that she can use the guy for a certain time and when that is over, use you. A lot of girls tend to keep their eyes on several guys, testing each one, weighing the pros and cons (of course guys do it loads also, but it's definitely a typical female trait).
This girl doesn't sound like the sentimental type one bit although she might put up a front. Watch out mate because girls are much more clever in relationships than guys are...
She says because its too hard for her if I can only come down for one day...Anyway I just asked her does she still want me to come down and she said 'dunno' when last night it was yeah she was all desperate to see me. It's always the same when I threaten to leave and then its back to 'dunno'. I can't be doin with this anymore...Best to finish with her I reckon.
There are two questions that you have to ask:
1. Are you happy?
2. If not, what do you have to do to make yourself happy?
Just write down answers to those two questions, the course you have to take will become clear.
1. Are you happy?
2. If not, what do you have to do to make yourself happy?
Just write down answers to those two questions, the course you have to take will become clear.
Related discussions
- law
- kpop rec
- cant sleep
- A-level Literature poetry comparison essay
- Sometimes I think I'm not a relationship material
- long distance at university
- Relationship
- How much do guys care about body count
- Relationship advice
- Do I bring it up?
- Is it really such a bad thing to have an undefined relationship
- Wth is open-relationship
- Any point of getting into a relationship in year13?
- To me sex is not necessary? People tend to say am not normal
- How do you know if someone’s a cheater?
- dating someone whose parents weren't together
- New relationship anxiety
- First relationship vs second relationship
- Is it okay to kiss people on the lips if you're in a relationship?
- Use chatgpt to get ideas!
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