The Student Room Group

Do I have a hope in hell?

I feel like such a loser posting my problems on a forum, but some of you are rather helpful.

I know a girl who Ive been attracted to from day one. I find her attractive both physically and m.e.t.a.p.h.y.s.i.c.a.l.l.y [as it were].
We've always been good friends (for about a year). she lives 1 hr away from me across London.

I emailed her fairly recently to tell her that my love for her was "pure" and that I loved her like a "brother".

Then I took her to a friend's party the other week and I got rediculously drunk - I believe she was at least tipsy. I took her back to mine (hers was too far to go at 1 in the morning).
I wacked on the 'the bends' and I heard the first few chords of Planet telex and the rest is a blur...far too busy making love.
Next morning something happens...we have sex.
She instigate both times.

I phone her a few days later to ask her where we stand, but she says "Im confused..can we talk on friday please?!"

A week later (this last weekend) we meet but said nothing of it as we were too intoxicated, and there was always one of our friends around.
I sent her an email on sunday telling her that I loved her irrespective of whether she wanted an emotional commitment, but that I wanted one. I said that if she didnt want to discuss it we could do so after the exams have finished, so as not to provide too much of a distraction.

Yesterday she replied to say that she has been in a relataionship with a guy for 1 year, and that it had broken down (I dont know who finished it). She is "not sure what she fells about him and he's not sure what I feel about me". (hes a f**king idiot if you ask me!) She said she has felt fairly low and reckless. She does not regret sleeping with me, but that she "thought less of it than I should have done" and that she said she thought I might find it "creepy sleeping with a brother" and that it was innappropriate.

I probably ought not to decide upon anything because I am still confused and because, as you so rightly point out, examinations loom, and I so am sorry for kind of messing you around and for causing you such confusion and grief.


Do I have a chance or am I wasting my time? What should my next move be?
Reply 1
Woah! That's pretty crazy.

If you find her attractive, then obviously it had been crossing your mind, so why email her saying the "pure" and love her like a "brother" stuff?

I guess you need to back off a bit, if she wants to talk about it then let her, but I wouldnt guarantee anything. Do you suspect she was lying around this guy for about a year stuff?
Reply 2
I have no reason to suspect that she would lie...

The love is pure. The comparison to a brother was bad. But I have since said that was "*******s".
Phonicsdude
I feel like such a loser posting my problems on a forum, but some of you are rather helpful.

I know a girl who Ive been attracted to from day one. I find her attractive both physically and m.e.t.a.p.h.y.s.i.c.a.l.l.y [as it were].
We've always been good friends (for about a year). she lives 1 hr away from me across London.

I emailed her fairly recently to tell her that my love for her was "pure" and that I loved her like a "brother".

Then I took her to a friend's party the other week and I got rediculously drunk - I believe she was at least tipsy. I took her back to mine (hers was too far to go at 1 in the morning).
I wacked on the 'the bends' and I heard the first few chords of Planet telex and the rest is a blur...far too busy making love.
Next morning something happens...we have sex.
She instigate both times.

I phone her a few days later to ask her where we stand, but she says "Im confused..can we talk on friday please?!"

A week later (this last weekend) we meet but said nothing of it as we were too intoxicated, and there was always one of our friends around.
I sent her an email on sunday telling her that I loved her irrespective of whether she wanted an emotional commitment, but that I wanted one. I said that if she didnt want to discuss it we could do so after the exams have finished, so as not to provide too much of a distraction.

Yesterday she replied to say that she has been in a relataionship with a guy for 1 year, and that it had broken down (I dont know who finished it). She is "not sure what she fells about him and he's not sure what I feel about me". (hes a f**king idiot if you ask me!) She said she has felt fairly low and reckless. She does not regret sleeping with me, but that she "thought less of it than I should have done" and that she said she thought I might find it "creepy sleeping with a brother" and that it was innappropriate.



Do I have a chance or am I wasting my time? What should my next move be?


Hey!

I reckon you just need to sit down and talk it all through with her. If she's finished with this other guy then there's no reason not to tell her how you feel and to discuss it with her. It sounds like she definitely has some feelings for you. She's probably just as confused though.

The worst thing is just to make assumptions about what you THINK she thinks. Ask her openly and honestly to tell you.

But give her a bit of space first. Wait until after you're both done with exams. In the summer you'll be able to think more clearly and it will have given her some time to come to terms with leaving/being left by her ex boyfriend.

It sounds like you are quite into her so I say go for it. But give it a month. I like that you were listening to Radiohead whilst getting jiggy with her by the way. :wink: As long as you do that everything else will fall into place... hopefully! :biggrin:
Reply 4
As I'm sure you well know, people tell whiteys to get themselves out of tight situations.

The only thing I can really tell you is, you've had your fun (hehe)

But don't expect marriage out of it, maybe it's for the best that you stay friends anyway. Anyway, uni in a few months, and you can bet your ass you wouldn't want a girlfriend for that.

Play it cool dude.
Reply 5
I dont want to mess any girl around, but nor do I want to be messed around! Am I the only human still looking for emotional attachments and not just sex?!!
Reply 6
Phonicsdude
I dont want to mess any girl around, but nor do I want to be messed around! Am I the only human still looking for emotional attachments and not just sex?!!


Maybe? As you have illustrated, sex comes with attachment anyway.
I'm afraid, in Hell, your only chance of hope is to repent and bank on God's infinite mercy.

Although, many would argue that once in Hell, you are incapable of repenting and thus, damned eternally.
Reply 8
*converts to Christianity*
Reply 9
Sounds like she's on the rebound to me..........not good to get involved with someone on the rebound because you're the only one who'll get hurt. Give it time and if she realises she likes you, she'll tell you, just don't push it.
Reply 10
Sounds like she's utterly confused. Give her some time and don't try to push her! If you like her enough carry on being nice to her. When she's made up her mind she'll let you know. But then there's no guarantee what her answer will be, or if she'll even be able to make up her mind at all. It really depends on whether you think it's worth the wait. I'd say give yourself a time limit. If she doesn't respond before that time then just move on.
Reply 11
Ill give it to the end of the exams...

How is it possible for her NEVER to have an answer?!
Reply 12
Phonicsdude
How is it possible for her NEVER to have an answer?!


Because she's a teenage girl and this is lurrrrve.
Reply 13
Im a teenage boy and this is love. So?
Do people not have ANY control over their emotions? To the extent where they dont even know where their emotions are?!! AHRGH!
Reply 14
Phonicsdude
Im a teenage boy and this is love. So?
Do people not have ANY control over their emotions? To the extent where they dont even know where their emotions are?!! AHRGH!


If we had control things would be a doddle mate.
The Bends- surely you could have found something a bit more romantic.Although the climax of black star and fake plastic trees could set the pace I suppose.
Reply 16
I phrased it so as to close off that answer! Everyone has to have some control, otherwise we wouldnt be able to have any opinions.
Do you like chocolate?
Well, I dont know.
Do you like me?
Well, I dont know.
Do you like life?
Well I dont know.
Do you like being a cock?
Yes, love it.
Reply 17
weirdloverwilde
The Bends- surely you could have found something a bit more romantic.Although the climax of black star and fake plastic trees could set the pace I suppose.


Haha. Well I wasnt intending on having sex. I was drunk and threw on something familiar.
I didnt hear any of it after the wind in planet telex. Too engrossed.
Phonicsdude
Ill give it to the end of the exams...

How is it possible for her NEVER to have an answer?!




Take it from a girl! She can avoid giving an answer 4eva, itll just b hellish awkward! If u try and force the answer, u might really upset her though which could risk losing her friendship as well as definitely making her turn u down. Give her a month or 2, 2 get over her other bloke and then start hinting, nothing outright but if she really liked u (which it sounds like she does) then she wont hold off that long. :smile:
Reply 19
:smile: I like the sound of that post...