The loneliness that comes with having no friends is really getting to me

Get a job! That's what I plan to do. I have only 2 local friends. The rest are all 10 quid and an hour train journey away from me at least.

man, reading that post was like reading a description about my own life at that age.

im 25 now

i know what you dont want is sympathy. trust me man as long as you stay strong you will end up a success.

when i went to college at 17 i was skinny and never made any friends due to being "socially unacceptable" by appearance.

i dropped out after a year and started to weight train. after a year of intense training and rock music i had a some serious muscles.

the difference is amazing, guys who would mock me or blank me now pay attention when i open my mouth.

women are also more interested in getting to know me.

there is no such thing as naturally skinny or naturally fat. your phisique is what you chose it to be. i strongly urge yyou to invest in some dumbells and weight lift. you will feel silly at first but you will never live to regret it. life was great for 5 years



im 25 now lost loads of weight due to some financial troubles and have zero friends.

dont let life get you down man, just believe in yourself. when i get my butt back to the gym my life will be good again

omg thats loong.. erm well u shd probably start by going to a few parties.. or even get a job, or a volunteering thign with lots of young ppl..or see what a few guys at school are doing then sorta join in.. if you make an impression then ur in.. also try hitting it off with some ladies..coz they prove to be the best sorta friends..

Sorry for it being so long, I tried to make it readable (I probably failed lol).
I do a lot of volunteer work already as I said in my post. It's hard to hit it off with girls as I go to an all boy school anyway.

Hello.
Lately I’ve been getting very depressed. I’ve been depressed for a good number of years due to the lack of friends/loneliness, and as most people know depression often comes in bouts (i.e. it comes and goes.) But lately it’s been intolerable, the depression/loneliness plaguing my mind every day. I go to bed every day miserable, sometimes on the point of crying. Before I am to continue, I want to say I am not posting this for purely kind words. I want people to read this story, and if they can suggest help and advice. I apologise for perhaps writing in a manner which is too direct/blunt but I want to make my point/problems clear. I don’t want my particular style of writing to distort the meanings/events/things what I say. I know it’s a bit long, and I apologise for that.

Ok back to the matter at hand. I’ve attended a boys school for 5 years. For 5 years now (I’m 17 now), I haven’t had a single friend. I’ve never done anything outside of school, never gone to a party. I’ve desperately wanted friends since I joined the school, but no one has accepted me or invited me to anything. I’m rather shy at school, and hence I’ve often been labelled as the “quiet guy” at school.

While I realise inherently that my shyness is a curse upon me making friends, I’ve tried to compensate for it, being involved in many clubs at school, and trying my best to talk to others. I take an active role in these clubs, organising many of them (tennis, badminton, debating club I all head/organise). I find it easier to talk if it’s about a certain thing. Debating society for example it would be unexpected for me to be a member (or even head it), but I’m rather good at public speaking. It’s that informal conversation between my peers I can’t quite crack. My mind sort of can’t think of anything to say in these situations/blanks (perhaps due to shyness). At home I’m very talkative, and I make quite a lot of jokes. While at school, I’m rather quiet (and I make very few jokes. To be honest, I can never think of a good joke/or find inspiration there). I figure it would get better when I become more comfortable around my peers, yet because I was never invited or included I never really got over this shyness with others.

I hoped for ages I would make friends. I lived in hope of making friends. I did favours for lots of people, always tried to be kind and polite. A lot of people might say I’m perhaps too overeager and that is why I’m not making friends. Whilst I have tried to make friends, I’ve never been overeager. In fact I’m quite well liked in school, it’s just no one really regards me as a friend. Everyone is friendly to me (as perhaps I am to them), but that isn’t really enough for me. I really wanted friends, and have an active social life (I don’t actually have a social life, it’s slightly embarrassing/saddening).

I’m 17 now, and I have to say those 5 years have been the worst of my life. I feel as I’ve almost wasted a part of my life. I’ve never gone to a party, never kissed a girl, never had any friends. I’ve tried to involve myself with music and sport especially to try and offset my loneliness, and after the amount of effort I put it, I’m rather good at them (not trying to be arrogant). I’ve done well academically, but alas I’ve not succeeded in the thing I wanted so badly. It’s an awful feeling being this lonely, without a single friend, and it really eats you up inside. I can’t count the number of weekends I’ve spent lonely and depressed.

At the weekends, for some company I do quite a bit of volunteer work. Even though I like doing volunteer work and helping others, I partly do it gives me a bit of social contact. While kids perhaps at their age can’t hold a conversation like someone of my age, they always recognise your existence, looking forward for you to come to see them. It’s a nice feeling. I know it’s sad saying that but it’s really the highlight of my week. I do about 5 hours of volunteer work of a weekend. I know a lot of you might think this is a bit much, but I don’t really struggle with schoolwork and I have time for it (I don’t have anything else to do really, except the tennis club I go to). I really like doing it. I volunteer for an old people’s home too, again I like doing it/enjoy the company. Sometimes I talk to strangers, e.g. on the bus just to have someone to talk to. While it mind sound a bit weird, but I do it as I think it improves my confidence (perhaps it hasn’t really worked). I find it easy to talk with strangers and people outside school, but at school I’m always quiet. I’ve tried joining clubs outside school, but that’s again proved pretty useless in terms of making friends.

So I’m on holiday and I’ve basically got nothing to do, and I’m very lonely and sad at this point. Could anyone suggest anything I can do to try and finish off my last remaining year with a smile on my face. I realise perhaps it’s too late now to foster any friendships at this point. I’ve tried to stay positive about it, but I’ve basically sick of it now/I’ve lost hope. If not, could you suggest what perhaps I could try and do in the summer holidays (I’ve got nothing to do), or how I might start afresh at university (I will be applying to uni next year). I feel as if I’ve done everything that’s recommended to try and make friends, but none of it’s worked.

Anyway, if anyone could suggest any advice I’d very much appreciate it. Feel free to PM or whatever if you want or ask in thread anything you’re unsure about/you want to ask. I’m desperate to try anything at this point, and I’d value any advice you may spare.

sign up for teh st. john ambulance first aid courses..lots of young people do it..

hmm yh i see your problem..erm ask a few of the nicer guys in your school to refer you to some girls or find the nearest 'girls' school in your are and get to know a few through facebook or somethin.. dont be all geeky though lol and drive them away..

I'm in a very similar situation OP, I'm suffering from depression caused by long term loneliness. Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? Its incredibly difficult but you might just find someone who understands you, even if its someone you never expected (my maths teacher is probably the best friend I have at the moment, I told her what I was going through and she's really been there for me). Also you should consider speaking to a counsellor, its such a difficult thing to do but they can help. I've been making a plan of how I can improve my mood and stay happy during the holidays when I'm on my own, and hopefully we can work out what my mistakes were so I can learn from them and move on at uni.

Make a list of things that make you happy. Just little things, like reading or having a bath or walking the dog, anything! Use this list to help keep you busy so it takes your mind off things. Talk to people on TSR, its better than talking to no-one.

Let me know if you need any help, advice or just a chat

I'm in a very similar situation OP, I'm suffering from depression caused by long term loneliness. Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? Its incredibly difficult but you might just find someone who understands you, even if its someone you never expected (my maths teacher is probably the best friend I have at the moment, I told her what I was going through and she's really been there for me). Also you should consider speaking to a counsellor, its such a difficult thing to do but they can help. I've been making a plan of how I can improve my mood and stay happy during the holidays when I'm on my own, and hopefully we can work out what my mistakes were so I can learn from them and move on at uni.

Make a list of things that make you happy. Just little things, like reading or having a bath or walking the dog, anything! Use this list to help keep you busy so it takes your mind off things. Talk to people on TSR, its better than talking to no-one.

Let me know if you need any help, advice or just a chat

Aww I'm a bit like you OP, quite talkative outside of school but then kind of 'seize up' once you get there

Keep at what you're doing with all the clubs and the confidence should come naturally as you get more comfortable with the people around you, albeit quite slowly. If you're planning on going to uni it should hopefully get a lot better once you're there, or just try and talk to people a bit more. If you see someone you recognise, say hello and ask if they're OK, that usually gets a conversation started

Agreed, talking to someone really helps. Ive talked with my tutors, parents, counsellors, friends and it made me feel alot better. Depression alliance (www.depressionalliance.org) could help, they have things like group meetings and pen friend schemes. I recently did a depression awareness campaign for them, and i would really recommend them, they are really nice people

I'm ok with talking to strangers, funnily enough. I can't describe it, school it's just nothing works (perhaps you can understand what I'm trying to say).

The thing is what people are suggesting, I'm really doing them. But it's not working and I'm sick of it. Depression is really getting to me these days, and I'm desperate to try and do something about it.